Cheating?

[Dearl]

Well i've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and since we have entered college, things has been rough between us. It could be my insecurities from knowing how us college males are, or actual facts about why i feel that I think something is going on.

1. She claims she sleeps a lot. Which was fine but my phone calls and text do not wake her. I've seen her active on the phone as if she can not live without it. Also with us both being freshmen I wonder why she does not want to explore the campus like most of us or hang out with her boyfriend...just "sleeps"

2. We barely be together and when we do it seem fake. She says its because i hurt her feelings because it was a few times the suspense of here cheating brought rage out of me. So I've did everything to make her feel comfortable but the talk about why she do not want to see me is still the same.

3. Some guy really wants her. a few guys wants her and some i know off or have spoken to while being on campus. Some guy supposily "stalks" her also telling her how he is going to take my place. The other guys who want her that i have spoken to while on campus she still say hi to even tho behind close doors when im not around he wants her...or got her.

4. She says everything to make me feel bad for saying "I dont trust her" taking away sex, and emotionless.

5. Look through her phone while she was sleep and she had a few guys say "Goodmorning" including a dude i know for a fact back at home wants her as her own. Maybe 3 or 4 guys and i am friends with 3 its still weird they are given her a good morning even though they are good friends with her. The last guy wants her to be his and said goodmorning to her also the day before i checked. I looked at her texts it was all messages sent to me (as though she erased her replies to them)

6. He C/A wants to date her also. He tried to tell her i was around campus sleeping around and made it obvious he was interested. she says she tries to avoid him. But has the guy number and he texted her about a situation that happened. Im not sure if the C/A gets to take the residents numbers because my past 2 C/A's never thought about asking are floor about the giving them are numbers.

7. Facebook. She express how she feeling on fb. So if i made her smile or angry she will like a page. Well she just "liked" a page about being called "gorgous" by someone. I never called her that so who did? She majority gets along with males so i wouldnt be surprised.


Help me please because im lost.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Well, that´s the problem we men don´t respect other men´s girls, while we are single, wich is bad for everyone.
The result is women having lots of options, wich make them "confused" about who they really like.
I don´t know if she is cheating on you, but confused ..probably

 

[JdelaSilviera]

double post

 

[Dearl]

Yea she claim she isnt that type of person with all these signs. Im in search for some advice how to deal with this situation then building up anger with my detroying relationship.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I hate to break this to you, but your relationship is heading for the dumps. At this point you want to save yourself and your dignity. This is where you may lose her but not your self-respect here. You want to remain dignified in all of this.

She's pulling away from you, and this is making you more drawn in and interested. The fact of the matter is that this will ultimately drive her off.

What you should do:

1) Stop asking her about other guys and looking through her phone. Don't stalk her in anyway.
2) Stop calling or texting. In other words, ignore her but be very casual about it. Don't make it seem as if your "new" reaction is because of her signs of disinterest.
3) Start filling up your time with other activities: join the gym, get better grades, go party without her, do things you really like to do and things you've always wanted to do considering time, practicality and money.
4) Start talking to other girls, if only for the purpose of friendship. Practice. Your confidence will be much higher.

I used to be in your position 5 years ago. I reacted by breaking up with her. She didn't mind. But in the end I believe I came out better, and looking back I am very glad I dodged a bullet. There's no way I would date this girl today and I've become stronger and more confident from this. Build a pedestal for yourself, and not her. Women are selfish, and you should manage all your relationships with this mind. Women should be part of your world, not it.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Finally, your undergraduate years will be some of the best of your life. Don't limit yourself. You are the man here.

 

[Brighty]

Honestly... you should ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship right now to begin with. You're a freshman in college. My freshman year was probably the best year of my life so far and I attribute a lot of it to being (mostly) single throughout the entirety of it. I think you're doing yourself a pretty big injustice by staying with her, when it sounds like all she's doing is just being a burden on you.

Think about it - she's leaving you with all of these doubts, she claims she "sleeps" a lot, she isn't prompt in returning your texts/phonecalls, she stopped having sex with you, and when you guys hang out it seems artificial. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it sounds like your relationship is stagnating. It doesn't sound like you trust her, and people change a lot in the first year of college. The girl you fell for in high school could be an entirely different girl now.

HOWEVER, your side of the story could be biased and you don't even realize it. It's very possible that you could be jumping the gun and assuming too much **** here. Or you couldn't, but try and look at this from the perspective of an outsider.

- Did it ever occur to you that your girlfriend may be depressed? If she's been acting different, emotionless, not in the mood for sex, and sleeping a lot: those are all signs of depression. And if this is the case, I'm sure you freaking out on her probably isn't helping. When was the last time you really had a serious heart-to-heart with her and asked what's up?

- For point number 5, it depends. Sounds like that one guy is in the friendzone and he's just being pathetic, I wouldn't dwell on it unless she talks to him a lot (and I mean talks to him, not just being dismissive).

- If all of her sent texts were to you were over the course of like a day, then its not outlandish to think that you were the only person she texted that day. Obviously if they were over the course of more than a day then it starts to get a little suspicious.

- The facebook thing could mean a lot of things. Maybe she.. you know.. actually likes being called gorgeous and is maybe trying to give you a hint. When was the last time you complimented the woman? Derp.

I'm not trying to make her out to be the victim here - it's just as likely that she is doing something she shouldn't be - I'm just saying that there are two sides to every coin and I know from experience that once you get into the mindset that she could be seeing someone behind your back, every little thing starts to seem like it has a double meaning. Just watch out for that.. you could be over-analyzing everything and unknowingly destroying your relationship. Also watch your temper whenever you guys confront each other. Whenever you get mad and emotional, she wins.


Anyway, even if shes seeing anyone or not behind your back, it sounds to me like now would be a good time to end it, it seems like it would be the best for both of you. Its freaking college and you don't need this kind of drama.

 

[Diaforetikos]

The real question is what do you wanna do?

You could either let her go or hold on to her. Letting her go is self explanatory, but holding on is a little different.

At this point other guys are making her feel special. You need to step it up and show her that you still want her. She needs to know, because otherwise, some guy is gonna sweep her off her feet.

This is where you need to make her realize why she started dating you in the first place. Basically, you need to game her all over again.

To do this properly, your gonna need to drop your ego and become selfless. That is something sosuave doesn't teach.

If she gets mad, let her. If she ignores your gestures, let her. Just do them anyways. Your gonna keep pushing because you want her back.

 

[Brighty]

The real question is what do you wanna do?

You could either let her go or hold on to her. Letting her go is self explanatory, but holding on is a little different.

At this point other guys are making her feel special. You need to step it up and show her that you still want her. She needs to know, because otherwise, some guy is gonna sweep her off her feet.

This is where you need to make her realize why she started dating you in the first place. Basically, you need to game her all over again.

To do this properly, your gonna need to drop your ego and become selfless. That is something sosuave doesn't teach.

If she gets mad, let her. If she ignores your gestures, let her. Just do them anyways. Your gonna keep pushing because you want her back.

Why would you want to put her on a pedestal, especially since she doesn't really sound like she deserves it after what Dearl's been saying. Why would you want to go through all these hoops for her when she's been the one allegedly screwing up the relationship to begin with? From what he describes I can't see why he'd even want her back. DMEDFISIK hit the nail on the head, "Women should be part of your world, not it."

 

[Dearl]

Really appreciate all the advice!

I still want to continue the relationship. I mean we been through a lot together in 3 years, and i really don't see that chemistry with the chicks on campus.

Me being so tight on her when I think she is up to cheating I do feel that it can drive her away. I was in search of a way to avoid that. It just felt difficult knowing that there are multiple couples in the same boat as me on the campus and there female companion sleeping around. One girl always sleeping with my roommate and always under her man arm by day!

Can i get some more tips on how to fix my relationship intill i find actual facts she is cheating instead of these assumptions I pick up from time to time. Thank you brothers

 

[The Assistant]

does this girl sound like future wife material to you based on how she's treating you? (aka withholding sex, texting with dudes that want to fvck her, ect ect)

If the answer is NO, then please, do tell all of us why are you in a "committed relationship" with this girl, and why do you want to continue to be committed to her?

You are too young for this shyt - a million other high school relationships have ended in the same exact way, and yours will too.

 

[KnockoutJM]

It sounds like the relationship isn't in a great spot at the moment, and unless something semi-traumatic happens to her it doesn't seem like its something that will likely change in your favor. I had a similar situation, dated a girl 3 years through college and towards the end it began feeling distant even when we were together, and she had guys going out for her telling her to leave me. In the end I thought it in the way The_Assistant said and basically asked myself if she is someone worth putting up with this or working through it to spend my life with? And the answer was clearly no so even though it was difficult to transition from a LTR to being single it was definitely worth it.

Just my 2 cents

 

[Bible_Belt]

You should have ended it by now. I know you want to hang on, but that is only a normal reaction from someone who has not been through many relationships. You don't have the perspective of how a good girlfriend should act, because you have no other serious relationships to compare her to.

At least tell her that you are fine with seeing other people. If she doesn't protest immediately, then she was not really yours. I think that you are about to get the "I need space" talk from her soon anyway, so you might as well preempt it.

You will be sad and lonely for a little while, and also heartbroken at seeing her with other guys. It's normal. But eventually, you will get what you deserve, which is a girl who is genuinely interested in being with you.

 

[Ease]

Really appreciate all the advice!

I still want to continue the relationship. I mean we been through a lot together in 3 years, and i really don't see that chemistry with the chicks on campus.

Me being so tight on her when I think she is up to cheating I do feel that it can drive her away. I was in search of a way to avoid that. It just felt difficult knowing that there are multiple couples in the same boat as me on the campus and there female companion sleeping around. One girl always sleeping with my roommate and always under her man arm by day!

Can i get some more tips on how to fix my relationship intill i find actual facts she is cheating instead of these assumptions I pick up from time to time. Thank you brothers

She is definitely cheating. You need to forget about fixing and dive straight for the facts.

Personally i would have dumped her when i started suspecting a long time ago, but i dont think you will be satisfied untill you get dumped mid-argument.

 

[Dearl]

Im going to look 4 something new then call it quit. NOt answering calls at random hours today because you are "sleep" doesnt add up to me...(sounds weird but everyday with the same excuse) Having "headache's" everyday and able to still go to sleep all day. Stomache aches and still sleep that off. Really dont believe any of that. Im on a search for someone better then i quit with her.

 

[5string]

I don't often say this, but you need to next this chick faster than a prom dress falls off. Simple. She's fvckin with you bigtime. AWx10

 

[Dearl]

Yea u right...I hate it but i only explain the negatives between us. Yes she is very stressed out and it may be that but it bothers me knowing we are on a college campus

 

[allbeef]

If she was still a virgin and in college those texts would have probably been from a guy like me.

 

[Dearl]

You think so

 

[backbreaker]

your girl is taking all kinds of **** right now. hate to be that blunt but it's as clear as day man.

if she is what, 18 years old and already withholding sex, WTF feature do you see with this broad? there is no situation where in 6 months you are ****ing like rabbits and everything is okay. it's just not. Cut her lose and go have some fun.