Can I ask you guys something?

[Travel memoir21]

What I struggle with is when they want to text all day and they’re always planning ahead. Like leading up to the first date the texting was perfect, but after the first date it’s like they become captivated with me for a few weeks and while that feels good, it’s also a bad thing because they quickly lose interest over something so small. I’m telling you, our first 3 weeks was more than I’d done with most girls in 3 months! Not even exaggerating. She’s wanting me to spend the night, met her parents on the third date cause we watched a football game I wanted to see at their house and they loved me instantly and wanted me to come to thanksgiving. Third date! A month before thanksgiving! I felt like she was the type that if I tried to see her once a week she’d lose interest, but if I went along at her speed she’d still lose interest eventually and she did. I think what sucks is I got caught up into thinking she really liked me and maybe she did for a bit but she also quickly unliked me, I felt the change when it happened and we had a couple more dated before she ended it. One was a lot of fun and the last one felt very weird and I knew what was coming. Now I’m sitting here a week later with my head spinning and staring another failed dating experiment staring me in the face and more flaws I have to process that she pointed out with me.

How'd you guys meet? Cold Approach? Social Circle? Just wondering.

 

[pipeman84]

You know the saying 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure' meaning in this context that the sooner you cut out the psychos, hoes, poor quality women in general, the better you'll feel.
You dodged a bullet with this one.

 

[Bokanovsky]

The thing is she’s the first girl I’ve wanted to be a “one gal guy” with in the last 3 years. I’m not out to start a relationship with every girl I date, that would definitely be weird but even so, I really wanted this to work. I think why this one stung so bad is I legit gave it my best shot, I took all the things other women in the past said I needed to work on or fix and improve like be more up front, take charge more, show her you like her, and I did all those things. And it still wasn’t enough. If you can’t tell I like you by holding your hand when we drive somewhere, or I grab you and start dancing with you in the street around hundreds of stingers then I don’t know what else to do. I even hung up two doors in her house she needed, she didn’t ask me she just said “I gotta get these doors installed sometime” and one night I came over with my drill and said “I got this”. But she claims we are very different in many ways even though we are alike in many ways, she hates that I’m a planner and she’s just go with the flow, but yet she got on me for never making plans even though I made plans several times! I just can’t win man.

Ignore the noise, those are just excuses. She’s either not that into you or there’s another man in the picture and she likes him better. Girls spin plates too. Evidently, you weren’t her top choice. There’s likely nothing you could have said or done differently to change the outcome.

 

[CoandaEffect]

Robert, you are a veteran of this forum but in this post you sound like a rookie. You made some really basic mistakes.

1. You did not control the frame. You let her take charge and you made yourself too available.

2. You did not set boundaries. Another guy doing handyman stuff for a woman he likes thinking that will win her heart. It does the opposite, it makes them loose respect for you.

3. Spin plates/date more. I understand when you say you don’t want to spin plates (neither do I) but you need to date much more. When you do meet someone you really like, don’t stop dating other women. Until she pushes you to stop, keep on dating other women. This helps to keep you from getting oneitis for any one of them.

You sound just like I was about 5 years ago. Besides this forum what other dating advice have you consumed? Have you read:

No more mr nice guy
How to be a 3% man
Being the strong man a women wants
The rational male
Mode one communication

 

[Gamisch]

Some great advice in the thread . Like @LARaiders85 said , you should be numb by now. It's just the game we play.

If I meet a woman on OLD i expect zero to nothing. I've seen it all now:so called power struggles with 50 plus year old women, fat women, ugly or subpar women. Model like women love bombing me and disappearing after 4 weeks. You can think she supposed to be happy with a man like you, but it's the wrong battle to pick.

As long as (I dont know )30% of men are thirsty and just looking for ANY wet hole, you individually wont change the entire game. Just be happy they do pick you over 100's of other dudes, and expect that there will always be some dude in the background they are curious about.

You gotta obtain the mindset where the exact same story doesnt faze you at all. Once you shift this mindset you'll be able to laugh it off, take your extra notch and move the F on.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I've been considering making a thread and this thread answers this question so I will make it.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

How do you do it mentally? Like, how do you get dumped constantly (like after say a month) but still not carry around in your head all the things women that dumped you have said were wrong with you (their reasons for dumping you) without letting it make you crazy or crush your self esteem or try to hide who you are with the next girl you meet? I can get a first date easily, I just can not get past the month stage. Everything just moves so fast this day and age! I don’t want to bring new women around my friends and family until I’ve vetted they’re going to stick around longer than a few weeks, but they insist I meet theirs and make all these future plans after the first week of knowing me! I got invited to thanksgiving at this last girls house ON OUR THIRD DATE and she dumped me the other day and now I have zero plans. It’s not just that, it’s the constant roller coaster of emotions (hurry up and get to know someone in a couple weeks and then it’s suddenly over after 4 weeks). What’s worse is I was out Thursday night and dancing with her in the street having a great time and Sunday she was a totally different person that day and Monday I was gone.
Same pattern keeps happening, first 2-3 weeks are fine but move fast and I can’t slow it down or it starts an argument (I need someone who can communicate they say! I need you to want to see me more than a couple times a week or only on weekends they claim) ***** I’ve known you a god damn WEEK, two at most, I’m doing good to fit your ass in my schedule twice this week, you got 3 times the first week, be happy with that.
I just can’t with these women man. I’m tired of them saying “yeah let’s do this, we should go do this next month, come meet my family, come invest yourself all at once right now!” and then throw me away like I’m last weeks garbage. It takes a toll on my mental health and my self esteem. Yeah maybe I have some tweaking I need to do in my game but Jesus Christ it’s like no one wants to work on stuff anymore, it’s “nope throw this one away and find a new one, who cares what I promised or said to him”.
I can’t do this **** anymore! Dating sucks royal ass!

Get into sales and get used to get dumped 20 times a day and then after that you don't give a flying fvck..
Seriously, this doesn't matter. Get grip around your balls.

 

[RangerMIke]

Dating is like sales, I like this analogy. Approaching a woman is like a cold call. The 'date' is a sales appointment. If you have ever worked in sales you will know that getting the door slammed in your face and rejected is just part of the job.

At that point the woman gets to decide if she likes what she sees and is willing to pay the price to get it.... this is when the negotiation starts. It's like a woman buying a car.

Only with a 'car' once she drives it off the lot, she is stuck with it and unloading it will cost her more money than she might be willing to pay. With a dude... well if after driving him for a few months, she discovers she doesn't like what she 'bought' she can just go get a new dude... no skin off her nose, she just gets another one. The more she does this, the easier it is for her do this again and again, and it becomes her default behavior.

There isn't a godd@mn thing you can do about this, you just have to accept this and not take any of this personal... I know it is hard to do and dating chicks can be aggravating as fvck... but it is modern dating. You just have to go out there and be the best version of yourself you can be, maintain emotional self control, and right from the start you have to get her to the point where she is working to get you, because the more she tries the more invested she will become. At anytime she decides she is done with you, wave by and never talk to her again... go get another chick.

 

[TheGambino]

That's why you always keep your pipeline flowing with new prospects because when one drops off it doesn't even register as a blip on the radar.

You really can’t be that cold

 

[Jor-El]

Iv learned the hard way to. When they are super into you,very quickly,you think "wow,she`s keen on me" but remember,the speed they get loved up at is the speed they will dump you also,leaving you bewildered,but,thats women for ya

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You really can’t be that cold

What do you mean? That's part of the reason so many dudes here have issues. They treat plates like GFs then wonder why things go south and end up in emotional quicksand.

We do stuff, have fun, etc but at the end of the day you need to know when things aren't meant to be long term and continue to find new women that better fit what you are looking for.

In other words, guys need to stop settling for what they don't want long term because it's easy.

And they definitely need to stop investing so much into relationships that they know aren't meant to be long term.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Nah she ended it last Monday. I did plan dates, she got on me about “you know we don’t always have to go out and do stuff, we can hangout at the house and chill sometimes”. She expected me to just invite myself over after knowing her for 3 weeks and I found that weird. That’s what I said in another thread that even though I saw her 3 times the first week, she expected that every week, because the second week I only saw her twice and she demanded more. That’s why I said I hate how fast things move in this dating climate now. She said it was like an act of Congress to see me but she saw me twice in a week and I don’t get it. She acts like she went weeks without seeing me.
But looking back it would have been something else she found fault with about me. They all find fault with me that’s a dealbreaker for them it seems like. She did send a nice breakup text though but even though I knew it was coming jt still blindsided me and I kinda snapped at her in my response. She said she’d really love me to stay in her life as a good friend because we are too different for dating, and I replied back “I’m not interested in being friends” then blocked her after she sent this whole long paragraph of stuff “I always laughed with you, had so much fun with you, you’re such a wonderful man, I enjoyed my time with you, blah blah blah” I regret sending just the text I sent but I was crushed. Not just over her but I’m tired of women always finding fault with me and ending it over silly things around the same time frame. I wish I could go back to one date “sorry not interested” texts because I hate doing this month **** with the same result.

She wanted to spend more time fvcking and you wanted to spend more time going out and doing stuff.

Basically from what I am reading she was more into an easy going relationship and you weren't?

 

[SW15]

How do you do it mentally? Like, how do you get dumped constantly (like after say a month) but still not carry around in your head all the things women that dumped you have said were wrong with you (their reasons for dumping you) without letting it make you crazy or crush your self esteem or try to hide who you are with the next girl you meet?

I can’t do this **** anymore! Dating sucks royal ass!

It can be traumatic. I've not quite had the same experiences you had but I had some issues with having too many "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions with women where the women were either ghosting on my 2nd date offer or sending some weak azz text like "I had a good time but do not see this going anywhere". Either way, the women were ceasing the interaction without explaining anything to me. That naturally did affect my self esteem. Most of those interactions I described were a result of dates arranged via swipe app.

In situations like that, it's normal for a man to see himself as the problem as he was the common denominator. The problem is that the swipe app dating market is so flawed that a man can be decent enough but still receive lousy treatment due to sky high female expectations and entitlement.

Most men need really thick skin to be able to date via swipe app or social media DM. Stranger approaching is only slightly better. Women don't treat men they meet from stranger interactions that much better than men from swipe apps. If a man desires humane treatment in dating interactions, it is best to only arrange dates via social circle.

Some of this dating related trauma was discussed in an extended therapy interaction.

 

[The Diver]

Installing doors for this new girl??? Stop feeling sorry for them,

When my dates realize I'm very handy in fixing things around the house, their eyes light up, and they usually say, "oh, I have plenty of things to fix in my place." I immediately "poured" cold water on them and told them not to ask me to fix anything in her place before the six-month mark.
Their facial expression is always like: "oh, so I need to work for it." (Yes, b**h, nothing is free).

 

[Robert28]

She wanted to spend more time fvcking and you wanted to spend more time going out and doing stuff.

Basically from what I am reading she was more into an easy going relationship and you weren't?

Who knows what she wanted honestly. it seemed to change week to week. I’ve become a more of a “slow burn” type of guy because the fast burn never works out for me. A lot of women don’t seem to get on board with that this day and age and that’s fine.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Who knows what she wanted honestly. it seemed to change week to week. I’ve become a more of a “slow burn” type of guy because the fast burn never works out for me. A lot of women don’t seem to get on board with that this day and age and that’s fine.

Hmm...I am going to guess there are some incongruencies between how you interact with them before dates/in person and while on dates and after dates.

It sounds like they are expecting one thing from you and are interested in that but then get something completely different.

Obviously I don't know this for sure, but this is a common thing and why women suddenly drop off. The guy they expected and were led to believe they would be dating, in fact, is not the guy they are actually dating.

Just some food for thought and maybe something you can consider.

 

[Robert28]

Hmm...I am going to guess there are some incongruencies between how you interact with them before dates/in person and while on dates and after dates.

It sounds like they are expecting one thing from you and are interested in that but then get something completely different.

Obviously I don't know this for sure, but this is a common thing and why women suddenly drop off. The guy they expected and were led to believe they would be dating, in fact, is not the guy they are actually dating.

Just some food for thought and maybe something you can consider.

Yeah you have a point and that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. I mean maybe it’s not all on me. She said Thursday before she ended it that “we have a lot of differences but in many ways we are alike, I think this could work and is what I need” and then three days later when she ends it she said “I’ve been reflecting this weekend and while we are similar in many ways we are also too different”. See what I mean?lol

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yeah you have a point and that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. I mean maybe it’s not all on me. She said Thursday before she ended it that “we have a lot of differences but in many ways we are alike, I think this could work and is what I need” and then three days later when she ends it she said “I’ve been reflecting this weekend and while we are similar in many ways we are also too different”. See what I mean?lol

Yes, she's been reflecting after receiving a hot beef injection from another dude. I'm telling you, she met someone else or went back to her ex or had low interest to begin with.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Practice stoicism.

Never expect a woman to NOT dump you.

Go in like a video game and see how long you can play before crashing.

Always have options.

Flirt with every women you can, regardless of age to build a feeling of abundance.

Don't expect anything beyond what the evidence shows up.

Be like water.

Flow like the buddha.

Jizz an unending river of sexual bliss.

(All over the place...)

 

[Murk]

I've only been dumped once, and I didn't rate the girl at all (cheated multiple times). I haven't met a girl that has blown me away yet, I hope I never feel what you typed in the OP. I've had people/girls talk me down, water off a duck's back. Resiliency my friend, you will need it in spades to survive on earth. Focus on improvement not dwelling on the opinions of people that are ultimately inferior to you.