Broke up with girl friend, 2 years relation. Almost dead with pain :"(

[Champboy]

Recently had a very painful breakup with my love of life, feeling totally lost and broken up

Here's the story, guys need your advice..

We were in relationship from 2 years now, first year was awesome, thing's were new. I found my life in that girl.

She made me her everything. I was very much away from such romantic talks and all, so always she told me how much i meant to her, and how much she love me, and that she'd never let me go off by her hands. She was mad for me, all the times talked about me with her friends. I guess this all is what happens in every relationship so you can take it as i believe my relation was the strongest relation ever, based on so much promises and swears of never leaving each other. No one could ever call her in-sincere. She used to say that the first is God and then comes me in her life, and respected me hell more then her parents and everyone, always called me her life.
We made billions of Dream's coming true memories with each other.
Slowly, time passed and then this year. Thing's started to change slowly, i kept ignoring all the changes. Those changes were she getting cold sometimes, and having lower tolerance level for me. Some times talking in monotone with me and actions speaks louder then words. Then as time passed, it became more clear. She started being rude all the time, started getting annoyed by me. I thought a lot on this and what i came to know was that i started becoming more nice > she started being less. Opposite of how i treated her.

Then finally she left me for a very lame reason that she think I'm not sincere with her! But inside she knew i was hell sincere! -- this is for sure. I started begging her, pleading, crying, texting all the time and calling again and again. Then within few days it worked and she came back. But interest level was very much less then compared to before.. So well i knew thing's are getting worst day to day so bought some ebook's and learnt about "walking power" " the power to leave" and all. So then i left her saying that I'm very much scared to fall for her again and that i know she will leave me once again as she did before. She agreed with the break-up (I got shocked! but didn't showed). Two day's later she texted that she wants me back and then began to beg! She became very emotional and kept texting me so finally i accepted her back. Got my power back here. I guess. Her behavior also became little bit better then as it was before. Now that's half of the story.

Then again with time thing's started to change and we both started to have so much arguments. 1 day we broke up, the other day patched up, then broke up and then patch up and so on. I overly-played with "walking power" thing. (The power to leave and create fear of loss in the other person).

Again she lost interest and lost all respect for me but this time very much more then before. Once i even asked her is she losing attraction for me? She said yes i am losing because u proved that u can't leave.-- she spoke it out by mistake well then i heard about so called "No contact rule" to bring back attraction in the relation ship. Then it was like left her for few days, then she came back for the first few times herself but then when i left, she didn't came back so i went back myself (My biggest mistake) and this is the time i lost all my cards. No matter if she started a fight or i, the one who "begged for forgiveness" was me! it kept happening for 3 months and long story short: Now she started to ignore me most of the time, and her body language also told that she's no more into me, and don't give a damn to me. Now all of a sudden she broke up with me for NO REASON AT ALL!

She just said "I don't think thing's are going to work out now" and left! I started begging her asking why she think so? And she did not gave any answer. Then from 11 day's i've been begging her and crying, calling again and again every hour and texting her how much she means to me and how she changed my life into heaven. But she seems like getting rude and the only answer i got was she said "I'm getting very disturbed by your begging and would never ever talk to you if you kept acting like a girl and will block your number if you didn't stopped so go get lost." This pissed me off i said "You are making me act this way!". Then again begged and all so i got one answer she told that she was not sincere with me, which i believe she said to get rid of me. Because She was sincere.

I know I've lost every single opportunity to get back with this girl as I've messed up every single thing very badly but still have some hopes. Please give me some advises as to what should i be doing now to have some chances of getting her back, and how will those advice's work, explain some logic please.

Now bought some few eBook's on the internet on how to get ex back, and learnt properly about the so called "No contact" rule--the first step to get ex back. But the problem here is if i leave her on her own and cut off totally from her world, according to the plan-- she will first remember all those negative thoughts she had about the relation, our fights and all the bad times.

Then after 2-3 weeks she will be missing all the good times. -- That's what the plan is but here's the problem:

Won't it be that she don't contact me forever, thinking that there is no use of going back to a relationship in which we had nothing other then daily fights? She've lost interest, I'm a headache for her now after all my begging's, she's so annoyed of me and want to get rid of me. Then if i cut off, won't it be that she thank God and move's on? Or will she miss me still?

Please help, it's really a very big trouble i am in and i don't want to move on to another girl, I've so much attachment with this old one and there are some more reasons i want to keep her only. Need your help now.

 

[Greasy Pig]

OP, for fvck's sake. This whole post makes me cringe.
If you came here looking for sympathy, you're going to be disappointed.

She's no longer attracted to you because you were too available and lost focus on yourself and your own life's goals.
You basically handed your balls to her and expected to earn respect.

No contact can be used to get your ex back but with all your begging, crying and b1tchiness, she no longer has any respect for you as a boyfriend or as a man.

In this instance, you should use no contact to focus on you and the next phase of your life. Admit you made mistakes and learn from them.

That means not handing your manhood over to a woman and expecting her to love you more. It means learning to control your emotions and having the courage, means and conviction to move on from undesirable situations without a second thought.
Take care of yourself. Read these boards and learn what it takes to achieve great things and how to forge successful relationships with women.

There's nothing you can do to salvage your current situation. It sucks but this now gives you the chance to be the best man you can be.
Other women will happily take your ex's place and you'll have given yourself the tools to improve your chances of success.

 

[mikey2012]

Dude
Move on. Your made all the mistakes . Not even NC will work this time .
Learn from this and go stronger.

 

[Champboy]

Will try moving on, but are you guy's so sure that no even NC will work? Providing she used to have very "deep" feelings "memories" with me.

And yeah forgot to mention, she also don't want to keep friendship.

 

[mikey2012]

It won't work coz you are too desperate. The sooner you acknowledge this is dead the happier you will be. Watch swingers with Vince Vaughn and Jon favereau

 

[Champboy]

And one thing happened just now, her friend told that she asked her how was my mood, and did i talked about her. After 1 and a half day of NC.

And yeah I was, but now have learnt all techniques, just sad that maybe it's too late All i can do is NC and people are saying here that chances r next to no.

 

[mikey2012]

And one thing happened just now, her friend told that she asked her how was my mood, and did i talked about her. After 1 and a half day of NC.

And yeah I was, but now have learnt all techniques, just sad that maybe it's too late All i can do is NC and people are saying here that chances r next to no.

Get this into your head. Stop being an AFC.
Forget her

 

[Dekg140]

You're losing sight of yourself, your goals, your ambitions. This is your life. You've got too caught up with the "she's my soulmate" bull****. If you hadn't met this girl, would you have been alone for the rest of your life because you hadn't found her? Course not. You'd be thinking another chick is the one for you. Let me give you a bit of advice: get your own life in top notch before sharing it with someone else. You must be completely independent, happy, content with being single. Enjoy your life, spend time with your family, friends. Work. Get where you want to be in life. Then, and only then, are you ready to share your life with somebody else. Then she'll know that you have your own values, and that she's privileged enough to be a part of it. Move on from this one. I used to know a chick in college that I thought I could never lose. When she moved away I cried. I even cut myself over her. Now? I couldn't give a **** about her. YOU come first. It's you that matters. We're humans. We like attention, and when we find it, we crave it. You wanna stick around her. But as humans we adapt to new situations. On to the next one.

As a side note, if you don't already, start lifting weights. It helps you to focus, forget girls, and improve your dedication. Plus it makes you look better.

On to the next one dude.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I've actually read some of those "How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend" e-Books and programs. None of them say that the whole "NO CONTACT" thing is guaranteed to work.

In fact, what most of them say is that you should go NC not for HER, but for YOU. Meaning, you do it so you can begin weening yourself off of her, getting back to your life and seeing what else is out there. Once you've completely moved on from her, THEN there's a chance she MIGHT come back to you - but even then it's usually the result of bruising her ego (i.e. "Wow, he was actually able to move on? Do I not have as much power with my attractiveness as I once did?) and doesn't really have anything to do with YOU.

Don't let the false hope of that material make you think you'll get her back. Yes, you've done the back and forth dance for a while now, but she only came back because she didn't have other options at the time. Girls will oftentimes come back because they don't like being without someone, but once they go back they start realizing why they left in the first place - low interest.

The only reason she asked the friend how you were - and this part is very important - is because (a) girls hate the feeling they get when they hurt someone's feelings - even if it's something they themselves felt they had to do - and (b)she wants to know if she's having an EFFECT on your emotions - girls get off on that shiznit. That doesn't mean she's caring about you or wants to get back with you - if she did, she would have come back the first time and stayed PERMANENTLY.

Lastly, don't live in the past as it pertains to what her emotional state for you USED to be. Just like she once built up interest in you, she can also lower that interest to where it never hits the levels it was at before (i.e. level ZERO). Sometimes that happens, but when it does you can't keep saying "but she used to love me sooooo much!" Yeah, and now she doesn't - sucks, but it's the truth. SHE DOES NOT LIKE YOU ANYMORE.

Listen to these guys, man - we've all been through it, and we all know you, too, will get through it with time.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Get something clear in your mind: you didn't break up with her. She broke up with you.

 

[Desdinova]

OP, for fvck's sake. This whole post makes me cringe.

Be lucky that cringing is all you did. I threw up.

I concur with everything Greasy Pig wrote. It's finished. She has lost all respect for you. If by some chance she DOES come back to you, it will only be temporary like all the other times. You've become the substitute until something better comes along and at this point, almost ANYTHING would be better than you.

I know I've lost every single opportunity to get back with this girl as I've messed up every single thing very badly but still have some hopes. Please give me some advises as to what should i be doing now to have some chances of getting her back, and how will those advice's work, explain some logic please.

This is not the only woman in the world. There are thousands of others. Go out and meet them. Find one who's better than your ex. There is a very good chance that a better woman exists.

Providing she used to have very "deep" feelings "memories" with me.

Memoires accumulated and time spent in relationships have no real value. There is a very small window of time that is actually emotionally valuable in relationships - most likely the past month or two. A woman can accept the fact that you're having a bad day or even a bad week in regards to your relationship, but when it goes on for months, anything that preceeded it is valueless. It's far too old to continue feeling the positive emotion from it.

...and to rehash what everyone is saying, it's time to move on. Never contact her again. EVER. She doesn't want it.

Now scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the link that says "DJ Bible" and read, read, read.

 

[Champboy]

Okay i will start reading DJ Bible now, actually started.. Wish i could get here before this loss. Anyways so all of you guys have same point of view and that is "To move on". That is what i also want. But still as you guys have more experience them me, since that is the first girl friend i had, who broke up this week.

Have i lost 100% of all chances of ever getting her interested and coming back? Like most stories i heard about no contact working and their girl friend's realizing there worth and coming begging for forgiveness.

 

[flashpoint]

the sooner you accept that she is history the better for you.

wtf should she beg forgivness for anyways? you acted like a douchbag and you have successfully KILLED THE ATTRACTION. there is no recovery from that. and it is prolly for the better anyways. move on!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Have i lost 100% of all chances of ever getting her interested and coming back? Like most stories i heard about no contact working and their girl friend's realizing there worth and coming begging for forgiveness.

I just re-watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" yesterday. (Yeah, a chick flick, so what, sue me!) The movie actually talks about this phenomenon occuring - not about women going back to men, but about how women get fooled into thinking their situation is the exception, based solely off of hearing ONE story where the girl had a guy that seemed disinterested, but later ended up marrying her.

YOU. ARE. NOT. THE. EXCEPTION. YOU ARE THE RULE.

And the rule is: if a woman is showing clear signs of disinterest, she's not going to want to be with you. Women will usually lose interest in a guy, then stay just a little bit longer to ensure their interest doesn't come back.

So, to answer your question: no, you haven't lost 100% chance of her getting back with you... BUT, you HAVE lost 100% chance of her actually being INTERESTED in you, and you HAVE lost 100% chance of her sticking around long-term.

Ugh, now I have to go do a post on what an interested girl actually looks like... these AFCs man, I swear...

 

[Atom Smasher]

If she came back the cycle would continue. Write this one off and use NC for YOU, not to get her back.

You need to take your power back. You have been a slave to this relationship. Take the pain and claim your freedom.

Guys, this is what happens when a man makes a relationship the main focus of his life. He becomes trapped and enslaved. The relationship becomes his entire world and his sense of well-being depends on the girl.

OP, you're about to embark on the journey to becoming a real man. You need to cut off your dependence on this girl in order to do so. Many of us here have made some or all of the mistakes you did. It's ok, there's nothing wrong with making mistakes when you don't have knowledge. You were only acting the way you were taught to act.

Today things are different. You're waking up out of your slumber and you're about to learn how relationships really work, and this will equip you to act with intent and with your own set of rules in the future.

When a girl knows you need her, it's already over. She will lose respect. It's only a matter of time. She grew cold because she lost respect. Going NC will restore your own respect for yourself.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Turn the situation around: if you are not interested in girl A (previous GF) and are interested in girl B (potential or current GF), why would you choose to void your interest (like, love, lust, whatever) in the new girl and go back to the old one in whom you are not interested??? Would you do it if asked by girl A. No! The only way you would go back is if it didn't work out with girl B but, in all likelihood, it would only last until girl C came along. It sucks but that's the way it is. Begging, pleading, arguing only makes someone even less interested.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Let me tell you a secret. If you had never existed, she would have fallen in love with a different guy at about the same time in her life. And then she would have broken up with him right about now, just like she did with you.

You're not special. Neither is she, nor is anything you had with her. Cry about it as long as it takes to internalize that point.

Then, and only then, will you understand that being "in love" is really only a stage in a woman's life, and when the time is right for that, it will happen for her with someone, regardless of who he is. There will always be new girls who are ripe for their first love. To quote a movie, "I keep getting older, and they just stay the same"

 

[marmel75]

You are a man bro, you don't need a woman. Get the estrogen out of your system, and go be a man.

 

[PUK]

OP

I say, why don't you locate your ****, remove the shrink wrap, and ****ing *use* it!

PUK

 

[Champboy]

I've got the point of all of you, I accept it's the time to move on. But the thing is like I'm in NC with her right now, aren't there any chances for the reverse of roles and she started thinking about me in the way she used to, as i've accepted to move on, I'll be no longer dependant on her, will no longer need her, she know i will move on soon -- anyone would, time heals every wound. So isn't there a chance that after some times, like is most of eBook's i heard people's ex's coming back a month later or so and realizing their worth. I used to give her whatever she asked for, i know that's a mistake, i did a lot for her and even risked my own life for her once (Know it's a mistake) but it may also work in the current situation as if i'm no longer with her, she realize what she lost. The case here isn't that she's into another guy or have found any new boy -- it's not the case. She is just bored. I know the situation is worst, but aren't breakup's worst ? A break-up, in every condition is worst as a girl only will want to breakup as a result of loss of interest, other wise she will compromise everything to stay with the guy. Many people got their ex's back by applying the no contact thing, at first the girl will remember all recent "negative" thoughts, but within some time, those "negative" thoughts will be replaced by old good memories from her side. As many experts advised in ebook's i've read. Now the thing left is even if I'm succesful at getting her back, it will all happen once again, but i've learnt from my mistakes of being her "puppy dog" and ready to cover it up just if i get a second chance.

What do you guys say?