Can I trust this new girl?

[tihash]

Tonight

I called her back. She sounded a little weird on the phone. I told her to come over tonight at 8. The whole conversation was less than 20 seconds.

I intend on letting her talk first. Maybe she has thought this over and will voluntarily make things right so I don't have to give a "speech."

Maybe I am a little too over the top about guy "friends" who have expressed interest in her. But they really aren't her "friends" at that point, are they?

The more I think about this, it appears to be coming down to the fact I don't trust her, and she is not doing anything to help me trust her.

That will lead to her getting dumped, if things don't change.

 

[djjoe]

however the conversation goes along...

don`t forget: you are a man...
you don`t need her approval, you don`t need her...

there are millions of women out there...

alot of them better looking, more intelligent and with more integrity and a better attitude than her...

you are playing this game by YOUR rules, not hers...
if she is not playing it by your rules she walks...

don`t be afraid to lose her, if that`s what it takes...

but don`t be an ******* again...
deliver this manly attitude in a ****y and classy way, and nothing can go wrong (and it doesn`t matter if she stays with you or not)

hope this helps...

 

[JMillion]

Re: Tonight

Originally posted by tihash
the fact I don't trust her, and she is not doing anything to help me trust her.

That will lead to her getting dumped

That's all you need to say when you dump her.

 

[tihash]

JMillion,

I have been thinking about your suggestion to dump her as a way to increase her interest.

I kind of think of that as the "nuclear option," but the more I think of it, if it works it would be very powerful. She would see I am not afraid to dump her, she would be the one coming back to me, and all the power would return to me, as it should be. By that, I mean it will erase my AFC mistakes I made. And she would learn her fukking lesson about keeping her optionss open with other guys.

However...

Isn't there a significant risk that she will just run off into the arms of the male model (or any of her other suitors) and write me off as an a$$hole?

 

[Vulpine]

tihash, let her speak her peace. Consider what she has to say, then lay down the law. Bring up the "she's not being trustworthy" point - it's a good one. Demand respect and all that jazz. Better yet, guide her during her talking to arrive at these things on her own and agree. Don't issue rules, though - it will come off as controlling.

For all the haters saying that tihash is jealous
and lacking self confidence, it's just not right. This chick has been cultivating drama and jealousy. Whether she doesn't know how to act or is doing it intentionally doesn't really matter. He caught it and asked our advice.
Since the chick has demonstrated that she's interested, the situation morphed. It might just work out. Indeed, tihash will need to be weary, but when he lays down the law, if she continues this behavior she gets the boot.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
Never, EVER, eva eva eva eva eva, engage in conversation with her about this guy again........Read this carefully....

1) Why in the FUKKING H3LL did you go to that parade? You should have busted her on it and said "**** NO".

She'd think he was insecure if he told her no and the reason why.

 

[KingRich]

Originally posted by tihash
Isn't there a significant risk that she will just run off into the arms of the male model (or any of her other suitors) and write me off as an a$$hole?

The fact that you keep referring to this d!ck as the "male model" reeks of AFC....

The fact that she keeps bringing up the "male model" shows just how much she wants to jerk your chain....

Enough with the "male model" bullshyt...would this be an issue if the guy was a garbageman or shoe salesman?

This sh!t should be over by now anyway.



Rich

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by tihash


If she truly cares, she will respond favorably to my return to confidence.

That sounds like girl logic. "if he loved me he'd do this..."

 

[tihash]

Well, in response to your post, there are two things:

1. I have to call him something. Indeed, until I asked her what his name was yesterday, that is what she kept calling him: "the male model."

2. I am not a male model. I am average looking, with an average, non-muscular body. I have to shave the hair on my neck and shoulders. I have hair on my back. The hair on my head is thinning. I have an office job and am not tan. My teeth are not perfect.

My point is... I won this girl over on my personality. I have been practicing game for a year, and everything fell in place with this one. It was a cold approach. I had to demonstrate value. I amazed her with the 4 questions right there in the aisle of Borders where I picked her up. She saw me as confident, with my act together, and way different from anyone else she ever met.

It is ironic that the one thing another guy could have on me, viz a viz this girl, is better looks. And that is what this "male model" has.

So, yeah... I think it is relevant.

If he was the janitor, I'd laugh at her.

 

[JMillion]

Originally posted by tihash
JMillion,

I have been thinking about your suggestion to dump her as a way to increase her interest.

I kind of think of that as the "nuclear option," but the more I think of it, if it works it would be very powerful. She would see I am not afraid to dump her, she would be the one coming back to me, and all the power would return to me, as it should be. By that, I mean it will erase my AFC mistakes I made. And she would learn her fukking lesson about keeping her optionss open with other guys.

However...

Isn't there a significant risk that she will just run off into the arms of the male model (or any of her other suitors) and write me off as an a$$hole?

Good point, but first of all, you shouldn't really care if she runs off to another suitor, if she does then that's what she wanted to begin with. Also, as long as you remain firm and confident when you explain yourself without insulting her, she won't write you off as an *******.

 

[ScrewIt]

AS i reiterate someone else's quote:

It's easier to steal someone's gf than it is to keep your own.

Sure it's easy to have doubts in your mind, but if you let it take control it will destroy you. Regardless of whatever actions she may take, if she cheats you'll see she wasnt really worth it, but at least know you have other prospects even if you dump her.

 

[JonJack]

Originally posted by tihash
My point is... I won this girl over on my personality. I have been practicing game for a year, and everything fell in place with this one. It was a cold approach. I had to demonstrate value. I amazed her with the 4 questions right there in the aisle of Borders where I picked her up. She saw me as confident, with my act together, and way different from anyone else she ever met.

It is ironic that the one thing another guy could have on me, viz a viz this girl, is better looks. And that is what this "male model" has.

So, yeah... I think it is relevant.

If he was the janitor, I'd laugh at her.

This is where the insecurity and unconfidence clearly stands out.

Do you even realize how many better looking guys there are out there in your immediate vicinity? Do you feel threatened by this fact? Or does it only become a threat when some better looking guy actually comes a little too close to your girl? Are you really that short-sighted?

It doesn't matter if you're uglier than him. It doesn't matter if he gets more attention than you. It doesn't matter if he earns more than you. It doesn't matter if your girl fancies an all-nighter with him. What matters is the way you lower yourself and feel so threatened by the 'elites' (i.e. models) while at the same time you do not even bother with the 'low-lives' (i.e. janitors). You're like a kid who's favourite toy is about to be taken away from him by the biggest kid on the block.

If such a behaviour is what you're gonna follow through with, I wonder how many of us have actually truly become adults.

 

[tihash]

I am not superman. Of course I have insecurities. Anyone who claims he does not is a liar.

The key is to mask the insecurities while you increase your self-confidence in that area of your life. Eventually, the insecurity will no longer need to be masked because it will no longer exist... you truly will become confident with regard to that issue.

I would be a fool to think a model is not more of a risk than someone who may look just as good, but has a low-status job. My example of a janitor was not meant to insult anyone. It reflects reality. Women, as a whole, are very much influenced by status, perception, and so forth.

For what it is worth, as an epilogue, she said she has no feelings for the model (and hadn't spoken to him in a week), she understands she needs to be careful about who her real
friends are, and she volunteered to not speak to
people anymore who are obviously only interested in
hooking up with her. I didn't have to "lay down the
law." She finally got it, and saw what I was trying
to show her. She came to her own conclusions. She understands my perception of respect and boundaries.

She was visibly shaken when she got there (out of fear
I would dump her), and after having our talk, I am
willing to take a risk and trust her (to the extent I can right now) because I think she is sincere and really does seem to care.

I was not a d1ck. I maintained a cool, confident, caring-yet-firm demeanor. She knew I was willing to walk away, without me having to say it.

Of course, I am not a fool, and will be vigilent, and keep my eyes open. I have known her for only 6 weeks, not 6 years.

Any future shyt tests, real or perceived, will be handled accordingly.

I think my biggest challenge will be to remain a challege, and not to fall deep into the ways of the AFC.

The forum is really cool, and thanks to everyone who gave me advice.

 

[MightyMate]

Never trust girls.

 

[frivolousz21]

Never trust girls.

any other insite ole wise one?

 

[JMillion]

Originally posted by tihash


She was visibly shaken when she got there (out of fear
I would dump her), and after having our talk, I am
willing to take a risk and trust her (to the extent I can right now) because I think she is sincere and really does seem to care.

I was not a d1ck. I maintained a cool, confident, caring-yet-firm demeanor. She knew I was willing to walk away, without me having to say it.

Of course, I am not a fool, and will be vigilent, and keep my eyes open. I have known her for only 6 weeks, not 6 years.

Well done. We can all give our objective message board opinions, but you are the one with the first-hand intuition and experience of what this girl is actually like. If you think she's genuine, then you're right and dumping her was probably not the best option. Seeing as you seem to be thinking long-term, I'd just like to reinforce to you that you should not fall in love too quickly. I'm sure you already know this, you seem to have a decent handle on the situation.

 

[sexysuave]

hey speedo_meme

You told him not to EVER, EVER, get into a conversation about this guy again. Let's say 4 or 5 months from now, they're still together, and she somehow, someway, mentiones or asks him about something to do with the model guy. How would you approach the situation? Answer calmly and move on with a different topic, or tell her "hey, if you're so curious, why don't you give him a call"? The reason I'm asking is I had to tell my girl that second answer about almost a year ago and it got her mad but I think also got my point accross. Do you have a better way of handling that, and please elaborate. Thanx.