Breakup. Plate to Spin or No contact?

[Dradventure]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She initiated the breakup I do care for her. However, she continues to be down to have sex and asks me to go over to spend the night with her. Should I continue and turn her into a plate as I have fun with other women or go no contact with her?

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

Don’t do it if you think you might catch feels again. If you are truly over her go for it because it is likely you both know what each other likes in bed through experience whereas even the best prostitutes/desperate milfs/rando girl bartenders that you smash will be completely new to what you like and it will be worse sex. Sex is always, always better on the 3rd or 4th time because you know how to please your partner the best by that time.

 

[SirBigBell]

If she initiated the breakup then the current arrangement can mean 2 things:

1. She is carrying guilt for the breakup and therefore is willing to give you sympathy sex.

2. She hasnt found your replacement to monkey-branch to yet and therefore is happy to stick to what is safe and familiar (you) for physical fulfilment until a more substantive opportunity becomes available.

Both of these 2 scenarios are not sustainable and will surely come to an end sooner or later.
If you still care for her as you say, then you’re still emotionally invested, as most dumped people usually are. She ended the relationship and so she holds the power here. You cant spin a plate from a position of emotional weakness without getting hurt. She is the one spinning you as her plate and can pull the plug on you whenever she wishes.

If i were you, I would claw back my dignity and cut the rope completely, at least in the interim until Ive emotionally withdrawn my investment and hit the reset button. 6 months from now you can reconnect and maybe hook up on a no strings basis from a position of emotional equality.

As things stand right now, you are the weaker party here and fairly vulnerable. The fact that you’re happy to settle for her scaled down offer lowers her attraction and respect for you. Jump ship before she stops giving you the charity handouts and kicks you to the kerb for good.

 

[Dash Riprock]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She initiated the breakup I do care for her. However, she continues to be down to have sex and asks me to go over to spend the night with her. Should I continue and turn her into a plate as I have fun with other women or go no contact with her?

Short answer: GO NO CONTACT.

She's weaning herself off of you, using you basically, until she finds someone new. As others have mentioned, it's like continually picking off the scab and never letting the wound heal. Plus, you're coming off as weak giving into her demands/requests about being "friends" or FWBs or whatever after she was the one who dumped you. A high SMV man wouldn't kowtow to her and would just cut her cold.

The "being friends" thing is total BS.

Good luck.

 

[Dradventure]

If she initiated the breakup then the current arrangement can mean 2 things:

1. She is carrying guilt for the breakup and therefore is willing to give you sympathy sex.

2. She hasnt found your replacement to monkey-branch to yet and therefore is happy to stick to what is safe and familiar (you) for physical fulfilment until a more substantive opportunity becomes available.

Both of these 2 scenarios are not sustainable and will surely come to an end sooner or later.
If you still care for her as you say, then you’re still emotionally invested, as most dumped people usually are. She ended the relationship and so she holds the power here. You cant spin a plate from a position of emotional weakness without getting hurt. She is the one spinning you as her plate and can pull the plug on you whenever she wishes.

If i were you, I would claw back my dignity and cut the rope completely, at least in the interim until Ive emotionally withdrawn my investment and hit the reset button. 6 months from now you can reconnect and maybe hook up on a no strings basis from a position of emotional equality.

As things stand right now, you are the weaker party here and fairly vulnerable. The fact that you’re happy to settle for her scaled down offer lowers her attraction and respect for you. Jump ship before she stops giving you the charity handouts and kicks you to the kerb for good.

Thanks for the input. You are on point and it's why forums like this are good. It helps to get the right mindset back.

 

[B80]

if you don;t have kids, move on mate. plus outside chance she'll respect you more not lingering around for sex after she initiated the breakup - which could end up with her chasing you back, although whether its a good idea getting back together with someone who brokeup with you...

 

[RangerMIke]

It all depends on what YOU want. If you are looking for a steady GF, you need to just let this one go. If all you want is sex, well... you know the answer to that.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out what is going on with her, because it really doesn't matter. If she isn't going to give you what you want, you need to walk away.

For what it is worth, this isn't going to work out in your favor and you are just wasting your time. At some point she will find another dude she really wants and when that happens you'll be done. In my experience once a chick decides you are not what she wants, that's it... you are finished. If she is dragging it out she'll eventually begin to resent the fact that you are still hanging around.... I know, I know... she is the one that wants to drag this out... but at some point the water will boil and she will explode in your face. She might be 'trying' to make it work but she is only building internal resentment... If she is loyal... well... she'll stick around and torture you because it will be, in her mind, your fault because you aren't making her feel anything for you.

Be the man... rip off the band-aid.

 

[Glassguy]

It all depends on what YOU want. If you are looking for a steady GF, you need to just let this one go. If all you want is sex, well... you know the answer to that.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out what is going on with her, because it really doesn't matter. If she isn't going to give you what you want, you need to walk away.

For what it is worth, this isn't going to work out in your favor and you are just wasting your time. At some point she will find another dude she really wants and when that happens you'll be done. In my experience once a chick decides you are not what she wants, that's it... you are finished. If she is dragging it out she'll eventually begin to resent the fact that you are still hanging around.... I know, I know... she is the one that wants to drag this out... but at some point the water will boil and she will explode in your face. She might be 'trying' to make it work but she is only building internal resentment... If she is loyal... well... she'll stick around and torture you because it will be, in her mind, your fault because you aren't making her feel anything for you.

Be the man... rip off the band-aid.

Ranger is right OP. You clearly want more than to just go smash her.......and she dumped you. Go find other chicks because this will end badly once she finds your replacement, and believe me, she IS looking for more options in the men department.

 

[RickTheToad]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She initiated the breakup I do care for her. However, she continues to be down to have sex and asks me to go over to spend the night with her. Should I continue and turn her into a plate as I have fun with other women or go no contact with her?

Walk away. I know it's hard, but you will be better mentally. She just wants to keep you on the hook. Not worth the pain and turmoil.

 

[PRW63]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She initiated the breakup I do care for her. However, she continues to be down to have sex and asks me to go over to spend the night with her. Should I continue and turn her into a plate as I have fun with other women or go no contact with her?

So,...she's not interested in you for any form of a Relationship,...but is DTF????

That is the definition of a slut. So this is real easy to figure out. If you want to bang a slut, then bang a slut. If you don't want to bang a slut, then don't bang a slut.

Problem solved.

"turn her into a plate"....That has got to be the stupidest analogy created (no Rollo didn't come up with it, he just uses it,...it pre-dates Rollo by years). You don't "turn someone into a plate",...that is just stupid imagery. What spinning plates means is just Casual Dating,...that's it,...that is all it means. Casually Dating is just dating a woman that you have not achieved relationships status with, hence you can date more than one at once.

So think about it...
You were in a relationship with her. She dumped you,...yes she did. "WE".... didn't break up,...she dumped you. So she says you aren't worth having a relationship with but you are ok to bang once in a while,...when she has the time and not banging some other guy that outranks you. But as soon as she sees a guy she thinks outranks you, then you go on the back burner until the new guy doesn't pan out for her. She'll let you keep her from getting too bored until the next guy that outranks you comes along. Is that what your goal is?...that's what you want? No it isn't. You only want to go along with whatever penalty box she puts you in so that you have something to dip it in once in a while, and you want to "stay nearby" (stay in her orbit) because you hope she will change her mind and give you the relationship that you thought was so great but she took away from you,...but the very fact you are willing to do that is why she doesn't respect you.

 

[dude99]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She initiated the breakup I do care for her. However, she continues to be down to have sex and asks me to go over to spend the night with her. Should I continue and turn her into a plate as I have fun with other women or go no contact with her?

I recomend 100% no contact. But if you refuse to do that follow these instructions.

Her only only only choice she gets in this situation is You demote her to Fack toy, and nothing else.

If she wants to see you, you give her a bang and then you leave until the next time she calls you. You bang. You leave.

She gets no cuddling, no conversation, no coffee date, no small chit chat, no catching up, no texting, no phone calls no emails no social media. She gets nothing. nothing what so ever with any investment on your part.

She terminated the relationship. There are consequences for her actions.

So you let her know she is nothing but a fack toy.

If she isn't ok with that then she gets 100% no contact.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She initiated the breakup I do care for her. However, she continues to be down to have sex and asks me to go over to spend the night with her. Should I continue and turn her into a plate as I have fun with other women or go no contact with her?

Absolutely NOT. If no feelings/emotions were involved, then that would be a different story. But you have a past and naturally emotionally vested so continuing to be intimate with someone that does not want to "be" with you will only drain your masculinity and mental capacity. Don't do it.

Usually what I tell girls that give you the "let's just be friends" is that I don't believe in genuine friendships with women I am mentally/sexually attracted to. It would be a highly conditional relationship and one that only benefits them. In your case, sex would be your only benefit, but that benefit comes at a high cost. A cost that is not worth your masculinity and mental health.

Feel free to reach out directly if you need more advice on this.

Modern Man Advice