BPD GIRL CUT ME OFF / MET ANOTHER BPD / GENERAL SADNESS

[PokerL]

That is indeed the hardest pill to swallow. They manipulate you into the most amazing bond you ever thought was possible, then leave you like they never met you. Your left in the twilight zone trying to make sense of wtf happened, with almost zero closure. Then cutting you off as punishment for their own actions. You start to hate yourself, blame yourself, you cant eat, you cant sleep, nightmares, nothing makes you happy anymore, you cant even smile, some cant even get a boner for weeks or months, your brain is programmed to only want them back, to only find them attractive, to wanting to go back even tho you were treated like dog chit, ect!!!!

I was like you in the beginning, wanting to say hi. But after educating myself, I had to smack myself across the face and say "wtf do I want to talk to someone who treated me like that"? It's trauma bonding at its finest. Now I could care less ever talking to her again. She was the biggest liar I ever met in my life, tricked me into pregnancy twice, broke my heart in a million pieces, and left me with a life long STI.

Now I spend my days helping people all over the world recover or make sense of whats going on from Cluster B relationships. Some days I feel like a loser for what my life has become, some days I feel like Im gong to have a heart attack from all the pain, but i can at least die knowing I helped a few good guys from committing suicide.

This really summed it up, I mean I said and did some bad things I accept that, but she chose to block me a couple of days after what id consider a lovely evening together, out of the blue. No angry messages, no phone call just gone. Still 3 weeks in there's nothing I wouldn't give to talk to her just for a couple of minutes to hear her reasoning. I run the last few days of knowing her through my head constantly. Do you think if I left it another idk 2-3 months and then tried to contact her she'd be responsive ? I just can't go on with 0 closure as pathetic as that may sound

 

[Billtx49]

Still 3 weeks in there's nothing I wouldn't give to talk to her just for a couple of minutes to hear her reasoning.

Her reasoning wouldn’t make any sense to you. You want something that does not exist.

Many disordered women fear abandonment, so when they get really close to you they dump you to save themselves the pain of abandonment, then the farther away you get, the more they think they love you. That’s why they hoover.

Does that make any sense to you or sound like a good game plan for her?
There is no order and good reasoning in disorder.

 

[PokerL]

I guess I just really struggle with the whole NC thing, as I said we fell out before and for fair reason but I could always reach her, this is hell.

 

[stovepipe]

I guess I just really struggle with the whole NC thing, as I said we fell out before and for fair reason but I could always reach her, this is hell.

NC is the worst, it makes you think a lot about what happened, you start to feel its all your fault, you start to feel like you're going crazy. A buddy of mines ex bpd blocked him on everything after she dumped him for no valid reason. I told him not to reach out, but he didn't listen. Told him each time you try, the pain will get worse on top of seeing the real her, the heartless b!tch she really is. He kept telling me she isn't a b!tch, that he was going to reach out to her anyways.

He just wanted 10 mins of her time so he could get a little closure and ask a few questions. Well, he didnt listen, he reached out a few times and got shot down every single time, saw her true self, the cold hearted b!tch she really was, that the stress/pain from it all he tried to take his own life. He later told me I was spot on in every single thing I told him.

Took me 5 months to clear the fog and the following month my ex texted me saying she never meant to hurt me, that I was her everything. Thankfully, I was in a place where I knew not responding was the only option as it would have opened so many doors of hurt/pain. Being strong enough to ignore her actually made me feel better about myself and how far I've come. Had that text came a month prior, Lord only knows what would have happened to me.

Don't struggle with the NC thing. As Billtx said, her reasoning wont make any sense. Trying to figure them out is a waste of time in which I spent 1000's of hours trying. Now, when I help others, I try my hardest to get them to not waste their time. They are sick, broken individuals who only care about themselves. If she was able to feel what you're going through during this NC, she would never do what she does. If she was able to feel the pain she leaves her exs in, she would commit suicide. She is an empty vessel who needs the love and compassion of others in order to fill it cause she cant. If you left these types of people in an empty house all alone, with no internet or TV, they would die. They need to feed on others in order to survive. No one to feed on=death

 

[PokerL]

NC is the worst, it makes you think a lot about what happened, you start to feel its all your fault, you start to feel like you're going crazy. A buddy of mines ex bpd blocked him on everything after she dumped him for no valid reason. I told him not to reach out, but he didn't listen. Told him each time you try, the pain will get worse on top of seeing the real her, the hearted b!tch she really is.

He reached out a few times and got shot down every single time, saw her true cold hearted self, that he tried to take his own life. He just wanted 10 mins of her time so he could get a little closure and ask a few questions.

Took me 5 months to clear the fog and the following month my ex texted me saying she never meant to hurt me, that I was her everything. Thankfully, I was in a place where I knew not responding was the only option as it would have opened so many doors of hurt/pain. Being strong enough to ignore her actually made me feel better about myself and how far I've come. Had that text came a month prior, Lord only knows what would have happened to me.

Don't struggle with the NC thing. As Billtx said, her reasoning wont make any sense. Trying to figure them out is a waste of time in which I spent 1000's of hours trying. Now, when I help others, I try my hardest to get them to not waste their time. They are sick, broken individuals who only care about themselves. If she was able to feel what you're going through during this NC, she would never do what she does. If she was able to feel the pain she leaves her exs in, she would commit suicide. She is an empty vessel who needs the love and compassion of others in order to fill it cause she cant. If you left these types of people in an empty house all alone, with no internet or TV, they would die. They need to feed on others in order to survive. No one to feed on=death

It really is, as like I stated in the original post we fell out, basically went no contact for a few weeks except neither of us had the other blocked on anything, and neither tried to make contact, then after she saw the pic of me with the other Borderline, after the initial outburst she became friendly. So after hanging out / sleeping together again I strongly assumed things would go back to normal or we'd at least be semi friendly. But nope, just blocked on everything almost straight after. It's weird the next day she sent a nice message asking if I could take her to get the morning after pill and if id get her a mcdonalds breakfast bagel on the way ( her favourite ) so I felt there was no bad blood about that evening at all. So confusing, and hurtful. I also remember on the drive back to hers from getting the pill she asked me if I wanted to see the new saw movie in a month, then played me a song on her iphone that she was learning on the guitar and asked me if id like her to play it for me one night, just super casual/friendly stuff but so weird, it's Like a cruel trick to have her back for that 1 evening then have her gone almost straight after, but in a much worse form as at least before I could contact her on anything I wanted. sigh

A part of me thinks it's revenge for going behind her back and seeing the other borderline who she's said she always feels she's been in compeition with since they were 16 (both 20 now) and like maybe she just wanted to prove to herself she could still have me at the click of her fingers. And then the block on everything is my punishment for this betrayal.

 

[Infern0]

This really summed it up, I mean I said and did some bad things I accept that, but she chose to block me a couple of days after what id consider a lovely evening together, out of the blue. No angry messages, no phone call just gone. Still 3 weeks in there's nothing I wouldn't give to talk to her just for a couple of minutes to hear her reasoning. I run the last few days of knowing her through my head constantly. Do you think if I left it another idk 2-3 months and then tried to contact her she'd be responsive ? I just can't go on with 0 closure as pathetic as that may sound

You won't get closure.

Closure doesnt really exist anyway but especially with borderlines.

Here's what is 99% likely to happen, in a few weeks or couple of months when you are just starting to get over her and not think about her as much she will message YOU

it'll be something like: "hi how are you" or the classic "do you hate me" but she wont really adress anything and will try to get you back as an orbiter.

Use the time in between to get your head straight so you dont fall for it.

 

[PokerL]

You won't get closure.

Closure doesnt really exist anyway but especially with borderlines.

Here's what is 99% likely to happen, in a few weeks or couple of months when you are just starting to get over her and not think about her as much she will message YOU

it'll be something like: "hi how are you" or the classic "do you hate me" but she wont really adress anything and will try to get you back as an orbiter.

Use the time in between to get your head straight so you dont fall for it.

I sort of thought that would happen when we fell out originally before I met the other girl, but blocking me on everything and then going to the police about whatever just seems so final you know ? Hard to imagine her one evening thinking hmm lemme just see how Luke's doing. I would obviously be very pleased to hear from her though, it's the only thing i could imagine making me feel better

 

[Billtx49]

I would obviously be very pleased to hear from her though, it's the only thing i could imagine making me feel better

The realization of a bad relationship that did Not benefit you is the first step to recovery.

 

[PokerL]

The realization of a bad relationship that did Not benefit you is the first step to recovery.

I guess I've only just started to realise how awful I was, maybe if I'd been different, and not reacted with threats etc to try and get my way and start drama things could be different. Maybe seeking out the only other person on the planet who I knew had BPD and had a bad history with the original was also ****ty, idk I could deserve this and deserve the pain im feeling

 

[PokerL]

The realization of a bad relationship that did Not benefit you is the first step to recovery.

Things feel worse today, It's the first time since the day she blocked me 3 weeks ago I've truly felt tempted to try and call her from a different phone or something, just can't take.

 

[stovepipe]

Things feel worse today, It's the first time since the day she blocked me 3 weeks ago I've truly felt tempted to try and call her from a different phone or something, just can't take.

Don't do it bro!! When you get to the point of wanting to call, thats when you need to smack yourself across the face and say "Im better than that". I know exactly whats going on in your head, its a scary place to be in, but if you contact her she will win.

More importantly, making contact will cause you a great deal of pain and you will also she how cold hearted she really is. There is no denying that sometimes we need to go back in order to learn and see just how cruel these biches are. Just know we warned you.

 

[PokerL]

Don't do it bro!! When you get to the point of wanting to call, thats when you need to smack yourself across the face and say "Im better than that". I know exactly whats going on in your head, its a scary place to be in, but if you contact her she will win.

More importantly, making contact will cause you a great deal of pain and you will also she how cold hearted she really is. There is no denying that sometimes we need to go back in order to learn and see just how cruel these biches are. Just know we warned you.

I haven't done it, I mean I know my numbers blocked but tbh if I thought there was even a 50% chance she'd speak to me for 1 minute id do it, but I know what would happen, id ring from a diff phone she'd answer and just hang up instantly once she he`rd my voice, At least this way I have my dignity of not trying to contact her for 3 weeks.

 

[RedScorpion]

Just try to realize that how you're feeling is normal. Especially with these types of women (intense attention to you, making you feel great, then sudden withdrawal - like you don't even exist). It's psychological manipulation, and it's one they probably don't even realize they're doing. Like how a wolf will instinctively hunt and such. It's conditioning to get you to associate feeling great while around them, and getting you to know that them = feeling great. Especially when it's above and beyond what anyone else has done before for you (even worse when they're extremely attractive). But if you go against them (imagined or not), then they can literally take that away in an instant by withdrawing or being angry or whatever. Worse, you can feel directly responsible for it. Even when if you compare your actions to other people or logically can state "It wasn't that bad, was it?", and it can be truly not that bad or even insignificant. It doesn't matter. That desire to feel good with them, and that they are now bitchy with you - it must be your fault somehow.

That's where strength of mind and self-respect comes into play. You must be able to trust your own rational, and ability to step away from behaviour anomalies from her. That is where you have to trust your feeling that something is not right, and push past what you feel you want (her positive attention again). It is a hard thing to do, because logic vs emotions don't exactly mesh well in the first place.

The trick is that normal people act along similar trends (giving attention, and withdrawing), but at a much much more gradual pace, and at less extreme peaks. These girls - have a high slope up, a high maximum, and then can suddenly crash down to a low without much or any warning. It's tricky to recognize it... but you just have to look at the rate of involvement from her (fast attention, fast withdrawal). That's what I've found to be the most identifiable part, that they are not quite normal. Try to look at how fast and intense they get, and if you get the sense that it seems really fast... it probably is for good reason on her psychological part.

Example, one girl I knew for years - she'd be very interested in you and looking in your eyes, all inquisitive. Coming overtly and directly over to you. Next time I'd walk by her, no acknowledgement, no hi. Didn't seem like she was ignoring maybe, just didn't care perhaps. And this went on for years. We were just 'friends' as well. Attention seeking perhaps. Lots of other 'intense attraction/sudden withdrawal' flirtation stuff as well to add.

Anyway... I think you've just been conditioned by her, which is why you feel that desperate need to contact her and feel like things are good between you two. I understand that feeling. It sucks balls. And it's not a healthy state either. It takes quite some time to successfully recover from it. Say best case scenario. You do manage to meet up with her or just talk with her. Maybe even say great for a little while... but I think you would agree that it would get ****ty again from knowing past experiences. Maybe she'd text some other guy with supposed love right after having sex (that is still a big red flag to me). Or some other pouty/angry thing towards you.

It will restart the withdrawal process. Maybe with a bit more clarification in mind that 'Yeah, this isn't a good situation for me to be in'. Unfortunately, the real cure is separation and time away securing yourself from her. And not trying to get your fix from her to make the pain from the conditioning go away.

So you'll have to assess for yourself what is going on.

 

[stovepipe]

I haven't done it, I mean I know my numbers blocked but tbh if I thought there was even a 50% chance she'd speak to me for 1 minute id do it, but I know what would happen, id ring from a diff phone she'd answer and just hang up instantly once she he`rd my voice, At least this way I have my dignity of not trying to contact her for 3 weeks.

Let me ask you this. If she gave you that 1min, what would you want to speak to her about?

 

[PokerL]

Let me ask you this. If she gave you that 1min, what would you want to speak to her about?

Sure, I'd just want to know why she chose to block me when she did. Not when I threatened her, not when I was tagged in a picture with the other borderline, not when we argued, just straight out of the blue a couple of days after a nice evening together. And if she felt that way why did she meet me that night? We haden't met up or even really spoken in a month why not just leave it that way.

 

[stovepipe]

Sure, I'd just want to know why she chose to block me when she did. Not when I threatened her, not when I was tagged in a picture with the other borderline, not when we argued, just straight out of the blue a couple of days after a nice evening together. And if she felt that way why did she meet me that night? We haden't met up or even really spoken in a month why not just leave it that way.

She probably wouldn't even tell you the truth why she went NC cause they're all cowards. But I can assure its because of that other BPD chick. She came back into your life, future faked you, made you feel amazing again, gave you sex, then disappeared. She punished you and left you hanging knowing you will dream about her, think about her non stop. Once you get to the stage where you see thru her BS and dont want nothing to do with her, then and only then, will you feel free from her toxicity.

 

[PokerL]

It was a strange experience how she came back into contact with me, obviously I sent a threatening message when she wouldn't give me my stuff back, she gave the things back said she was going to the police blah blah blah, we don't speak for 3 weeks I wake and and BPD #2 had tagged me in a picture so BPD #1 has sent me an array of nasty messages we argue etc that's that. I also saw the messages she sent BPD #2 as she was kind enough to send me screen shots so it sort of blew my mind a few days later after threatening me with police, not speaking for almost a month then telling myself along with BPD #2 how sick, disgusting and malicious I am that she was sitting with me happily at dinner giggling, then crying / kissing me non stop in the car, then obviously ****ing me. Then the next day when we got the pill as I said she was super casual, talking about seeing upcoming movies together, telling me about her driving lesson I recall now we even went into the body shop to buy new shampoo together. Then the next night I go into the bar she works in with my parents, her behaviour was off so as I said previously I called her the next day, and she basically told me I raped her the night before. Now don't get me wrong we were both a little inptoxocated but she was incredibly into all of it bar maybe the last few seconds which weren't my fault as such, then the next day blocked, gone without a trace. Vanished. I tried ringing her once from my landline the day she blocked me, she answered I said "hey it's Luke just give me a few seconds" hang up, didn't answer again that day. And haven't tried since.

 

[MrAddiction]

she chose to block me a. No angry messages, no phone call just gone.

That is just exactly what you have to do. NC. Nothing good will come from contacting her in two or there Monta or whenever - only more pain. Or Do you really want to listen to her fake Stories about her new and better life after you? It is bot worth it, ist will only result in more pain and a step back in your recovery. Remember a junkie who tries to become sober wil not go back for Little tiny shot of that lovely white powder.

 

[MrAddiction]

If you left these types of people in an empty house all alone, with no internet or TV, they would die. They need to feed on others in order to survive. No one to feed on=death

True words!

 

[MrAddiction]

things could be different

With a BPD thing Will Never be different. It would only have prolongieren a horrible Situation you Fall a relationship - but would have ended the same way. Be happy she is gone.