breaks
- Thread starter joekerr31
- Start date
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2004
- Messages
- 490
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 46
my story on breaks is as a follows. this girl, my ex of a year, and i had began fooling around before she broke up with bf. she dumped him and sorta went cold to me at the same time. then we started talking more and then all of a sudden decides that she wants to see other people because she needs time after the break up. i told her we could take things slow just as along as she wasnt hooking up with someone else. she said that was a relationship and she didnt want that. i asked her where i stood and she said i was still in the game. so i went out that night and saw "saw some other people" if you will in the back of my car.
the next day she ims me and wants to be with me and only me. i was like what ok sure great. i felt guilty about the other girl. i eventually told her after she kept nagging me about some other girl i got with while she was still dating her ex. (which was ok because i knew she had a bf but i was supposed to wait for her while she had the ex). any way she was major pissed about that for along time, think months.
she again told me that she wanted a break, right before she was going home for a month. i was told this girl please dont. she wanted it still and so i said well whatever, maybe the month apart willb e good as long as we dont see other people. she said well i cant help it if someone comes along. i should have to her to **** off at that point. i eventually dumped her 6 long months later.
my learning experince from these two unqiue lets take a break. women will use lets take a break for power. they will use it to make themselves seem wonderful for taking you back. they will suggest a break to test you. they will want a break to have a guilt free fling. they will do it just to see you hurt. they will ask for a break for a million reasons.
the bottom line is breaks are bull****. a woman going through a tough time wants the man she loves to comfort and support her. a woman suggesting a break is not a high quality woman, atleast not for you. she either doesnt have the balls to tell you that she wants to bang so and so, or she is testing you. either way that is not the actions of a woman with her head on straight. dump her on the spot.
the best counter tactic to a break request is simply "do what you will" and leave, for good. dont give her the satisfaction of an emotional response. when you do not respond she will probalby up the emotional ante for a response with crying then yelling, then threats of and cheating, violence, then maybe even actually letting you know she is throwing herself at anothe man. igonre her. no contact, period.
a wise man once said, dont play games with peoples hearts, and dont tolerate those who play games with yours.
the next day she ims me and wants to be with me and only me. i was like what ok sure great. i felt guilty about the other girl. i eventually told her after she kept nagging me about some other girl i got with while she was still dating her ex. (which was ok because i knew she had a bf but i was supposed to wait for her while she had the ex). any way she was major pissed about that for along time, think months.
she again told me that she wanted a break, right before she was going home for a month. i was told this girl please dont. she wanted it still and so i said well whatever, maybe the month apart willb e good as long as we dont see other people. she said well i cant help it if someone comes along. i should have to her to **** off at that point. i eventually dumped her 6 long months later.
my learning experince from these two unqiue lets take a break. women will use lets take a break for power. they will use it to make themselves seem wonderful for taking you back. they will suggest a break to test you. they will want a break to have a guilt free fling. they will do it just to see you hurt. they will ask for a break for a million reasons.
the bottom line is breaks are bull****. a woman going through a tough time wants the man she loves to comfort and support her. a woman suggesting a break is not a high quality woman, atleast not for you. she either doesnt have the balls to tell you that she wants to bang so and so, or she is testing you. either way that is not the actions of a woman with her head on straight. dump her on the spot.
the best counter tactic to a break request is simply "do what you will" and leave, for good. dont give her the satisfaction of an emotional response. when you do not respond she will probalby up the emotional ante for a response with crying then yelling, then threats of and cheating, violence, then maybe even actually letting you know she is throwing herself at anothe man. igonre her. no contact, period.
a wise man once said, dont play games with peoples hearts, and dont tolerate those who play games with yours.
feelingloved
Don Juan
I'm 35. I've been on a continual search for wisdom, much of my adult life. I have found so much of it here today, my first day.
I will return. Thank you, joekerr31 and all.
I've just gone through a breakup, and your wisdom is a source of healing and inspiration to me.
I will return. Thank you, joekerr31 and all.
I've just gone through a breakup, and your wisdom is a source of healing and inspiration to me.
feelingloved
Don Juan
I've just re-read this again.
And was astounded again. I've never found so much truth in one place. I've copied it to my hard-drive. God knows its sobering impact is the right thing, at this very time, for me right now. I'm going to milk this wisdom tree.
And was astounded again. I've never found so much truth in one place. I've copied it to my hard-drive. God knows its sobering impact is the right thing, at this very time, for me right now. I'm going to milk this wisdom tree.
you know what i've found since turning 30 (im currently 32).
im MUCH more concerned with death/time than i am a woman (ie. breaks)!
I get more upset if i miss a work out or don't eat properly. i get more upset when i'm not loving every day of life. there are a MILLION things that upset me a LOT more than losing a woman.
I wasted a lot of time in my 20s and i refuse to do that in my 30s. my 30s are about building a better me, so that I live to 100 and have the energy and health of a 20 year old until my dying day. while everyone else in the world is letting themselves slowly fall apart, every day im building a better me.
break? what do i care if a woman wants a break. out the door you go honey. Thank you for freeing up more of my time for me to focus on ME.
im MUCH more concerned with death/time than i am a woman (ie. breaks)!
I get more upset if i miss a work out or don't eat properly. i get more upset when i'm not loving every day of life. there are a MILLION things that upset me a LOT more than losing a woman.
I wasted a lot of time in my 20s and i refuse to do that in my 30s. my 30s are about building a better me, so that I live to 100 and have the energy and health of a 20 year old until my dying day. while everyone else in the world is letting themselves slowly fall apart, every day im building a better me.
break? what do i care if a woman wants a break. out the door you go honey. Thank you for freeing up more of my time for me to focus on ME.
edger
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2006
- Messages
- 1,875
- Reaction score
- 39
I was actually thinking about "time" this the past week. Time definitely flies, that's for sure, at least for me it's been...I used to think it takes forever to reach your birthday, to get older..now each year comes by so fast.joekerr31 said:you know what i've found since turning 30 (im currently 32).
im MUCH more concerned with death/time than i am a woman (ie. breaks)!
I get more upset if i miss a work out or don't eat properly. i get more upset when i'm not loving every day of life. there are a MILLION things that upset me a LOT more than losing a woman.
I wasted a lot of time in my 20s and i refuse to do that in my 30s. my 30s are about building a better me, so that I live to 100 and have the energy and health of a 20 year old until my dying day. while everyone else in the world is letting themselves slowly fall apart, every day im building a better me.
break? what do i care if a woman wants a break. out the door you go honey. Thank you for freeing up more of my time for me to focus on ME.
Dash Riprock
Master Don Juan
Most guys unless they’re total AFCs or f-ing blind, can sense or see something like this coming, but they hang in there, hope things better (which they rarely do) and take the hit.
For the past few years, if I sense a relationship is heading in this direction, I'll pull the Preemptive Breakup. This way I beat her to the punch, swing the power to even or now tipped in my favor, and position her as the rejected one. It's better than listening to her lame-ass excuses and seeing her gloat in her newly found "power."
I've also found that in most situations, they want to work things out when you do this. Not all, but most. I've also found that they’re open to trying things again in the future. It positions you as the leader, DJ, take-no-**it bf.
Anyone else ever tried this tactic?
For the past few years, if I sense a relationship is heading in this direction, I'll pull the Preemptive Breakup. This way I beat her to the punch, swing the power to even or now tipped in my favor, and position her as the rejected one. It's better than listening to her lame-ass excuses and seeing her gloat in her newly found "power."
I've also found that in most situations, they want to work things out when you do this. Not all, but most. I've also found that they’re open to trying things again in the future. It positions you as the leader, DJ, take-no-**it bf.
Anyone else ever tried this tactic?
Vulpine
Master Don Juan
Sinistar touched on this aspect, and I agree. The "break" translation can be shortened:joekerr31 said:
"Another option presented itself. This option is looking better than you, so I'm going to explore it. If it turns out that this isn't a good option, I'll come back to you."
or shorter still...
"I'm going to ƒuck this other guy. If he's not as good as you, I'll come back to your bed."
this is what goes through their head...Dash Riprock said:
her: (inner thoughts) 'you know, i can do better than Dash. i think its time to give myself some options. i should probably think about taking a break. maybe ill bring that up in a week or so. then ill have time to hang out with Joekerr guilt free."
Dash: i think we need to take a break.
her: (inner thoughts) "WTF! what do i do now? If Joekerr is better than Dash and DASH is kicking my *ss to the curb, what chance do i have with Joekerr then. Jesus, what was i thinking? I gotta get Dash back."
hehe. no offence dash, just used our names for fun.
anyway, the moment you reject a woman its the equivalent of taking a sledge hammer to her ego. When a woman has a man her ego is blown up, she thinks she can get any guy in the world just because shes got one. but when you sledge hammer that ego back to reality she becomes VERY aware that not only was she lucky to have you, but that if she can't even hold on to you what chance does she have of holding on to a male she perceives as being of even higher value?
as men we tend NOT to put any value in what others think (which is a good thing). which is why we see it as silly to think in this way. after all, if a chic dumps us we shrug our shoulders and go fishing and catch another fish. but women aren't like that. when a woman gets dumped it reinforces every single negative thought she has about herself. it REALLY rattles her cage - BIG TIME.
because at the end of the day women are not use to getting dumped. they are used to getting turned in to wh*res by their boyfriend - ie. he really doesnt care about her anymore, treats her poorly, but still likes getting laid regularly. but they are NOT use to getting straight out DUMPED. it REALLY messes with their minds.
For the longest time I didn't understand this. I would hold on to the last shred of hope that I could revive the relationship, or at the very least keep her around for a piece of ass. And it ALWAYS backfired.joekerr31 said:
That's the trick. Even if she's only in the contemplation stages of dumping you, you have an ENORMOUS amount of leverage if you beat her to the punch.
Victory Unlimited said:
Victory Unlimited, this is a great post, very profound. And JOEKERR, this is a terrific thread.
A year ago I had a girlfriend (two years) who was very very much into me. Anyway, it all went to dust last summer. Late June 2006 it was nothing but "I'm so glad I found you...I'm really happy with us", ect. By the middle of August (like 5 or 6 weeks) it took her a few days to return my phone calls. By then I was in that relationship by myself. September she broke up with me, via email (after not returning my phone calls for almost a week).
What kept me hanging on? I had really thought that no matter what, she had my best interests at heart. There was also guilt on my part. There were times when I wasn't the most attentive boyfriend in the world. But then, I never really changed. That was the guy whom she fell in love with. If anything, I became more attentive and caring over time.
She had said how she was frustrated with my saying "I just don't know" when it came to taking our relationship to the next level. From the way she handled the break-up, I guess I really DIDN'T know...
Sometimes where there is commitment, this device is used to request reassurance. But it doesn't generally work too well for that purpose, since the man might just enjoy the idea of a break after 10 or so years.
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2004
- Messages
- 490
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 46
how do you guys play a girl who acts in a way that u break up with her because that is what she wants
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Yo Troops,
KNOW that many break ups happen in stages. Often there is either an escalation of the severity of fights, or an expansion of the time between meaningful contact or communication.
A good rule of thumb to spot a "break" or a "break up" coming is to keep a watchful eye on the two things I just mentioned. And also, don't start lying to yourself or rationalizing away the truth of whatever you are "seeing" in regards to her behavior.
It's true that people who break up to make up more often are really just practicing before they get good enough at it to break up FOR GOOD.
Protect your HEARTS at all costs, soldiers.
Peace...one day.
KNOW that many break ups happen in stages. Often there is either an escalation of the severity of fights, or an expansion of the time between meaningful contact or communication.
A good rule of thumb to spot a "break" or a "break up" coming is to keep a watchful eye on the two things I just mentioned. And also, don't start lying to yourself or rationalizing away the truth of whatever you are "seeing" in regards to her behavior.
It's true that people who break up to make up more often are really just practicing before they get good enough at it to break up FOR GOOD.
Protect your HEARTS at all costs, soldiers.
Peace...one day.
breaks up occur in stages like VU says, which is what makes them so complicated.
because the truth is that relationships can be bumpy and at any moment things can go either way - down the toilet or fly sky high.
its really hard to know sometimes when things are destined to crash and burn and when they will pull through and fly sky high.
but one thing i can tell you for sure. the moment you hear 'break' its over.
because the truth is that relationships can be bumpy and at any moment things can go either way - down the toilet or fly sky high.
its really hard to know sometimes when things are destined to crash and burn and when they will pull through and fly sky high.
but one thing i can tell you for sure. the moment you hear 'break' its over.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
This is a great thread.
I'd add that "I need space" is the same thing as "let's take a break."
Back when this thread was first posted, I was being dumped by this girl who told me she "needed space." I talked to her about a month later, and she referred to that conversation as the one where we decided to go 'on a break.' I objected, and told her that she said 'need space' and not 'take a break.' She sighed like I was retarded, and said, "It's the same thing."
I'd add that "I need space" is the same thing as "let's take a break."
Back when this thread was first posted, I was being dumped by this girl who told me she "needed space." I talked to her about a month later, and she referred to that conversation as the one where we decided to go 'on a break.' I objected, and told her that she said 'need space' and not 'take a break.' She sighed like I was retarded, and said, "It's the same thing."