Can I ask you guys something?

[Robert28]

How do you do it mentally? Like, how do you get dumped constantly (like after say a month) but still not carry around in your head all the things women that dumped you have said were wrong with you (their reasons for dumping you) without letting it make you crazy or crush your self esteem or try to hide who you are with the next girl you meet? I can get a first date easily, I just can not get past the month stage. Everything just moves so fast this day and age! I don’t want to bring new women around my friends and family until I’ve vetted they’re going to stick around longer than a few weeks, but they insist I meet theirs and make all these future plans after the first week of knowing me! I got invited to thanksgiving at this last girls house ON OUR THIRD DATE and she dumped me the other day and now I have zero plans. It’s not just that, it’s the constant roller coaster of emotions (hurry up and get to know someone in a couple weeks and then it’s suddenly over after 4 weeks). What’s worse is I was out Thursday night and dancing with her in the street having a great time and Sunday she was a totally different person that day and Monday I was gone.
Same pattern keeps happening, first 2-3 weeks are fine but move fast and I can’t slow it down or it starts an argument (I need someone who can communicate they say! I need you to want to see me more than a couple times a week or only on weekends they claim) ***** I’ve known you a god damn WEEK, two at most, I’m doing good to fit your ass in my schedule twice this week, you got 3 times the first week, be happy with that.
I just can’t with these women man. I’m tired of them saying “yeah let’s do this, we should go do this next month, come meet my family, come invest yourself all at once right now!” and then throw me away like I’m last weeks garbage. It takes a toll on my mental health and my self esteem. Yeah maybe I have some tweaking I need to do in my game but Jesus Christ it’s like no one wants to work on stuff anymore, it’s “nope throw this one away and find a new one, who cares what I promised or said to him”.
I can’t do this **** anymore! Dating sucks royal ass!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You need to develop outcome independence, it only comes with time and experience. ZFG FOR LYFE.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I just realize the truth: women say those things to protect their egos and make themselves feel better about losing me

 

[Robert28]

You need to develop outcome independence, it only comes with time and experience. ZFG FOR LYFE.

Well the thing is I have several girls chasing me but I don’t want them. But when I meet someone I really like I just can’t keep my game up it seems like. I’m a different guy and I can’t figure out how to be the same man. I mean I’m not gonna lie, I wanted a relationship with this last girl, I wanted one bad. That’s where I went wrong but I couldn’t let myself act any different for some reason.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well there is nothing wrong with being a one gal guy. The only issue is that you’re putting all your eggs in one basket, you can start acting like she’s more valuable than you, etc. for more than 90% of women that is the beginning of the end.

You either are turned by smashing a lot of women you find attractive or you don’t. Again not a quality statement.

Even if you’re are a monogamous LTR guy the things you’ve learned here will help.

 

[Robert28]

Well there is nothing wrong with being a one gal guy. The only issue is that you’re putting all your eggs in one basket, you can start acting like she’s more valuable than you, etc. for more than 90% of women that is the beginning of the end.

You either are turned by smashing a lot of women you find attractive or you don’t. Again not a quality statement.

Even if you’re are a monogamous LTR guy the things you’ve learned here will help.

The thing is she’s the first girl I’ve wanted to be a “one gal guy” with in the last 3 years. I’m not out to start a relationship with every girl I date, that would definitely be weird but even so, I really wanted this to work. I think why this one stung so bad is I legit gave it my best shot, I took all the things other women in the past said I needed to work on or fix and improve like be more up front, take charge more, show her you like her, and I did all those things. And it still wasn’t enough. If you can’t tell I like you by holding your hand when we drive somewhere, or I grab you and start dancing with you in the street around hundreds of stingers then I don’t know what else to do. I even hung up two doors in her house she needed, she didn’t ask me she just said “I gotta get these doors installed sometime” and one night I came over with my drill and said “I got this”. But she claims we are very different in many ways even though we are alike in many ways, she hates that I’m a planner and she’s just go with the flow, but yet she got on me for never making plans even though I made plans several times! I just can’t win man.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Brother sometimes you just can’t please them. At least it sounds like she gave you feedback? I can’t tell if you guys are still together or not. If you are its simple plan something! It doesn’t need to be anything elaborate just something cute that a chick would like like a picnic.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's why you always keep your pipeline flowing with new prospects because when one drops off it doesn't even register as a blip on the radar.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

That's why you always keep your pipeline flowing with new prospects because when one drops off it doesn't even register as a blip on the radar.

I completely agree, but the OP has stated that he doesn’t wanna spin plates with this one.

 

[Robert28]

Brother sometimes you just can’t please them. At least it sounds like she gave you feedback? I can’t tell if you guys are still together or not. If you are its simple plan something! It doesn’t need to be anything elaborate just something cute that a chick would like like a picnic.

Nah she ended it last Monday. I did plan dates, she got on me about “you know we don’t always have to go out and do stuff, we can hangout at the house and chill sometimes”. She expected me to just invite myself over after knowing her for 3 weeks and I found that weird. That’s what I said in another thread that even though I saw her 3 times the first week, she expected that every week, because the second week I only saw her twice and she demanded more. That’s why I said I hate how fast things move in this dating climate now. She said it was like an act of Congress to see me but she saw me twice in a week and I don’t get it. She acts like she went weeks without seeing me.
But looking back it would have been something else she found fault with about me. They all find fault with me that’s a dealbreaker for them it seems like. She did send a nice breakup text though but even though I knew it was coming jt still blindsided me and I kinda snapped at her in my response. She said she’d really love me to stay in her life as a good friend because we are too different for dating, and I replied back “I’m not interested in being friends” then blocked her after she sent this whole long paragraph of stuff “I always laughed with you, had so much fun with you, you’re such a wonderful man, I enjoyed my time with you, blah blah blah” I regret sending just the text I sent but I was crushed. Not just over her but I’m tired of women always finding fault with me and ending it over silly things around the same time frame. I wish I could go back to one date “sorry not interested” texts because I hate doing this month **** with the same result.

 

[The Duke]

Here are some easy fixes that are are part of your issue:

You mentioned you can't slow the relationship down, BUT you can control the tempo from the start. You set the pace from the beginning, and stick to it no matter what she says, or how horny you are. One night a week is plenty. Let her beg and complain, send nudes, and whatever else she tries to blackmail you with. Its just emotional bs. Ignore it. It should make your ego smirk a little when she says this. lol

You also mentioned you saw this chic 3 times the first week. Yeah way too much. You make it way too easy. This sets you up for failure. Flames that start fast, burn out even faster. A woman needs to invest. She needs to earn your attention/validation. You are giving it away and you come across as a big pushover.

Installing doors for this new girl??? Stop feeling sorry for them, regardless of how easy it might be for you. You don't score points for doing things like this, in her eyes it just shows how easily manipulated you can be. In the end, you lose. I even tell my LTR to go pound sand at things she wants me to do for her when things get a little lopsided. She might act out because I told her NO, but I don't let it steer my ship. She'll get over it or she can go find a new guy. That should be YOUR attitude.

Your frame is pretty flimsy and its the root of your issue. You are way too willing.

 

[Robert28]

Here are some easy fixes that are are part of your issue:

You mentioned you can't slow the relationship down, BUT you can control the tempo from the start. You set the pace from the beginning, and stick to it no matter what she says, or how horny you are. One night a week is plenty. Let her beg and complain, send nudes, and whatever else she tries to blackmail you with. Its just emotional bs. Ignore it. It should make your ego smirk a little when she says this. lol

You also mentioned you saw this chic 3 times the first week. Yeah way too much. You make it way too easy. This sets you up for failure. Flames that start fast, burn out even faster. A woman needs to invest. She needs to earn your attention/validation. You are giving it away and you come across as a big pushover.

Installing doors for this new girl??? Stop feeling sorry for them, regardless of how easy it might be for you. You don't score points for doing things like this, in her eyes it just shows how easily manipulated you can be. In the end, you lose. I even tell my LTR to go pound sand at things she wants me to do for her when things get a little lopsided. She might act out because I told her NO, but I don't let it steer my ship. She'll get over it or she can go find a new guy. That should be YOUR attitude.

Your frame is pretty flimsy and its the root of your issue. You are way too willing.

You are exactly right. What I can’t figure out is WHY my frame sucked with her but it doesn’t with other women. Like I lost all discipline with her and that cost me the one girl I wanted. Like on our first date we shut down the bar, we were supposed to meet up for a drink and ended up staying til they ran us off because we just hit it off so good. I guess I sort of panicked because I’ve had women end things with me because I didn’t see them enough or once a week in the beginning wasn’t enough or if I didn’t respond to their texting throughout the day they accused me of not being interested and then they’d lose interest. The weird thing is I have several girls who text ne and want to see me now but I’m not interested in them at all, but they way I act is making them even more interested. I do this **** every now and then when I meet someone I really like, I let myself get invested way too fast and make myself too available but if I’m not interested in the girl or like warm I play it perfectly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I completely agree, but the OP has stated that he doesn’t wanna spin plates with this one.

That's not really how it works but good luck to OP

 

[Robert28]

That's not really how it works but good luck to OP

Yeah and I actually had two plates drop me while I was seeing her and it didn’t bother me. Like someone said, put all my eggs in one basket. I do that every now and then for some reason.

 

[The Duke]

You are exactly right. What I can’t figure out is WHY my frame sucked with her but it doesn’t with other women. Like I lost all discipline with her and that cost me the one girl I wanted. Like on our first date we shut down the bar, we were supposed to meet up for a drink and ended up staying til they ran us off because we just hit it off so good. I guess I sort of panicked because I’ve had women end things with me because I didn’t see them enough or once a week in the beginning wasn’t enough or if I didn’t respond to their texting throughout the day they accused me of not being interested and then they’d lose interest. The weird thing is I have several girls who text ne and want to see me now but I’m not interested in them at all, but they way I act is making them even more interested. I do this **** every now and then when I meet someone I really like, I let myself get invested way too fast and make myself too available but if I’m not interested in the girl or like warm I play it perfectly.

Most guys struggle with the same thing when they get with a chic they are highly captivated by. We've all been there.

Ask yourself.....Do I like to win or do I like to lose? You are fully aware of the issue, all you have to do is tighten up that frame and set some boundaries.

I screwed it up multiple times before I got it right. When it starts to feel like you are losing control, and that anxiety sets in its too late. You've lost. Go back and analyze your past experiences. Hold yourself accountable for what you can control, and change your behavior. Or don't and continue failing. I'd rather win than lose.

And shutting down a bar with a new girl just because you were both enjoying each others company is always too much of a good thing that causes damage later on.

Women want strong men. They want a man to set some boundaries. You can't just let her run amuck(drinking and closing down the bar with a guy she just met). She will look at you negatively for doing so. Remember the old saying you gotta keep your pimp hand strong.

 

[Robert28]

Most guys struggle with the same thing when they get with a chic they are highly captivated by. We've all been there.

Ask yourself.....Do I like to win or do I like to lose? You are fully aware of the issue, all you have to do is tighten up that frame and set some boundaries.

I screwed it up multiple times before I got it right. When it starts to feel like you are losing control, and that anxiety sets in its too late. You've lost. Go back and analyze your past experiences. Hold yourself accountable for what you can control, and change your behavior. Or don't and continue failing. I'd rather win than lose.

What I struggle with is when they want to text all day and they’re always planning ahead. Like leading up to the first date the texting was perfect, but after the first date it’s like they become captivated with me for a few weeks and while that feels good, it’s also a bad thing because they quickly lose interest over something so small. I’m telling you, our first 3 weeks was more than I’d done with most girls in 3 months! Not even exaggerating. She’s wanting me to spend the night, met her parents on the third date cause we watched a football game I wanted to see at their house and they loved me instantly and wanted me to come to thanksgiving. Third date! A month before thanksgiving! I felt like she was the type that if I tried to see her once a week she’d lose interest, but if I went along at her speed she’d still lose interest eventually and she did. I think what sucks is I got caught up into thinking she really liked me and maybe she did for a bit but she also quickly unliked me, I felt the change when it happened and we had a couple more dated before she ended it. One was a lot of fun and the last one felt very weird and I knew what was coming. Now I’m sitting here a week later with my head spinning and staring another failed dating experiment staring me in the face and more flaws I have to process that she pointed out with me.

 

[The Duke]

What I struggle with is when they want to text all day and they’re always planning ahead. Like leading up to the first date the texting was perfect, but after the first date it’s like they become captivated with me for a few weeks and while that feels good, it’s also a bad thing because they quickly lose interest over something so small. I’m telling you, our first 3 weeks was more than I’d done with most girls in 3 months! Not even exaggerating. She’s wanting me to spend the night, met her parents on the third date cause we watched a football game I wanted to see at their house and they loved me instantly and wanted me to come to thanksgiving. Third date! A month before thanksgiving! I felt like she was the type that if I tried to see her once a week she’d lose interest, but if I went along at her speed she’d still lose interest eventually and she did. I think what sucks is I got caught up into thinking she really liked me and maybe she did for a bit but she also quickly unliked me, I felt the change when it happened and we had a couple more dated before she ended it. One was a lot of fun and the last one felt very weird and I knew what was coming. Now I’m sitting her a week later with my head spinning and staring another failed dating experiment staring me in the face and more flaws I have to process that she pointed out with me.

The chic you are describing likely has "anxious - insecure" attachment issues. You can google it and it will likely paint a very clear picture as to what you were dealing with. Its always a struggle with these types.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Agree

I lost the one woman I thought was the end all for me after a multi year relationship- most likely because once I wasn’t a flight risk she got bored. Before that juncture it was a few years of bliss.

She summarily ended it with seemingly no scruples. No explanation, no closure. Cold. Poof.

Most guys struggle with the same thing when they get with a chic they are highly captivated by. We've all been there.

Ask yourself.....Do I like to win or do I like to lose? You are fully aware of the issue, all you have to do is tighten up that frame and set some boundaries.

I screwed it up multiple times before I got it right. When it starts to feel like you are losing control, and that anxiety sets in its too late. You've lost. Go back and analyze your past experiences. Hold yourself accountable for what you can control, and change your behavior. Or don't and continue failing. I'd rather win than lose.

And shutting down a bar with a new girl just because you were both enjoying each others company is always too much of a good thing that causes damage later on.

Women want strong men. They want a man to set some boundaries. You can't just let her run amuck(drinking and closing down the bar with a guy she just met). She will look at you negatively for doing so. Remember the old saying you gotta keep your pimp hand strong.

 

[European-DJ]

How do you do it mentally? Like, how do you get dumped constantly (like after say a month) but still not carry around in your head all the things women that dumped you have said were wrong with you (their reasons for dumping you) without letting it make you crazy or crush your self esteem or try to hide who you are with the next girl you meet? I can get a first date easily, I just can not get past the month stage. Everything just moves so fast this day and age! I don’t want to bring new women around my friends and family until I’ve vetted they’re going to stick around longer than a few weeks, but they insist I meet theirs and make all these future plans after the first week of knowing me! I got invited to thanksgiving at this last girls house ON OUR THIRD DATE and she dumped me the other day and now I have zero plans. It’s not just that, it’s the constant roller coaster of emotions (hurry up and get to know someone in a couple weeks and then it’s suddenly over after 4 weeks). What’s worse is I was out Thursday night and dancing with her in the street having a great time and Sunday she was a totally different person that day and Monday I was gone.
Same pattern keeps happening, first 2-3 weeks are fine but move fast and I can’t slow it down or it starts an argument (I need someone who can communicate they say! I need you to want to see me more than a couple times a week or only on weekends they claim) ***** I’ve known you a god damn WEEK, two at most, I’m doing good to fit your ass in my schedule twice this week, you got 3 times the first week, be happy with that.
I just can’t with these women man. I’m tired of them saying “yeah let’s do this, we should go do this next month, come meet my family, come invest yourself all at once right now!” and then throw me away like I’m last weeks garbage. It takes a toll on my mental health and my self esteem. Yeah maybe I have some tweaking I need to do in my game but Jesus Christ it’s like no one wants to work on stuff anymore, it’s “nope throw this one away and find a new one, who cares what I promised or said to him”.
I can’t do this **** anymore! Dating sucks royal ass!

Atom Smasher made a good post on this recently. You simply don’t. Go for women that are interested in your and you’ll be fighting them off like flies

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What I struggle with is when they want to text all day and they’re always planning ahead. Like leading up to the first date the texting was perfect, but after the first date it’s like they become captivated with me for a few weeks and while that feels good, it’s also a bad thing because they quickly lose interest over something so small. I’m telling you, our first 3 weeks was more than I’d done with most girls in 3 months! Not even exaggerating. She’s wanting me to spend the night, met her parents on the third date cause we watched a football game I wanted to see at their house and they loved me instantly and wanted me to come to thanksgiving. Third date! A month before thanksgiving! I felt like she was the type that if I tried to see her once a week she’d lose interest, but if I went along at her speed she’d still lose interest eventually and she did. I think what sucks is I got caught up into thinking she really liked me and maybe she did for a bit but she also quickly unliked me, I felt the change when it happened and we had a couple more dated before she ended it. One was a lot of fun and the last one felt very weird and I knew what was coming. Now I’m sitting here a week later with my head spinning and staring another failed dating experiment staring me in the face and more flaws I have to process that she pointed out with me.

It's a trap they set to see if you'll move at her speed or if you have limits. If you move at her speed they assume they can just control everything and lose interest.