Chick considers men who stop giving her attention when she gets fat as "shallow"

[MatureDJ]

http://www.salon.com/life/since_you_asked/index.html?story=/mwt/col/tenn/2011/09/18/price_of_beauty

And then (no surprise), I regained the weight because of work stress and feeling like I couldn't mentally deal with the tedium of counting calories. And lo and behold, the quality and quantity of men hitting on me nose-dived. I felt so depressed and worthless, even though I know it's wrong to base my self-worth on these things.

So you are depressed that you still want the attention from men while not having to do anything to merit that attention? That would be like some man being depressed that he doesn't have any money while intentionally not wanting to work.

I am so pissed that I want to scream at men both when they pay attention to me and when they ignore me! ... Everyone is so shallow ...

Honey, I'm wondering how you treated the short man, or the non-college educated man who gave you attention when you were hot.

I have nerdily calculated the amount of time I need to spend counting calories (buying healthy food, cooking it, weighing and measuring and recording it and preparing it ahead of time), going to the gym, and doing hair and makeup every day to look my best, i.e., like someone who gets sexual attention from strangers: three hours a day. Sometimes four. Isn't that ridiculous? I feel like I'm wasting my life doing these things, yet the payoff is addictive: compliments, numbers, dates (without needing to do online dating, just getting approached in real life).

So I guess we should presume that fatties can get dates online, but only skinnies can get dates on the outside?

Now that I'm much more attractive I can afford to realize how blatantly pretty people are rewarded and how ugly people are punished in this society. It's horribly unfair, and I feel guilty and disgusted -- but not enough to refrain from wearing a low-cut top and flirting to get a discount on something, which never ever happened to me before my surgery.

It's called hypocrisy, honey.

Are these stupid ego boosts worth spending four hours of my life per day doing things I don't want to do? In truth I'm nerdy and introverted and prefer to read rather than go to the gym. But I want a boyfriend and that won't happen if I stay home and never make an effort with my appearance -- can you see the crazy thought cycle here? Worst of all is that now I judge men for having a gut or having bad teeth, and I am more attracted to conventionally good-looking guys, who before would never look twice at me.

It's called LIFE! A lot of women who hate the sexuality aspect of ... human sexuality become asexual just as you have proposed. And like you said, you can't expect a good looking man if you yourself won't do the things to make yourself good looking. You should be thankful that you live in a country (USA) where there is dearth of attractive women, where you can get very good value for your attractiveness.

 

[backbreaker]

it works both ways. i remember when i gained weight the attention from women nosedived. I lost any interest in even pretending not to be shallow at that point in time. Women are just as if not more shallow then men are.


In fact, i am willing ot bet, that the woman is getting attention from men, just not the men she deems attractive. that's the part of the post she left out.

 

[Kerpal]

It doesn't take 4 hours a day to eat real food instead of crap, go to the gym, and put on some makeup in the morning

 

[Paintballguy]

Sounds like she's trying to justify being a fat slob. She needs to realize that you get out of life what you put in. Sure you can be a fat slob, but don't expect to have alpha males lining up to date you.

 

[Colossus]

Every fat person's excuse is that they "dont have the time". Rubbish.

Yes, it takes a bit more work not to eat sh!t day in and day out. It takes EFFORT to go to the gym 3-5 days a week. It takes DEDICATION (not giving up after two weeks) to see tangible, measurable, visual results.

Funny, I actually had this conversation with my girlfriend recently. I essentially told her that if she didnt start exercising on a regular basis she would look like her mom in 20 years. It was kind of a d1ck thing to say, but I seriously get tired of hearing her "just dont have the time" BS. She works 7:30-3:30 and has no other commitments. Then she says that people 'just gain weight as they get older', and that was the last straw. Sometimes the seed needs to planted that you arent going to stick around as they eat themselves into fatas$ oblivion.

Just to clarify, she isnt fat presently. Her body is fine. BUT---her mom is a bit heavy, and I dont think she realizes that could be her future if she doesnt establish some good habits.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Competition anxiety is a bîtch, aint it?

I feel bad for what ever guy she ends up pulling her 'bait & switch' on. This is exactly the type of girl who'd let herself go the moment she'd secured commitment from a guy thinking he'd struck gold with a hotty who was into taking care of herself. She's also the type who'll construct very elaborate shaming schemas to make sure the guy feels 'shallow' for wishing she'd stayed thin.

 

[HalfAddict]

That is not necessarily true Colossus. Pretty much my entire family is large myself included, thing is I hit the gym for 2 hours everyday of the week and don't eat a lot of garbage. Admittedly I have lost 70 lbs since March, but I am still big, I have always been big, I was six foot tall (now I am 6'6) when I left elementary school and have a large frame to begin with. I am about 300 lbs right now, my goal is 260 ( I have met this goal in the past and regained the weight). To most of you 260 is still huge no? When I am 260 I cannot see where I can lose more weight before I start cutting muscle off. Just wanted to throw that out there.

I have the time to hit the gym though.

 

[vatoloco]

I am not attracted to fat chicks.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

This may come as a shock to the “men have impossibly high beauty standards” gnashing of feminist teeth, but it is in fact women who have a much higher standard for an idealized male physique.

All one need do is search the vast variety of porn available catering to the physical attributes that men will fetishize. Big boobs, small boobs, big ass, small ass, every hair color of the rainbow, shaved snatch, hairy snatch, teen girls to MILFs and older, tan, pale, ultra-thin to the ubiquitous BBWs (Big Beautiful women). Ladies, name the physical attribute(s), and there’s a fan-group just waiting to bang you. Rule 34 was never more provable than in men’s willingness to ƒuck damn near any physical demographic of women – just ask the female midgets catering to that fetish of porn.

 

[Aaron B]

The author is the shallow one. She can easily find a "nice guy" who will overlook her weight. But she's not attracted to nice guys, is she?

The men she is attracted to can't choose to be attracted to fat women, just like the female author can't choose to be attracted to nice guys.

The failure is in her ego and self-esteem having been inflated to the point that she believes she is entitled to be unattractive and still attract a quality mate.

She is out of touch with reality, to her detriment.

Who we are attracted to has nothing to do with the depth of our character.

 

[scrouds]

Story useless without before / after pics

 

[The_411]

Typical entitlement story. Sorry sweetheart, I don't feel sorry for you one bit. Not to mention the fact that you will be costing me tax dollars to address the burgeoning obesity epidemic in the US.

 

[synergy1]

this encapsulates the female mindset on a macro scale. In short, the chick wants without having to put effort in. She wants the same attention she had when she had to work for it. This is the most dangerous type of personality to settle with should one ever decide to do so. It won't take more than a week for them to justify letting themselves go. Heck, she is on the brink and has no dating prospects. Imagine how great that would be 6 months into a relationship. It boils down to personality ; she wants without having to earn it. Sadly, I see this all over society and men are included. Generally men will pursue what they want and work harder for it, I think.

And I want to echo the statements calling 'bull ****' on people who claim they have no time. If that dumb broad had time to write that letter, she had time to go for a run. Eating well costs more and takes up a little more time, but not nearly the 3 hours she claims. Its an out, plain and simple. Ironically the people i know of who are in the best shape are the busiest, and the people who are in the worst shape ( aka have no time) have more free time to play world of warcraft. Take Fuglydude who puts in tons of overtime and work and still manages a professional bodybuilding regime.

 

[sstype]

Someone give this chick the Captain Obvious Award.

She defines her self by her appearance and is now mad that men respond in kind (though she had no problem with the attention when she was hot)

Now she has the nerve to whine about not being able to find a man. Give me a break.

I know I'm not in the best shape myself but I'm not going to sit and complain when women aren't constantly checking me out. And honestly, if I were looking for a long-term partner (as this chick claims to want) I would hope that the success of the relationship wasn't soley hinged on my physical appearance. I mean, we should all strive to look our best but sometimes work, school, family, friends does get in the way. I just don't expect to have the body of an adonis all the time and would not tolerate someone who demands constant physical perfection or else I'm out. Screw that.

The demands women like her place on men to look good, have a good job, be social, be a good listener, be romantic, strong willed, etc. far surpass our demands (just look good and pleasant to be around).

Thank god my gf doesn't care I'm sporting a fashionable gut right now. It means nothing to her because I have a strong frame and wouldn't put up with bad behavior from anyone including her just because i'm not "hot." I've seen too many couples who were perfectly happy with each other being "good enough" physically to put up with someone that obsessively shallow.

 

[backbreaker]

I sincerely doubt there are very many people that have as busy of a daily schedule as i do and i still find time to spend 90 mintues a day, 9 out of every 11 days in the gym. I refuse to be fat again.


there was one point in my life, where i was getting up at 5am, going to a 6:30am AA meeting, going to a "impatient treatment" IOP group that lasted 2 hours a day from 9am until 11pm, spending about an hour and a half in the gym, working, playing horses, having a social life and then on, let me see.. Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and usually sundays, i'd go to a NA/AA meeting at night as well. Oh and Saturday night as well.

and ironically enough my self confidence was sky high at that time, it was about that time i really started to shed my AFCness, and was beating them off with a stick.

i don't want to hear it. you make time for the things that are important to you. if you are out of shape, ti's because it's not important enough for you to ber\ in shape.

 

[zekko]

it works both ways. i remember when i gained weight the attention from women nosedived.

Backbreaker, doesn't this come very close to saying it's all about looks?

 

[Burroughs]

I think that the girl's mentality stems in part from the political correctness that has permeated just about every aspect of Western culture. In today's America, everybody's a "winner." In today's America, you're supposed to be able to have your cake and eat it, too. That's why, I think, that you see so many ugly-to-average looking women carrying themselves like they're princesses. They've been conditioned to think that people should accept them for their "inner" beauty.

So, in her mind she really thinks that there's someone out there who will validate her sense of self worth, make her feel like a hottie, even if she's lazy and refuses to "take care of herself."

Rep this 1000%!

The sad thing is this fattie will likely be able to score a dude 3-4 levels above her if she keeps fishing. There are any number of average to good looking dudes with zero self esteem. I can't count the number of times I've been at the mall or in a crowded area in the last 2 years and seen a 7 or 8 dude with 2 to 4 level porky. And 9 times out of 10 the porky is speaking scornfully to her man who is many levels ABOVE her!

 

[Strelok]

Rep this 1000%!

The sad thing is this fattie will likely be able to score a dude 3-4 levels above her if she keeps fishing. There are any number of average to good looking dudes with zero self esteem. I can't count the number of times I've been at the mall or in a crowded area in the last 2 years and seen a 7 or 8 dude with 2 to 4 level porky. And 9 times out of 10 the porky is speaking scornfully to her man who is many levels ABOVE her!

This is the problem, many guys would date her not because they are turned on by her, they would date her in order to have A woman (any woman) only to prove to others they can get one, to prove they are in the "winners club".

Guys nowadays are almost taught that if they fail with women they are losers no matter how many accomplishments they achieve in their lifes.
There are no soap advertisments telling us "because you deserve it", there is stupid axe advertisment where the guy win only when he gets the girls.

Girl A at work "who's that guy in the marketing department"?
Girl B "nevermind him, I know him from highschool, he never had a girl, he is a loser".

Anyway this fat ass from the article deserve it, it feels good to see someone for once paying the price of his action, she is the counterpart of the warcraft fanatic.

 

[mrRuckus]

I am not attracted to fat chicks.

I'm not concerned with what fat chicks think or say.

 

[mrRuckus]

Typical entitlement story. Sorry sweetheart, I don't feel sorry for you one bit. Not to mention the fact that you will be costing me tax dollars to address the burgeoning obesity epidemic in the US.

Obese people die sooner well before they are elderly.

Elderly people are the ones who rack up the largest medical bills, by far.

If anything, obesity saves us money because they are dying off right before they cost a lot for old people health care, and as their productivity dips. Dying in their 40s, 50s, and 60s is of benefit to us normal size folk.

The real issue is everyone eating a crapload of horrendous genetically modified wheat not meant for human consumption, engorging themselves on sugar, and then the health industry paying to treat their diabetes and put them on worthless statin medications that do nothing to prevent heart disease. But you don't have to be fat to have or get those.