ive been reading on these forums latley on how men shouldnt respond to a women's emotions by using a logic because it doesnt work. while i understand this can someone elaborate and maybe givve some examples instead of how to respond to a woman's emotions?
Can Someone elaborate on responding to a woman's emotions?
- Thread starter dmatter
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loving
Senior Don Juan
pump them~ride the wave~repeat~enjoy
2Pac_Makaveli
Don Juan
What emotions are you talking about in particular, fella?
nmartinez12443
Senior Don Juan
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Having a hard time attracting hotter chicks.
nevermind
nevermind
Not sure I quite understand what you're asking, but I'll take stab.
One of the major mistakes that guys make with girls is that they assume that they are logical beings when they are not. Women's brains are different from men's in that they are governed by emotion to a larger extent. This is a scientific fact.
You see, logic resides mostly in the left brain hemisphere. And the right hemisphere is more concerned with emotion etc. In women, these two hemispheres are more extensively connected, so emotion almost always overrides logic. On the other hand, men have a much easier time of separating logic from emotion. Men have an easier time of being "left-brained."
This is the reason why men outscore women in the quantitative sciences such as physics, math, chemistry, engineering etc. But women are just as successful, if not more successful than men in other fields. There are more women in college today than men but there is a huge disparity in the aforementioned fields.
Too many guys make the mistake of trying to attract women using logic and it just doesn't work that way. I've only recently discovered that. It doesn't make sense that girls turn down nice guys and date *******s, does it? There are so many things about girls that are utterly confusing to men. The reason for that is that their brains operate very differently from our own.
Attracting women is about EMOTION much more than it is about logic. It's all about how you make a woman FEEL. It's all about what you project. It's not what you say, but HOW you say it. Looks really don't matter as much for guys as they do for girls.
For a guy, getting turned on is a pretty simple process: you see an attractive girl and you're ready to go. On the other hand, you see way more ugly guys with hot girls than the other way around. That's because these guys know how to play on these girls' emotions.
One of the major mistakes that guys make with girls is that they assume that they are logical beings when they are not. Women's brains are different from men's in that they are governed by emotion to a larger extent. This is a scientific fact.
You see, logic resides mostly in the left brain hemisphere. And the right hemisphere is more concerned with emotion etc. In women, these two hemispheres are more extensively connected, so emotion almost always overrides logic. On the other hand, men have a much easier time of separating logic from emotion. Men have an easier time of being "left-brained."
This is the reason why men outscore women in the quantitative sciences such as physics, math, chemistry, engineering etc. But women are just as successful, if not more successful than men in other fields. There are more women in college today than men but there is a huge disparity in the aforementioned fields.
Too many guys make the mistake of trying to attract women using logic and it just doesn't work that way. I've only recently discovered that. It doesn't make sense that girls turn down nice guys and date *******s, does it? There are so many things about girls that are utterly confusing to men. The reason for that is that their brains operate very differently from our own.
Attracting women is about EMOTION much more than it is about logic. It's all about how you make a woman FEEL. It's all about what you project. It's not what you say, but HOW you say it. Looks really don't matter as much for guys as they do for girls.
For a guy, getting turned on is a pretty simple process: you see an attractive girl and you're ready to go. On the other hand, you see way more ugly guys with hot girls than the other way around. That's because these guys know how to play on these girls' emotions.
Igetit!
Moderator
Bout time an easy question showed up. Alright man,listen up:dmatter said:
Using logic to a woman's emotions doesn't work. It's useless,futile. The reason why is because emotions are not rational. They don't make sense.
If a woman feels a certain way,then you try to explain to her why shouldn't feel that way,it won't change anything. It's like this with ALL kinds of feelings. Let me give you an example:Let's say you go to a buffet,and eat all your stomach can hold. You eat 10 slices of pizza,3 salads,4 bowls of spaghetti,5 buscuits,2 cinnamon rolls,and drink 4 glassas of soda.
Then you go home,and a hour and a half later you say to your friend,"I feel hungry". Now,the first thing your friend is going to do is look at you like you're crazy. Then,what is he going to do? He's going to go down the list to you of ALL the things you just ate. He's going to say,"What? You just ate 10 slices of pizza,4 bowls of spaghetti,3 salads,etc. Ok,now why is he doing this,why is he telling you about all the food you just ate? It's because all of these foods he's telling you about are reasons you shouldn't be hungry.
He's naming off reasons why you shouldn't "feel" hungry. You get it?
He's giving you reasons why you shouldn't feel hungry,but guess what? Once he gets finished going down the list of reasons,you're not going to turn to him and go,"Yeah,you're right. What was I thinking? I'm glad you straightened me out. Thanks". It doesn't work that way.
If that's how you feel,then that's how you feel. If I go outside when it's 90 degrees,and I say I feel cold,then that's how I feel. You can tell me all day long about how hot it is,and how the sun is out shining,and how everyone else walking around in shorts,tanktops,and how they're drenched in sweat,but once you get finished going down the list of reasons why I shouldn't feel cold,I'm not going to say to you,"Yeah,yeah.You're right. Everybody else is in shorts,the sun is out shining,and people are sweating like crazy. Alright,you've convinced me. You win. I won't feel cold anymore."
You see what I'm saying? You cannot LOGICALLY talk a woman out of how she feels. If that were the case,then you could logically explain to a woman why she shouldn't be in a relationship with a man who beats her and abused her. Or with a guy who cheats on her repeatedly,putting her health at risk.
We've all seen situations like those before,and usually when you try to help women in matters like these,what happens? They ignore your logical,sound advice,and keep following their feelings,sometimes to their death.
Those emotions ain't no joke.
Well,this was the best I could explain this emotion/logic topic.
Hope this helps.
epicwinner
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spot on! great postLexington said:
you know, what he says rings very true for me. When my girlfriend is emotional, she will NEVER EVER listen to reason or logic. No matter how perfect my arguments are she will still feel exactly the way she felt before i start reasoning with her. And i'm pretty sure my logic is perfect and any reasonable person would agree.
we can all agree, that women can't be logic'ed out of how they feel
but how do we deal with that?
normally i just give her some time, and her feeling go away and she can start thinking more and the situation is resolved
we can all agree, that women can't be logic'ed out of how they feel
but how do we deal with that?
normally i just give her some time, and her feeling go away and she can start thinking more and the situation is resolved
Dannyrt34
Master Don Juan
OK, I'm guilty here. Guess I should stop telling the girl I'm tryin to get with to break up with her man... lolIgetit! said:
Igetit! thanks for clearing that up, so how should one go about in dealing this. How do I respond or handle her emotions if my use of perfect logic is utterly useless.
for instance when she says she thinks shes fat i can tell her all night she has a great body shes not fat at all. but the next day ill hear her say im fat all over again. How can one respond to that. or if she does something and you do the same thing you cant argue that she did it so im going to as well, or even the situation about the cheating boyfriend if you cant use logic then what DO YOU DO? <-- main question
for instance when she says she thinks shes fat i can tell her all night she has a great body shes not fat at all. but the next day ill hear her say im fat all over again. How can one respond to that. or if she does something and you do the same thing you cant argue that she did it so im going to as well, or even the situation about the cheating boyfriend if you cant use logic then what DO YOU DO? <-- main question
Igetit!
Moderator
I wouldn't say that logic is utterly useless. It just depends on what situation you're trying to apply it to.dmatter said:
As for how to respond to her emotions,as for the most part it depends onwhich particular emotion you're talking about. This can be tricky,but ultimately all she wants is for you to understand her point of view,then (at least in her mind) you see why she's behaving the way she is. Whenever she's being emotional,just listen to her without interrupting her while she speaks. Let her get it ALL out. Then,once she's finished,your response should be something like,"Ohhh....I see. I never thought about it that way. Hmmm. That does make sense". Now,once she's got her emotions out and you respond like this,she'll think that you understand her,that you're on her side,and that you now get why she was acting the way she was....even if you really don't. She doesn't want to be talked out of how she feels,just wants you to understand why she feels the way she does. Once you understand it,or at least she thinks you do,then she'll calm down because she won't feel alone in her emotion.
This seems like more of an self-esteem issue,which means that you can't fix it. This is something she has to do on her own,but DON'T SAY THAT to her. Don't tell her that this is an self-esteem issue. That is close-DANGEROUSLY CLOSE to you being her therapist,which if there were a "TOP TEN" list of things to never do with a girl you like,being her therapist ranks #2. You may mean well,but you'll KILL the attraction she has for you.dmatter said:
This one is a no brainer. If she tells you she things she's fat,then YOU go at her with some emotion of your own. Say something like,"WHAT??? FAT??? ARE YOU CRAZY??? If you only knew how I feel when I look at you..." Don't try to logically explain to her that she's not fat,YOU emotionally express how you feel about her body. Remember,women are emotional,so if you can strongly express how you feel about how she looks emotionally,then she'll pick up on the feeling you're expressing,then she'll feel it too.
This shouldn't happen. If she does something,then you do the same thing,but you feel you owe her some type of explanation,then YOU'RE NOT being a man in the relationship. And this is something you need to straighten out as soon as possible.dmatter said:
More than likely in this situation,there's nothing you can do. As long as her boyfriend is generating chemistry in her,she'll put up with the cheating,beating,or whatever else he's doing she doesn't like. You can't explain chemistry out of a woman.
Girl: Im FAT!
Slick: Umm Baby, Slickaz doesnt do fat chix..so NO you aint fat..get yo sexy ass over here lemme feed you some of me!
lol..
nice advice IGetIt
Question:
You said Therapist is Number 2 on the top ten things of what not to do.
What are the other 9?
what is number 1?
Slick: Umm Baby, Slickaz doesnt do fat chix..so NO you aint fat..get yo sexy ass over here lemme feed you some of me!
lol..
nice advice IGetIt
Question:
You said Therapist is Number 2 on the top ten things of what not to do.
What are the other 9?
what is number 1?
Igetit!
Moderator
Wow,I haven't seen this thread in like 5000 years.slickaz said:
It's an oldie,and a goodie. There isn't a "Top Ten" list of things not to do with a woman,or if there is,I don't know about it. I was just saying "if" there were one,the being her therapist would be #2. Number one should be obvious....which is being her friend. Yep,the classic friendzone.
Sometimes when a relationship seems to be going downhill or falling apart it's hard to determine exactly why it's happening. So what I do is look at the girl's behavior. If her behavior is different(and I mean vastly different) from the way it was when you two first started dating,that means that somewhere down the line your behavior changed first.
The way you normally act and behave towards a woman who you don't know,but have an interest in,is different from the way you behave towards a woman who you've been dating for a while. So as time goes by,your behavior towards her changed,therefore,her behavior changes as well because her behavior is a reaction to the way you treat her.
You approach a girl as an afc,she reacts with rejection,friendzone,and/or snotty behavior.
You approach a girl as a Man/confident/****iness,she reacts with attraction/IOIs.
The most COMMON problem we guys have when it comes to relationship is that we originally get the girl through one type of behavior,then once we get her,we stop doing what we were doing in the beginning,so she stops FEELING the ways she was FEELING at the beginning. Then when her behavior changes,we look at her like she's crazy.
To me,maintaining a relationship is like driving a car. In order to drive a car,you need gas. But you don't put gas in a car ONE TIME,then drive forever. You have to do it over and over again. It's the same way with a relationship:you don't generate chemistry in a woman one time,then expect her to be happy forever. You do it over and over again. You generating chemistry in a woman once,not doing it again,and expecting her to be happy,is like her having sex with you once,not planning on doing it again,then expecting you to be happy in the relationship. It doesn't work that way. The difference is it's easy to know if there's no sex in a relationship,but the only way to tell if a woman's chemistry/attraction level is getting low is when she starts acting strange.
So what's the solution to this? Back to the basics. Start treating her the same way you'd treat a woman who you don't know,but who you're interested in.....BUT do it a little at a time. Don't do it all at once. If you do,she'll think you're bi-polar,crazy or something. And don't say anything to her about it. You,by yourself,on your own,YOU do these things. What will happen is her attraction level for you will rise,but she won't know why it's happening,she'll just be glad it's happening.
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Damn you are goood!!!
seriously..ridiculously good!!
reps comin ur way..
tell me something though,
how do you increase IOI in a woman who you've been with for say 2 to 5 years with. The way you act has changed, you are more dependant on each other etc. The guy is acting AFC or whatever.
What are, say, the first 3 things a guy should do to go back to how he was?
Ill take a stab here and say
1. Pull away a little, dont give her so much time and attention, but when you do, let it be special?
2. Refocus on you're old passions, and let her know you are rekindling that passion for things that you used to do.
3. When you hang out with her, do random spontaneous stuff. In bed, on a date etc. Try to make her laugh more.
top 3?
seriously..ridiculously good!!
reps comin ur way..
tell me something though,
how do you increase IOI in a woman who you've been with for say 2 to 5 years with. The way you act has changed, you are more dependant on each other etc. The guy is acting AFC or whatever.
What are, say, the first 3 things a guy should do to go back to how he was?
Ill take a stab here and say
1. Pull away a little, dont give her so much time and attention, but when you do, let it be special?
2. Refocus on you're old passions, and let her know you are rekindling that passion for things that you used to do.
3. When you hang out with her, do random spontaneous stuff. In bed, on a date etc. Try to make her laugh more.
top 3?
Igetit!
Moderator
5 years? Dude,that's a long time. A long time. However,the same info applies. True,after being with a woman for a while,you're behavior will shift from trying to date her in the first place,to just relaxing because you'll feel that you already have her. That's just natural,but there isn't anything new or different you have to do to rekindle attraction in a woman who you've been with for a while. Just go back to the beginning. Look at yourself now vs. the way you were acting with her when you first asked her out.slickaz said:
Are you still acting and behaving the same way? I doubt it. Just think back to some of the things you used to say,some of the things you used to do,just whatever it was that caused her to go out with you in the beginning.
If it's been 5 years,then chances are she hasn't felt that fiery/just getting to know you/honeymoon type of attraction in a while. You returning to some of your original behaviors will re-ignite her passion,and it'll feel like you two just started dating each other all over again.....BUT,like I said before,do it a little bit here and a little bit there. Don't do it all at once,or she'll get suspicious. Oh yeah,and of course you already know,if you've shown her any AFCish behavior,then kill it. Or it'll kill the relationship.
Agreed. These are all good things to do. My only advice is not to experiement. If you already have the girl,then you must to have done something right. So if you can just think back to the time when you first approached her,to when you first met her,then however it was that you came across to her,just do it again. Since you're doing this all on your own without her knowing about it,then emotionally she'll respond the same way she did in the beginning. She'll feel all turned on and attraced to you.....and she won't even know why. It might take a little work to go down memory lane and remind yourself of your old behaviors,but it'll sure make her attraction level shoot through the roof.slickaz said:
I totally agree with you guys! It doesn't work! When women are upset they are seeking understanding and support, not solutions. Most women are big girls and can handle their own problems. They just want you to be able to listen and relate to what they are saying. =)
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
The guy who wrote the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" had as a central concept the idea that men make mistakes by trying to be "Mr Fix-It." A woman's emotions are not anything you're going to "fix" by saying the right thing. If she is depressed, or upset, or worried about money, the right reply as a guy is not to fire back with reasons to be happy or copies of your bank statement. Whatever her emotions, you don't have to fix them. Listening and being at least halfway sympathetic are all you can do. She wants you to feel her pain, not fix her pain.
