Can I trust this new girl?

[knglerxt]

Originally posted by frivolousz21


and dont worry about looking jealous or what not..fyck that.

its disrespectful that this HOE went to a parade with YOU and looked for this guy with you there.

That's exactly right. I've seen other people here mention jealousy. It's not about jealousy; it's about respect. What she's doing is totally disrespectful.

For example, if some dude goes to a bar or club with his gf and she starts flirting with other guys, does he have a jealousy problem for getting pissed off about that? No. She's disrespecting him.

 

[JonJack]

Originally posted by knglerxt
That's exactly right. I've seen other people here mention jealousy. It's not about jealousy; it's about respect. What she's doing is totally disrespectful.

For example, if some dude goes to a bar or club with his gf and she starts flirting with other guys, does he have a jealousy problem for getting pissed off about that? No. She's disrespecting him.

The one thing that I'm curious about with this point is how one decides what is disrespect.

Personally, I wouldn't even consider tihash's girl as being disrespectful to him. In my opinion, she's probably just a fairly naive girl. She knows she's attached and she knows it's wrong to go out with some other dude when she is. At the same time, she's all giggles when this model dude talks to her. She probably doesn't see the whole situation the same way tihash does and the way most of you guys do. She may even be seeing it in a totally different way that I do.

The whole point I'm trying to make here is that the intentions and reasons of others are difficult to predict accurately. It's too damn easy to think about all sorts of nightmare situations and play it in one's head. And why is it a problem? Because the people that do it and post it on these boards are unsure about the whole situation and unsure about what they should do. They do not know what has to be done. Only with affirmation and backing does he go ahead and take action.

When this happens, I feel sad for the displays of over sensitivity. It is the problem to begin with anyway. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. An individual chooses whether or not to be affected by certain things. Some do, some don't. The thing I do know though is the ones that chooses not to be affected complains less, are easier to talk to, enjoy themselves more often and does not need too much attention. I know this, it looks very attractive and therefore I've chosen this path.

 

[tihash]

WHAT WENT DOWN

First, to reply to the last poster, originally I think I saw things more your way. What really pissed me off was when I realized the male model wants to fukk her, she knows he does, she is attracted to him, and she knows the whole situation bothers the shyt out of me... AND she still does not remedy the situation. That is bullshyt.

Here is what happened:

She comes over dressed to the 9's for a night on the town. She immediately kisses and hugs me and asks if I am ok.

Me: What do you mean by that?
Bytch: Are you ok... do you trust me?
Me: Listen, I don't want to talk about what we talked about earlier today at all tonight. Ok?
Bytch: Why?
Me: Because I said so. Can't you respect me and my feelings?
Bytch: Yeah, but I just wanted to say...
Me: Listen, I said I don't want to talk about it. Do you understand?
Bytch: Yes.
Me: Then shut up. We can talk about it next time. And there has been a change of plans... I don't feel like going out to eat tonight. We're just going to stay in.
Bytch: Ok. That's a good idea.

I had bought her a couple of small things and a card (nothing mushy at all, and I bought this before I confronted her about male model). She wanted me to open her gift for me first. I said no. She asked why. I said because I said so.

She bought me a Calvin Klein shirt and a book. She said she didn't get me a card because I already know how she feels about me and the card would be repetitive. Uhhh... Sure, dumb bytch.

We drink some wine and talk about various bull**** for a while. It was sorta pleasant, and I just enjoyed it, thinking, I'm having a nice Valentine's Day this year.

At one point she asked if she could talk about it after midnight, since it would no longer be the same day. I said no.

Later, she said she just wanted to tell me 2 sentences about it, and it was something good she wanted to tell me. I said no.

She seemed slightly confused after a while that I didn't initiate sex. Therefore, she eventually began making out with me.

I took her to the bedroom and fukked her for over an hour.

I had her out of there in less than 15 minutes after I was done.

She yawned after I finished. I asked, Did you just yawn? She said no. I said, "Fukking liar." Her eyes almost bugged out of her head.

She tried to hug me and get me to cuddle with her afterwards, but I got up and began getting dressed. She said, "See, something is wrong beause you won't hug me." Dumb bytch. I said, "What's wrong is I blew my load all over you, and I'm not going to hug you and get it on me."

She said she was sorta mad at me. I told her she had no right to be mad at me for anything, and walked away. She then told me she was sorta mad at me for calling her a fukking liar, and that she hoped I didn't really think she was a liar. I said, "Of course you hope I think that."

I walked her to her car. I gave her a quick peck and hug for one second (she is used to lengthy hugs and shyt at the car). I began walking away. She said, "Hey, I want you to know I'm not really mad at you." I gave her a thumbs up, and said, "Nighty-night." I didn't look back.

20 minutes later, she texted me and said, "Thank you again for everything tonight."

I did not reply.

 

[tihash]

NOW WHAT?

How do I turn this around? Some of you suggested earlier to put my foot down and lay down the law.

Someone else said never mention it again.

I obviously can't do both.

Assuming this is salvagable... What now?

 

[MetalFortress]

After about 2 or 3 weeks of dating, she had a big talk with me about whether we were exclusive. She explained there is a guy she works with who is a male model (she works for a TV shopping channel) that she had a “crush” on for months. He never talked to her until then, when we had been dating a few weeks. He asked her out, and she said to me: “I didn’t know what to say to him.” She wanted to be exclusive with me, and I agreed. She even asked later that night, “What if the male model asks me out again?” I said, “Tell him you have a bf.” She was so happy when I said that.

Apparently, 2 days later, he asked her out again, this time to coffee after work. She told him No, but she did not tell him she had a bf. She just said No. I know all this because she casually mentioned it in conversation to me. She even added, “I told him No, but felt so bad.” She then realized she had slipped up, and said something about how she really cares for me and wouldn’t date anyone else.

You would be an extremely stupid person to stay exclusive with her after this.

Don't you realize that you are her second best? She wants to date the model but she feels bad leaving you. She obviously still likes this guy, and for you to stay with her is ridiculous. DUMP.

 

[tmpgstx]

You have two dynamics going on here:

First, your actions with her indicate jealousy to her. She knows this. Because she knows this, things won't change with the model. She'll still be enticing and keeping him around.

Second, the model strokes her ego everytime he talks to her. Other women see this. It may be all she wants, but didn't tell him she had a boyfriend right away so that says she finds him sexually attractive to the point she would sleep with him if the conditions were right.

Because it's early in the relationship - 6 weeks, she still hasn't developed a strong enough connection to you to write this guy off so she is in a state of confusion.

The best thing you can do is not let it phase you by telling her that if she goes out with this guy, it's immediately over. Don't make any other references to it.

If you carry yourself confidently and she has any shred of decency, it will become clear in her mind that she made the right choice.

 

[JonJack]

Ahhh.... why do some people feel the need to lash out at others, especially their partners?

Okay, fine. She did something you feel is wrong. You feel it's disrespectful. But why the need to fuss and throw a fit over it?

tmpgstx is absolutely right when he says you've got to carry yourself confidently and, in my opinion, with some decency too. You're not about to gain any respect or increase your 'net worth' in her eyes, and even in the eyes of others, by throwing temper tantrums or by trying to teach her a lesson or get revenge. Well, I wouldn't have a high level of respect for people like that anyway.

Let me clarify certain things about the whole idea of dumping and nexting girls. Taking measures such as this is constantly being advised by a lot of people on these boards because of the extremely low regard that the people here have for the ones seeking advice. It's pretty much a standard response because the mere fact that someone is seeking advice on issues such as these presents an image a frailty, low confidence and low self-esteem. In order to protect these fragile souls, the need to let go of the girl is clearly obvious.

tihash, your situation is no different. It's not so much about the girl than it is about you. The problem stems from your responses because of the fact that if certain other people were in your position, they would be able to remain content and maybe even happy. Why is it so? Because they know how to handle such situations. Because they know how to make the best out of any situation. Because they choose not to take the path that leads them to unhappiness and discontent.

Some people may argue that her behaviour is disrespectful, that she's not behaving as she should and so on and so on. I agree that she could very well be intentionally tormenting you and disrespecting you. But that does not mean you have to be unhappy. You should be happy if you could dump someone like that. You should be happy that you've gotten rid of this dead weight that was trying to tear you down. Salvage it? Why the need to? Unless of course you don't actually want her gone. Unless of course you still feel for her, but on the other hand you want her to behave.

tihash, you want that which you should have never been asking for in the first place. And that is for another human being to conform to your desires, your requests, your criteria, your beliefs and your principles. The second thing that you should have never done is to compromise with someone when they failed to live up to your 'expectations'.

I can assure you that you're not going to like where you're headed right now. Hypocrisy has a funny way of biting you in the a$s.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
You have two dynamics going on here:

First, your actions with her indicate jealousy to her. She knows this. Because she knows this, things won't change with the model. She'll still be enticing and keeping him around.

Second, the model strokes her ego everytime he talks to her. Other women see this. It may be all she wants, but didn't tell him she had a boyfriend right away so that says she finds him sexually attractive to the point she would sleep with him if the conditions were right.

Because it's early in the relationship - 6 weeks, she still hasn't developed a strong enough connection to you to write this guy off so she is in a state of confusion.

The best thing you can do is not let it phase you by telling her that if she goes out with this guy, it's immediately over. Don't make any other references to it.

If you carry yourself confidently and she has any shred of decency, it will become clear in her mind that she made the right choice.

Good post I totally agree!!

I understand your situation and what your trying to establish by showing her you will not tolerate certain types of behaviors or actions. But bro, you were a straight up @sswipe tonight when she came over. No need to tell her to "shut up" or call her a "fuvking liar." That only says one thing: You don't have control of your emotions around this girl and you don't know up from down.

Bottom line is this: If this girl likes and wants to fuvk the model from work, there's NOTHING you can do to stop it. The smarter decision would have been to take a step back and down grade this chick to "dating" status and meet new girls. If she wants to be loyal to you she'll show it to you once she knows your meeting/banging other women. If she doesn't change then you know she was never worth your time.

I expect her to slowly distance herself from you based on your actions tonight. And the really clever byatches will be super sweet and caring while the fuvk another guy behind your back....be careful your treading dangerous waters



PIMP

 

[speedo_meme]

Ahh, my man tihash, congratulations!! No matter what happens with this attention wh0re, you've won a battle against yourself. You have your balls back now.

Think about this, worst case scenario, if she DOESN'T come back, at least you have a nice visual to help you get through it. The only thing you should have done differently would have been to lose the @sshole mentality, not because you were being an @sshole, but because it radiates insecurity and a little jealousy.

Now, let her come to you and play it by ear. Everything should be on YOUR terms. If she doesn't come back, there's nothing you can do about it, but at least you went out like a champ. One thing guaranteed, if you had wined and dined her last night and talked about this guy, then her IL would be alot lower.

REMEMBER, you didn't hurt your chances at all by standing your ground...keep us posted...

 

[vorbis]

is it just me or is tihash coming off as extremely insecure and jea;ous. The girl as he said originally has really only had two years of proper dating experience. It sounds like she's getting an ego trip off the guy at work. If I was you, I would try and brush it off and laugh about it. If she keeps bringing it up, then you have a problem. Acting like you have a big concern over it will only make you seem needy.

So to summarise, what has she done so far? A hot guy at work keeps asking her out and she keeps telling him no. Because of this, people are calling her a tramp and advising you get rid of her. You're acting like an ******* towards her and will definetly drive her away. It seems you have serious trust issues on your side. If you can't get over them then dump her and find someone else.

 

[speedo_meme]

Vorbis, what you said is true, but read the whole post before making such an assertive opinion. She brought him with her to a parade to see the "other hot guy". Bullsh1t in my book.

 

[tihash]

Vorbis,

I totally hear you about the need to not be jealous or insecure.

I would not have mentioned the other guy again to her EXCEPT for the fact she was looking for him at the parade, and called him for the first time her "friend."

This was like 2-3 weeks after I last heard about him.

I thought we were past this shyt, and find out she is now calling him a "friend" and looking for him outside of work.

Don't you have to bring it to a head at some point and address it?

 

[tihash]

UPDATE

She called me this morning, and left a voicemail. She said she just woke up and wanted to thank me for last night. She said she is sorry if she seemed moody at the end, but it was because she had some things on her mind about what she is not allowed to talk about and wanted to talk to me about it. She said she wanted me to call her on my lunch break and let her know if we could get together tonight or tomorrow night to talk about it. She said it is really important to her that I don't feel the way I do and that this bothers her.

 

[speedo_meme]

Keep her eating out of the palm of your hands. Talk to her when YOU have the time to talk about.

 

[tihash]

I am thinking about taking her up on her offer to "talk" about it.

This is what I was thinking about saying:

I am disappointed in you. You should have enough self
respect to see that any "friend" of yours who tries to
take advantage of you while youre drunk and vulnerable
is not a "friend" at all but a sleazeball (some coworkers try to hit on her only when she is drunk at a happy hour or something for a coworkers birthday, and she thinks this is ok behavior from a "friend"). Any "friend" who does not respect your relationship with your boyfriend is not a "friend." To allow people to treat you that way is awful. But it's your life and you can do what you want.

If you want to be my gf, you need to act like it. I
have rules for any girl who wants to be my girlfriend.
There are only a few of them. But I will not
compromise on them. They are all simple... the theme is, you can
do what you want, but you are responsible for the
choices you make.

If you ever cheat on me, there is no discussion, no
apologies, no friendship afterwards... you are gone.

If anyone asks you out, you tell them you have a bf,
you are happy with your bf, and you are not
interested in them. Just saying "no" to the date is not good enough. If they persist, you tell them they are not respecting
you and tell them to fukk off. I am surprised you
feel bad rejecting people, because every time you
rebuff another guy's advances, it makes us closer.
But hey, it's your life and your self-esteem, so you
can let it make you feel bad if you want to.

You can have any guy friend you want. But any guy that you know who wants to fukk you is not your
friend, no matter what you would like to think. You
are friends with him at your own risk. If you go on
what appears to be a date with him, if you two
have lunch together everyday at work, if I think you
are getting too close emotionally to him, if you are
letting him "work" on you too much, if you start hanging out with him outside of work, you are gone.

You need to respect me. You don't go to a parade with ME and spend any time trying to find some guy you work with who wants to fukk you at the parade. THat is disrespectful. If he
were your friend, that would be fine. Again, he is
not your friend. He is a guy who wants to fukk you
and is decieving you into thinking he is your friend.

It's your choice. If you want to stay, great. We won't talk about this again. if you have a problem with any of these, you
need to leave.


what do you guys think? I am very open to suggestions.

 

[frivolousz21]

well I am certain if you had a model at your work who asks you out and you go looking for at a parade..
she would be raging with jealousy

 

[vorbis]

i agree with your last post tihash for the most part except for the guy friends. Lets face it, if she is attractive then every guy friend she has would want to **** her. Think of the ladder theory. Thats not to say they'll get a chance to. I agree about getting very close to a guy friend is off limits but having lunch with a work colleague is hardly something to get upset over. You're running the risk of appearing paranoid. A good looking girl will always get hit on.

 

[JMillion]

tihash- Don't give that long speech.

You don't need to say all that. She should know what it takes to be exclusive with you.

Your best move now to make her want you even more would be to break up with her. Don't even mention the "friend".

You actually should have done this earlier.

On a side note, I think you were a bit too much of an ******* last night, but whatever, the end result worked out, she wants your approval more now.

 

[ougoalie]

Don't know about you but I would ditch this girl she is a waste if time and drama. There is no sense in going out with an attractive chick that can't keep her emotions in check at least most of the time I know thats too much to ask but oh well. Next her fast she won't know what hit her!!

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Man, what an awful way to start off an exclusive relationship. This girl seems incredibly immature.

Incredibly sly as well. I'd stay on my guard with this one. I would loathe being in your position and my instinct would be to run.