"Branch Swinging" - another woman in my life

[Jariel]

I wish I could say all is great with my girlfriend, but even though I'm still attracted to her, we still get on and the sex is good, there are some major flaws in our relationship that I don't think will change, such as age and maturity differences, lack of common interests and different future goals.

She's been good to me, we've had some great times and she's a great girl. I always promised her I would never cheat on her and would show her the respect of breaking up with her if I wanted to move on. Well now I have met someone I really like and it seems she really likes me. We have been chatting on the phone and via emails, and have met up a few times and we flirt a lot. She knows I'm in a relationship as I've been straight up with her, but I've also told her about my doubts about it lasting.

To get to the point, I'd like to give things a try with her, but I don't want to let my girlfriend go until I know this other girl is worth pursuing. Sounds selfish yes, but I feel somewhat justified knowing she did the same to her ex- and would do it to me.

Any advice?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...To get to the point, I'd like to give things a try with her, but I don't want to let my girlfriend go until I know this other girl is worth pursuing. Sounds selfish yes, but I feel somewhat justified knowing she did the same to her ex- and would do it to me.

You made a promise to your current GF for a reason, you either told her that to appease her without intending of keeping the promise or you are just afraid to cut the ties. The question is whether or not you sticking around with this girl just for the sex (putting aside your pride), Which is more important to you?

 

[wolf116]

To get to the point, I'd like to give things a try with her, but I don't want to let my girlfriend go until I know this other girl is worth pursuing. Sounds selfish yes, but I feel somewhat justified knowing she did the same to her ex- and would do it to me.

do that

 

[Boschy]

Women would do this to us without a second thought. Look after number one. Or you can always try the 'trial break up' approach. But then will your new potential girlfriend still be as interested in you when you're more available and not a challenge?

Whatever...Two girls interested in the J-Man. Sucks to be you, huh?

 

[Jay Jay]

When one door closes another opens.

Hey Jariel.

Dude I consider you one of the smartest, clued in dudes here and am surprised that you have that attitude.

I guess it annoys me coz back in my AFC days I was the intellectual ***** of a few girls with that "until I find something better," attitude.

In Fingers WMS post he makes an interesting comment. That is that a DJ with game is rarer than a 10.

Why are you settling for a girl who you know isn't right for you? Why do you settle when you know you can do better?

That old saying that when one door closes another opens is true.

What? Do you plan to stay with your GF until some better girl mysteriously drops into your lap?

A truly worthy girl won't play that game.

This other girl is not the issue.

Time to bite the bullet buddy.

Thats my ten cents.

JJ

 

[green69]

Just because she doesn't have the integrity to break up with someone before meeting another guy, doesn't mean you can't hold true to your values and do the right thing.

 

[Phyzzle]

Forget values, and I'll tell you a little secret:

You can probably have your gf back any time you want after you dump her. If she's attractive, I'm guessing she's never been dumped in her life. If you dump her right now, she'll become totally obsessed with you. I've seen this happen.

Have you ever been dumped by a girl you actually liked, Jariel? For a while there, you would have done anything to have her back. You didn't, of course, because you have self-respect and self-control, two things women do not posess.

If it doesn't work out with the new chick, I'm sure you can give your old gf a call back. Whereas if you cheat and get caught, she'll dump you or you get one of those bitter relationships where she's posessive and cheats to get even.

I'd think about being up front with her, just for your own selfish reasons. Tell the old girl you need to see other people, but then DON'T tell the new girl about the break until you have to.

Competition is the ultimate interest raiser. Consider that.

 

[Last Man Standing]

This "girlfriend", read sex partner, I.E. "hor", is not your wife - she is a hor and you owe her nothing!!! Just like these hors open their legs to other men while they have "boyfriends", men need to wise up and do the same!!!!

Hors have become the pimps nowadays and the man the biatch -

women understand that you are just the next pimp in line - why in the hell don't you young bastards understand this!!!!!!!!

YOU SENTIMENTAL BASTARDS - WAKE THE FVCK UP!!!!!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...YOU SENTIMENTAL BASTARDS - WAKE THE FVCK UP!!!!!!!

Uh-oh... Someone has found the [size] function....

 

[Incog]

Lose the current girl. The relationship does not appear lasting and stable and it seems that you have gotten what you can out of it (not just sex - I'm talking about learning).

I suggest pursuing the other girl but only after dropping your current girl. Yes, it's risky, but there are plenty more where this new girl came from.

 

[Jariel]

Thank you all for your replies. It has helped give me some perspective and helped me realise what I have to do.

The problem of course is that after nearly 14 months I am very attached to her as a person - seeing her regularly, sleeping in the same bed, going on holiday together, calling and texting, having someone there when I'm down or unwell etc. It means giving up a big part of my life.

I certainly understand now why women try to be friends with their ex-s and keep them in their lives.

I owe it to her not to cheat, simply because she deserves better and cheating would probably mess her up long term and make her an untrusting and bitter person.

Anyway, I appreciate the advice and the perspective as always. Thanks again guys!

 

[Chemistry]

If you have some difficulties that you’re not going to be able to resolve with your current GF then get rid of that chick… sure, you know her well, but where’s it going to end up? Don’t be the ultimate AFC and eventually marry a chick just because you’re afraid to dump her… seriously, man…

Keeping your GF on the burner is just a security thing for dudes who have little faith in their game… ultimately, you’re keeping her there for sex, because the dilemma of having 14 months together is never going to resolve itself… in fact, it’s only going to get worst because you’ll be talking about 2, 3, 4, or 5 years together next time, and it'll only become harder… do yourself a favour and get yourself back in the game now because there are opportunities everywhere which you’re missing out on… don’t be a pvssy and cheat on this chick, be upfront about it… do you know why being up front about it is better for you too? Because you’re not burning all ties with her by being deceitful and fvcking other chicks unbeknownst to her… whilst I wouldn’t necessarily advocate doing the following, maybe, a couple months down the line, a break could do you guys good, things may have changed and you can re-establish things with a fresh perspective…

I don’t know… a thing a lot of people don’t seem to realise is the concept behind dating… especially dudes on here… if you just want sex, you don’t need to date a chick for that… you date a chick to discover whether or not she’s suitable for something more long-term and eventually popping out some beautiful kids if that’s what you want…14 months together has shown you that looks aside, this chick isn’t fitting perfectly into your life… you think you can do a lifetime when 14 months got you like this? Now, it’s time to get yourself out and meet some more chicks to see if they will slot nicely into that vacancy. All the things you’re worried about losing can be acquired with the next chick, and if it works out she’ll be one who you don’t have such big differences with… if you feel that you have differences you’re not prepared to compromise on at this stage in your life then, NEXT…

 

[mrRuckus]

Competition is the ultimate interest raiser. Consider that.

I just got a new girlfriend.

She is jealous as hell of my ex, who still tries to text me all the time. She worries that I'm going to get back with her and brings it up from time to time. It's especially nice since my ex is pretty attractive (the new gf looked at her profile on myspace). So she thinks she has competition even though she really doesn't as there's no way I'd even consider getting back with the ex.

Yes, let them perceive that there's competition even if there isn't.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I just got a new girlfriend.

She is jealous as hell of my ex, who still tries to text me all the time. She worries that I'm going to get back with her and brings it up from time to time. It's especially nice since my ex is pretty attractive (the new gf looked at her profile on myspace). So she thinks she has competition even though she really doesn't as there's no way I'd even consider getting back with the ex.

Yes, let them perceive that there's competition even if there isn't.

How often does she rag you about your ex? I'd think that it would get a bit old especially since your ex doesn't have a chance.

 

[Latinoman]

I KNOW that Jariel is going to regret dumping his girlfriend (if she is as he described).

However, I don't know all the details. I don't know the age. I don't know if there children involved. All I know is that he has an emotional attachment (care for her) and that once the LUST for the other one passess...he will regret it.


I know that based on the way he is writing.

But...once again...I don't know his age, her age, nor the other woman's age.

 

[Desdinova]

I don't want to let my girlfriend go until I know this other girl is worth pursuing.

It's better to be happy and single than to be unhappy in a relationship.

Keeping your GF on the burner is just a security thing for dudes who have little faith in their game…

Ashley is correct. Why are you worried about not being in a relationship? No man needs a woman in his life. A man only needs his health, and some women are even hazardous to that.

If you're truly unsatisfied with your gf, then you should set her free to pursue men who are genuinely interested in her. By setting her free, you are no longer misleading her about your interest in her, and you're no longer wasting your time with a woman you don't want to stay with.

 

[Latinoman]

be upfront about it… do you know why being up front about it is better for you too? Because you’re not burning all ties with her by being deceitful and fvcking other chicks unbeknownst to her… whilst I wouldn’t necessarily advocate doing the following, maybe, a couple months down the line, a break could do you guys good, things may have changed and you can re-establish things with a fresh perspective…

She won't respect me. She will have the UPPER hand.

Mark my words on that.

 

[Latinoman]

If you're truly unsatisfied with your gf, then you should set her free to pursue men who are genuinely interested in her. By setting her free, you are no longer misleading her about your interest in her, and you're no longer wasting your time with a woman you don't want to stay with.

Maybe his disatisfaction is due to his unexperience. Maybe he doesn't understand that after 14 months sharing the same bed...things are not going to be like they were 2 or three months into the relationship.

Or maybe he is just feeling lust for the other chick.


He mentioned that there were some "major flaws"...such as age (how old are all three of them?) and maturity differences (need to be more specific), lack of common interests (such as???) and different future goals (such as???).

However, I find it very interesting that he does not find a "major flaw" on the woman he wants to date. Here is ONE major flaw...she is trying to steal him away from another woman. Furthermore, what if when this woman take her clothes off she has a LOT of stretch marks or stomach skin hanging all the way down to her knees? Would he still feel the same? What if when he get sick...she simply turns her back to him because of germs? Would he still feel the same?

When women do the "branch swinging"...they are VERY smart about it. Much much more smarter than men.

 

[da_hunter]

Thank you all for your replies. It has helped give me some perspective and helped me realise what I have to do.

The problem of course is that after nearly 14 months I am very attached to her as a person - seeing her regularly, sleeping in the same bed, going on holiday together, calling and texting, having someone there when I'm down or unwell etc. It means giving up a big part of my life.

I certainly understand now why women try to be friends with their ex-s and keep them in their lives.

I owe it to her not to cheat, simply because she deserves better and cheating would probably mess her up long term and make her an untrusting and bitter person.

Anyway, I appreciate the advice and the perspective as always. Thanks again guys!

you already hit the nail on the head in your original post.

women would not *hesitate* to test the waters in this situation, they will keep firting, chatting w, talking on the phone, 'hanging out with', and even *kissing and messing around with doing everything but sex* - and somehow they will rationalize it in their mind. they will say it is not cheating - as long as it is not *sex*.

i'm surprised guys in this thread are referring to it as 'cheating'. once a girl has done this to you, you will never look at it this way again.

 

[Last Man Standing]

...but I feel somewhat justified knowing she did the same to her ex- and would do it to me. Any advice?

You just answered your own question!!!!!!! When women cheat on their dudes the young ones here say "She cheated because you didn't provide value or keep her interest" but when a man does the same thing then it's unjustified!

Men get too attached to a woman and then feel forever obligated to take care of her and her feelings - women don't have this problem do they!!!!!!!

This is why I discourage men to live with their sex friends because they get too attached and never break it off!!

Only have guilt for going against your wife!!!!

If she finds out about the other girl just say that you did it for the same reason that she did it to her ex-pimp!

If things don’t work out with this new girl you must accept the fact that it was still the time to let go and to open yourself up to new possibilities!!

I know dudes don’t like their “girlfriends” to be called hors but I must desensitize you for your own good!!!! You must not get attached to a woman who you are not going to marry for the obvious reasons that the majority of men on this site have experienced and expressed – the man falls head over heels for a girl only later to find out that she was sexing another dude while she was “loving” him!!!

I'm tired of men acting like women and women acting like men!!!