Challenging the Ex - Analyze This

[NewMan]

Just realise that there is a natural grieving process you need to undergo.

But also relaize that you are bordering on madness with your emails and infatuation with this girl. NO GIRL is worth that.

Listen to Squirrels and Player - everything you need to know is there.

You know what to do - cut ALL contacts with her.

She doesn't want you - and to be honest I can see why. You probably smothered this poor girl. She's probably glad to be out from under you.

Harsh? but you just do not get it.

How many times have you asked about the cell phone?

Excuses - any excuse to talk to her. To message her.

Get on with it. Grieve yes. Cry if you have to. Shout. hit the gym.

But get on with it. Realise that she alone can't make you happy.

Get councilling if you need to.

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
One of the things I noticed in reading your posts is and I'm sure Starman will agree with me on this issue...Kinjo your a control freak.

Yes, I am. I tend to want to dominate a person in my presence when I can help it. As a result, I'm not very popular and has very little friend on my list. I think I get it from my father who is a real "need to be in control". Any idea on how I eliminate this habit? I was a better person when I was abroad, but my life starts to fall apart when I return home, and influenced by my environment.

Originally posted by Player_Supreme

Kinjo go here:

http://www.hoslap.net/
and take out your frustrations...believe me it will make you feel better

That's a good sport Player. I appreciate that.
She's not a ho btw, just being a woman, I'm the AFC. She's a religious chatolic girl that has transformed me to praying every night, read 'Our Daily Bread" LOL
It was a battle however, I tried to turn her real bad (she's the only one I get no regular sex, first virgin I had but finally she gave it to me in return that I quit smokin', but still no regular sex, I can see now that this was a battle of control, I shouldn't go for it)

However, her parent are divorced for infidelity, has a step sister nobody knows about from dad (can somebody say something about this? I read that "never marry a girl with a divorced parent, unless she learn from it" what lesson she must learn? how to tell if she has learnt it? Please help me figure this out so I can think of something against her and help me move on, at this point, there's very little things I can blame her, other than she's being a natural woman, kind-hearted, warm, naive, child like laugh, smile and attitude, damn cute, a woman that needs a MAN to pamper her, protect her, love her... and I was a WIMP (read nice guy) in the end) I failed miserably ALL test she gave me, now it come clear to me.

But, literally she turned me from jerk to nice guy, and dump me. And yes, she did said, after I'm a nice guy now, I'm not a challenge... I forgot guys, what do you call this type of woman?

Originally posted by Player_Supreme

That's why you bought her a celly so you could always reach her. That is a control issue. That's why you found a scrub trifling kinda girl..(broke assed biytch). So she would be more into you since you had a little money.

Buying ho's shyt doesn't get you the respect or love. It only get's you played by golddigging types. Having control issues on the surface is a sign of weakness. You can be controlling in other ways without being a symp about it.

Women can be trained if you teach them right.

"You can be controlling in other ways without being a symp about it." Where can I learn this, Player, can you give more please? I really have a LOT to learn and practice! I better gear up myself to complete the boot camp. Reading DJB is not helping much if I don't follow up and get rejection, just cannot take too much rejection at these time.

I need some action plan however, as Pook says, I have to get into a right habit. What kind of habit I should FOCUS to change my my mindset about this? I just talk on the phone early this evening with a new girl friend I met on ICQ, and I come out an AFC again and gave her a preview of my misery. Bad move. Maybe I just need someone to unwind. But hey, I'm still this sorry azz WIMP. Damn, how do you get into a habit to be a MAN. From WIMP to MAN?

Originally posted by NewMan

But also relaize that you are bordering on madness with your emails and infatuation with this girl. NO GIRL is worth that.

"bordering on madness with your emails and infatuation with this girl." Pardon my English, but what do you mean NewMan?

I'm getting my counceling from you guys. In this country where I live in, there is no such counseling.. people just go beserk or kill themself one way or another. No shrink is very rich here, hell, there's not much shrink either. People are too proud to go to one, only a REAL MADMAN will be taken there by a family member. This forum is all I got now for my support.

Originally posted by NewMan
She doesn't want you - and to be honest I can see why. You probably smothered this poor girl. She's probably glad to be out from under you..

I smoke like a loco now, but I'm in a learning mode guys. Please point out what you see where I cannot see please NewMan, or guys what do you see, where I need to improve on? And if you can help it, how?

Btw, can someone share their thoughts on emotional maturity and how to accomplish it? Surely, somebody who still cannot help but whine and complain like me has not mature emotionally. I do NOT have mentor in my environtment, and it's has not helping me in any way, never will.

Only me alone can make it, with a little help I guess.

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. Smoking is one of the nastiest, slovenly habits to have. It is a total turn off to someone who doesn't smoke. I know fools thought it was cool to smoke and it made you look macho and shyt. but in reality you look like a "smoker" plain N simple.

It makes you look like you don't care about your health or her health...only your oral fixiation. I can see alot more about why this byatch left. I am getting ready to give a new girl of 2 weeks the boot tonight only becasuse she smokes. Kissing her is like sucking up ashes. She had the nerve to pout cause I made her brush and use mouth wash last time...and even then I could still taste the smoke.

To you smokers you say "it's only smoke"...but to us nonsmokers we would rather eat a shytty ass-hole than taste that nasty assed taste in our mouths...ruins the whole meaning of a passionate kiss...I could go on and on about how nasty it is to kiss a smoker but let me just say...have respect for those who don't and understanding.


2. I gave you a list of player attributes to print out and you have the bible. Right now you can't see the wisdom in front of you because your still emotional and hardheaded.

3. Your not an AFC...nobody is one. This is only learned traits or habits. All you gotta do is write a new program in on top of the old one.

4. About control:

You need to read that list but you need to act like you really don't care what a person does or whether they come or go out of your life...you have no control over that...come to that realization.

You need to be like water...flowing and adapting. You can't control the hearts of people who come in and out of your life.

What you can do is create an environment where they will wanna be near you. Create challenges for them to get to you. That is how you control....you step above the game and use your higher vision to guide people where you want them to go.

You don't get mad or scream or freak out and threaten to kill yourself. You come from a higher plane than that. From this higher place you can see right through people and you will know what to motovate them with. You will hear every word they say and how they say it and derive volumes of meaning in a few words and from unspoken words.

By being above it. Nothing can hurt you. Nothing anyone or woman does in your life will bring you harm.

From this higher place you are the master manipulator and they are the manipulated.

You want them to crave your time and attention:


Daddy,

How is your day going? I have been thinking about you, as always. It seems like I never get to write you anymore so I need to put forth more effort in this department. Somehow you have the ability to make me feel better or put my mind at ease when I am feeling wound up. My thoughts this afternoon lead me to feel that somehow you have brought a balance to my life. This has to be one of the healthiest relationships I can remember. As twisted as you can be sometimes , your thoughts and words can be encouraging, loving and supportive. Exactly what I need to hear at times.

I have caught myself starting to spin in a dark direction and you have said a few things to me to bring me back to the light. It means so much to me. I am really not sure if you know how important that is to me so I thought you should know. Thank you for being the rock that I can lean on when I need to stop and take a breath. My hope is that I don't have to lean on you too much so that I don't wear on you.

But you are a comfort to me in every possible way. Every day that passes knowing you are by my side allows me to relax a little more and not feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I have spent so many years feeling that weight of the world or distracting myself from all reality just to question my path and my existence over and over. Repeating the same cycles and maintaining the same state of disconnection. It isn't a place I want to go back. I have no desire.


Saturday, when we were at *****s, there was a couple of times that I looked at you and thought to myself, "I just want to go home with you." I think you must have heard me. Not that I wasn't having fun. I love the way our bodies move together when we dance. But I think it might have been the environment or atmosphere that made me feel like I would much rather be lying in your arms instead of anything else in this world. I am so sprung on you , Daddy. You put those damn roots on me but I am not complaining. I am actually thanking you for hypnotizing me.

Love,
Your babygirl

*********************

You allowed yourself to be pulled to a place below this ho Kinjo, instead of being her light in the darkness you became her darkness.

I think you can see by my results and yours that your on the wrong path. You are still in that highly emotional state as can be seen by your above posting. Your still sprung on her and this will continue for some time. But I promise you that it will dim over time....I've been there!

There is nothing special about me. I am only above average in looks 8.6 on that hot or not but that place is biased at times. I learned how to seduce women and so can you!

You have a bunch of guys giving you advice and I hope your really listening instead of wasting our time.

Now it's time for you to become a master seducer so that you will get emails like above instead of sending them. You gotta reverse the game.

peace

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
You have a bunch of guys giving you advice and I hope your really listening instead of wasting our time.

I save this thread locally and updates it for every new posts recieved. Player, I read it mostly every day to see if I missed something and it will be here for my future reference for years to come. I promise you that.

That is a really beautiful article you posted. I certainly have the idea of how to treat a woman. Well, hopefully I can conquer myself first. It is the biggest enemy.

And yes, I'm still emotional and REALLY hardheaded about it.

I'm still grasping on your words on control and other things, I'll post when I have a question if you don't mind answering me again Player. Thanks again.

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
You have a bunch of guys giving you advice and I hope your really listening instead of wasting our time.

I saved this thread locally and updates it for every new posts recieved. Player, I read it mostly every day to see if I missed something and it will be here for my future reference for years to come. I promise you that.

That is a really beautiful article you posted. I certainly have the idea of how to treat a woman. Well, hopefully I can conquer myself first. It is the biggest enemy.

And yes, I'm still emotional and REALLY hardheaded about it.

I'm still grasping on your words on control and other things, I'll post when I have a question if you don't mind answering me again Player. Thanks again.

 

[NewMan]

Controlling people are ver usually insecure in themselves

They wonder - is she cheating on me? Where is she? whats she doing? etc.

You've got the tools to start.

you can't change overnight - and it make take some time.

Read the bible - and get a life. Get out there.

Relax. Improve your self. Use this time constructively.

Listen, I think you know the answer inside. You just need to search for it.

We cannot give you the answer, nor can we change you. You must do that yourself. The only thing we can do is point to towards the water. You must drink it.

So, stop worrying about it so much. Read the bible. Work out. Meet new people - and things will take their natural course.

You WILL look back on all this in 6 months time and think - Jeez, those guys were right - there's more chicks out there than I know what to do with!!!!

 

[kinjo]

Today, I was having my dinner alone a this small place. It was quiet when I heard a woman voice behind me entered the place as she talks happily and laugh her way in. She was cheerful.

I turned my head, her voice sounds very familiar to me, she was looking the other way, and it took me about 5 - 7 second to figure out who she is. Yes, there she is, my oneitis ex. Blood start pumping faster to my head as I keep it cool. She didn’t see me yet. I still appear relaxed. I kept it cool alright. I don’t expect to see her here.

Now this is a really small place where people will sit on the same long table to eat.
She and her guy friend order at front and turn around and sit directly in front of me.

That is when she see me. Her expression is drastically changed. Shocked. She was not smiling anymore, she is tensed when I greet with a smile to her, ” hey….!” …. She looks like she couldn’t believe that I was there in front of her and she nervously replied, ”he…(y-swallowed sound)” Then she sits, and was really really quite, almost motionless. No eye contact whatsoever, her head is down or away from me.

Then I shifted my attention to him, I guess her drastic change of attitude caught the attention of her guy friend and he was looking at me, I felt that he is starting to tense as well (he sat right in front of me). I offered my hand to shake his, smiling, ”hi, Kinjo…” …”Gary”
I was surprised, thinking “so… this is Gary her ex? I wonder what happen to the other guy who I didn’t know his name?”
I asked him, ”where are you guys from?” He smiled and replied, “from her place” At this point I did control my mind NOT to think of anything between they two that would make me loose my control.

I just finished my dinner when they come. I didn’t allow myself to get into any awkward situation and I quickly finish up my drink, get up calmly and casually, walk behind them to pay for it. Then I turn around and lightly pat his shoulder and her’s as I walked out saying each of their name and calmly said a short and polite bye. They didn’t turn around but just mumble goodbye’s.

While I was driving home, I was thinking,” she looks happy, happier than she was with me, and I’m glad that she is.”

I felt a slight jealousy and sadness. But just a slight. Mostly, I was under control all the way till now. I didn’t feel anger or much of negativity. Only a wish that if she ever gonna give me a chance, If I was not a real jerk to her back then, I’ll treat her a lot better with more respect, consideration and be a man that she deserved to get from me. Basically, she'd done nothing wrong other than being a woman, naturally.

Honestly, is there any hope...?
Guys, kindly share me your thoughts on those above please.

 

[WatchMeWalk]

She genuinely freaked out when she saw you, and not in a good way.

I'd say she is one weird encounter away from filing a restraining order.

Let it go.

 

[NewMan]

Kinjo;

I a word - No - and in two 0- hell no.

Listen, she probably associates you with negativity from your relationship with her. So I don't really think you have a chance - unless you change and she see's this change - perhaps you'll meet another woman and she (your ex) how cool you've become.

But I don't that will happen. Because if you do find another woman, your ex will not be on your mind so much.

You did well.

Continue to do what your doing - keep it cool

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by WatchMeWalk
She genuinely freaked out when she saw you, and not in a good way.

I'd say she is one weird encounter away from filing a restraining order.

Let it go.

I was thinking that it is true that she freak out. But at the same time, maybe she is embarassed to let me know that she is with this ex now. She told me before that she may be abstain from relationship for a few months.

She did told me before that she accidently met this Gary ex and he had called her asking for a meeting. At that time, she told me that she was not sure if she wanted to meet him.

About the restraining order, it's unlikely so. As far as I remember there's 2 recent things that upsets her about me: 1. throwing all her gifts in her knowledge. 2. Dropping her brother's stuff at her place (I assume she'll be upset)

Also, I came to realize that you guys see this from a westen mindset. This is an asian girl we talk about, it may be different in a way we think and act, free sex is frown upon here, if you get caught you probably go to "religion"court. Yes, they eexist here. Even they're still have woman nature, there's a set of values and rules that restrict her behaviours, counciously and uncounciously.

At this point, I haven't been able to let go... there's too much investment there for me, from all of my exes.

NewMan, you said that she probably associate me with neg feelings. That raised another question. What is the other probability?

What I do believe now and use is time (cut contacts) and self control. Well, so far so good. However, as an AFC, I do still look for ways to win her back. It is VERY hard to JUST let it go.

I cannot help it. I was still thinking to win her back, if she has this negative feelings about me.. as you said NewMan, I must CHANGE. I must first have to neutralize the neg. to zero, maybe by eliciting values, pattering, kino and living well. Keep going doing this as a "friend" who keeps the distance (like meeting her once a week) I MAY accomplish it and finally raise her IL.

I need a lot of opinions on this, if anyone kind enough to bend the DJ rules for me?

At least for practice sake or experience, please do help me think this one out. At least I tried it in a different way to her, at least I got first hand experience. I'll worry about my heart later.

However, if I then decide to proceed with this, I will CERTAINLY keep my options open and keep looking for other dates.

If I go ahead, I will not charge her like a raging bull. Self control is on top of my list for my self improvement, so I'll take to sleep any ideas and strategies here to try make the so called "I'm-Possible" happened. The limit of the impossible is to go beyond it, I'd like to find out how far beyond it is. If, only if I made up my mind on this. Now, again... I'm still not ready. Not yet...

Now, NOT to disrespect and belittle your supports and advices...
I know you guys has shown care and concerns about my own well being and I thank you all sincerely. However, big parts of me is still largely "anchored" to her, as many of you will be able to understand and experienced yourself on various degrees.

Also, you must also consider the amounts of probabilities and how different an asian mind works, which also will produce a different results. This is, in a way, a challenge. There's different cultures, values, religions, and upbringing to be considered.

I'm still undecided how do I go about this. I'm still holding on as strong as I could to not to contact her, while developing my mind and control my heart. I agree 80-90% with DJB, but still, it is written for westerners mindset and cultures.

For the time being, I have no plans on her, and focus my best on myself, whenever I can help it. I hope I don't crack myself on this. In the mean time, I'd like to hear your ideas (other than MOVE ON) on this so I can gear up to achieve it as DJing her. As I see it, there's nothing to loose here since success is build upon the ruins of your cherished plans and failures. No pain no gain. You'll never know until you try.

I know this is not really a DJ thing to do this for you, but consider dating as a numbers game, for me (as a minority ethnic group) it is really a small numbers. O yea, I could always go for non-HB (personality and looks) on the group (which I have one that is more than ready to jump on me), but the HB like she is...rare. I blew it. mmm lets do the statistics... around 50 - 100, for my age group I wanted age 21 - 26, and this is for 2 major cities I traveled and lived in), see... not like 17.000 something like in the states there. You understand now why it is hard for me. Other ethnic for dating/marriage is not an option.

 

[NewMan]

Let's assume for a second that there a chance for you to win her back.... How do you think that will happen?

Firstly, you must realise, that you can not get her back - or should I say 99% sure that you cannot get her back. The more you pester her, contact her etc. the worse it will get. Thats not the way.

So then what is the way?

You know it.

Cut contact. What you must do, is ignore her completely. Let her see for herslef what she is missing. Let her go out there and meet other people and be alone, so that she fully understands what it is like to be without you for support - to talk to - or to Fvck.

She is the only one who, by her own free will, will come back to you. So in that vain, I would recomend that you let her make the determination. Improve yourself, she will see that, cut off contact - you want her to know that you are fine, that your life is great, that you WILL survive without her. Realise that women feed off your frenzy. They like nothing more than drama and to know that they still hold power over you. Don't allow that to happen. Improve, and let her see what she has lost.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by NewMan
Kinjo;



So I don't really think you have a chance - unless you change and she see's this change - perhaps you'll meet another woman and she (your ex) how cool you've become.

I wish you had not of said that cause now he is going to get his fu*ckin hopes up and waste more of his and our time.

He is stubborn cause he can't handle the rejection which is another facet of his control issues.

******************KINJO!!!!!!!!************************

LET ME SAY IT TO YOU F*CKING HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO YOU CAN'T GET HER BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU LOST THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET IT GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Sorry Kinjo to be so abrupt. I've been in this game along time. I think your japanese or another eastern race, but correct me if I'm wrong.

But what you are is stubborn and pigheaded as all of us have been through. It has never happened where after the type of break up that you went through the man has won the woman back. That only happens in the movies. It is does not happen in real life.

Here are the real life facts plain and simple:

1. she is f*cking another man or will be soon enough.
2. she is completely over you and done.
3. when a woman is done she is done! no going back..no hope of ever getting her back..no chances to change...NOTHING! NADA..ZERO! Do you under stand this....I need to know that you understand this "FACT" cause it is true fact. You just won't believe it until you end up doing something drastic.
4. I know it's hard to not think about her and I question whether or not you really thought she wouldn't show up at that place....I've been there myself. I know it's hard every day and every second of the day not to think about her...when you wake up, when your washing up, when your driving to work, hearing a song, when a movie comes out that you talked about seeing or a type that the both of you would seen...you see I've been there also...but it will pass.
5. What you need is success in your life. You need to get other P*USSY in your life. Believe me it helps. It helps when you have 4-5 girls you can call for company when your lonely. It helps when you show up at those places she will be at to have someone else on your arms like she now has...it helps relieve the sense of loss.

This site even though there are a bunch of weenies who say "I'm here to better myself" or other gentlemanly copouts...is for collecting P*USSY in your life. One thing and one thing only. And that should be your daily mantra and focus.

6. Every day when you go out you should be focused on "NOT HER" but who is available for me to f*ck ...at coffee...at the supermarket...clubs...on the streets...you should be like the werewolf of london looking for fresh meat.

7. Infact you should be hungry for new p*ussy right now...you need to be so hungry you can smell it walking outside your window and know who is available for you to shag.

8. This is my last convo with you until you start getting P*ussy so good luck Kinjo. The world is your oyster. Be like the wolf! Proud, Confident, Hungry, Dangerous, Exciting!

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by NewMan
Cut contact. What you must do, is ignore her completely. Let her see for herslef what she is missing. Let her go out there and meet other people and be alone, so that she fully understands what it is like to be without you for support - to talk to - or to Fvck.

Thank you NewMan, I intend to to that. I realize that pursuing IS NOT THE WAY. I totally agree with you.

What I have in mind, is that how is she gonna notice this improvements I made If I'm in NO contact relationship with her? I'm very unlikely to bump very often with her.

For all I know, I have LOTS of negativity I've done to her. If I leave it like that, I feel more likely she'll linger on that. Then, NO CHANCE. I may later have to marry a mediocre woman, and regret it FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I think I need at least about a year to develop myself to who I wanna become, in the mean time, I have to get in touch with her... subltly.... as just to show a "preview" what is she missing...

What's your thought on this?

 

[kinjo]

Thanks Player.
I'm Chinese grow and live in Indonesia, and I do not live in the same world as you are. It's "different" here. If I am in a free world like US, then it really WILL become a whole lot different story.

However, even though I post for help on getting her back, I'm getting my rational back over my feelings, and it does grew stronger. And my rational priority is to get over her.

NewMan is right about one other thing, that I may not want her back after I got an HB better than her. I'm trying to achieve that, but I feel that I've got to use what I have now. Which is a feeling/desires/control/drives to win her back. Then I'll be able to do my picking. I think this is fair enough.

Remember your post on "babygirl"? That is EXACTLY what she is looking for in a MAN. I did 3/4 of it already, but come off AFC in the end. She's a good prospect for marriage, my feeling said that she'll keep the rest of her virginity until the first night of marriage. (she's 3/4 virgin now, LOL, we didn't finished the job, way too much painful for her) One more thing on this, majority of asian woman is a LOT more insecure and dependent, reserved, place a lot of value on honor, respect and fidelity (our divorce rate is very low). Also, a lot of self esteem problems here because of environment, I'm included.

I understand your reasoning behind "when a woman is done, she's done" and even if she comes back, she'll put a whole tests to make you AFC again. It may going to be even tougher, but on the other way of thinking, I do get local stories and facts that rekindled relationship happens and many are rekindled even more stronger as the time has provide both party a period of perspectives, maturity, and self improvements. And this "ruins to success" does make me stronger and a little bit mature about many things in my life.

Maybe I do have something to prove, but this is not the main goal, that's not the point, the main goal for me is Living Well, be wealthy, healty, and happy, to get another better HB, and at the same time, get her HUNGRY for me asap from now, turn it around now, even she wanna come back now, don't think that I'll accept her back that easily, if that happens, well, I'm the prize here, she needs me, she'll have to earn me, if not ... too bad... then I'm free.

It does take a LOT of self control and discipline that I still need to work on.

But anyway, thanks a million Player, you do show a lot of affection and care for someone you never met and probably never will.
God bless you.

 

[Futurologist]

Originally posted by kinjo
What I have in mind, is that how is she gonna notice this improvements I made If I'm in NO contact relationship with her? I'm very unlikely to bump very often with her.

If you're moving on for real, there's no reason to give a flying fluck whether she notices your improvements. If she finds out somehow, good for her, but she's old history isn't she?

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
I wish you had not of said that cause now he is going to get his fu*ckin hopes up and waste more of his and our time.

NewMan is not to blame Player. He's trying to lead and pace me to move on, in a subtler way, using time and improvement. NewMan is a great teacher, I'm glad to be his student.

 

[Player_Supreme]

This site is too got dam cool. You are in Communist China...WOW!

I don't know much about your Race. I do know a little about the Japanese since I lived there as a kid. Your name through me off since it sounds Japanese...no wonder you didn't take the Baka clue.

If I recall, chinese women are too dominante and free as compared to old fashioned Japanese women...it's no wonder you foster AFC qualities.

Your situation reminds me of a scene from Bruce Lee's move Enter the dragon:

He was instructing the kid not to look at the finger or else he would miss all the heavenly glory above. You are like that kid..so focused on the one thing that your missing all that is open and around you.

I can see why you want to listen to NewMan since his advise is softer and more fluid much like certain styles of Chinese martial arts whereas mine is like the Japanese Shotokan...direct brutal and too the point.

Good luck kid.

 

[kinjo]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
This site is too got dam cool. You are in Communist China...WOW!

I'm not in China nor a communist, and I'm a chatolic. I have a japanese ex gf, and I do get the Baka thing

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
I can see why you want to listen to NewMan since his advise is softer and more fluid much like certain styles of Chinese martial arts whereas mine is like the Japanese Shotokan...direct brutal and too the point.

Good luck kid.

I did learn a lot from you Player, great posts! It just a matter of choice for me right now, that I see fit for my specific case. I just gotta try it first and burn my asz. In fact, an asian DJ old time friend of mine confront me about this and somehow convinced me (for 2 hours) to do something about it... After an intense mind fighting and struggling and planning. I finally did. I also did good!!

I'll need to translate it first, will post field report of my FIRST contact to her here soon.

 

[kinjo]

I called her up Sat Afternoon, to subtly say to her that I am no longer want her, and happy with my live. I act my part

(My tone of voice is low, with rhythm, playful and cheerful…) I was practicing this for several time, the translation below may be funny to you as I cannot translate every thing as good as

HELLLOOOO GIRRRRRLLL…… How are you dooingg? You must be busy studying for your exam, isn’t it right? Who is this? Aaaahh.,… how come you didn’t know? No…Who is? Aaah, C’mon … stop kidding me will ya? Alright, alright, I know…

Hey girl, do you have a minute? Why is so?

Hear me out girl, since I met you last night… I felt concern with your attitude… you must agree that we both does not want any excess garbage towards each other right? You want us that we have a happy endy, no pressure… Why is that? Yea, last night your looked so SHOCKED to see me, and was so quite.. aaah, no way, you’re the one who does looked shocked… C’mon, you’re the one who is very quite about it… you doesn’t say a word… but I was having my friend next to me, not really comfy to talk… you’re the one who just left…? Well, I did said goodbye, I’ve finished my dinner, so I better got going.. and I did greet him and converse him… right?

All right, I know…
I know my attitude to you recently must really upset you.
Imagine this though… the first time we met… and when we’re still fresh in our relationship… yea? Get to the point?

You must still remember our times together where we’re still able to tickle each other.. yaa? (Sounds irritated, a bit nervous and impatience) laughs and laughs together, our happiest time, went to karaoke together.. ya? Singing our favorite songs… ya ya…? so…? What are you trying to say? I remember the time when I saw you used my surname after yours in the game The Sims… yea..? She said” get to the point” You must remember! It must be very clear and FREESH in your mind right. She said” what’s the point here” What are you talking about? (I got irritated here, neg hit her) What’s your Problem? I’m talking here, listen up! I know, it is just you go around and around where are you up to… anyway…

Listen up!
Whatever you did after our relationship, is none of my business, and I wont feel bothered with it, so don’t be worried.. You do not want me to intervene right?

So…?

So, for the last couple of weeks.. I’ve been thinking about our relationship… about how my next relationship…. With another girl mussstt will be a LOT BETTER…. Thank you! So?
So? (excitedly) And I’m made a lot of NEW FRIENDS too, a few prospects.. hehehe… mmm you know… but stilll, at those times, I still feel bad for you, especially after I see you last night.. yaa…?

For the last few weeks.. I learn a lot of new things… about myself… our past relationship… and yea… that’s too late now right?

You must agree that we both does not want our relationship turn sore/bad like the last night right? Not really… I’ve got no problem with it… you’re making it a problem…
Yeah… a lot of things happened between us for the year that if we don’t settle it soon, It will drag on and we’d feel heavy…

So we better get comfortable and finish it up? As long we still act like this, there must be something to settle… so we’ll walk away better and happier. Agree?? What do you mean?

Tomorrow is your birthday, I want us to celebrate it together, for old good time sake, so tomorrow, I’m going off to pick you up, ok?!!

Just the two of us? What if I ask some friends along? Offff course You can do thaaat, why not? It’s your birthday! I have no plan to celebrate it tomorrow. Tomorrow is not a very special day (she neg hit me here since I was usually never make it a big deal with important dates, disappointed her all the times) Then we don’t celebrate then, we settle our things then. (damn it, my damn ego! what a mistake to say this) What else to settle? I’m OK with it. C’mon now, you must still feel angry with me… I wouldn’t say angry is the word here… I just don’t like it with your last attitude you throwed at me… How about we talk about this tomorrow? I’m still pissed and don’t feel like talking about this in your presence, I just can’t do it… and repeatedly talk about this. I’m tired of it… (another mistake) Alright, I understand your feelings, ok let me explain… no need, I don’t wanna talk about it… Listen for a second … Not that I want to throw your gifts in your face I said I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, my pic that you have, did you also throw it away? Yes I did. Great! if somebody pick it up and abuse it…. damn you… you were not thinking about that huh? You just do whatever you want… Yea girl, my mistake..
I have no burdens, don’t wanna think about it… this will upset feeling in me will finally go away in time .. no need for you to settle it. That’s great then, I hope so. Anyway… I just want you to not feel pissed at me no more, for us to have a happy ending, no hard feelings.. Allright..

You must be busy studying huh? Not really… When is your exam? Started this morning actually…Oh really? What exam? Pratikum **** oooo… until when this exam will take place? (I Got her start talking…. I forgot..blablabla time for the close…)
Then I caught her betwen her pause with….

(pretending I forgot something tone of voice, a bit rushing)
Hey, I GOTTA GO! Huh? I got an appointment nih! I better get going OK? (happily) Ok…
I wish you all the best… so please stop being mad with me, study hard and well, get good results… OK? Allright… Byeeee…. CLICK.


Mr. Kinjo has left the building…. I FEEL GOOD! Tadadatadadada…. You know that I would….Tadadatadadada…. III FEEEEELLL GOOOOD…. Tadadatadadada…. You know that I could….

Well... I gained conrtrol, i feel it. and I feel good. I sat on the couch another few minutes to thing about the convo… It didn’t started very good with her trying to throw me off my feet in the beginning, lucky I got the text to read and kept dancing with it… some mistakes… but in the end, I gain control… then I go to my computer to start typing this… I put the cell near the speaker… and listen… there’s a sound of signals caught from the cell to the speaker… u know that sound right? Like there’s a call or sms is coming… this happens like a minute but nothing… so my best “wishful thinking” is that she was “upset/miss talking to me” that I cut her mid sentence, and that she know I was going out, have an appointment? And the signal probably her undecidedly try to call me back, then cancel it, call me, cancel it… and I’m getting the signal here… It must be it, since it never happens like this before with my cell… I put it often near the speaker.
Hehehe… that’ll keep her thinking about me… Now, she said she does not want to see me. What do I do now?

 

[takfer1]

Kinjo, Kinjo, Kinjo

Kinjo, I rarely respond on this forum because I think alot of it is basically bull**it, but I had to respond to you because I know exactly what you are going thru. Ive been thru all of it and more. I know that people on here have tried to tell you what to do, but what you are doing is literally going to destroy you if you dont STOP NOW!!!! Ive read your posts about this girl from the beginning and it only keeps getting worse. This girl is not interested in you anymore....PERIOD!!!! Can you not tell by the phone conversation that she just doesnt care??? She keeps saying that she is fine, that your the one with the problem, but you dont seem to get it....SHE IS OVER YOU!!!

I know its hard right now..but you just need to LET GO. Dont call her or have any contact with her at all anymore. The more you do what you are doing, the more you are losing what little self respect you have left.

Also, after that phone conversation, and the initial euphoria of it wore off, I would bet a million dollars that you only ended up feeling worse off, and that you wanted to talk to her again. DONT contact her. And come on, why do you get your hopes up about her calling or SMS'ing you?? You had your phone by your speaker and it was making a strange noise and you thought it was her?? Do you know how dellusional this sounds?? Please, Im begging you, as a man who has been thru this, JUST STOP!!! This relationship is over, its been over for a long time before it even ended and the chances of you getting her back are ZERO! But it will get better, I know that is hard for you to believe right now, but it will. People would tell me this when I was going thru what you are and I would laugh and say that is impossible. The greatest thing happened though, just when I had finally let my ex go and pretty much given up on women I met the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life. We now live together and are planning on getting married and I could not be happier. The thought of getting back with my ex now, even if she begged me, makes me laugh!!! I think back now and wonder what the hell was I thinking?? I am so happy that my ex broke up with me, for if she hadn't, I would not have met someone who I really, really love. The one thing I regret though is how I lost all self respect for myself and turned into someone I wasnt just to try and get my ex back. I look back now and it makes me sick to my stomach. And trust me, you will too if you dont stop this nonsense now. Just let her go, you will feel so much better in the long run. It may feel like the worst thing you could do at this moment, but believe me, its the best. Once more, JUST LET HER GO!

Here is what you need to do, and for the love of God please follow these guidelines. This is right from someone who has been in your shoes and knows that what you are doing has NO CHANCE of working because there is nothing left to make work.

1. Let her go.
2. Concentrate on yourself, learn to respect yourself again.
3. Let her go.
4. Get out and meet people, both to make friends and to meet
women.
5. Let her go.
6. Get a hobby, concentrate on work...anything to get your mind
off her and back on to YOU!
7. Let her go.
8. Start working out and feeling good about you!
9. Let her go.
10.LET HER GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the single most important thing you can do right now.

Good luck with it all, I hope some of this made sense to you. It's hard to lose someone who you were with and loved. It will however, make you stronger in the long run if you just realize that you are strong enough to get thru this and come out a better person in the end.