breaks

[joekerr31]

thought i'd take a moment to share my views on 'breaks'

when your woman says 'i think we should take a break', 99.9% of the time its end game.

you see, what she has created a lose lose scenario for you. its a scenario that gives her ALL the power in the relationship moving forward.

its lose lose because either you say 'i understand. ill wait for you', in which case its pretty clear who needs who more. or you say 'no i dont want a break' and once again its pretty clear who needs who more.

calling for a break is an all or nothing move - its a POWER move. the fact that it is often wrapped up in this neat little package of 'im just confused and need some time to figure things out' type of melodrama is all part of the ruse.

all you have to do is change the paradigm to understand the nature of 'a break'. can you imagine your employer coming up to your desk one day and saying 'Listen Jim, can we talk? I think we need to take a break. So we'd like to lay you off for a while. i mean, we still want you to work for us, but just for the time being we think it would be best that we let you go while we figure out what to do with the business. we'll call ok?"

would you respond to that with: "Oh for sure. i understand. take your time and give me a call when you are ready."

F*CK no! You'd say "What the f*CK? you gotta be joking me? f*ck you guys, i don't want to come back and work here. i'm going to go find a better job somewhere else!"

and even if you didn't say anything to them and accepted the situation, you'd still get your resume out there and get another job! You'd be insane to want to go back to a company that could toss you aside out of the blue - even if they say they are only temporarily tossing you aside.

actually, its easier to understand it in business. sometimes company's do temporary lay offs to clean up the books and then rehire folks a quarter later. but in a relationship? theres just about no excuse for such a tactic. none.

the only excuses that potentially might warrant a break would...
- a death in her family that messed her up psychologically
- if you've been abusing her verbally / physically
- if she caught you cheating
- if you're banging a MILF with kids and things are getting too out of control and she needs time to get her head together for her kids

see, theres no reason to call a 'break', becuase you can take a break without calling it a break. you can tell your gf / bf, 'Sally, i just need to spend this weekend alone. i'm just really run down and need to recharge my batteries."

the ONLY reason to actually use the words "I think we need a break" is to literally CUT the ties that bind - to END teh relationship.

any woman prepared to take that risk with a guy she likes is an idiot. and 99.99999% of women would NEVER take that chance with a guy they were head over heels for.

when you hear "i think we need a break." you need to translate those in your head into what they really mean....

"It's been great, but its over. I'm leaving you. I don't want a future with you. I'm going to start screwing / dating other guys. the only reason i'm saying lets take a break, instead of lets break up, is that you're such an AFC that i know i can basically spit in your face and you'll take me back if i want. and until i know that i can do better than you, i want to keep you as an option in the future."

to which my response would be - TO LAUGH MY F*CKING *SS OFF and show her the door.

 

[decades]

good post and on target.

 

[STR8UP]

when your woman says 'i think we should take a break', 99.9% of the time its end game.

Yep, she's lost interest and either wants to

A) Break up with you without saying "I want to break up with you"

or

B) Keep you on a leash while she's fukking god knows who

One way or the other, if a woman has the balls to say that to you she doesn't put much value in the relationship.

When she says this there is something that is obviously broken, and I don't believe in "fixing" relationships.

 

[edger]

My ex-girlfriend's exact words were "I need space...I'm not saying we should date anybody else, I just need space." Hahaha. She never ended up following through with it, but one month later, she ended the relationship for good.

 

[STR8UP]

Incidentally, this whole "break" thing can work both ways.

I am good friends with a guy and his g/f.

I consider both good friends, but the g/f actually has confided in me a couple of times about certain things.

I suppose it's sort of a conflict of interest, being he is my friend and all, but if she calls me up and needs to blow off some steam I will listen.

Anyway, my buddy is known for telling his girl that they are on a break. Whenever he does this his g/f goes out with her friends, and although i don't think she makes a habit of it, one time she hooked up with someone else.

Point is, never say that kind of sh!t unless you mean it. Actually, never say that kind of sh!t at all. If you wanna end it, end it. If not, keep deal with your problems another way.

 

[Interceptor]

joe,
you're a real source of inspiration here, dude.
Keep it up.
I think the term is called "positive Reinforcement."
I feel that reading material like this reinforces my beliefs, and only makes them stronger, therefore more sound for me.
Part of the reaosn I prefer the MM forum here too.

Thanks.

 

[joekerr31]

the other reason women use the 'we need to take a break thing' is that it plays in to the males 'save a hoe' mentality.

most guys, when their woman says 'lets take a break' interpret the situation as their woman is goign through a confusing difficult time and needs to get her head figured out (the woman often will shed a few tears as she impliments the lets take a break tactic)

their natural instinct is to fix her, save her, save her. but given that she has directly requested that they break, he figures that by 'giving her space' he's supporting her and that she will return to him. that by backing off while still being available he is still being her knight in shinning armor.

and nothing hurts more than playing captain save a hoe only to find out that what's really been happening is that hoe is sinking a 12 inch blade right into the middle of your back.

this scenario is what makes most men so bitter towards women. nothing hurts more than for the thing you are protecting to attack you behind your back.

its the ultimate betrayal of trust.

and to be honest, i personally believe, given the cruel nature of this methodology applied by women, that most women, whether it be subconsciously or not, get an ego boost from hurting a man - any man.

consciously they will say they did it NOT to hurt him, to let him down easily. but when you get women in a rare state of honesty, they will admit that they KNOW that this tactic actually hurts more.

part of it is that they are scared of honest confrontation. but i also believe part of it is that a LOT of women have a lot of baggage when it comes to male relationships. a lot of pent up frustration and resentment towards past men, and that when it comes to breaking it off with men i think they take the most ruthless self-beneficial method with total (and i mean absolute and total) disregard for the consequences on the male.

moreover, given they often are about to shack up with another guy, the last thing they want is an honest conversation. so they just cut and run with no real explanation.

pretty damn ruthless

 

[Interceptor]

I also believe they feel an ego boost when they feel they''ve hurt a man.
It asserts their view of their "power". They may feel powerful, therby increasing their value in their eyes.
All women are conniving, sneaky, and schemers.
Some don't use it for evil though.
But when women feel powerless, and have been hurt by men, and more importanlty refuse to acknowledge their compictiness in the victimization, women want revenge against a man. Any man, who will out himself below the women.
See... putting the woman above you is one of the worst possible things you can do to yourself and her.
And adding to the Capt Save a Ho. Ultimately, what these guys need is someone savnig themselves!
They need to save themselves. But they don';t feel worthy enough so they see women as helpless, vulbnerable victimes who need saving. It's a projection of themselves.
They need validation. So they find in saving some woman.
When they really need to save themselves.
Vicous cycle, man.
Really vicious.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yes JOEKERR,


Great post. And I agree, as I have just recently experienced just HOW FAST a woman can REVEAL she's secretly gone from liking you to loathing you.

Yes, my experience is that once most women divest themselves emotionally from you, the level of inconsideration that she shows you can be SHOCKING (and even DEVASTATING for the unlearned (AFC) ).

Yes, as Seinfeld would probably say:

Women are RUTHLESS...they are WITHOUT "ruth"....lol

 

[joekerr31]

I also believe they feel an ego boost when they feel they''ve hurt a man.

i've said this many times before - the weaker of two organisms will never feel empathy for the stronger of two organisms ONCE its own self interests are no longer tied to that stronger organism.

this describes, perfectly, how a woman operates once a relationship is over.

its how we work as a society as well.

just look at celebrities. we raise them up as gods (as a woman will do to a man) and we tear them to shreds on their way down (just as women will do to a man).

but despite the fact that many women are like this, some are not. and despite the world being filled with bullsh*t in seriously lacking any virtue, as men, we must rise above it all.

we must become the change we wish to see (I think VU said this before.)

 

[STR8UP]

Yes, my experience is that once most women divest themselves emotionally from you, the level of inconsideration that she shows you can be SHOCKING (and even DEVASTATING for the unlearned (AFC) ).

Sooooooo true.

As soon as a chick is ABLE (I say able because most of they aren't ABLE until they have something else to grab on to) she can go from practically worshiping you to smearing your face in the dirt in a matter of days.

You gotta be sure you don't get a false sense of confidence with a woman because if this.

 

[joekerr31]

oh one other very important thing, and if you guys ar elucky VU will take some time to expand on this idea (i gotta jet so i dont have time right now)...

but dont ever think that women WIN using this tactic.

one thing i've learned in life and its this.

it is NOT possible to hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

a lot of people will say that statement is bullsh*t. i don't believe it is.

i believe that when you hurt others you SEVERLY stunt your own growth as a human being.

the MAIN reason i post on this forum is because by helping others i help myself. I don't so much learn anything new (although many posters inspire me to stay on track in life) - but i feel good about myself helping other men. and the better i feel about myself, the better person i am. and the better person i am, the more i enjoy life.

you DO NOT win in this life by hurting others. it sometimes takes a long time to see the effects, but when you hurt others you soil, tarnish and abuse the thing that is most sacred about yourself - your integrity - the very thing that gives you confidence and a sense of self worth.

 

[Bible_Belt]

amen, well said

 

[lookyoung]

oh one other very important thing, and if you guys ar elucky VU will take some time to expand on this idea (i gotta jet so i dont have time right now)...

but dont ever think that women WIN using this tactic.

one thing i've learned in life and its this.

it is NOT possible to hurt someone else without hurting yourself.

a lot of people will say that statement is bullsh*t. i don't believe it is.

i believe that when you hurt others you SEVERLY stunt your own growth as a human being.

the MAIN reason i post on this forum is because by helping others i help myself. I don't so much learn anything new (although many posters inspire me to stay on track in life) - but i feel good about myself helping other men. and the better i feel about myself, the better person i am. and the better person i am, the more i enjoy life.

you DO NOT win in this life by hurting others. it sometimes takes a long time to see the effects, but when you hurt others you soil, tarnish and abuse the thing that is most sacred about yourself - your integrity - the very thing that gives you confidence and a sense of self worth.

Wow joeker your posts recently have been nothing short of amazing. Well said. It is posters like you that make me coming back to sosuave.

 

[WaterTiger]

Women NEVER want to take a break from a guy they are in love with.

By the time they SAY "I want a break" they've already thought about it for weeks and are mentally prepared for life without you. They are just standing at the edge of the pool, testing the water with their little pink toes before they take the plunge.

 

[edger]

Yes, my experience is that once most women divest themselves emotionally from you, the level of inconsideration that she shows you can be SHOCKING (and even DEVASTATING for the unlearned (AFC) ).

Yes ABSOLUTELY!! No doubt about that whatsoever. The level of inconsideration that my ex showed for me after she broke up, was unfathomable. The fact that she went from completely warm to completely cold and ruthless, really freaked me the f*ck out. It put me in a state of severe shock, because I would've never in infinity years expected her to show the kind of inconsideration that she did. It has been by far one of the most horrible feelings I've yet experienced in life.

 

[Sinistar]

Perhaps I missed it in the original post but just in case:

"I need a break..." or
"I need some time to think..." or
"I think we need some time apart..." or
"I need some space..."

...are often done when they have already grasped another branch. And either way, it all makes sense really. It's in their nature - they are simly indirect/covert creatures. When we're younger we tend to get all riled up because they won't just come out and say "I've found someone else" or "I don't love you and it will never work". But that is akin to expecting a snake not to strike if you come to close. It's just the nature of the creature.

Just think how different the world would be if there were a mandatory HS class for boys (say about 16yrs old) which taught them how to *hear* what women are really saying and how much of it is really just *feeling* anyways. Womenese Translation 101.

And when they no longer have any feelings you get to witness first hand just why it is that they rarely have the capacity for friendships like men do. If it was making them feel *something* and now it isn't making them feel *anything* then they will pretty much vanish. Than can hurt when you don't understand it. And it's actually humorous when you finally get it and observe it.

 

[tmpgstx]

Yes ABSOLUTELY!! No doubt about that whatsoever. The level of inconsideration that my ex showed for me after she broke up, was unfathomable. The fact that she went from completely warm to completely cold and ruthless, really freaked me the f*ck out. It put me in a state of severe shock, because I would've never in infinity years expected her to show the kind of inconsideration that she did. It has been by far one of the most horrible feelings I've yet experienced in life.

A woman's emotions can be a double-edged sword. The same emotional energy that gives her passion for a man, is also the same emotional energy that can allow her to cut the cord. Once her passion is redirected somewhere else, you are history. The more unstable the girl, the more unstable her emotions.

 

[Nighthawk]

True, but a man (with options) is just as likely to avoid saying 'the truth is I don't find you attractive any more/there's this other person I really want to bone,' and just as likely to enjoy an ego boost from rejecting someone.

But I do think that modern men are pussified, and too often misunderstand a 'break' for what it is - The End.

 

[Mr.Positive]

This thread should be the first one an AFC should read when coming to this site, it shatters through all the female drivvle and crap us guys deal with, and gets right to the core.

Excellent post!! If I ever hear the term "break" from a woman again, I'm going to laugh to myself inside, and then I'm gone....she'll never have the satisfaction of hearing from me again. Show no emotion whatsoever, I'm gone!!