Thank you for all the replies guys, I really appreciate it. Stovepipe hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what my ex histrionic (my assumption) was like. She would purchase extraordinary gifts that no one will live up to , like at all. Even when she didn't have the money, she would go broke buying me this stuff. But, another thing is the love in the beginning, I mean we all have a honeymoon phase, make no mistake, but to be the king of someones world is the most extraordinary thing that one will ever experience. It is amazing, the compliments, gestures, gifts, hand written letters of how you are the most amazing man in the world, and the never ending sex..... which is good at first.
However, let me expand on the sex a little further. With the ex-wife, we always had sex, once every two to three days, and I never had a problem with him staying hard... yes I am going there, lol. And with this girl, in the beginning we were having sex every day, all the time, as I was caught up in the honeymoon period also. However, after about a year and a half, you know, I just wasn't wanting to have sex every single day (ya, I know, and this has me thinking I might be crazy too) because first, I just needed some recovery time, and second, it almost became a chore because sex with her was always a 1 hour to 2 hour event to make her orgasm. And she was a bit of a sex addict. So I found myself wanting sex less and less, and her wanting it more and more. It got to the point where it started messing with my head as I totally lost desire, but I would still do it because she wanted me too.
Ok, so on it went and it got to the point where my member just didn't want to co-operate either, and this really kind of wigged her out, and me too, it has never happened before. She was trying to be cool about it but then she would try what ever she could to get him hard again and I was laying there like (babe, this isn't going to work) and then she felt like a complete failure, asking why she no longer turns me on, what is wrong with her, etc... and I felt really bad about it, because this girl is finest woman I have been with. So now this was added on to the pressure of me losing my desire , and it was a mind-**** every time she wanted sex. Sometimes I was super turned on and we were good, but most of the time at the end I never looked forward to the sex because I knew that it would be a marathon (there never were quickies) and there was pressure for it every day, and if I didn't provide I felt like a failure, it was a vicious cycle that got worst and worst.
So I went to the doc to get blood work done to make sure that my testosterone wasn't low, or to see if anything else was wrong with me. Tests came back and he said that my test was really high for my age (40), like a dude in his 20s due to me having a steady workout schedule and healthy diet. He asked if I still get morning wood, and yup, I sure do. He said it is nothing physical and all mental. Also, she and I had different sex styles, she likes it super rough, being choked, and all that crazy stuff that I know you guys like (which she didn't expose for the first year), but that completely turns me off. She is my girl and in my mind the last thing I want to do is harm or choke a woman, like at all. I am more into love making, with a little kink here and there, ya I am pretty tame. It just throws off my timing when everything gets super aggressive and crazy.
Sooo... I guess my point here is.. am I the only one that was overwhelmed with sex, to the point where it was way too much and started messing with ones mind? Ya, I feel I am the weird one out for sure on this one. Also, I read that Narcissist will withdraw sex as a way to have control of the relationship. This also made me think I may be a narcissist, but the reason I had no desire for sex is because I knew it would take forever and it felt like a chore at that point, in no way was using it to control the relationship to my knowledge. Matter of fact, after we have broken up, I still have no desire for sex at all. It is the furthest thing from my mind now.
Reading your posts I can say you ex fits HPD type as my ex was almost identical to yours, I mean to a tee. After she moved I started looking for answers online. Stumbled upon Cluster B's, I immediately figured she was BPD, but the more and more I educated myself and the fog clearing from my head, I realized she had HPD along with a lot of psychopath traits=comorbid.
I laughed at the laundry story as I had many fights with her about the same thing, along with dishes, vacuuming, or simply picking up after herself. Told her before we signed our lease, you're going to have to be more clean, as I can not put up with how dirty you are at your place. She promised to be cleaner, pick up after herself, do dishes, vacuum, ect. Well, that ch!t didnt happen. She would stack dirty laundry next to the toilet until the pile got huge. I kept moving it to the hamper which pissed her off. It gets worse, while she always did my laundry (didn't ask her to) with hers, when it was done, she would dump the clean pile of clothes on the bedroom floor most of the time. The cat would sleep on the pile, it would sit there for days. I'd take my stuff out, but leave hers. Then on work days she would walk around the apt pissed cause she cant find an article of clothing she was looking for when it was in that pile on the floor. Then Id have to hear her b!tch about it being wrinkled with cat hair on it. Most times she would have to iron all her cloths or wash them again which racks up the power bill.
Don't even get me started on the dishes. When I first started seeing her, I told myself I will say something about the dirty dishes at 7 days. Well, an entire week passed and the dirty dishes hand piled up in the sink like a mountain, it stunk, had flies. I called her out on it, she flipped the fuk out. "You telling me what to do in my own house, I give you sex when you want it, give you a key to my place", "you have some nerve". Then later that day she causally says "you were right about the dishes, I shouldn't have let them sit that long".
I did most of the cleaning during the entire relationship, cause I was fighting a losing battle with her about it. Her excuse was she works too much and is tired by the time she gets home. If a mother who juggles a 40hr work week with kids can do it, your lazy a$$ can. She would only the clean the apt when guests were coming over (which was rare) or if I constantly called her out.
My ex was very sexual, but after the initial love bombing was over, sex died down like over night. Went from 2-3 day for months, to 2-3 times a week like overnight. I wish she stayed super sexual like your ex. I noticed a change in her overnight, like a switch flipped off. When I ask her why did everything suddenly change, she simply said "the honey moon phase doesn't last forever. She rarely initiated/asking for sex like before, I had to constantly ask for it which isn't the same, but 90% of the time she gave it to me. She liked being choked, although it only happened a handful of times. Looking back, I wish I was more kinky, but I cant change the past.
After the 2nd abortion and me getting her on the implant, sex was not as pleasurable. The thrill of playing Russian roulette of getting her pregnant changed sex for the remainder of the relationship, 16 months. She also stopped getting wet, her excuse was her diabetes meds, which I now know is complete BS. She later started to withhold sex from me, rarely if ever ask for it. I started to feel unattractive to her, where as before she would always be dripping wet asking me to bang her. Thing is, most these women are unable to have sex with true emtions attached, they just like to get fuked. They cant "make love", they make "fuk me sex". It got to the point when I asked of it, she would simply get on all fours and say "grab the lube and do your thing". No foreplay, no touching, no kissing, just bust your nut. I started to not enjoy it, BJ's became less satisfying, couldn't get as hard and stay hard, nor last a long time. There was a long period of time where we knew each other so well, we could make each other *** in less than a min. Looking back, I still cant believe she knowingly gave me HPV, eating her wartgina all those times I wanna vomit.
The day we signed our lease, she changed, she wasn't the same person. Most of these women go from 0-100 super fast, want to see you everyday, which I now realize is the big reason "they" not me, get bored fast, cheat, and start to treat you like crap. She really did a number on me, that I have permanent emotional and mental trauma. Blows my mind everyday, how a women can constantly tell say you are her king, lets get married 100 times, talk about the future, only to destroy the one thing in her life that loves her.
