MindOverMatter
Master Don Juan
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Haha.
I agree 100%. I'll only buy a girl a drink if she buys me drinks often, or is my girlfriend. Otherwise, she hasn't earned it.
Buying a Woman a Drink as an Approach to Building Confidence
- Thread starter Mister Big
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I agree 100%. I'll only buy a girl a drink if she buys me drinks often, or is my girlfriend. Otherwise, she hasn't earned it.
Mister Big
Don Juan
No mas, sugar ray. Good point. Here's what we've learned here.
BUYING DRINKS=BAD
BUYING DRINKS=BAD
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What's the difference between Pierce Brosnan buying a girl a drink and you buying a girl a drink?
I don't know how to say this without sounding condescending, but you're a pathetic loser that she doesn't like and he's a cool guy that everyone wants to get to know...
See the difference?
Mister Big
Don Juan
Buying the drink and ignoring the woman creates the difference in my confidence. Rather than wait for something to happen, you make it happen. Buying the drink is just an easy excuse to get things started. Because the first one doesn't even get a chance to not like you, your inner confidence assumes she does and this transfers to all your other approaches.
Without high confidence, all the C&F tricks and various tips don't mean sh%t in my opinion. Why we all obsess over these "get laid quick" schemes is beyond me? The are all pure american snakeoil BS without confidence. Everyone especially in the beginning of their DJ development needs some encouragement and examples of establishing confidence.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Hey man, it all comes down to this.
If it works for you and you get results from it, then keep doing it. If buying a girl a drink right off the bat increases your confidence and gets you motivated to do more approaches, you're already better off than the majority of the posters here.
It's that simple.
Mister Big
Don Juan
Cool. Understandably, The more experienced DJs think that tricks like this are a poor excuse to just being an evolved confident DJ. Until the rest of us get there, I think roleplaying a little to build confidence seems constructive while we improve. Playing a pure DJ gets you in touch with your confidence and is always better than stalling which might negatively effect you. You need to get accustomed to being confident, so you'll recognize when you achieve it. Its this inner feeling of cool confidence that gives you the smooth and silky flow that appeals to women.
Mister Big
Don Juan
Let's admit. Any recently ex AFC needs a boost of ego/confidence to get through the training and appreciate the process. It takes dedication, positivity, momentum, and a lot of reps (sometimes painful). Beyond my example, I hoped to hear other versions of confidence builders along the same lines.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Be more specific, confidence in what? Approaching? Handling rejection? Continuing a conversation? Asking for her number? Asking for a date? Asking for a dance? What?
This is why general confidence boosters such as buying a drink for a woman doesn't work effectively, it may address only one specific thing that you are lacking confidence in. And then it just masks it, you never really conquer the fear.
This is why general confidence boosters such as buying a drink for a woman doesn't work effectively, it may address only one specific thing that you are lacking confidence in. And then it just masks it, you never really conquer the fear.
optimist prime
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Mister Big,
I see what you are trying to get at with you buying the drink and ignoring her thing. You are letting her know that you find her attractive, but you are not going to be like every other guy out there and come hit on her after the drink has been bought, you want to be different.
Now, that will work sometimes if she finds you at all attractive. But, what about the times the girl just thinks that you are too much of a loser or too shy to come over and talk to her-and that the only way you can initiate anything is by doing the old stand by drink thing? What if she thinks wow, hes cute, but he must be a social retard to think that I am then supposed to come over and hit on him just because he bought me a rum and coke? SO, it could work, but its a double edged sword imo.
Now, if it is truely like you say it is and you dont really care if you talk to her or not, then thats fine. But if thats the case, then why do you do it for the girl you find most attractive in the entire place? Deep down you must care if you pick out that particular girl to buy the drink for. Why dont you do it for just an average girl (in your opinion) and see what happens?
I see what you are trying to get at with you buying the drink and ignoring her thing. You are letting her know that you find her attractive, but you are not going to be like every other guy out there and come hit on her after the drink has been bought, you want to be different.
Now, that will work sometimes if she finds you at all attractive. But, what about the times the girl just thinks that you are too much of a loser or too shy to come over and talk to her-and that the only way you can initiate anything is by doing the old stand by drink thing? What if she thinks wow, hes cute, but he must be a social retard to think that I am then supposed to come over and hit on him just because he bought me a rum and coke? SO, it could work, but its a double edged sword imo.
Now, if it is truely like you say it is and you dont really care if you talk to her or not, then thats fine. But if thats the case, then why do you do it for the girl you find most attractive in the entire place? Deep down you must care if you pick out that particular girl to buy the drink for. Why dont you do it for just an average girl (in your opinion) and see what happens?
optimist prime
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Mister Big, also, i have read alot of your other posts on other threads and appreciate your writing and style in general. You are farther ahead than many on here. I myself consider me to be a master Dj, as I have always dated and scored with women, and am now if a LTR. But i still enjoy coming here and reading and offering what advice I can.
Just out of curiousity, do you have a pic you could post of yourself? I am very curious to put a face behind these words. TIA
Just out of curiousity, do you have a pic you could post of yourself? I am very curious to put a face behind these words. TIA
If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Mister Big
Don Juan
Confidence in one area I find spreads to others. The confidence I refer to is more overarching. When you feel confident in general, it can apply to all facets of your game: posture, appearance, C&F, introductions, reactions, rejections, kino, everything. Even if you don't know what the f%ck you are doing, a confident vibe gives you a magnetic quality. As long as you avoid not BSing (I can do this if I get carried away) and really believe in yourself and your approach, you have a chance for success. Mind over matter so to speak.
I agree with the masking aspect you mentioned. I really respect your posts as you are an articulate, experienced DJ with tons of field reps. I am jealous. I wonder if there are different levels to DJ development. A beginner, an intermediate, and an advanced. This approach seems like an intermediate technique to help connect you to the advanced methods that seem to assume a very high level of confidence that I just don't have all the time right now. I am getting there. Eventually, I won't need tricks. This is one you play on yourself.
Mister Big
Don Juan
Thanks, man. I appreciate the kind words. I don't think I deserve admiration until I get through some significant field work though. With hotter women (8.0s and up), I wonder what will happen. I hope to start a DJ bootcamp later this month to go after my goal. It should be a wild ride and I'll post often, so stay tuned.
About my pic. Not right now, but maybe later. Look, I do get compliments on my appearance recently, but I don't think it really means as much as others believe. I felt totally disconnected to women just 6 months ago and never got any compliments. I lost about 15#s through going organic and exercise, started to make more EC and smile more, and began to research the DJ approach only two months ago.
The best part is the few rejections I have had don't effect me like they used to. Lingering in my mind. I am just too busy with the successes. Now, decent women are approaching me like this ex-figure skater (7.0) who gave me her digits at the gym yesterday. This never would have happened to me before and I think it is due to being happy, confident, and avoiding my old AFC ways. I enjoy women and think the science to seducing them is worth while due to the primary benefits achieved in developing myself in general.
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Mister Big
Don Juan
I do it because that is what a DJ "bar owner" character would do. You are role playing remember. This move forces you to see attractive women the same as you would see other women. Easily nexted. It takes them off their programmed pedestal in your mind.
I never pick the only attractive girl in the place. You need options to game. Bad idea.
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al77
Master Don Juan
I think I had a friends somehwat similar to you: he was very tall, not muscular not skinny, not fat... average looks. But, he has some features that made him very attractive: big hands, social but not bubbly rather kind and always happy. Very good with kids (I have seen him working with them for part time).
A couple of times I have seen hi with women: they all were like HB12
I remind you: he was not rich or good looking. So, how did you switch to being happy? Were you really different some months ago?