Changing You Mentality When Living In Hell

[The Damned]

Hi Guys,
When I was 16 I was full of confidence, but over 8 years of hell has put me right down to the bottom of the gutter.
Since June 1999 I have witnessed various family deaths(some timely due to old age, some more untimely and premature), almost seen my mum die(luckily she survived), seen my dogs fall ill(one is probably going to pass away soon), been stabbed in the back by so called friends and even by family, had rumours about my sexuality spread and treated like im a idiot by the majority of people who find my life a joke.
The Only Bonus is its made me more of a man and given me courage and bravery beyond belief but a life filled with sadness and regret that can never be put right at the same time.
Over the last few weeks Ive honestly been asking myself is it really worth living this life? Do I want to continue living in a world where I am always getting **** on?
Until things start going right I will probably never be able to change my mentality as I dont know of a life thats meant to be ordinary and happy.
Any advice or personal experiences has anyone else lived a life as tragic as mine and managed to turn it around? If so how did you manage it and what thinking did you use behind it?

 

[DJVladdy]

Now i might not be 100% right but im just taking a guess here:

You are sitting in a nice chair
in a warm room of a house/apartment
with your stomach full
in front of a computer...

Bro shut the **** up, there are billions of people out there that have it worse than u do, and they are not *****ing

Some of your family members passed away, ur dog is sick, and ur mom was in a bad situation, im sorry it is very unfortunate, but that's life

People question your sexuality?
Take you for a joke?
They dont respect you??

That's not tragic, that because YOU ALLOWED them to treat you like ****. Do something about it and stop crying.

 

[The Damned]

Now i might not be 100% right but im just taking a guess here:

You are sitting in a nice chair
in a warm room of a house/apartment
with your stomach full
in front of a computer...

Bro shut the **** up, there are billions of people out there that have it worse than u do, and they are not *****ing

Some of your family members passed away, ur dog is sick, and ur mom was in a bad situation, im sorry it is very unfortunate, but that's life

People question your sexuality?
Take you for a joke?
They dont respect you??

That's not tragic, that because YOU ALLOWED them to treat you like ****. Do something about it and stop crying.

Sorry but thats bull**** and not even a constructive reply.
Yes im sitting in a chair, but I scrape by in life, hardly full of riches.
And I definately dont let people walk all over me.
So is your reply useful and sensible....No

 

[CrunchyNut]

I dont think he phrased his point well, but it is a good point. Since I was 15, I lost 3 grandparents, an uncle, an aunt and a member of my immediate family. It sucks. I know that as well as anyone. However, you have to move on. You say you have had 8 years of hell which makes you 24 now? I hate to say it, but move on. I spent some time wallowing in self pity and it sucks. You look upon everything as though it is bad, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It becomes habit for things to be bad.

Think back to when you were full of confidence. If somebody had questioned your sexuality, would you have sulked? I doubt it, you would probably have just laughed it off. And why? Because you were looking at things differently. You thought "even if this guy is serious, so what? Nobody else will believe him". Now though, you go "everyone thinks I am gay. Maybe I am. Damn, this is another thing in my life going horribly wrong".

You say it has given you courage? Use that courage and move on. Find out how to get to a better place. You will be amazed at how small your problems suddenly seem when you get there. You say that you cannot change your mentality until things go right? Well, things do not go right until you change your mentality. You have more control over your mentality than other things, so fix that! Don't ask me how, I am not a psychiatrist. But you need to do it, even if it does involve seeing a shrink.

In turn, you will see your life better, and it will be better. I saw a quote from Immanuel Kant in a thread earlier. His view of ontology was that humans impose space and time upon the world. My personal view is that we impose much more than that. Our mental states affect not only the entire way we live our lives, but the way in which people act towards us. Improve yours.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Hi Guys,
When I was 16 I was full of confidence, but over 8 years of hell has put me right down to the bottom of the gutter.
Since June 1999 I have witnessed various family deaths(some timely due to old age, some more untimely and premature), almost seen my mum die(luckily she survived), seen my dogs fall ill(one is probably going to pass away soon), been stabbed in the back by so called friends and even by family, had rumours about my sexuality spread and treated like im a idiot by the majority of people who find my life a joke.
The Only Bonus is its made me more of a man and given me courage and bravery beyond belief but a life filled with sadness and regret that can never be put right at the same time.
Over the last few weeks Ive honestly been asking myself is it really worth living this life? Do I want to continue living in a world where I am always getting **** on?
Until things start going right I will probably never be able to change my mentality as I dont know of a life thats meant to be ordinary and happy.
Any advice or personal experiences has anyone else lived a life as tragic as mine and managed to turn it around? If so how did you manage it and what thinking did you use behind it?

Um ok...people dying, yea tough to deal with. But what about everything else? Youre complaining about stuff you can change. Change your goddamn attitude towards live, a different perspective. If you need to, reinvent yourself. Get new clothes, new hairstyle, get some hobbies...whatever it takes. Then...stop b*tching, you could be living in africa in a hole with aids and your family cow which would have malaria so you couldnt get a drink of its piss or blood...read affirmations.

 

[The Damned]

Um ok...people dying, yea tough to deal with. But what about everything else? Youre complaining about stuff you can change. Change your goddamn attitude towards live, a different perspective. If you need to, reinvent yourself. Get new clothes, new hairstyle, get some hobbies...whatever it takes. Then...stop b*tching, you could be living in africa in a hole with aids and your family cow which would have malaria so you couldnt get a drink of its piss or blood...read affirmations.

Thats the thing you cant change your perspective if you have never witnessed anything else but the same outcome in life.
Its difficult to explain but you cant imagine the life of a millionaire if you have lived life in Poverty until its actually happened.

 

[CrunchyNut]

There have been a lot of these "feeling sorry for myself" threads around recently, and the problem is always the poster. The don't think they can change; it will be too hard; they cannot envisage it. A man in poverty can become a millionaire. Can he envisage himself as a millionaire? Maybe not, but he can become one by taking small steps in the right direction. First maybe he will get a small job and make a little money. Then he can invest it. Slowly but surely he will become a millionaire if he wants it enough.

Even if you cannot envisage yourself completely happy, take a step in the right direction. Go out and meet somebody. Anybody, even if you just say "hi" on the street. When was the last time you met somebody new?

You scrape by in life? Get a better job. Again, it is hard, but possible. You just need to work out how you will get there.

Are you scrawny? Go to the gym. If you cannot afford it, make one at home out of houshold objects. I have a friend who made a barbell out of old tyres and a broom handle.

You cannot expect to jump from poverty to millionaire in a day. But you will never get there unless you try, and from the sound of it you have spent 8 years doing nothing but sitting and moaning. Get over it.

 

[KontrollerX]

Sorry for all the bullsh!t tough love replies you got man.

Its not necessary or needed in this type of case.

Anyway I went through the same thing you did but mine happened within a span of four years.

First my grandmother died horribly from cancer and I had to watch her waste away in the hospital.

Then I had to take care of and watch over my father who also died of cancer that seemed to come out of nowhere.

His was the typical very tragic case you hear of every so often where the guy was a great guy, big strong and healthy and loved by everybody but then this sorry horrible sh!t hits him out of nowhere and just eats him up within a span of two years and then he's gone. I watched him die personally as I took care of him holding his hand on his way out as he choked up blood and gasped for his last breath.

I was a wreck for a year after his and my grandmother's death and then I met my soulmate (or so I thought) and believed my life was turning around but nope just a Cluster B wackjob that turned my world even more upside down and betrayed and ditched me in short order.

Without my best friend Dan, my childhood best friend Steve, my surviving mother and my uncle as well as this forum and Tony Robbins CD's (as funny as that sounds) I'm not sure I would of ever broke on through to the other side and seen any sunlight at the end of my dark tunnel at all.

So my advice to you for overcoming all this is if you don't have any real friends keep trying until you make some as if your entire family is dead and you are in need of support you just have to make yourself a new little family of your own.

Even though friends aren't the same as your family it is support and something for you to grab hold of through your dark hours.

Also much like me you have the inspirational messages found all over this forum.

As Pook said "Endure!" when everything is coming down around you, see the goal ahead and do not give up on your plan for change and eventually you should succeed and get to a place thats better in life if not fully ideal.

 

[The Damned]

There have been a lot of these "feeling sorry for myself" threads around recently, and the problem is always the poster. The don't think they can change; it will be too hard; they cannot envisage it. A man in poverty can become a millionaire. Can he envisage himself as a millionaire? Maybe not, but he can become one by taking small steps in the right direction. First maybe he will get a small job and make a little money. Then he can invest it. Slowly but surely he will become a millionaire if he wants it enough.

Even if you cannot envisage yourself completely happy, take a step in the right direction. Go out and meet somebody. Anybody, even if you just say "hi" on the street. When was the last time you met somebody new?

You scrape by in life? Get a better job. Again, it is hard, but possible. You just need to work out how you will get there.

Are you scrawny? Go to the gym. If you cannot afford it, make one at home out of houshold objects. I have a friend who made a barbell out of old tyres and a broom handle.

You cannot expect to jump from poverty to millionaire in a day. But you will never get there unless you try, and from the sound of it you have spent 8 years doing nothing but sitting and moaning. Get over it.

Its hardly been sitting and moaning, but more of a case of survival and scraping by trying to survive in a life where the odds have been stacked against you.
Ive witnessed real life tragedies one after the other, that still continue to this day. Maybe when my life shows signs of improving and making me happy then I can build on that.
But at the moment my life reminds me of trying to build a house on fresh air.

 

[The Damned]

There have been a lot of these "feeling sorry for myself" threads around recently, and the problem is always the poster. The don't think they can change; it will be too hard; they cannot envisage it. A man in poverty can become a millionaire. Can he envisage himself as a millionaire? Maybe not, but he can become one by taking small steps in the right direction. First maybe he will get a small job and make a little money. Then he can invest it. Slowly but surely he will become a millionaire if he wants it enough.

Even if you cannot envisage yourself completely happy, take a step in the right direction. Go out and meet somebody. Anybody, even if you just say "hi" on the street. When was the last time you met somebody new?

You scrape by in life? Get a better job. Again, it is hard, but possible. You just need to work out how you will get there.

Are you scrawny? Go to the gym. If you cannot afford it, make one at home out of houshold objects. I have a friend who made a barbell out of old tyres and a broom handle.

You cannot expect to jump from poverty to millionaire in a day. But you will never get there unless you try, and from the sound of it you have spent 8 years doing nothing but sitting and moaning. Get over it.

Its hardly been sitting and moaning, but more of a case of survival and scraping by trying to survive in a life where the odds have been stacked against you.
Ive witnessed real life tragedies one after the other, that still continue to this day. Maybe when my life shows signs of improving and making me happy then I can build on that.
All that has happened so far is you bounce back from one major disaster, get people a lot better off than yourself trying to tell you its not all bad then after you get back on your feet something else bad happens.
But at the moment my life reminds me of trying to build a house on fresh air, with no tools, staff, facilities or even land to work with.

 

[CrunchyNut]

Again, though, like I said, your life will not change until your outlook on life does. You have to find a way to make yourself happier. See a shrink. Your life will get better.

 

[The Damned]

Again, though, like I said, your life will not change until your outlook on life does. You have to find a way to make yourself happier. See a shrink. Your life will get better.

Seeing a Shrink wont help, they can only help you to cope better with tragic moments and maybe give you some hope(usually false), but as highly skilled and friendly as they maybe, they cant change the life you have around you.

 

[The Bat]

Life is what happened to you.

Man up.

Take action. Stop whining.

Thing will get lot worse for you if you continue moaning about the past.

Through action, only then will you gain a new prespective. Nobody on this message board can magically grant you a new prespective. You must take charge of your own life and make your own fate.

 

[Interceptor]

The only solution to your problems is to take action.

Assert your dersire to be happy.

Quit living in the past.

Quit being a martyr.

Quit complaining, and start taking action.

Be responsible for your decision, your actions, and your SELF.

Just as you like to beat yourself up and suffer, so too can you care for yourself and be kind to yourself.


You need to build a strong Personal Boundary, and say YES to the good things in life.

You need to have goals, ambition, dreams, interests, hobbies, pursuits.

You NEED to have a Mission in Life.

Suffering is constanly worrying about things you feel you you should have, or cannot control.
The only solution to suffering is to make a decision. To take ACTION.
Right now, you are suffering about the PAST. Which is GONE.

The past is GONE.


The future is STILL NOT HERE.


All you HAVE is RIGHT NOW.

And most importantly, you cannot get back that time you wasted. You cannot make more time. You cannot 'manufacture" more time.


RIght now, your difficulty is not that you can't SEE your solution, but that you don't have the tools.
Or rather, you DO have the tools, you just don't know where they are.

You lack direction, and initiative.

You need to understand...

What will make you a man, right now.
Is to know that you are the ONLY ONE that can truly HELP you. And you can only help yourSELF by MAKING that damn DECISION. TO live, to accomplish your MISSION. Is that clear?

What makes a Man truly a man is his independance.
His ability to stand on his on two feet.

Many of us have gone through what you have. Some have made it through all right. This is part of being and most importantly BECOMING a man. See your suffering, your difficulties, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities, observe them, acknowledge them,and then make peace with them. Accept them. Admit them. And move on.
Move on.
MOVE ON.

With or WITHOUT that emotional baggage on you or not. Your choice.
I will ask you this..
Will you be a better more able warrior still clutching all that past pain and hurt??
I don't need warriors that carry all their pain on their back. I need warriors who can fight with ALL their heart and resources. Because THAT is WHAT Life CALLS FOR. Life needs you to be agile, and free. And 100% there. ALLthere. Not only 'some', but ALL , fully PRESENT andf fully GROUNDED.
THAT is being a MAN. FULLY PRESENT and FULLY GROUNDED. The "rock". You need to be that.

So do the people whom will ally themselves to you and your mission. They will only place their trust in you, whe you truly are that, and consistetly demonstrate that as well.
That is life. That comes with the territory of being a Man.

What you need to know, is that ultimatley at the end of the day, mommy and daddy, and anyone else cannot take you into the jungle of Manhood.

You have to look out in front of you..
..into that vast wild uncharted jungle...

....and walk in alone.

Do you understand what I am telling you?

Do you?

You MUST go forth into that jungle, Damned. I did it. Others have too.

But you have to go now....

YOU , and you alone.

When you do...
...you will meet us inside.

But until then...
..we will leave you back at the cave, with the women and children.


You know what that elusive thing is you're looking for?

It's out there in that jungle, Damned.

Not here, where you sit, and mope.


It's a decision. And only YOU can make that decision. And you MUST make it, eventually. If not, you WILL die.
You WILL die, Damned.
You may not die physically, well maybe you actually might, if you continue to suffer like this, you may destroy your immune system, and actually physically die. It does happen. People die from heart attacks due to stress, depression, and anxiety every day. You could be one of them. A statistic.

But what is more likely is that you will die psychologically.
You will eventually kill your mind, and your capacity to grow.

Growth and Decison making are the criteria for life.

Damned, right now you are DOING NEITHER.

You are dying.

Run, don't walk in to that jungle.........

 

[muscleman]

Read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludwig_van_Beethoven

A brief description of the life of Beethoven.

Probably the greatest composer of all time, and he's been through way more than you or I.

Maybe that'll help you.

 

[The Deacon]

Interceptor took the words right out of my mouth. I understand that you're going through some sh*t right now and I'm sorry about it, but the world sure as hell isn't. If you got depression problems, see a psychiatrist and get your sh*t taken care of. If you have money problems, get a job and get your sh*t taken care of. It's vague advice, but we can't hold your hand the whole way as you make decisions for your own life. I mean, you're in an internet forum with a bunch of random guys looking to pick-up chicks, not an effin support group for depressed people.

I really feel for you though, I really do. I lived in a hell for the first eighteen years of my life and I barely escaped from it without committing suicide. You just can't lose faith, you have to keep trying, I know it sounds stupid and cliche but I can't honestly give you any better advice.

 

[Stéphane]

Why do you guys even bother giving him useful advice it ain't the first time he camed asking for help, and what have he done to change his life? Nothing! He's pathetic, and a loser with that atitude.

Also, to whoever said that a poor man can take small steps in becoming a millionaire doesn't know what he's talking. He's obviously not a millionaire. You need to think big, and take big steps, like changing your whole life completly. Same thing for anything you want in life, if you want to get that greek body you always dreamed about you need to change your diet, your habits, and your routine.

If your taking small steps, sorry. You won't get anywhere, you need to take life changing decisions.

I have a dedicated my life in becoming rich, not to get more women, but it's just my personal goal in life, and I have sacraficed many things for it.

 

[TonyWongButOhSoRite]

Is this kid back crying again? You are the biggest b!tch Ive ever seen. All you want is smypathy. You've made this type of post loads of times before and you've been given the same replys over and over again. Take the advice or fcuk off. You're a joke. Simple As. My life was about a million times thougher than yours. Still is. I can't belive you even mentioned you're dog fallen ill and then go on about a tragic life. Dude you're not a man and you don't have any bravery or courage. You're a girl. People sould just stop replying to this ****. Really. I can garentee he wouldnt even dream of killing himself. Hes just an attention seeker.

 

[Stéphane]

Yeah, for real my life was 100 times worst. Big deal my rabbit, my two birds died. My mom was diagnosed with cancer for a year. I had 0 friends, and I was tormented all through high school, I was the guy that everyone knew, and made fun of.

When I kissed a girl for the first time I got beat up by my best friend because he wanted that pvssy, and then he beatted me a 2nd time, and it was so bad he f**** me up really badly.

I was treated for clinical depression in a hospital, and then I realised that I wasn't depressed I was just miserable, and fed up with the BS. I volunteered to go in the hospital, it really opened my eyes. My roomate have nightmares, and shiver constantly, and then he told me his sad story. HIS LIFE WAS WAY MORE F**** UP.

His dad murdered was a drunk beater, and he beatted his sister to death. Then the dad blamed the kid, and he took all the heat. His life was a real mess.

Your f**** lucky, and don't even realise it f****, it's pissing me off.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Thats the thing you cant change your perspective if you have never witnessed anything else but the same outcome in life.
Its difficult to explain but you cant imagine the life of a millionaire if you have lived life in Poverty until its actually happened.

Actually you can. If anything were the case about that scenario, i would think the converse would be more appropriate. The human mind isnt comparable to your position in the economy, its much more flexible. You CAN control your thoughts, however it just takes some work to do so. So you can pick, do you wanna keep sounding like a little girl who scrapped her knee, or do you want to actually put forth some effort and change your life?