Circumcision conversation

[RickTheToad]

You and other like minded men are most certainly welcomed to that frame which you speak of. That's your right.

But then they are others who wishes to transcend into another frame and take a different path with a different trajectory - one with an almost limitless possibilities.

That too is their right.

Very true sir. What's good for one, may or may not be good for another.

 

[Focal core]

Just ignore her, she'll come around for more no skin dack. Flakey chicks u got there mate.

She's testing the waters on how much she can get away with that attitude, if you continue to reward/seeing her it will not get any better and will steadily erode your self-worth. Shes about control mate, I would dump her at this point and not looking back.

 

[flowtheory]

UPDATE: So @Spaz was correct. I haven't been in my assertiveness or masculine frame. And this has been an on-going issue for probably quite some time due to me simply not knowing.
We hung out this weekend and I kept this in the forefront of my mind; to stay in masculine and keep assertive. To see where I hadn't been in terms of her and my relationship. In some aspects I'm in the masculine; others, not as much. Funny enough it cured my erection issue, as well as kept our time shared together fun; we generally don't have any bad times in-person. The only issues have been her ex (an emotional availability), sex thing (my cause), and how to navigate hanging out with members of the opposite sex 1 on 1 (difficult).

The erection issue was due to her being so free in her own skin that it intimidated me and in-turn made me self-conscious about my abilities to fulfill my full masculine energy. Because if shes at an 8/10 in her sexuality, I would have to be at a 8.1 in my masculine energy, at least, to dominate her to create polarity. I was honestly sitting at a 6/10 when I started this thread. Shes not to blame, of course. I'm simply used to really submissive females who I just throw around. Her circumcision comment was merely what we guessed; - a red haring for the real issue - something fixed to attach to, and use that as the excuse if she chose to walk away to sexual dissatisfaction. because if the circumcision was an actual issue, there would have only been sex once and never again.

There isn't any time for questioning during sex when we are pursuing what we truly desire. Action simply destructs old thought patterns and creates a dominate frame of mind. And even in the pursuit of life we need this. I'm beginning to see relationships are reflections of aspects of ourselves, being reflected back at us - it's all a constant loop of feedback. Never ending and always up for scrutiny. This is why its vital to create an aim or direction.
When we are reflected aspects of ourselves we accept and match our current self constructed identity, we feel joy, happiness, satisfaction, 'seen'. But when we are in turmoil, those are simply reflections of ourselves we come to reject, which may be true. Even when women play games, games are a tactic to test our metal to see if they are making the best decision for them. So any time we post a thread here or complain, there is an incongruity with how we perceive ourselves and how we actually are. Because if their test or game wasn't congruent with your weakness, you wouldn't be sensitive to that touch. It's why we never see @Amante Silvestre @Spaz @guru1000 or @Glassguy post threads about being confused or butt hurt, but rather offer guidance and wisdom. To certain levels they have come to terms with what and who they are and play towards that, and it seemingly reaps them positive results.
And self development is really just about being honest and seeing ourselves for how and who, we really are.

there's no way I could have corrected this behavior and thought pattern without honestly voicing what was going on, but the only way to have done that was to accept that I allowed, and placed myself or was succumb to a feminine frame by a series of failed **** tests. Note: I don't believe women want us to fail these tests!! But somewhere in my mind before, I believed they secretly did. However, it's not true. Every woman wants to be over the moon for a MAN. So we see tests sometimes as a bad thing. But they're actually not. Its actually a good thing in the realm of intimate relations. They do this because it makes us better in the end. Women want the best she can possibly get and maybe even a bit more.

Honest reflection is a need in the realm of developing deeper self power. And for the men here, self power is the masculine self. I think Im really beginning to understood what true Masculine frame is.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

UPDATE: So @Spaz was correct. I haven't been in my assertiveness or masculine frame. And this has been an on-going issue for probably quite some time due to me simply not knowing.
We hung out this weekend and I kept this in the forefront of my mind; to stay in masculine and keep assertive. To see where I hadn't been in terms of her and my relationship. In some aspects I'm in the masculine; others, not as much. Funny enough it cured my erection issue, as well as kept our time shared together fun; we generally don't have any bad times in-person. The only issues have been her ex (an emotional availability), sex thing (my cause), and how to navigate hanging out with members of the opposite sex 1 on 1 (difficult).

The erection issue was due to her being so free in her own skin that it intimidated me and in-turn made me self-conscious about my abilities to fulfill my full masculine energy. Because if shes at an 8/10 in her sexuality, I would have to be at a 8.1 in my masculine energy, at least, to dominate her to create polarity. I was honestly sitting at a 6/10 when I started this thread. Shes not to blame, of course. I'm simply used to really submissive females who I just throw around. Her circumcision comment was merely what we guessed; - a red haring for the real issue - something fixed to attach to, and use that as the excuse if she chose to walk away to sexual dissatisfaction. because if the circumcision was an actual issue, there would have only been sex once and never again.

There isn't any time for questioning during sex when we are pursuing what we truly desire. Action simply destructs old thought patterns and creates a dominate frame of mind. And even in the pursuit of life we need this. I'm beginning to see relationships are reflections of aspects of ourselves, being reflected back at us - it's all a constant loop of feedback. Never ending and always up for scrutiny. This is why its vital to create an aim or direction.
When we are reflected aspects of ourselves we accept and match our current self constructed identity, we feel joy, happiness, satisfaction, 'seen'. But when we are in turmoil, those are simply reflections of ourselves we come to reject, which may be true. Even when women play games, games are a tactic to test our metal to see if they are making the best decision for them. So any time we post a thread here or complain, there is an incongruity with how we perceive ourselves and how we actually are. Because if their test or game wasn't congruent with your weakness, you wouldn't be sensitive to that touch. It's why we never see @Amante Silvestre @Spaz @guru1000 or @Glassguy post threads about being confused or butt hurt, but rather offer guidance and wisdom. To certain levels they have come to terms with what and who they are and play towards that, and it seemingly reaps them positive results.
And self development is really just about being honest and seeing ourselves for how and who, we really are.

there's no way I could have corrected this behavior and thought pattern without honestly voicing what was going on, but the only way to have done that was to accept that I allowed, and placed myself or was succumb to a feminine frame by a series of failed **** tests. Note: I don't believe women want us to fail these tests!! But somewhere in my mind before, I believed they secretly did. However, it's not true. Every woman wants to be over the moon for a MAN. So we see tests sometimes as a bad thing. But they're actually not. Its actually a good thing in the realm of intimate relations. They do this because it makes us better in the end. Women want the best she can possibly get and maybe even a bit more.

Honest reflection is a need in the realm of developing deeper self power. And for the men here, self power is the masculine self. I think Im really beginning to understood what true Masculine frame is.

Would you say that some women just arent compatable for you? That perhaps theres nothing to change but make a different choice?

 

[flowtheory]

Would you say that some women just arent compatable for you? That perhaps theres nothing to change but make a different choice?

Of course. Compatibility is super important. Its what the foundation is built upon. Have to have similar views and trajectory to create something worthwhile together.

 

[Glassguy]

It's why we never see @Amante Silvestre @Spaz @guru1000 or @Glassguy post threads about being confused or butt hurt, but rather offer guidance and wisdom. To certain levels they have come to terms with what and who they are and play towards that, and it seemingly reaps them positive results.

I think we all get confused and even butthurt to an extent when dealing with women. A man who understands women's actions and accept that's the way 99% of them are only get confused and frustrated to a very tiny degree.

If you can spin 3 or 4 plates you'll be less confused or butthurt over just one of them. It is the magic bullet but takes work to get a solid rotation.

I find that anymore if I am confused over a woman's actions, I simply pull back and she can either come to me or move on along. But the problem will be solved either way from my inaction.

It's all about confidence, mindset/frame and having options.

 

[The Duke]

So you're taking the woman's side and blaming him for being circumcised and causing her irritation issues?

Wow

The majority of the time Ranger puts the blame on the man. Right or wrong, that's his default. I've pointed that out to him before.

No one knows what the exact problem is. Always do your part, but truth is, if the sex isn't good this deal isn't going to work. Go find more girls.

 

[Bayne05]

Had an awkward conversation that’s made me a little depressed and a bit annoyed. And maybe some of you guys have had the experience of this conversation.

The woman I’m seeing loves to be honest. And maybe to a fault while not thinking how it may come across.. I don’t know. She’s not doing in a negative way, she’s just trying to communicate so I don’t hold it against her because it creates more of an understanding. Anyways..

We were talking about sex. I’m circumsiced. I have great stamina; easily 15 minutes minimum everytime. Which she enjoys the benefit of that, however..
She had mentioned she starts to chafe after awhile on the second go around. We haven’t employed lube yet, but she mentioned it’s because I’m circumcised. And for irritation purposes and general satisfaction she prefers uncircumcised (it’s hell to hear). Says objectively it feels better because of the additional skin. Plus, she’s only ever been with guys who were uncircumsiced, so she isn’t used to mine. And also has thoughts about the whole idea of circumsicion itself.

It’s taken me aback because I’ve never had this conversation before or ever thought it would come up! I feel turned off and almost don’t want to show her my d!ck anymore. It’s as if she wishes I was different rather than just appreciating me for what I have or who I am.

I’m looking for ways to deal with this so I don’t develop huge anxiety with her now. It’s difficult because it’s a fixed trait; so I’m actually helpless. Its like someone saying “when I look in to your eyes, i wish your eyes were brown, and not blue. But I really like our relationship” (like what the fvck!)

So some thoughts and perspective would be appreciated.
And the ridiculous thing is, if I told her “I wish you had more skin on your labia” she would die a million deaths. So stupid..
I feel d!ck shamed.

Don't let a woman get under your skin EVER, especially when talking about your d1ck. Woman love to talk sh1t about men's d1cks because they know that's where men are most vulnerable. But you should never let that get to you. You made the decision to circumcise and you should stand by it.
What I would've done is make fun of her that she prefers uncircumcised d1cks like "So you're into turtle necks? Good to know" or "You have a fetish for peeling bananas or something?" or send her a picture of an elephant's trunk with a caption "Thought you might like this since you're into uncut d1cks"

 

[flowtheory]

Don't let a woman get under your skin EVER, especially when talking about your d1ck. Woman love to talk sh1t about men's d1cks because they know that's where men are most vulnerable. But you should never let that get to you. You made the decision to circumcise and you should stand by it.
What I would've done is make fun of her that she prefers uncircumcised d1cks like "So you're into turtle necks? Good to know" or "You have a fetish for peeling bananas or something?" or send her a picture of an elephant's trunk with a caption "Thought you might like this since you're into uncut d1cks"

I never had a choice in getting circumsiced. I was just a baby hah
I have since poked fun at the ‘issue’. And this didn’t seem like the issue which I highlighted in a following post; there was so much going on at that time; I lost a bit of my way. But you are right. Although it is difficult not to let people - women especially - get under our skin. It’s a tricky balance when you value connection which is essentially vulnerability, but then the next minute it could be exploited for getting one to reveal deeper feelings or whatever that individual may be playing towards. For her it was self consciousness because I wasn’t getting hard. Which in fact had nothing to do with her physical appearance.. however in her head it did, so she lashed out and made my ‘problem’ unchangeable

 

[sazc]

For her it was self consciousness because I wasn’t getting hard. Which in fact had nothing to do with her physical appearance.. however in her head it did, so she lashed out and made my ‘problem’ unchangeable

She actually verbally confirmed this to you? Or is this your assumption?

I mean, if she's determined to be so dang honest with you, I would think you could flat out ask her if this is, in fact, the case, and she would have no problem copping to it ...

Odd that she would equate vaginal chaffing with your inability to get fully stiff .... That doesn't make sense. You can't chafe if he's not fully erect....

But now that you are fully erect, all the time, she doesn't say you chafe her anymore? Or she just hasn't remarked on it lately?

 

[flowtheory]

She actually verbally confirmed this to you? Or is this your assumption?

I mean, if she's determined to be so dang honest with you, I would think you could flat out ask her if this is, in fact, the case, and she would have no problem copping to it ...

Odd that she would equate vaginal chaffing with your inability to get fully stiff .... That doesn't make sense. You can't chafe if he's not fully erect....

But now that you are fully erect, all the time, she doesn't say you chafe her anymore? Or she just hasn't remarked on it lately?

It’s my assumption based on many women here and outside saying that it doesn’t make a difference during sex. It’s an educated guess. It may have some minor effect.

The vaginal chaffing came from a few factors. Me not being able to get fully aroused made her go in to her head and be self conscious thinking I’m not attracted to her sexually (her words). So she’s being turned off because she doesn’t feel desired and because of this, she’s no longer in her body, but rather her head.
When I would get erect she would still not be fully in her body because she was aware of what issues were happening so she wasn’t fully wet. And so, me penetrating away while she’s not fully in to it causes chaffing.
She then chalks it up to me being circumcised because that’s easier than investigating deeper aspects.

We’ve had sex 4 times during our sleep over last weekend and she never complained about chaffing. The 3rd and 4th time we used a little lube for precaution.
I also generally believe lube adds to sex as well. If a guy is able to last over 10-15 minutes each time from penetration, I wouldn’t expect a girl to be fully wet beyond that, even if they are still turned on.
Because prior to foreplay and during foreplay women are usually wet, so that is at least 15 minutes there, plus 10 of penetration; that’s 25 minutes. 25 minutes with an erection and I start to lose sensitivity. I would believe it would be similar for a woman.

So people who have stamina are a minority. After a quick google search the average penetrative sex for 4,400 couples is 9 minutes. Those are couples. People who haven’t been together long, I would imagine it’s half that due to excitement and novelty.

 

[sazc]

It’s my assumption based on many women here and outside saying that it doesn’t make a difference during sex. It’s an educated guess. It may have some minor effect.

The vaginal chaffing came from a few factors. Me not being able to get fully aroused made her go in to her head and be self conscious thinking I’m not attracted to her sexually (her words). So she’s being turned off because she doesn’t feel desired and because of this, she’s no longer in her body, but rather her head.
When I would get erect she would still not be fully in her body because she was aware of what issues were happening so she wasn’t fully wet. And so, me penetrating away while she’s not fully in to it causes chaffing.
She then chalks it up to me being circumcised because that’s easier than investigating deeper aspects.

We’ve had sex 4 times during our sleep over last weekend and she never complained about chaffing. The 3rd and 4th time we used a little lube for precaution.
I also generally believe lube adds to sex as well. If a guy is able to last over 10-15 minutes each time from penetration, I wouldn’t expect a girl to be fully wet beyond that, even if they are still turned on.
Because prior to foreplay and during foreplay women are usually wet, so that is at least 15 minutes there, plus 10 of penetration; that’s 25 minutes. 25 minutes with an erection and I start to lose sensitivity. I would believe it would be similar for a woman.

So people who have stamina are a minority. After a quick google search the average penetrative sex for 4,400 couples is 9 minutes. Those are couples. People who haven’t been together long, I would imagine it’s half that due to excitement and novelty.

Interesting

Since she's SO into honestly, why don't you point your theory out to her?

In actually surprised she wasn't lubing up her hand to help you get hard ....

 

[flowtheory]

Interesting

Since she's SO into honestly, why don't you point your theory out to her?

In actually surprised she wasn't lubing up her hand to help you get hard ....

We’ve talked about it. We’re quite open together. I simply just have put forth some issues here to hear additional advice. Talking about what’s been happening with her helps.

Some of my issue has to do with intimacy with someone whom I care for in a sexual manner. My last girlfriend sabotaged our union and cheated on me; I have carried some of that stress over in to this relationship (which is natural) and I figured this out on my own but let her know what’s been up.

The issue was never her. It was me being in my head about various things. Comfortability with someone whom I care for, not being good enough (last relationship), not being in my full masculine energy, other aspects of her and my relation. It’s not always simple. She was quite understanding and calm when it happened. But she’s human too, and felt undesired - which I understand - and maybe pushed things too far on a few topics to guard herself and break up something that’s good, to salvage her own esteem. She cares a lot for me (her words) and is afraid of having it not work.

Women need to feel deeply desired and want to be ravished. I wasn’t doing that due to various things in my head and self.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I never had a choice in getting circumsiced. I was just a baby hah
I have since poked fun at the ‘issue’. And this didn’t seem like the issue which I highlighted in a following post; there was so much going on at that time; I lost a bit of my way. But you are right. Although it is difficult not to let people - women especially - get under our skin. It’s a tricky balance when you value connection which is essentially vulnerability, but then the next minute it could be exploited for getting one to reveal deeper feelings or whatever that individual may be playing towards. For her it was self consciousness because I wasn’t getting hard. Which in fact had nothing to do with her physical appearance.. however in her head it did, so she lashed out and made my ‘problem’ unchangeable

How the hell did you fight thru partial erections to filled fully stiff ones with her verbally lashing out like that? That comment would put a mans attention on the problem and not help.

 

[flowtheory]

How the hell did you fight thru partial erections to filled fully stiff ones with her verbally lashing out like that? That comment would put a mans attention on the problem and not help.

Because like I’ve learned here, women communicate covertly. Often times what they say isn’t the real issue and it’s up to us to really decipher what’s going on.

Having education in psychology helps. I gauged what was happening with her during these times of me losing it, and asked questions. Then watched what she would DO moments after (fetal position or turn away) Then watched what she would say during times of distress in unrelated situations.

If we focus on the problem in any area of life, chances are lessened that we will be able to find an effective solution.
Looking at problems will often yield more. When there is a problem one has to acknowledge it, then quickly look in other directions or self aspects to seek solution.

And many times one area is messed up due to one which not may be totally related.
Example: I have work stress, so therefore I’m not in the mood for sex. If we focus on not being in the mood for sex, more issues arise as opposed to maybe just going for a walk and a workout to loosen up.

 

[sazc]

Because like I’ve learned here, women communicate covertly. Often times what they say isn’t the real issue and it’s up to us to really decipher what’s going on.

Having education in psychology helps. I gauged what was happening with her during these times of me losing it, and asked questions. Then watched what she would DO moments after (fetal position or turn away) Then watched what she would say during times of distress in unrelated situations.

If we focus on the problem in any area of life, chances are lessened that we will be able to find an effective solution.
Looking at problems will often yield more. When there is a problem one has to acknowledge it, then quickly look in other directions or self aspects to seek solution.

And many times one area is messed up due to one which not may be totally related.
Example: I have work stress, so therefore I’m not in the mood for sex. If we focus on not being in the mood for sex, more issues arise as opposed to maybe just going for a walk and a workout to loosen up.

I predict tons of relationship resentment in your future due to not being about to find partners that are cognitively equal

 

[Billtx49]

My last girlfriend sabotaged our union and cheated on me

not being good enough (last relationship), not being in my full masculine energy

Women need to feel deeply desired and want to be ravished. I wasn’t doing that due to various things in my head and self.

She cheated, those were her actions and you’re still obviously hung up on or thinking about her after you get a new woman.

A cheater doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It’s not your fault…

Start to turn the sexual animal inside you on and forget the past…

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Because like I’ve learned here, women communicate covertly. Often times what they say isn’t the real issue and it’s up to us to really decipher what’s going on.

Having education in psychology helps. I gauged what was happening with her during these times of me losing it, and asked questions. Then watched what she would DO moments after (fetal position or turn away) Then watched what she would say during times of distress in unrelated situations.

If we focus on the problem in any area of life, chances are lessened that we will be able to find an effective solution.
Looking at problems will often yield more. When there is a problem one has to acknowledge it, then quickly look in other directions or self aspects to seek solution.

And many times one area is messed up due to one which not may be totally related.
Example: I have work stress, so therefore I’m not in the mood for sex. If we focus on not being in the mood for sex, more issues arise as opposed to maybe just going for a walk and a workout to loosen up.

Or the SIMPLE solution of engaging in a sexual session to relieve the stress. Alot of women get caught into this loop of not wanting sex due to stress or pressure and ut causes the stress and pressure to rise. The solution is sex to orgasm.

 

[flowtheory]

I predict tons of relationship resentment in your future due to not being about to find partners that are cognitively equal

I believe she is quite smart. I think she just was a bit sharp at some moments which I called her out on.
Plus she has her own anxities about things. It’s about working together and figuring out how to properly communicate with one another in a relationship. How she has been, may have worked in her past with that particular person(s). But when dealing with relationships we have to teach that person what goes and what doesn’t with us. It’s a process.

I don’t wish to resent anyone in my life so one must employ honesty. This is happening and we’ve gotten trough some things. We have a similar trajectory of what we value in a relationship.
So to predict resentment isn’t congruent with honest conversations.

 

[flowtheory]

Or the SIMPLE solution of engaging in a sexual session to relieve the stress. Alot of women get caught into this loop of not wanting sex due to stress or pressure and ut causes the stress and pressure to rise. The solution is sex to orgasm.

Sex is different for everyone. And each interaction with the same person is a new experience. It’s not always about relieving stress; that’s one aspect of many many