Can you get her back if you're the one who made mistakes?

[Oneday_]

So I was with a girl for 7 months and I guess I took her for granted, mostly because she was so into me and made it seem like we'd have a long future together.

What happened was and I admit this being my fault, I hardly ever paid for when we'd go out and she'd pick up the tab. This became normal for us and although I felt I should start making things more fair and splitting the bill or even taking turns, I only would contribute about 1 out of 5 times.

Another thing was I started picking little fights with her, this was the breaking point and she ended things by ultimately saying I didn't appreciate her and I wasn't showing that I cared.

She also said if I think she'd ever consider taking me back without me first owning up to my mistakes that I was surely mistaken. Realizing the error of my ways I did genuinely apologize and explained why my behavior was like that. She then said she needs to think about seeing me again and that she's decided to just date around and have fun and if anything happens great, if not she's out meeting new people.

I've gone no contact, it's been two days and I didn't even wish her a Happy New Year nor did she to me.

Is it possible to get an ex back if you know you pushed them away yet realized and apologized? Truth is talking to other women has really made me realize what I had with her, funny how that works.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Is it possible to get an ex back if you know you pushed them away yet realized and apologized?

Yes. The problem is that even when women forgive, they never forget. She will always resent you for the fights you had, and that is never going away. If you get back together, then you inevitably have another fight, all of that old sh!t comes back immediately. As soon as the fight starts, you have two strikes against you, because she never really got over the previous fights and that anger can be tapped at any time.

You'll do best to take what you learned here and apply it to the next girl.

 

[Oneday_]

Is it possible to get an ex back if you know you pushed them away yet realized and apologized?

Yes. The problem is that even when women forgive, they never forget. She will always resent you for the fights you had, and that is never going away. If you get back together, then you inevitably have another fight, all of that old sh!t comes back immediately. As soon as the fight starts, you have two strikes against you, because she never really got over the previous fights and that anger can be tapped at any time.

You'll do best to take what you learned here and apply it to the next girl.

Interesting. Makes sense. But the fights were petty and I know better now.

How do you go about getting an ex back in this particular case? Just wait for her to contact you?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

No dude just let this 1 go, find someone more compatible. You have lost your frame & won't get it back. She started think about breaking up with you weeks if not months ago. The reasons still exist & always will. If y'all did try again that sh*t would pop up & just remind her. EVEN IF IT WASN'T A BAD BREAK-UP.

Don't waste your time & chase this girl! No conact bro, move on you'll thank yourself later.

I've taken ex's back & they don't change it's the same drama crap as before.

 

[RangerMIke]

The other thing you have to consider is women come from an emotional framework. You will get into another fight but it might not appear that you've made the same mistakes... And truth is from a male perspective you didn't. The problem is she will drag out all the old dirty laundry and toss it in your face. You will stand there thinking "What the fvck does THAT have to do with it".

You have to remember it's not what you did or did not do it is how your action made her feel. In your case she told you that she felt unappreciated. So you are going to have to work really hard preventing her feeling unappreciated. Not just fix the things you did but to prevent her from having that feeling again.

You are going to have to not only change but to work twice as hard to keep her happy. 7 months is not long enough for her to have developed emotional attachment and investment. This is going to be tough I would walk away and she if she comes back. If she doesn't you need to move on.

 

[speed dawg]

So I was with a girl for 7 months and I guess I took her for granted, mostly because she was so into me and made it seem like we'd have a long future together.

What happened was and I admit this being my fault, I hardly ever paid for when we'd go out and she'd pick up the tab. This became normal for us and although I felt I should start making things more fair and splitting the bill or even taking turns, I only would contribute about 1 out of 5 times.

Another thing was I started picking little fights with her, this was the breaking point and she ended things by ultimately saying I didn't appreciate her and I wasn't showing that I cared.

She also said if I think she'd ever consider taking me back without me first owning up to my mistakes that I was surely mistaken. Realizing the error of my ways I did genuinely apologize and explained why my behavior was like that. She then said she needs to think about seeing me again and that she's decided to just date around and have fun and if anything happens great, if not she's out meeting new people.

I've gone no contact, it's been two days and I didn't even wish her a Happy New Year nor did she to me.

Is it possible to get an ex back if you know you pushed them away yet realized and apologized? Truth is talking to other women has really made me realize what I had with her, funny how that works.

You made mistakes, but they aren't the things you listed here. You simply went full blown AFC over a girl who made you feel awesome.

Hockeyfreak79 gave solid advice.

 

[mugatts]

A break up happens for a reason and for people to reconcile the reason should no longer exist. Women who decide to break up have been thinking about it for a while so by the time she breaks the news, she is already over the relationship. In your case, she said she will think about it and has suggested you see other people in the mean time. Worrying about how long you've been no contact, or whether she will take you back is pointless. She made the decision to break up and she should deal with that. You should continue living your life as you did before you met her, it should not have changed anyway. If she changes her mind, you will decide then if she is worth it or not. Until then, live in the present and stop worrying about things beyond your control.

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you" - Jean Paul Sartre.

 

[jc_80]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're taking all the blame here. You most likely didn't pick random fights. And if you did argue it's because your needs weren't being met or something about her bothered you. People don't pick fights when they're happy. I find it hard to believe that she would smile and try to make you happy and you'd just start fighting with her. And I could be wrong here but I'm getting the feeling that she twisted this and put it in your mind. This is an all too common and sadistic tactic women use so they can move on with an inflated ego. They want men to chase, thinking they still have a chance to win her back. They do this by making you feel guilty about everything and feeling like you're a failure who can redeem himself by proving to her he's become a real man. Don't fall into this trap. You'll look pathetic.
You're seeing things through rose colored glasses right now. Her last words to you say a lot about her and her feelings for you. She's heard from you that you understand you made mistakes and you're sorry. So what's her answer? To see other men! She either is over you, or she wants you to feel like sh!t. Think about that.

 

[Oneday_]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're taking all the blame here. You most likely didn't pick random fights. And if you did argue it's because your needs weren't being met or something about her bothered you. People don't pick fights when they're happy. I find it hard to believe that she would smile and try to make you happy and you'd just start fighting with her. And I could be wrong here but I'm getting the feeling that she twisted this and put it in your mind. This is an all too common and sadistic tactic women use so they can move on with an inflated ego. They want men to chase, thinking they still have a chance to win her back. They do this by making you feel guilty about everything and feeling like you're a failure who can redeem himself by proving to her he's become a real man. Don't fall into this trap. You'll look pathetic.
You're seeing things through rose colored glasses right now. Her last words to you say a lot about her and her feelings for you. She's heard from you that you understand you made mistakes and you're sorry. So what's her answer? To see other men! She either is over you, or she wants you to feel like sh!t. Think about that.

So how can I reverse her over inflated ego? This response spoke to me and I feel you're right in that she might be twisting things

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Yep, this one's done.

Get somebody else. The idea is to learn from your mistakes so you can do better with the NEXT girl, not this one.

Because no matter HOW MUCH you THINK you've changed, she'll still see the old you. Even if she takes you back which will only happen if she finds she has ZERO other options.

Which means if she DOES take you back it means:

1) She has ZERO other options.

2) She's going to see you in a much WORSE light.

3) It's ALL your fault. (Even her lack of other options).

I've gone no contact, it's been two days

Two days, eh?

Try two months, and then see what happens.

 

[Oneday_]

So I get the consensus is to move on, but what about relationships where there's a break up for whatever reason and then they reconcile and it's better/stronger?

Is that just a myth? lol

 

[mugatts]

So I get the consensus is to move on, but what about relationships where there's a break up for whatever reason and then they reconcile and it's better/stronger?

Is that just a myth? lol

You are focusing on what has worked or hasn't worked for others. Instead of wasting your energy on what could happen, you need to focus on yourself no matter how difficult it is for you to accept this right now. Hang out with your close friends, work out, try a new activity etc. You should accept that this woman is gone, delete her number from your phone and avoid any 'accidental' run ins. The more you ruminate over what happened, hopes of a reconciliation etc, the harder it will be to move on and the you will be missing out on plenty of women who are available.

 

[Oneday_]

You are focusing on what has worked or hasn't worked for others. Instead of wasting your energy on what could happen, you need to focus on yourself no matter how difficult it is for you to accept this right now. Hang out with your close friends, work out, try a new activity etc. You should accept that this woman is gone, delete her number from your phone and avoid any 'accidental' run ins. The more you ruminate over what happened, hopes of a reconciliation etc, the harder it will be to move on and the you will be missing out on plenty of women who are available.

I understand and I've been doing so, problem is talking with other women is only making me miss/think about my ex. Is that normal?

 

[mugatts]

I understand and I've been doing so, problem is talking with other women is only making me miss/think about my ex. Is that normal?

It is absolutely normal to think of someone you developed feelings for. However right now you are idealizing her and putting her on a pedestal she does not belong. You should be meeting women because you want to, not to get over your ex. Right now she is living her own life, she is not bothering or contacting you. You are creating your own pain and misery by thinking about good times with her instead of the reality of a break up. You have power over your thoughts. Stay busy and if she comes to mind, remind yourself that your life is going on just fine without her.

 

[Oneday_]

It is absolutely normal to think of someone you developed feelings for. However right now you are idealizing her and putting her on a pedestal she does not belong. You should be meeting women because you want to, not to get over your ex. Right now she is living her own life, she is not bothering or contacting you. You are creating your own pain and misery by thinking about good times with her instead of the reality of a break up. You have power over your thoughts. Stay busy and if she comes to mind, remind yourself that your life is going on just fine without her.

Very true I guess feeling "rejected" puts your emotions on autopilot. I'm trying to not idealize her and I know I didn't find her perfect while in the relationship.

It's just the void of a companion that's making it tough coupled with all my friends being married and never around makes it a bit unsettling to cope with.

 

[VladPatton]

It was most likely an excuse for her to get rid of you and start bangin around. She probably deemed her life boring and is now looking for some excitement. Regardless, you apologized, manned up, and by doing so, you automatically gave her power over the relationship, and you ultimately . Uh, why go to prison, man? I agree with Bible_Belt: use what you learned for the next girl. Don't chump out for this chick. She's gonna be breakin every cóck she meets in a 300 mile radius, and go back to you when she's done for complete domination over you. Win-win for her, nothing for you. Would you go to war naked with a pink bow on your head?

Get a grip on your priorities, man, and stick a fork in this relationship before she sticks her hand up your ass and makes you her puppet.

 

[Oneday_]

So you shouldn't apologize in these instances because you'd be handing the woman power? How would you go about it without doing that?

 

[speed dawg]

So you shouldn't apologize in these instances because you'd be handing the woman power? How would you go about it without doing that?

Man.....you have much learning to do. Stick around this site, read the DJ Bible.

 

[Oneday_]

Man.....you have much learning to do. Stick around this site, read the DJ Bible.

This site doesn't seem to focus much on relationship advice just more on creating dates. From what I've noticed.

So are you not supposed to apologize if you mess up?

 

[guru1000]

So you shouldn't apologize in these instances because you'd be handing the woman power? How would you go about it without doing that?

From what motivation did you apologize? Did you apologize in supplication to get in her good graces and reconcile--or--did you apologize as you felt you genuinely wronged her.

Look at your motivations and you will see clearly WHY you lost the frame--and the relationship. NEXT!