BPD's can control their behavior…they choose not to

[exhausted]

LOL isn't a BPDs temper fun lol, mine would get so angry at me she demanded that I give her an apology, she would lash out in anger at me then start getting all emotional. Its got to be their child like mentality because mine sure acted like a child at times. You will recover from being with a BPD, once you've been with one you know what to look for the next time you get installed with a crazy meter when you've been with a BPD.

The crazy raging and screaming didnt even make me mad i was more shocked someone would ever act like that as an adult, over nothing.

 

[exhausted]

It's all about control for them. They have to dominate you. However, the second you call them out on their bad behavior they switch to the victim mode, here is where you'll get the fake tears. They're either the bully or the victim and nothing else in between. Both the bully and the victim are different ways to CONTROL you.

SPOT ON.
If they do something disrespectful and u call them out they are mad at YOU. Like wtf???
You're not allowed to have dignity and self respect

 

[stovepipe]

SPOT ON.
If they do something disrespectful and u call them out they are mad at YOU. Like wtf???
You're not allowed to have dignity and self respect

You nailed it!
You can't question any of their bad behavior or disrespectful crap they do. If you do, chances are they will plot to dump you like bag a trash on the side of the rode. I think when you constantly go back to them over and over again and it finally ends, you end up feeling like absolute chit cause you look back how much respect you lost for yourself. I know that is a big part of the pain I'm still feeling 9 months out. The fact I lost respect for myself after all the chit I let her get away with, that stings me down to my very core and also knowing how pathetic n weak I must have looked in her eyes.

 

[exhausted]

You nailed it!
You can't question any of their bad behavior or disrespectful crap they do. If you do, chances are they will plot to dump you like bag a trash on the side of the rode. I think when you constantly go back to them over and over again and it finally ends, you end up feeling like absolute chit cause you look back how much respect you lost for yourself. I know that is a big part of the pain I'm still feeling 9 months out. The fact I lost respect for myself after all the chit I let her get away with, that stings me down to my very core and also knowing how pathetic n weak I must have looked in her eyes.

That is understandable to feel bad about how you allowed yourself to be mistreated as I have felt the same way in fact embarrassed. However the reason you go back is because of the split personality part of them is a genuinely nice loving caring person who you connected with but the other part is irrational raging crazy and cruel. After they rage and go nuts they Hoover back with the love and compassion that you bonded with and act as your best friend as if I'm sorry but we are best friends and lovers why don't you forgive me. So initially that is what you're going back to. That is what I went back to. I was going back to someone who I loved and was my best friend and between of being a psychotic crazy person one fourth of the time. It is a rough rough life. I can be accepting of people's faults and I can adjust a bit to them but I cannot overcome the mean and cruel punishing treatment that they give us. Shame blame and punish. That is what they do

 

[051AV]

Mine did the same thing she demanded that I apologize when I finally had enough and I said no holy cow that pissed her off she went to my mom and she started telling her I was starting to become more rude to her.. no that's just me putting my foot down and getting tired of the BS

Mine didn't like the word NO she heard it a lot, I did stand up to her, the fights we had were intense, she was the one that instigated them, they happened out of nowhere, things were going along smoothly, bam she picks a fight with me, the drama with her was constant.

 

[051AV]

It's all about control for them. They have to dominate you. However, the second you call them out on their bad behavior they switch to the victim mode, here is where you'll get the fake tears. They're either the bully or the victim and nothing else in between. Both the bully and the victim are different ways to CONTROL you.

Yep my ex is a total control freak, the guy she's with now she snaps her fingers he jumps, her fingers got awfully sore with me I didn't jump to her finger snapping. When things started getting ugly between us she really pulled the victim crap saying I was abusive to her and I was being intimidating. She claimed her ex before me was abusive she made up stories about him which I knew where not true. She hated being called out on her lies I would walk up to her and look her directly in the eyes she knew she was caught lying, she would start shaking in nervousness. She learned trying to hide things from me didn't work I would find out she even said to me how did you find that out.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Yep my ex is a total control freak, the guy she's with now she snaps her fingers he jumps, her fingers got awfully sore with me I didn't jump to her finger snapping. When things started getting ugly between us she really pulled the victim crap saying I was abusive to her and I was being intimidating. She claimed her ex before me was abusive she made up stories about him which I knew where not true. She hated being called out on her lies I would walk up to her and look her directly in the eyes she knew she was caught lying, she would start shaking in nervousness. She learned trying to hide things from me didn't work I would find out she even said to me how did you find that out.

I had a meltdown when mine left me because I was convinced I wasn't good enough for her. She must have moved on to a better looking guy. Well I've learned that CONTROL is what is attractive to BPDs/NPDs/Cluster B's, etc. They get turned on by controlling others. Guys who have been through the ringer with these women shouldn't bother worrying who the replacement is. Chances are he's some chump who, like you say, asks her "how high" when she says "jump". These women really test your metal. SS preaches being able to walk away no matter what. You'll find out what your inner game is really made of when one of these types splits you black. Never again man..never again.

 

[051AV]

I had a meltdown when mine left me because I was convinced I wasn't good enough for her. She must have moved on to a better looking guy. Well I've learned that CONTROL is what is attractive to BPDs/NPDs/Cluster B's, etc. They get turned on by controlling others. Guys who have been through the ringer with these women shouldn't bother worrying who the replacement is. Chances are he's some chump who, like you say, asks her "how high" when she says "jump". These women really test your metal. SS preaches being able to walk away no matter what. You'll find out what your game is really made of when one of these types splits you black. Never again man..never again.

The guy she replaced me with isn't a very attractive guy she's a decent looking woman, he spent thousands of dollars trying to please her now she's living with him she will try get his house. I rejected her that's when she went ape chit on me, man did she turn mean, gathering things to use against me she wanted to ruin my reputation and my life. She hated seeing me happy that would make her angry. Never would I get involved with a BPD woman it takes too much out of you and the recovery period is way too long, life is too short for that crap. I'm pretty sure she's split me black I haven't heard or seen her in a year, I'm enjoying life the way it should be.

 

[StonesDK]

The guy she replaced me with isn't a very attractive guy she's a decent looking woman, he spent thousands of dollars trying to please her now she's living with him she will try get his house. I rejected her that's when she went ape chit on me, man did she turn mean, gathering things to use against me she wanted to ruin my reputation and my life. She hated seeing me happy that would make her angry. Never would I get involved with a BPD woman it takes too much out of you and the recovery period is way too long, life is too short for that crap. I'm pretty sure she's split me black I haven't heard or seen her in a year, I'm enjoying life the way it should be.

New poster here with an exBDP waif

I was shocked to see whom my replacement was as well. A balding handyman/fixer much older than her. Somebody she can use to fix up her house which is torn up. My understanding is, they don't go for looks. They go for marks they can control and who will validate them. The more they can be validated and the more the guy profess how he will save her (by being better than her stories about her awful ex's) and help her, the more infatuated she becomes to the mark and almost euphoric "in-love"

 

[stovepipe]

That is understandable to feel bad about how you allowed yourself to be mistreated as I have felt the same way in fact embarrassed. However the reason you go back is because of the split personality part of them is a genuinely nice loving caring person who you connected with but the other part is irrational raging crazy and cruel. After they rage and go nuts they Hoover back with the love and compassion that you bonded with and act as your best friend as if I'm sorry but we are best friends and lovers why don't you forgive me. So initially that is what you're going back to. That is what I went back to. I was going back to someone who I loved and was my best friend and between of being a psychotic crazy person one fourth of the time. It is a rough rough life. I can be accepting of people's faults and I can adjust a bit to them but I cannot overcome the mean and cruel punishing treatment that they give us. Shame blame and punish. That is what they do

Embarrassed is understatement looking back at what I let her get away with. So many nights I paced up and down my street telling myself to walk away, confused, sad and angry. Telling myself to be strong, have respect for yourself and just leave her! But I went back time and time again only to have my heart shattered. They feed you bread crumbs from the loving bombing phase when chit goes south to make you think they are still that person. Once you take the bait they go right back to their old ways. All the future faking makes you think you will be with them forever. I could tell there were times she truly had no idea that her behavior was wrong, while other times she knew exactly what she did was disrespectful while giving zero fuks. Not knowing what I know now, she definitely tested me numerous times to see how much abuse I would take.

Like you, I was accepting of SOME of her outbursts, I adjusted to them, but the inappropriate behavior with other men and triangulation was something I just couldn't bare. At times, I was afraid to call her out in fear she would leave me. While I know the love bombing and mirroring is all fake to trap you in their web, I could see deep down in her core her and I made a great team. She just needs serious help, help in which she admitted she needed, but will probably never get.

One memory that will forever be ingrained was when she got pregnant the first time. I flat out told her I didn't want the kid as we were only dating for 3 months. She cried looking at me saying "why doesn't anyone want to have a kid and marry me". Well, because at the end of the day, she kept giving me vibes she was a lying, untrustworthy sloot. As time went on those feelings ended up being spot on. If there was a single ounce of my being that felt she could have been a good mother, I would have had the kid. I later found out she got prego on purpose. Another pregnancy and abortion happened months later. I then became weak, felt sorry for her and that was when I turned beta. She stayed with me, but I now realize she only did so to punish me, make me feel shame in myself, cheat and all the other crap that comes along with these demon offspring.

My health has gone to chit since she moved. Hair is turning grey at a fast rate, panic and anxiety attacks, cant sleep, think about her non stop, feel programmed to only find her attractive, still miss her even after all the crap she did to me, gained weight, eating sweets everyday, wanting revenge for the STI she gave me, ect. Its ilike my brain is locked in solitary confinement and the key has been thrown away.

New poster here with an exBDP waif

I was shocked to see whom my replacement was as well. A balding handyman/fixer much older than her. Somebody she can use to fix up her house which is torn up. My understanding is, they don't go for looks. They go for marks they can control and who will validate them. The more they can be validated and the more the guy profess how he will save her and help her, the more infatuated she becomes to the mark and almost euphoric "in-love"

Looks don't mean much to them. Its all about the wolf in sheep clothing smelling the weakness in a man that can be controlled and give them constant validation. They do take a lot of risks with men hoping they can be controlled, cause sex to them means nothing. They hand it out like its candy. They are not capable of real love, only infatuation. Yes, it felt like a euphoric kinda love sad to say. The same outcome will happen to each target until they get help and realize what they are doing which is slim to non.

They do sometimes switch to an alpha, but once he starts calling them out on their behavior, she dumps him and goes back to a beta...rinse and repeat.

 

[exhausted]

Mine didn't like the word NO she heard it a lot, I did stand up to her, the fights we had were intense, she was the one that instigated them, they happened out of nowhere, things were going along smoothly, bam she picks a fight with me, the drama with her was constant.

Bingo.
Mine even said she didn't like to be told no.
We had friction because I'm not a ***** and she couldn't deal with that.

Want a mean cvnt she would become if she didn't run everything.

Like the little kid in the neighborhood who would only play if u played the game she wanted if not she would pout and go home.

 

[exhausted]

The guy she replaced me with isn't a very attractive guy she's a decent looking woman, he spent thousands of dollars trying to please her now she's living with him she will try get his house. I rejected her that's when she went ape chit on me, man did she turn mean, gathering things to use against me she wanted to ruin my reputation and my life. She hated seeing me happy that would make her angry. Never would I get involved with a BPD woman it takes too much out of you and the recovery period is way too long, life is too short for that crap. I'm pretty sure she's split me black I haven't heard or seen her in a year, I'm enjoying life the way it should be.

Boy when they don't get their way or get to run the show they become very cruel and very mean. They lack the intelligence to understand that something they have no involvement in they should not be controlling. Mine was not religious yet she wanted to control the religion. Mine was financially irresponsible terrible with money had nothing to save in years however I have a good savings account because I save and am good with money however she wanted to control the money and spending. This is insanity if I am delinquent in one area of life I would defer to my partner who is better at it this is common sense. These girls have no common sense

 

[exhausted]

Embarrassed is understatement looking back at what I let her get away with. So many nights I paced up and down my street telling myself to walk away, confused, sad and angry. Telling myself to be strong, have respect for yourself and just leave her! But I went back time and time again only to have my heart shattered. They feed you bread crumbs from the loving bombing phase when chit goes south to make you think they are still that person. Once you take the bait they go right back to their old ways. All the future faking makes you think you will be with them forever. I could tell there were times she truly had no idea that her behavior was wrong, while other times she knew exactly what she did was disrespectful while giving zero fuks. Not knowing what I know now, she definitely tested me numerous times to see how much abuse I would take.

Like you, I was accepting of SOME of her outbursts, I adjusted to them, but the inappropriate behavior with other men and triangulation was something I just couldn't bare. At times, I was afraid to call her out in fear she would leave me. While I know the love bombing and mirroring is all fake to trap you in their web, I could see deep down in her core her and I made a great team. She just needs serious help, help in which she admitted she needed, but will probably never get.

One memory that will forever be ingrained was when she got pregnant the first time. I flat out told her I didn't want the kid as we were only dating for 3 months. She cried looking at me saying "why doesn't anyone want to have a kid and marry me". Well, because at the end of the day, she kept giving me vibes she was a lying, untrustworthy sloot. As time went on those feelings ended up being spot on. If there was a single ounce of my being that felt she could have been a good mother, I would have had the kid. I later found out she got prego on purpose. Another pregnancy and abortion happened months later. I then became weak, felt sorry for her and that was when I turned beta. She stayed with me, but I now realize she only did so to punish me, make me feel shame in myself, cheat and all the other crap that comes along with these demon offspring.

My health has gone to chit since she moved. Hair is turning grey at a fast rate, panic and anxiety attacks, cant sleep, think about her non stop, feel programmed to only find her attractive, still miss her even after all the crap she did to me, gained weight, eating sweets everyday, wanting revenge for the STI she gave me, ect. Its ilike my brain is locked in solitary confinement and the key has been thrown away.



Looks don't mean much to them. Its all about the wolf in sheep clothing smelling the weakness in a man that can be controlled and give them constant validation. They do take a lot of risks with men hoping they can be controlled, cause sex to them means nothing. They hand it out like its candy. They are not capable of real love, only infatuation. Yes, it felt like a euphoric kinda love sad to say. The same outcome will happen to each target until they get help and realize what they are doing which is slim to non.

They do sometimes switch to an alpha, but once he starts calling them out on their behavior, she dumps him and goes back to a beta...rinse and repeat.

They cant stand the alpha but respect him.
I wouldn't back down. It would make her mad and crazy but she would never leave.
They want a beta they can control yet NEVER respect and are disgusted by them. Yet she came to me for guidance on everything in life. Yet for a future she wanted to control everything.

 

[StonesDK]

My ex was very slick in the beginning. She played the 'I have broken wings from previous marriage of 18 years' real good. Her ex was a typical Narc who abused her, which now explains why it lasted 18 years. Her story was meant to elicit me to be a perfect boyfriend to her and treat her like a princess. Whatever I could do to show I was different made her happy and euphoric. That's how she reeled me in. She even said thank you, after the first BJ she gave me. I thought I had found a perfect girl lol. I realize now sex was a form of control. Extremely giving and always available. It was the only thing she could give.

Had I not broken up, I would have been replaced while in a relationship with her, sooner or later. The only thing that kept her in check was me having one foot out the door if she gave me crap. Hence the 15 plus recycles over 2 1/2 years

Yeah she knew what she was doing

 

[noBSgames]

Mine didn't like the word NO she heard it a lot, I did stand up to her, the fights we had were intense, she was the one that instigated them, they happened out of nowhere, things were going along smoothly, bam she picks a fight with me, the drama with her was constant.

After awhile she would get mad if I chuckled because I knew she was about to start complaining and she took that as me making fun of her or her accent. (she's Latina)

 

[exhausted]

My ex was very slick in the beginning. She played the 'I have broken wings from previous marriage of 18 years' real good. Her ex was a typical Narc who abused her, which now explains why it lasted 18 years. Her story was meant to elicit me to be a perfect boyfriend to her and treat her like a princess. Whatever I could do to show I was different made her happy and euphoric. That's how she reeled me in. She even said thank you, after the first BJ she gave me. I thought I had found a perfect girl lol. I realize now sex was a form of control. Extremely giving and always available. It was the only thing she could give.

Had I not broken up, I would have been replaced while in a relationship with her, sooner or later. The only thing that kept her in check was me having one foot out the door if she gave me crap. Hence the 15 plus recycles over 2 1/2 years

Yeah she knew what she was doing

Mine sincerely wanted to be married to me and have kids.

I told her i can't ask u to marry me when you break things off every month or two.

And i wont have kids with someone who is screaming at me, over NOTHING.

U catch me flirting with girls or sneaking around scream away. I didnt eat ice cream with u and your kid because im lactose intolerant and u scream or flip out, YOU are insane.

How do these girls not know they are fucjing nuts.

 

[noBSgames]

Mine sincerely wanted to be married to me and have kids.

I told her i can't ask u to marry me when you break things off every month or two.

And i wont have kids with someone who is screaming at me, over NOTHING.

U catch me flirting with girls or sneaking around scream away. I didnt eat ice cream with u and your kid because im lactose intolerant and u scream or flip out, YOU are insane.

How do these girls not know they are fucjing nuts.

damn I feel we are talking about the same girl wow.. she wanted me to get married with her right away and when I was like I like to wait shes like oh I've had some friends they got married after 5-6 months.. always asking how many kids I wanted I told her I wanted 2 she wanted much more. She would always bring it up at random times. and would always ask me why I wanted to wait.. Everyone is saying I dodged a bullet with her

 

[StonesDK]

Marriage suggestions is common with these types. My ex suggested it too several times. I knew it was tied to her abandonment fear and the image she wanted to project to the world. Not because she had found the love of her life

 

[exhausted]

damn I feel we are talking about the same girl wow.. she wanted me to get married with her right away and when I was like I like to wait shes like oh I've had some friends they got married after 5-6 months.. always asking how many kids I wanted I told her I wanted 2 she wanted much more. She would always bring it up at random times. and would always ask me why I wanted to wait.. Everyone is saying I dodged a bullet with her

Yep. The torture we endure knowing we love a woman whonis damaged, will never get better and can not have.

 

[051AV]

I was mad the ex went to a guy I knew, later I've discovered the guy is an NPD the guy is really abusive to women he thinks he's gods gift to women even thou he's not attractive. Now that he's been with my ex he's aged he's fat there is no hope in hell of him ever finding a woman. When she latched on to him she was really good looking she's lost some of her looks she's gotten a little chunky and aged. She thought I was weak but I'm not I had a lot of things going on at work I was stressed at work. She started trying to controlling me she kept pushing I pushed back she couldn't get away with her BS with me. The fights we had she would get mad and emotional saying why I'm I such a douche and hurting her feelings claiming I didn't realize I was hurting her. She really did act like a child at times it felt like I was dealing with a child not a 30 year old woman.

The guy she is with tries so hard to please her she still wasn't happy, at the time it felt like she wanted me back I wasn't welcoming her back with open arms. I couldn't take her jealousy I would have women come up and talk to me it would make her angry it was okay for her to flirt with guys in front of me. It was always a one way street with her she wanted what she wanted but it wasn't okay for anybody else to get what they wanted.

She was truly the hardest woman in my life to contend with, her meds didn't help things either. Things started happening so fast when things got ugly between us she was making my life hard at work as we worked together. She was gathering up so much stuff to try use against me I had knife marks in my back she wanted me to hurt. At the time I was happy things were slowly changing in my life she couldn't stand it she wasn't happy so I couldn't be. Today I'm recovered I put all the pieces of the puzzle together got the answers to explain what in the hell happened. She caused so much chaos in my life I guess she wanted my life to be a train wreck like hers. She's gone and good riddance I'm her to help people avoid the same BS I went through. The girl you are involved with has any issues with their mother or father run like hell don't get involved with her. Getting involved with a BPD will take years out of your life.