Broke NC with Stripper after 9 weeks

[MisterD]

Neil; you know how this is going to end.

The problem a lot of us face on here is we give advice to strangers and we're 100% honest because we have nothing to lose or gain.

It's harder for us to listen to advice when it comes to our own problems because we rationalize them. "Oh these forum members don't know what I have with this girl. My case is different." "What I have with this girl is too special and unique to take standard advice".

Pretend you didn't make this thread. Pretend it was someone else. What advice would you give them? Honestly.

Your story is no different than any other story on here. There are no exceptions to the rules.

When you're relying on smiley faces or lack thereof to help build a case as to why you think she's still interested in you, you're grasping at straws.

You did what many men would love to do (bang a stripper) but the collateral damage and residual effects are scary. You let this girl completely throw you off your game. That's what these hired guns do.

I was involved with a stripper once and it was no doubt the hardest girl I had to leave, but I left her. Her impact on my life did more harm than good. I was losing sense of who I was. These strippers are master manipulators. That's their job.

I know you think you found the one stripper who is different than every other stripper that ever lived but that is simply not true. They're all the same, they all follow the same pattern. Any girl who can strip naked in front of strangers and get groped by them, for money, and turn it off like a switch once they go off duty is an emotionally detatched, psychologically damaged human being. Healthy, high quality girls do not strip. Never have, never will.

As long as you know the risks involved, feel free to do what you want. If you think the good (sex) outweighs the bad (everything besides sex), then go for it. Just don't be upset when you reach the finale because you, me, and the rest of this board knows how this story ends.

 

[bigneil]

Thanks MisterD. I don't plan to marry her.

In 1997 I met a HB9 from class of '99 (I was class of '88). She was only 16 at the time and I was 27 so we weren't dating, but she had a crush. That girl and all her hottest friends hung out at my place until 2003 (when they were all 22). I studied them all as they grew up (having been mostly confused by women my age 11 years earlier). I used to host the greatest parties. Hot girls are all raunchy and sell themselves to the highest bidder. College girls go to parties and get naked and groped by strangers for free - it's called hooking up. I used to have parties and some girls wanted to be tied up. Now I've interviewed about 100 strippers in the last 8 months, mostly out of curiousity (I am immune to their lure to VIP at this point). They are all in that 18-22 range and are exactly like the other girls. I don't hold non-stripping hot women in such high regard that I think they are in a different class. Basing advice on the fact she's a stripper is like basing it on a smiley face. Hot women are all unreliable.

That said, what is my own advice?

11:30PM - "Dear Stripper, The club just isn't the same without you. Bigneil".
TRANSLATION: "I have tits in my face and 2 new phone numbers but I still miss you."

11:36PM - "Well then I guess you shouldn't go there!"
TRANSLATION: At no point would she be pleased to know I was there without her, and she was already waiting to hear back from me so she could let me have some more anger because she hasn't gotten over me. Hate is the negative of love. Indifference would have been "Hi, how are u?" or no reply. Tell me you wouldn't like some girl you are mad at to call you so you could vent. But it wouldn't mean you never wanted to see her again, would it?

11:43PM - "Would you prefer I didn't?"
TRANSLATION: I put the ball in her court, but this was a trick question. If she said "No" she admitted she would see me. If she said "Yes" she admitted she cared, and I could still go there anyway, but it would have been over IMO. So she chose no answer.

(one hour elapses)
TRANSLATION: She was thinking about things.

12:47AM - "Why are you texting me?"
TRANSLATION: She dodged the other question and asked me a question because she wanted to know why I was writing.

12:54AM - "I didn't think we were on bad terms after so long. I must have hurt your feelings if you are still angry with me. I am still learning and trying to grow."
TRANSLATION: I am trying to get to the root of her resentment so she can let go of it, but I did not apologize. I also implied that I have improved without saying "I lost 20 lb".

12:57AM - "I would reconsider if 1) You didn't have anger issues 2) You weren't so mean to people that make a mistake on the job and 3) Didn't talk about your ex girlfriends every single second. Those are my only problems. "
TRANSLATION: She just listed 3 improvements in 3 minutes. She must have already thought about the terms and typed as fast as she could. She was angry with me but is now bargaining. This was exactly what she wanted - for me to come back to her so she could vent and then tell me I needed to improve if I wanted to see her again. She tried to end it on a good note.

However, at this point I decided not to reply. She will need to contact me again or I will need to run into her in order to see her. Otherwise I won't be in a position of leverage.

 

[cordoncordon]

Thanks MisterD. I don't plan to marry her.

In 1997 I met a HB9 from class of '99 (I was class of '88). She was only 16 at the time and I was 27 so we weren't dating, but she had a crush. That girl and all her hottest friends hung out at my place until 2003 (when they were all 22). I studied them all as they grew up (having been mostly confused by women my age 11 years earlier). I used to host the greatest parties. Hot girls are all raunchy and sell themselves to the highest bidder. College girls go to parties and get naked and groped by strangers for free - it's called hooking up. I used to have parties and some girls wanted to be tied up. Now I've interviewed about 100 strippers in the last 8 months, mostly out of curiousity (I am immune to their lure to VIP at this point). They are all in that 18-22 range and are exactly like the other girls. I don't hold non-stripping hot women in such high regard that I think they are in a different class. Basing advice on the fact she's a stripper is like basing it on a smiley face. Hot women are all unreliable.

That said, what is my own advice?

11:30PM - "Dear Stripper, The club just isn't the same without you. Bigneil".
TRANSLATION: "I have tits in my face and 2 new phone numbers but I still miss you."

11:36PM - "Well then I guess you shouldn't go there!"
TRANSLATION: At no point would she be pleased to know I was there without her, and she was already waiting to hear back from me so she could let me have some more anger because she hasn't gotten over me. Hate is the negative of love. Indifference would have been "Hi, how are u?" or no reply. Tell me you wouldn't like some girl you are mad at to call you so you could vent. But it wouldn't mean you never wanted to see her again, would it?

11:43PM - "Would you prefer I didn't?"
TRANSLATION: I put the ball in her court, but this was a trick question. If she said "No" she admitted she would see me. If she said "Yes" she admitted she cared, and I could still go there anyway, but it would have been over IMO. So she chose no answer.

(one hour elapses)
TRANSLATION: She was thinking about things.

12:47AM - "Why are you texting me?"
TRANSLATION: She dodged the other question and asked me a question because she wanted to know why I was writing.

12:54AM - "I didn't think we were on bad terms after so long. I must have hurt your feelings if you are still angry with me. I am still learning and trying to grow."
TRANSLATION: I am trying to get to the root of her resentment so she can let go of it, but I did not apologize. I also implied that I have improved without saying "I lost 20 lb".

12:57AM - "I would reconsider if 1) You didn't have anger issues 2) You weren't so mean to people that make a mistake on the job and 3) Didn't talk about your ex girlfriends every single second. Those are my only problems. "
TRANSLATION: She just listed 3 improvements in 3 minutes. She must have already thought about the terms and typed as fast as she could. She was angry with me but is now bargaining. This was exactly what she wanted - for me to come back to her so she could vent and then tell me I needed to improve if I wanted to see her again. She tried to end it on a good note.

However, at this point I decided not to reply. She will need to contact me again or I will need to run into her in order to see her. Otherwise I won't be in a position of leverage.

This entire post is, as I stated a year ago in a different post, a sign of your OCD and over analyzing of things. Also a sign of how delusional you can be-almost to the point where you can talk yourself into anything.

Just a question, but have you ever taken any drugs for ADD or gotten professional help psychologically? That is not a knock or a criticism, but an honest question.

 

[AAAgent]

i think Cordon is partially right in the sense that you need to stop trying to talk yourself into things. If you have to talk yourself into doing something, something's probably not right. AFC's are master's at convincing themselves that doing stupid things are right, especially in regards to matters involving women.

Sometimes you just need to take a breather, step back and then look at the situation from an aerial point of view.

1.) She hasn't contacted you in a while and didn't make an effort to initiate contact. (first sign of disinterest)

2.) For a female that wasn't your gf, that you paid to have her in your company (partly), should you really be stressing about this person?

3.) You keep praising how she's a great girl when she's not even with you. (sure she might be a great person but she's obviously not great for you if she doesn't care to see you).

Hopefully you are able to rationalize it to yourself when you take a step back to clear you mind and vision that your better off investing your time in another female.

Also you should probably try to meet women at social settings where the women can actually prove herself worthy of your attention as opposed to being obligated to get your attention for money. It's easier to weed out HB's in that fashion.

 

[SoSuave666]

Comeon Neil, I thought we were past this.

The major problem here is that you take ANY sign of her talking to you as positive. You should know by now that when you text a chick you have had a past relationship with or something, she won't be THAT negative towards you because she knows she can make you into an orbiter. She loves the fact that you are reaching out to her. On her end she could have said whatever she wanted to and it wouldn't matter. She honestly could have said "Fvck you leave me alone" and you would have interpreted it as: "She hates me which isn't the opposite of love, which means she has feelings for me, which means I definitely should continue to talk to her to try and get her to stop hating me and start loving me."

The one hour she didn't text you? She was probably working some dudes knob right in that instant. She's a stripper, mind you.

Sure, she'll answer playfully and lead you to believe you still have a shot. Why wouldn't she? She can get free food, booze, and tips from you any time she pleases. It's pathetic really to see you go back to this girl because you have no options. You also post on the NC board about how hard it is to remain NC if you don't have options. Well buddy, that's exactly what's going on here. This bitty broke your heart, you can't find anyone else, so you are comfortable reaching out to her hoping she will magically fall in love with you because of some text you sent.

Get over both this girl and yourself.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Bigneil,

Come on man,

You must realize you are deluding yourself.

Many of your fellow DJ's here are trying to point you in the right direction; we cant ALL be wrong!

I'm with you on your thoughts - this ex chick didnt nearly, but DID drive me insane. I am still dealing with the fallout. I keep getting other chicks, but I know in my heart that NC and somehow gradually FORGETTING ALL ABOUT MY EX will be the ONLY cure..... Its gonna be painful bro, but wise up, admit defeat like a man, and move on........ seriously

 

[bigneil]

Just a question, but have you ever taken any drugs for ADD

Let me ask you this: is there an official test for ADD or ADHD? The answer is no, it's made-up. And no I don't take any prescription drugs and am in perfect physical health at almost 42.

You can't find anyone else, so you are comfortable reaching out to her hoping she will magically fall in love with you because of some text you sent.

That part is not true. I've had a dozen other dates I just never mention them. And none of them were strippers, but if what everyone says is true then I would have fallen for every stripper. I certainly tried to find another but I personally can't stand strippers! They can't even turn me on anymore.

The truth is, I feel better than before I contacted her. The lesson is that NC doesn't resolve the underlying issue, but that absence makes them more willing to work the issue out later. Maybe you need a 2-step process sometimes.

But I appreciate the feedback and I seem to be wrong for the most part.

 

[MM92]

I am lost for words. people have already said my feelings better than i could. seriously, sort it out. this is beyond ridiculous

 

[bigneil]

MM92 from England is at a "lost for words" because he can't speak English or handle the Shift Key in real time.

Remember readers:

You can f*ck the hottest girl you know and date her for 6 months, but if she leaves you, you want her back, and she agrees, but imposes terms, you are afc (which stands for Already F*cked Chick).

 

[d!ckmojo]

I think you did the right thing bigneil, just gave her a juicy taste of attention after 9 weeks NC to get her hamster wheel spinning again, then went ghost again.

You're right though in thinking that you must wait until she contacts you again (unlikely?) or bump into her by chance (random) before talking to her again in order to maintain your position of leverage, so, basically, there's nothing you can do except continue dating other girls, and if synchronicity strikes and you see her again, well, all will be cool.

 

[bigneil]

I think you did the right thing bigneil, just gave her a juicy taste of attention after 9 weeks NC to get her hamster wheel spinning again, then went ghost again.

You're right though in thinking that you must wait until she contacts you again (unlikely?)

This is honestly how I feel. It was a step in the right direction in a situation where I had nothing to lose.

Guys, half the time if you just came right out and talked to your girl about things, you'd move closer, and the other half of the time you would move further away, but it's worth making a move if she is still on your mind.

 

[youngmack]

This is honestly how I feel. It was a step in the right direction in a situation where I had nothing to lose.

Guys, half the time if you just came right out and talked to your girl about things, you'd move closer, and the other half of the time you would move further away, but it's worth making a move if she is still on your mind.

But what if she hurt you? Can you still have a chance of moving closer?

 

[zekko]

11:36PM - "Well then I guess you shouldn't go there!"
TRANSLATION: At no point would she be pleased to know I was there without her, and she was already waiting to hear back from me so she could let me have some more anger because she hasn't gotten over me. Hate is the negative of love. Indifference would have been "Hi, how are u?" or no reply. Tell me you wouldn't like some girl you are mad at to call you so you could vent. But it wouldn't mean you never wanted to see her again, would it?

I would have translated that as "You shouldnt' go there looking for me". Which was what you were doing, if I understand correctly.

Anyway, while I agree with the others that you'd be better off forgetting the girl, obviously that isn't going to happen. So I think you should just try and set something up with her.

I don't get this idea that you have to have "leverage" - that's a sign that you're overthinking things again and you're just playing games. She gave you an opening at the end, all you had to do was walk through it. Instead you withdrew in order to "game" her some more, which just lets her go on with her life without you. Sh!t or get off the pot, as they say.

 

[MM92]

I bet you've never ****ed anyone that isn't a stripper. That's if you've ever ****ed anyone at all.

 

[bigneil]

I don't get this idea that you have to have "leverage" - that's a sign that you're overthinking things again and you're just playing games. She gave you an opening at the end, all you had to do was walk through it. Instead you withdrew in order to "game" her some more, which just lets her go on with her life without you. Sh!t or get off the pot, as they say.

Good point. The truth is, the only real leverage comes from making them have an orgasm. It just seems as though there is a power struggle with her.

 

[zekko]

Good point. The truth is, the only real leverage comes from making them have an orgasm. It just seems as though there is a power struggle with her.

You can't give her an orgasm while you're no contact with her.
You two know each other by now, yes?
She ought to know by now whether or not she's attracted to you, you shouldn't be trying to convince her.

 

[LE6END]

I want everyone to study this. Everyone who visits these forums, posts, renders advice, seeks it.

Goes to show, as a few members have already mentioned, no one is above the enticing lure of the game. 41 Years Old, over 2,000 posts still can't help him in regards to this futile game of swirling emotions and scattered perceptions we, as sexes, play on each other.

It really begs the question, can anyone truly become immune to the usual antics; the usual tricks and foolery of the female? Vice Versa?

Apparently, reading all the books in the world; watching all the videos; going through 20+ years of life, still can't help you, in the end.

I don't visit much often anymore, but when I do, BigNeil was one of those members who's advice I'd love to read. He appeared so wise to me in the forums. Outside of him and a few others, the rest were just a good read.

I woke up to this thread, and as appalled as I am to see him behaving exactly like the victims he dispensed advice upon, I can't say I'm surprised.
It pains me to see him rationalizing his situation---much to no success. I can't fault him, however. I know most people who appear like they're above the average "AFC" aren't better at all. Alpha Male, Beta Male; what does any of that amount to if, eventually, you just fall back into the same position you were---when the right one comes along?

 

[TopGun2000]

because Big let his emotion control his judgement instead of utilizing all the facts

he tried to chase the woman and prove himself to her while she obviously had less interest

never try to impress a woman by any means

 

[headFirst]

Maybe at this points its an ego thing? I was banging a 22 yr old a few months ago before I became AFC and ruined it. I'm 27. I get more joy of getting with chicks in their early 20's than girls around my age.

But it made me mad like hell that she walked away with the power.. especially being almost 6 yrs younger than me. I felt I've been around and I should be the wiser/mature one walking away with my head high. Instead I stooped to her level calling her some horrible names (which she deserved but I showed weakness by apologizing). I have not spoken with her for about two weeks now and a lot of my anger stemmed from lowering myself to her level. I felt like I let her walk away with all the power. But I figure heck if I no longer talk to her anymore then who cares, and if she ever does come back it's on her, and I will stand my ground for the things I said to her and no longer let her manipulate me.

You say she is 20.. so this is why I said this.

Btw, how much effort/money does it take to snag a 20 yr old stripper anyway? I've never brought home a stripper before..

 

[TonyBaloney]

I want everyone to study this. Everyone who visits these forums, posts, renders advice, seeks it.

Goes to show, as a few members have already mentioned, no one is above the enticing lure of the game. 41 Years Old, over 2,000 posts still can't help him in regards to this futile game of swirling emotions and scattered perceptions we, as sexes, play on each other.

It really begs the question, can anyone truly become immune to the usual antics; the usual tricks and foolery of the female? Vice Versa?

Apparently, reading all the books in the world; watching all the videos; going through 20+ years of life, still can't help you, in the end.

I don't visit much often anymore, but when I do, BigNeil was one of those members who's advice I'd love to read. He appeared so wise to me in the forums. Outside of him and a few others, the rest were just a good read.

I woke up to this thread, and as appalled as I am to see him behaving exactly like the victims he dispensed advice upon, I can't say I'm surprised.
It pains me to see him rationalizing his situation---much to no success. I can't fault him, however. I know most people who appear like they're above the average "AFC" aren't better at all. Alpha Male, Beta Male; what does any of that amount to if, eventually, you just fall back into the same position you were---when the right one comes along?

Need we say more........

Any other comments Bigneil?????