Buying a Woman a Drink as an Approach to Building Confidence

[Mister Big]

Here's an approach I have used when I would go out to bars several years ago that always seemed to create an inner confidence in myself. I am curious to others' opinions whether this would be effective.

When I first enter a bar by myself or with friends, I seek a public spot where most of the talent can be assessed. Within 5-10 minutes, I determine the top two or three most appealing women. I go across the bar to a bartender and tell him that I want to buy bachlorette number 1 a drink. Note, that it helps to notice if they need a drink first. Usually, she accepts, and we both acknowledge each other across the bar. I try not to look that interested when I look at her. If she doesn't accept, move on to buying another one a drink. If no one accepts, leave as this place is really lame.

Then I ignore her the rest of the night while enjoying myself with friends and closing other women. Bare with me. This move breaks the ice for myself fast as I have now established game in a place which is worth at least the $5 for the drink. I always toy with the idea of talking to the woman later to keep from being bored if the rest of the women are not interesting. Maybe I'll wave to her, but I never give in and approach. This takes dedication but is well worth it. You become mysterious at least to someone at the joint which creates energy and confidence in yourself. You become a DJ instantly once you have an initial success which is almost always guaranteed in this case.

Many times, after I've worked the room, she'll approach me at the end of the night and want me to number close her. I usually say something along the lines of "I always buy the most beautiful girl in a place a drink when I first arrive, but I am not really interested." That is usually all I need to get the digits. Remeber the initial woman is not really your target, but a vehicle to get create a positive vibe for yourself. This just does the trick for me.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

interesting technique....sounds like it works for you but i NEVER buy a woman a drink. there's no need for it

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Same here, I'd rather raise a woman's interest level on my own merit and not by buying her things. It could be a precursor for some rather fulfilling times.

 

[al77]

I agree with FratAndDiddy: generaly it is preferable not to buy her drinks. You instantly blend yourself with 99% of other AFC guys. You might be a great DJ, but this move is very ... well ambiguous.

By the way, some people would say bars are not the best places to pickup DECENT women. Yeah, bars are good, relatively easy to pickup, but will you really want that kind of dating material?

 

[Genghis Juan]

I don't buy women drinks. Most of the time it will implicitly send a message to a woman that, "Hey, I don't have enough interesting things to say or show, so I'll buy you a drink to get your attention and prostitute you." Its kind of weak.

In bars, just walk up to women and talk to them. If you're always buying them drinks, they may only be talking to you cuz you bought them drinks, nothing more. Too many women out there go to bars EXPECTING to drink free all night. Screw that.

 

[JoeBlack]

buying drinks is ok for an opener I think.

If you can't follow it up with some good conversation whilst waiting to buy then you are gonna be ****ed though. So... you might as well just go for the convo first.

Not that I care about spending the money, but would rather not buy a girl a drink who might turn out to be odd.. lol..

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This is a lame technique!!!! 5 dollars can buy me a happy meal at McDonalds!!! At least I know that I'll be happy!!!

If you are an atttractive gentleman you may get a response in return , if you don't then the girl just labeled you as an another frustrated chump and got a free drink!!!!

Why do this technique - the girl may be a bytch and be a hor and have a hor-rible attitude - most hors are not worthy to spend a dime let alone dollars!!!

Be a man and do a personal approach!!!

 

[al77]

Originally posted by JoeBlack
buying drinks is ok for an opener I think.

Really? and what message you send by buying her a drink?
That you don't have a good opener? Or that you want to resemble 99% of all other average Joes? Or that you want to buy her attention? This is very traditional thing, so you want to blend in with the rest of the chumps?
You will not get any points, it will have just the opposite effect.

Ok, probably later on you may say "Can I make you a drink? Ive got some incredible irish recipe .... at home"

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
This is a lame technique!!!! 5 dollars can buy me a happy meal at McDonalds!!! At least I know that I'll be happy!!!

If you are an atttractive gentleman you may get a response in return , if you don't then the girl just labeled you as an another frustrated chump and got a free drink!!!!

Why do this technique - the girl may be a bytch and be a hor and have a hor-rible attitude - most hors are not worthy to spend a dime let alone dollars!!!

Be a man and do a personal approach!!!

Good points made. I guess I wasn't clear on the reason for this approach. I am not trying to close the woman I buy the drink. I force myself to totally ignore her which creates a cool tension and connection for myself within the environment. I am simply jumpstarting my game with a simple exercise. This move just makes me feel confident like I own the joint, and gets me warmed up. I believe once you get in the right frame of mind everything else usually falls into place. I never buy women drinks I am interested in approaching. That is lame.

This is more of an icebreaker for yourself. A initial easy success with an attractive woman provides a sense of control on future events which I translate into my approaches with the other women. It also creates a nice subplot to the evening which you really control. Because you don't care how the story ends with the first one, its always a positive experience that you can reflect onto as the night goes on. Worst case is this subplot becomes the main plot. That's why I like it.

Maintaining confidence initially and keeping momentum throughout the night is one weakness I am still overcoming. Once I'm confident, I am usually gold. Its hard for me to just flick a switch and be confident or maintain a high level of confidence so I use this approach to motivate me in a new place like when I'm on travel in a different city.

 

[Luveno]

buying a drink for a girl you barely know is a sign of:

1. A desperate guy who's trying to get a girl tipsy so she will finally get booze-goggles on and find him attractive enough to suck off in the bathroom stall.

2. A guy who just doesn't have an opening line, and is resorting to this uncreative technique that, although popular in the 30s, has been abandoned for more creative approaches. The only people who use this approach nowadays are believed to be the characters defined in point #1.

3. A sucker who's got a deep wallet and no foresight.

That is all. Never reward someone for their looks.

 

[bobbob]

Hey if it works for you, great.

Something worth trying.

Those of you saying "buYiNg dRinX is 4 AFCs" sound like you're just parroting stuff from the DJ Bible.

Do whatever works for you. Peace

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by bobbob
Those of you saying "buYiNg dRinX is 4 AFCs" sound like you're just parroting stuff from the DJ Bible.

Thanks for some positivity. This technique does work in my experience. It always provides the possibility of something interesting occuring. Note, you should never do this when the talent is low as the only woman you want to close might be the one you are toying with. Big mistake.

I don't use this all the time, but I tend to pull it out when I am in crowded and new surroundings. It just connects me to my objective quickly and makes me feel grounded. It helps avoid paralysis by analysis syndrome which is common when you are in an unfamiliar territory.

I know it breaks some classic DJ rules, but hell these rules were meant to be broken if it gets you laid. Thinking outside the box can sometimes get you inside the box.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by bobbob
...
Those of you saying "buYiNg dRinX is 4 AFCs" sound like you're just parroting stuff from the DJ Bible.

Sounds as if you're just making assumptions and have not tried it in the field yourself.

Do whatever works (or doesn't) for you...

 

[penkitten]

can i be honest?
when i was single and out clubbing with friends for the night, i didnt like the guys that kept saying "hey baby can i buy you a drink"?
i mean hell i brought my own money right.
i liked it alot more when they wanted to dance.
it was fun.
that would lead to conversations and etc...

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by penkitten
i didnt like the guys that kept saying "hey baby can i buy you a drink"?

I agree with you about men that use buying drinks as an approach to picking up women. That's why I never do it. What I have described is more of an approach to establishing confidence not approaching women. I hope you'd agree that confidence creates success in dating for men.

What if an interesting man offered to buy you a drink from across the bar? Would you accept? If you were single, I would think so. In my experience, I've never been refused even by married women. Only if the woman has a BF standing next to her does she refuse, but its easy to avoid. You probably would expect him to approach you. What if he didn't, all night? How would you feel about it? Would you be curious in why he didn't? From my experience, this always generates a level of intrigue about yourself internally and externally. A man of mystery is attractive to women.

If your night went on, you caught a little buzz, might you approach this guy just to find out what the deal was? Maybe. But that's not the point. The desired and all most certain result is that the tension and control established sets things in motion regardless of what happens with that first woman. She really is not the objective. Not caring about the outcome transfers to your other approaches which is huge.

Let me summarize the benefits of this approach.

1. it motivates you assessing the field quickly
2. it initiates you approaching women with little to no fear of rejection
3. it instills a sense of control
4. it creates an interesting subplot
5. it creates a sense of mystery
6. it reinforces your instinct not to care about what happens when approaching women which is very attractive to women
7. it provides the opportunity for a nice surprise if the woman and/or her friends get overwhelmed with curiousity and approach you. even the married ones will approach at the end as they get wet just wondering who the *u%k this guy is.

Playing this little game early in the night is easy and gets me comfortable fast. Because I have done this a few times, I get a kick out of how it can turn out. I don't obsess over what happens, and I don't do this every night out. I just think its a good approach to establishing confidence (I am a new DJ, so I need this) even though it breaks the rule of never buying a woman a drink. Its intimidating being in a new place with many attractive women you want to close. Before, I might stall my game just trying to decide how to get started. This approach solves that problem.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The first caveman man in the first cavebar on planet earth saw a HB in the corner and thought to himself, "Grog buy girl drink, then Grog know if she like Grog." And for the next 10,000 years women gradually caught on that this is exactly what men are thinking when they buy a girl a drink. Hell, by this time evolution has biologically hardwired this response into their brains.

Guys think that buying a girl a drink is a buffer against rejection, it's not, and 9 times out of 1O it predisposes them for rejection. Think about it, what woman in a bar social setting is going to refuse a free drink? Ernest Borgnine could buy a girl a drink and she'd accept it. Particularly women with above average looks, they're used to guys buying them drinks as an in. If you're targeting the 3 most attractive women in the bar it's a virtual guarantee that they've had drinks bought for them in the past or even that night by other guys.

If she's attracted to you and has a high IL it's on regardless of who's buying. I've had more women buy me drinks in these instances. In fact the woman who became my wife was flowing me beers the night we met. If it works for you, cool, and I can see how you use it to test IL, but how many of the women who you might have closed with that you bought a drink for just gave you that smug little smile of thanks that they do and blew you off that night? You simply wont buy a woman's intimacy with a drink (unless she's a pro). I know that's not the intent of your technique, but this is how women perceive it. It's like a guy buying gifts for a girl he's trying to get with, you set a precident and you dont even know the girl yet.

A much more effective (not to mention less expensive) technique that the DJ Bootcamp encourages is getting comfortable with eye contact and learning to read feminine response. You can't learn this effectively if you're buying women drinks in place of it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
...

A much more effective (not to mention less expensive) technique that the DJ Bootcamp encourages is getting comfortable with eye contact and learning to read feminine response. You can't learn this effectively if you're buying women drinks in place of it.

Yeah, but that takes a genuine effort on the guys part, that's hard. It's easier to just buy her a drink and then call her a thieving skank when she doesn't give up her phone number!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Heheh,..yeah,..

As I said, guys think it's a buffer for rejection. It's similar to when guys constantly talk to a girl on the phone or IM. They think it's an insulation, but it really only makes their effort weaker.

I've got to quote Pook here:
Rejection is better than Regret.

 

[Desdinova]

Buying women drinks advertizes that you're looking for a gold-digger. You'll be attracting the attention wh0res in the bar, and the ones who enjoy living off other peoples' money.

The ones who accept your drink will only ask you for another drink down the road, and offer up a "reward" for it. "I'll give you a kiss if you buy me another drink!" Women will see that you're trying to buy sex from them, and will only lead you on for a free night out. They smell the desperation and will take advantage of it.

Let me ask you, who the hell is going to turn down a free drink (besides a DD)?

Take on a different challenge, and make women want to buy YOU a drink. When this happens, you get an obvious sign of high IL and you'd be stupid not to ask her for her number.

I've never bought women drinks. They usually buy me one.

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Heheh,..yeah,..
As I said, guys think it's a buffer for rejection.

Everyone seems to be focusing on the "buying a drink" and not the "confidence" that the approach generates. I guess the point I am trying to make is difficult to convey although I've tried here. When you are in a bar (a place that sells drinks as its primary business) buying someone a drink is not unheard of. Buying everyone you approach a drink is pathetic. This game is sort of like role playing. You become the owner of the bar, walk into your joint, pick out the most beautiful woman, and tell your bartender to give her a drink. Because its your place, it means nothing to you, so you ignore her and go about your business.

I believe either you are on or you are not when you are out. There is no in between for me. When I'm on, individual approaches, rejections, and the multitude of successful or unsuccessful techniques are seamless but secondary to the vibe I achieve. I just don't really give a s*%t what happens with any one approach and this gives me a sense of invincibility that women can feel and are drawn to. Getting on this plane is not instinctual and tricks like this approach, which make me feel like I own the place, help.

This tip, which again is not intended to buffer any individual rejection or even serve as an approach to closing, is just a little game that I play to get cool and feel grounded. It works, but I'd be curious to hear about other approaches in similar situations that don't involve the dreaded "buying her a drink."