broke up with cheating g/f

[ronniel]

Ultra short relationship with her, about 3 and a half months. Very- very enthusiastic in the beginning, caring, loving etc.

I saw some red flags. Her hiding her phone, not being so affectionnate etc. One night i used her pc. She had forgotten to log out of gmail and the tab was open. So, yes, i looked.

To cut the long story short, i saw chats with a guy. They had sex three days before. I remained calm.

After two days and after i had ****ed her hard, she seemed distant. Of course it was the other guy effect (and the attraction declining).

So, i broke up with her first, saying that things are not seeming to go well and maybe i'm not ready for a commitment etc etc. i wished her well and to hopefully find a good man for her. She cried, she asked if she did something wrong. I said that no. It's me, not you. The only thing that bugged me (i said) was that you've hidden your cellphone in the last two weeks, as if i wouldn't notice it. Why would you do that? She denied hiding it (lie).

Well, life goes on. I have other options, i will exercise them

How did i handle this?

 

[JimmyBizzle]

I still would've busted her on it.

 

[Tiguere]

you haven't handled anything yet. the real handling starts now NC.

 

[ronniel]

@Tiguere
i won't plan to contact her. if she does, i will not answer straight away and i will be polite and indifferent.

i don't want to come across as spiteful.

 

[ronniel]

I chose not to tell her. The "you've been hiding your cellphone" is enough to make her hamster spin.

She called yesterday, midnight. I didn't pick it up. She sent an SMS saying she just wanted to see if i'm ok. I answered it with a "i'm fine".

She replied with a

 

[Greasy Pig]

To really nuke her hamster, you should just have gone ghost. No explanation, just disappear. But that's pretty hardcore.

I think you handled this only ok. I wouldn't have been as self-deprecating as you were. I would've been far more harsh and very much taken the higher ground.
I would've said something like: "It's become clear to me that you're sleeping with someone else, so good luck and goodbye."
She'd ask for an explanation and demand proof of her infidelity but you just walk.
And remember, every time you contact or reply to an ex - EVERY TIME - her hamster jumps off the wheel and kicks back with a mojito (I can't recall who said that first on here but it's gold).
Her sending a smiley face to your reply is proof of this.
She has no remorse, no true feelings for your wellbeing. She just wanted to give her hamster a rest and you gave her the chance for that to happen by replying.
No more, OP!

 

[ronniel]

Indiferrence is the right attitude, i think. Remember, i didn't call on her cheating, i just said that i suspect it by mentioning that she's been hiding her cellphone.

I left saying that i don't want a relationship with her anymore, cause it doesn't seem to work for me.

Today she liked a post on my fb. Yesterday she's been asking a mutual friend about me. She's in chase mode. I will let her continue.

If she contacts, i will be polite and hung up as soon as possible. Thats' all.

Tomorrow i have a date with a pretty cool girl.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Back when I flew Chinooks for the Army I learned a valuable lesson that carried over into dealing with women. We used to carry a lot of External Loads (Sling Load). Could be a Patriot Missile pack, Avenger, M-105, etc. Didn't matter how valuable the cargo, if it became an unstable load we jettisoned it. If at any time the load jeopardized the crew or the aircraft we cut sling legs and let it drop. Our lives and ability to bring the aircraft home were more important to the fight.
Its the same with women, and for that matter other people. The second they jeopardize you, your life, your future, you need to jettison them.
In the Chinook world we'd mark the spot of the drop and move on with the mission. Same in life, remember why you did what you did, but press on without the baggage.
KC

 

[ronniel]

@Knight's Cross

She is not relationship material anymore and i will never go back to her. From now on, its just a game and a learning experience.

I agree with what you say.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Good lesson in life at attraction and fast burn relationships. Glad you see it that way Ronniel.

 

[AAAgent]

Great post and we should see more like this. This is something everyone can learn from. I'd say pretty well done on the break-up but i would suggest not to be self deprecating. I will never say something is my fault if it isn't.

I also agree with not playing the shame game.

 

[Big Nuts]

Hit her in the a$$. The knowledge you hit her anal and then dumped her is quite satisfying.

 

[ronniel]

I never said something that depreciated me. If you read carefully, i implied that maybe i'm not ready for a relationship which means "i like to **** other women".

This is not depreciating. This says "*****, i' ve ****ed you enough. now i'm gonna **** elsewhere"

 

[ronniel]

Got another call. Didn't answer it

 

[Atom Smasher]

Depreciated might not be the right word, but I personally would not have taken any responsibility whatsoever. Remember, now, you did ask for our opinions.

Overall you handled it well, but I recommend NC (which you're not doing yet). She cares ONLY to give her hamster a rest, just as our Mr. Pig has stated.

It does appear that you're over it and pretty much just experimenting, which is fine. Do be aware, though, that her ONLY interest now is self-preservation. A quick ping from you (I'm fine or similar) is like taking a Percocet to her.

 

[ronniel]

@Atom Smasher: Yes, this is just a learning experience. I want to see how much she will chase and what she's gonna do.

I' m not sure about going complete NC though. Wouldn't this seem that i'm bitter towards her? (which is an emotion itself and means that i care)

@samspade: The relationship had ended the moment she flirted heavily with the guy, not when she ****ed him. I was calm during the break up, wished her well and i even wished her to find what she really wants.

Gentlemen, we take no bull****. Tears mean nothing, just a call to say how are you means nothing. Cheating is the ultimate disrespect.

 

[potato]

Got another call. Didn't answer it

This is the way that I’d handle it. You don’t have to confront a misbehaving woman - just walk away. I recently broke it off with a girlfriend of a couple of years because she seemed to love beer more than she loved me and would often go out and get other guys to give her alcohol and drugs. She probably wasn't cheating but she’d come home drunk and b****. She’s been calling and texting; can’t figure out why I don’t respond. There is nothing that I can say that would torment her more than not saying anything at all.

 

[Aristippus]

Ronniel said: I' m not sure about going complete NC though. Wouldn't this seem that i'm bitter towards her? (which is an emotion itself and means that i care)

You should completely avoid contact with her. Don't worry about whether or not she thinks you're bitter. And yes, you do care, not about her, but about having women in your life that respect you and don't do shady, underhanded things like cheat on her boyfriend.

Although you might have broken it off, which is good for you and was the right move, by not verbally holding her responsible for her behavior instead of telling her you know she cheated, it's unacceptable, and that you're ending it and she doesn't have a snowball's chance in he11 of ever getting back together with you, you gave her a free pass for crappy behavior. She didn't get the extra-strength, double dose of pain that she deserved. She feels as if she got away with something because even though you ditched her, she didn't have to deal with the shame of knowing she was caught and having the finger pointed at her and having to try to come up with excuses for her behavior.

Do you really think she would have done you the favor of not saying anything about it if she found out you'd been screwing around behind HER back? I highly doubt it. If you wanted to handle it calmly, you could have, by calmly giving her the full knowledge that she cheated and you found out about it. Let "how" you found out be a mystery. Don't even hint at how. Let the wondering how you knew be like a little irritant that she can mull over in her head with no satisfaction of having the answer.

You screwed up by giving her a free pass to pull this kind of garbage. Can you really give yourself a pat on the back for breaking up with her? Any man would do that. I commend you for walking away but don't pat yourself on the back too hard. You didn't do anything any other man wouldn't do if he found out his woman was cheating, except maybe handle yourself with a little bit of dignity when leaving. For that, I commend you. Just remember, there's a difference between handling the situation appropriately and not caring ABOUT HER and being a milquetoast who tries to appear calm and emotionless at all times while being disrespected and treated like a doormat.

It's fine to walk away and to never look back and to never contact her again but before you walk away, you should always hold a woman accountable for her actions. Once you hold her accountable, you simply walk away and move on to bigger and better things.

 

[WoodB]

Back when I flew Chinooks for the Army I learned a valuable lesson that carried over into dealing with women. We used to carry a lot of External Loads (Sling Load). Could be a Patriot Missile pack, Avenger, M-105, etc. Didn't matter how valuable the cargo, if it became an unstable load we jettisoned it. If at any time the load jeopardized the crew or the aircraft we cut sling legs and let it drop. Our lives and ability to bring the aircraft home were more important to the fight.
Its the same with women, and for that matter other people. The second they jeopardize you, your life, your future, you need to jettison them.
In the Chinook world we'd mark the spot of the drop and move on with the mission. Same in life, remember why you did what you did, but press on without the baggage.
KC

Knight's Cross, I really enjoyed your analogy....good one, and VERY true.

 

[ronniel]

Complete silence from me.
She started to write things that refer to me on facebook (without mentioning my name). Depreciating things. I got on her nerves, lol.

Yesterday she implied that she had sex with someone. Lol.
I keep ignoring