noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
And the funny thing was she was like you better never speak to me like that again
BPD's can control their behavior…they choose not to
- Thread starter Pandora
- Start date
noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
She's back to her little mind games it's ether she had a replacement lined up well before we broke up or she's trying to make me jealous but I think it's the former. She would say stuff that would be crazy for a girlfriend of 2 years to even say.. like all these guys were trying to talk to me or I talked talking to this guy he had a nice car and we have breakfast every morning. Then she would get mad at me because I would stop her before she could finish.
What a ****ing cvnt
LOL isn't a BPDs temper fun lol, mine would get so angry at me she demanded that I give her an apology, she would lash out in anger at me then start getting all emotional. Its got to be their child like mentality because mine sure acted like a child at times. You will recover from being with a BPD, once you've been with one you know what to look for the next time you get installed with a crazy meter when you've been with a BPD.
noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
More the reason I don't feel bad at all and the more I look back she never really cared for anything I did.. we went to Disney world last year for vacation I paid for the hotel for the week rented a car went to a nice place to eat for the two nights I spent near $800 but she started to rage about the 3rd day in about how I did not spend money and she was spending all the money and I was like I'm not buying all this overpriced stuff at Disney between the food and the gift shops... so pretty much my $800 meant nothing at all. I've had her cry and stop like a light switch and it left me like a what the.. in my head it was very disturbing. I remember she was in my arms crying because she was pretty much talking to this guy in text and I turned around and was going to walk out the door.. she started the crying bit.. after her sob story about how she was sorry and it won't happen again she went back to finding ways to put the blame on me.
noBSgames
Senior Don Juan
Mine did the same thing she demanded that I apologize when I finally had enough and I said no holy cow that pissed her off she went to my mom and she started telling her I was starting to become more rude to her.. no that's just me putting my foot down and getting tired of the BS
btownbuck2012
Master Don Juan
It's all about control for them. They have to dominate you. However, the second you call them out on their bad behavior they switch to the victim mode, here is where you'll get the fake tears. They're either the bully or the victim and nothing else in between. Both the bully and the victim are different ways to CONTROL you.
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The crazy raging and screaming didnt even make me mad i was more shocked someone would ever act like that as an adult, over nothing.
SPOT ON.
If they do something disrespectful and u call them out they are mad at YOU. Like wtf???
You're not allowed to have dignity and self respect
stovepipe
Master Don Juan
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You nailed it!
You can't question any of their bad behavior or disrespectful crap they do. If you do, chances are they will plot to dump you like bag a trash on the side of the rode. I think when you constantly go back to them over and over again and it finally ends, you end up feeling like absolute chit cause you look back how much respect you lost for yourself. I know that is a big part of the pain I'm still feeling 9 months out. The fact I lost respect for myself after all the chit I let her get away with, that stings me down to my very core and also knowing how pathetic n weak I must have looked in her eyes.
That is understandable to feel bad about how you allowed yourself to be mistreated as I have felt the same way in fact embarrassed. However the reason you go back is because of the split personality part of them is a genuinely nice loving caring person who you connected with but the other part is irrational raging crazy and cruel. After they rage and go nuts they Hoover back with the love and compassion that you bonded with and act as your best friend as if I'm sorry but we are best friends and lovers why don't you forgive me. So initially that is what you're going back to. That is what I went back to. I was going back to someone who I loved and was my best friend and between of being a psychotic crazy person one fourth of the time. It is a rough rough life. I can be accepting of people's faults and I can adjust a bit to them but I cannot overcome the mean and cruel punishing treatment that they give us. Shame blame and punish. That is what they do
Mine didn't like the word NO she heard it a lot, I did stand up to her, the fights we had were intense, she was the one that instigated them, they happened out of nowhere, things were going along smoothly, bam she picks a fight with me, the drama with her was constant.
Yep my ex is a total control freak, the guy she's with now she snaps her fingers he jumps, her fingers got awfully sore with me I didn't jump to her finger snapping. When things started getting ugly between us she really pulled the victim crap saying I was abusive to her and I was being intimidating. She claimed her ex before me was abusive she made up stories about him which I knew where not true. She hated being called out on her lies I would walk up to her and look her directly in the eyes she knew she was caught lying, she would start shaking in nervousness. She learned trying to hide things from me didn't work I would find out she even said to me how did you find that out.
btownbuck2012
Master Don Juan
I had a meltdown when mine left me because I was convinced I wasn't good enough for her. She must have moved on to a better looking guy. Well I've learned that CONTROL is what is attractive to BPDs/NPDs/Cluster B's, etc. They get turned on by controlling others. Guys who have been through the ringer with these women shouldn't bother worrying who the replacement is. Chances are he's some chump who, like you say, asks her "how high" when she says "jump". These women really test your metal. SS preaches being able to walk away no matter what. You'll find out what your inner game is really made of when one of these types splits you black. Never again man..never again.
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The guy she replaced me with isn't a very attractive guy she's a decent looking woman, he spent thousands of dollars trying to please her now she's living with him she will try get his house. I rejected her that's when she went ape chit on me, man did she turn mean, gathering things to use against me she wanted to ruin my reputation and my life. She hated seeing me happy that would make her angry. Never would I get involved with a BPD woman it takes too much out of you and the recovery period is way too long, life is too short for that crap. I'm pretty sure she's split me black I haven't heard or seen her in a year, I'm enjoying life the way it should be.
New poster here with an exBDP waif
I was shocked to see whom my replacement was as well. A balding handyman/fixer much older than her. Somebody she can use to fix up her house which is torn up. My understanding is, they don't go for looks. They go for marks they can control and who will validate them. The more they can be validated and the more the guy profess how he will save her (by being better than her stories about her awful ex's) and help her, the more infatuated she becomes to the mark and almost euphoric "in-love"
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stovepipe
Master Don Juan
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Embarrassed is understatement looking back at what I let her get away with. So many nights I paced up and down my street telling myself to walk away, confused, sad and angry. Telling myself to be strong, have respect for yourself and just leave her! But I went back time and time again only to have my heart shattered. They feed you bread crumbs from the loving bombing phase when chit goes south to make you think they are still that person. Once you take the bait they go right back to their old ways. All the future faking makes you think you will be with them forever. I could tell there were times she truly had no idea that her behavior was wrong, while other times she knew exactly what she did was disrespectful while giving zero fuks. Not knowing what I know now, she definitely tested me numerous times to see how much abuse I would take.
Like you, I was accepting of SOME of her outbursts, I adjusted to them, but the inappropriate behavior with other men and triangulation was something I just couldn't bare. At times, I was afraid to call her out in fear she would leave me. While I know the love bombing and mirroring is all fake to trap you in their web, I could see deep down in her core her and I made a great team. She just needs serious help, help in which she admitted she needed, but will probably never get.
One memory that will forever be ingrained was when she got pregnant the first time. I flat out told her I didn't want the kid as we were only dating for 3 months. She cried looking at me saying "why doesn't anyone want to have a kid and marry me". Well, because at the end of the day, she kept giving me vibes she was a lying, untrustworthy sloot. As time went on those feelings ended up being spot on. If there was a single ounce of my being that felt she could have been a good mother, I would have had the kid. I later found out she got prego on purpose. Another pregnancy and abortion happened months later. I then became weak, felt sorry for her and that was when I turned beta. She stayed with me, but I now realize she only did so to punish me, make me feel shame in myself, cheat and all the other crap that comes along with these demon offspring.
My health has gone to chit since she moved. Hair is turning grey at a fast rate, panic and anxiety attacks, cant sleep, think about her non stop, feel programmed to only find her attractive, still miss her even after all the crap she did to me, gained weight, eating sweets everyday, wanting revenge for the STI she gave me, ect. Its ilike my brain is locked in solitary confinement and the key has been thrown away.
Looks don't mean much to them. Its all about the wolf in sheep clothing smelling the weakness in a man that can be controlled and give them constant validation. They do take a lot of risks with men hoping they can be controlled, cause sex to them means nothing. They hand it out like its candy. They are not capable of real love, only infatuation. Yes, it felt like a euphoric kinda love sad to say. The same outcome will happen to each target until they get help and realize what they are doing which is slim to non.
They do sometimes switch to an alpha, but once he starts calling them out on their behavior, she dumps him and goes back to a beta...rinse and repeat.
Bingo.
Mine even said she didn't like to be told no.
We had friction because I'm not a ***** and she couldn't deal with that.
Want a mean cvnt she would become if she didn't run everything.
Like the little kid in the neighborhood who would only play if u played the game she wanted if not she would pout and go home.
Boy when they don't get their way or get to run the show they become very cruel and very mean. They lack the intelligence to understand that something they have no involvement in they should not be controlling. Mine was not religious yet she wanted to control the religion. Mine was financially irresponsible terrible with money had nothing to save in years however I have a good savings account because I save and am good with money however she wanted to control the money and spending. This is insanity if I am delinquent in one area of life I would defer to my partner who is better at it this is common sense. These girls have no common sense
They cant stand the alpha but respect him.
I wouldn't back down. It would make her mad and crazy but she would never leave.
They want a beta they can control yet NEVER respect and are disgusted by them. Yet she came to me for guidance on everything in life. Yet for a future she wanted to control everything.