BPD ex texts me after 6 months at 1am after grandma dies

jake-a-roo4

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I had a real hard time getting over my ex. She has BPD she really put me thru a lot of pain the last year. I stopped answering her 6 months ago. she finally stopped trying to contact me. Haven't heard from her until sunday morning at 1 am. She send me a short text that said "I know u hate me but i wanted to thank u for helping my grandma so much. she passed away monday. thank u again." I used to help her out because she was sick and needed help at the time. I dont know if I should respond or not. I confused why she would text me at 1 in the morning? I got mixed reaction from my friends. I don't know what she is trying to do. why wait 5 days after she dies to text me that? im confused. I thought about her all the time. mostly anger for how she treated me. i'm finally getting over that. now she texts me again. we broke up last year at this time. then went back for a few weeks. it was a mess. if any guys on here has BPD ex's or knows about them should i text her back or not? that is my question.
 

f283000

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What are you some kind of wussy man with no self control? So automatically if someone says something to you are you obliged to respond?

You don't have to respond to every freaking text someone sends you. In fact don't worry about her motives. Take it as as a nice gesture and move on with your life. Don't reply, delete the message, move on, simple.
 

sexysuave

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Are you kidding me????

She simply sent you a nice message saying thanks for help with grandma.... NOTHING else!!

Do NOT text her back for f*ck sakes. You FINALLY are getting over it, and you wanna start texting her back?? Common man, delete the message, and even change your number if you think you might be temped to text her back. I'm in a relationship with a BPD now, and she's been on good behavior now, but you better believe I'm still waiting for the next (and last time) she loses it. I'll be GONE.. She says she understands and wont' freak out again and this and that, but actions speak louder than words, I'm very alert now.

If I was broken up with my BPD and got to the point where I"m finally getting over her, I would NOT be responding to no text messages.

Best advice for long term, delete the message QUICK and forget about her. Change your damn number if you have to man. Why are you analyzing this SOOOO much?? it was a simple message. BPD chicks do TONS of unexplainable sh*t, just ignore it, delete the message, and move on..

Sorry if this is a little harsh, but you have been handed a way out and are pretty much out, don't get sucked back in!! Stay freeeeee
 

ELMER_GANTRY

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What You Should Know About BPD Girls

The answer is no. You are under no obligation to reply or reinitiate any contact with an ex, especially a crazy one who has hurt you in the past. You are doing this for yourself, protecting yourself from reestablishing contact and falling back off the wagon. You said you went through a year of pain she caused you, that is a long time, now you're trying to get over it. Don't go back to visit the pain, ignore the text and continue to move forward. She is like a bad drug that you quit, you are an addict, don't suffer a relapse by responding to her text. She might try to use this death to suck you back in her web. She thanked you for helping the grandma, you read it, so there is no need to say anything more. Continue to move forward and get yourself back, because that is what should be the most important thing for you, not her, and how she is feeling at the moment.

I like how she plays the victim role in the text she sent. She starts off with "I know you hate me" just trying to be the victim once again, like they always do, trying to get some sympathy from you, blaming you for the hate, when it was her actions that caused your pain and hate. I bet she was the victim in everything during your relationship. Am I right? Always blaming you, making you out to be the bad guy, when she started everything, but managed to turn it all around and put it on you being the bad guy. Then she appeared as an innconent angel while you looked bad, and she blamed you for everything, when it was her that was doing it.

She has BPD, and BPD girls are extremely hateful and selfish people. The only reason that she contacted you was because of herself, not because of you. BPD girls only re-contact ex boyfriends or old f*** buddies when they want or need something from them. It's never about you, its always about her, just like it was during your relationship that she wanted everything from you, because she wanted it for herself. I bet she is not getting enough comfort or sympathy from the current boyfriend or f*** buddy, so she has turned to you, maybe even some other boyfriends too, so she can get what she needs. You are not her boyfriend anymore, so there is no need to talk to her, your words of "sorry" won't help her at all, because she can never be happy, she will always be in pain, she will always hate herself, so your words can't do anything, except to make you vulnerable to her, and ruin all the good progress you made trying to forget her. Let her boyfriend or f*** buddy comfort her that is their job, after all, she thought they were so great in the first place, and didn't want you, so let her get what she needs from them, that is not your obligation. Think about it, if her grandma didn't pass away, she never would of even texted you at all. She would of never even given you a thought, and you never would have recieved an early morning text from her. Again, she only texted you because of what she wanted and needed at the time. It wasn't about you, it was about her. I bet if the roles were reversed and you lost someone, she probably wouldn't even care about you all, because that doesn't affect her. It is only about her, it was that way during your relationship, and it will always be that way after, only when she decides she wants or needs something from you, is when you will hear from her.

BPD girls hold and treat people like objects or possessions. They have them there with them, like an object they need, then when they lose them, they panic and need them back again. She lost her grandma, that was a possession to her, an object, and now she lost her, so she feels a loss of that object. She associates you with her, because you helped the grandma in the past. She lost the grandma, and she feels the loss of you out of her life, so that is why she contacted you, to get back that other lost feeling she has. BPD girls fear abandonment, that is why they act the way they do. She feels abandonment on both ends, and now is trying to get in touch with you to get rid of her pain, it is all about her, nothing about you, so don't fall for it.

They also treat their boyfriends and f*** buddies as objects and possessions as well. They need them there with them for a short amount of time, then after they served their purpose, they get rid of them, or don't use them, until they need them again. This is the perfect way to look at it. When a girl sees a new outfit, purse, or a phone, they need to have it. Right? They will do anything to make sure they have it. So when they get it they are thrilled with it, they use it a lot, then after it serves it's purpose, or gets old for them, they discard it, or put it away for a new one. Just like they do with their men. They are so into them at first, then will get rid of them at a moments notice for a new guy, who she thinks is better than you, after she was telling you for all those months how great you are, and nobody was ever as amazing as you. Just all lies to get you trapped in a relationship with her. She will be telling the new guy the same exact thing as she told you. I also like to use the Christmas decorations analogy, because it is the PERFECT example of how BPD girls are, they treat guys like Christmas decorations. After Thanksgiving, you take all the Christmas decorations down, and you set them all up in and outside of your house. Then after they served their purpose, after New Year's Day is over, you take them down, and put them away, until you need them again next year. This how they treat the ex boyfriends. They used the boyfriends for the short amount of time they needed them, then they got rid of the guys, they became the ex boyfriends, then they put the ex's away until the next time she needs them again, just like decorations. BPD girls won't contact the ex's until they need them again for something, when they need them for some particular use they need them for. Ex boyfriends always serve some purpose for BPD girls for when they need them, remember it is not about you, it is about her, as it always will be.

Another reason why you shouldn't re-contact her is because she is liable to be mean or hurt you again, these girls are crazy, and are always out to get revenge on ex boyfriends. She is probably mad you ignored her for all those months, so she will wait to turn the knife into you one more time. After you served your purpose for her again, she will turn on you in a blink of an eye, she will act like you don't exist, just like before, and she won't need you again, until the next time that something comes up, that she wants you for to serve another purpose. It is a never ending cycle, but you can end it by ignoring this text. These girls are crazy, they can be so sweet and nice one minute, and the next minute they are complete monsters. They can be this way with the same guy, or be nice to one guy, then be a monster to the boyfriend just a few minutes later. They are actors that can fool anybody and conform to any situation. You can be fooled by their mask, but when you see them for what they really are, they are bad actors, and the mask falls right off their face. I was gaming this one BPD girl, she was so awesome and amazing to me, and a few minutes later with her boyfriend, she was this horrible monster that terrorized the guy. The same girl with two different personalities acting her role, with two different guys, in just a matter of minutes, a total Jekell and Hyde routine, that she can use on the same person, or different people at any time. That is how they operate so watch out for women like this. I'm going to co-author a book on BPD women this winter, and there will be a lot of valuable information in there for people to learn and understand who went through this or just want to learn about these types of women.

Hopefully, this helps you out, but dont answer her text or start anymore communication with her. This is all about you, trying to get over a horrible experience that she put you through. You need to keep getting better and remove her from your mind and your life. It was her actions that made it what it was. Don't revisit any of that again by starting comunication, or all the good progress you made will go right back to where you started last year. Guys make the critical mistake of texting back and it ruins them because they find out what I've been talking about. The only reason she contacted you was for her, not because of you. Then she will hurt you again, just like all the times before, and the guys like you will have more pain to get over. She is used to pain, you can't help her, she doesn't want help, so your words won't do anything to help her You probably tried to help her during your relationship, and you can see how far that got you. Be smart, stay in control, ignore the text, stay no contact, and move forward and better your life without her in it. Otherwise, you will never get away from her if you text back, she will always come back, and you don't want her or that pain in your life.
 

AlexDP

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jake-a-roo4 said:
I had a real hard time getting over my ex. She has BPD she really put me thru a lot of pain the last year. I stopped answering her 6 months ago. she finally stopped trying to contact me. Haven't heard from her until sunday morning at 1 am. She send me a short text that said "I know u hate me but i wanted to thank u for helping my grandma so much. she passed away monday. thank u again." I used to help her out because she was sick and needed help at the time. I dont know if I should respond or not. I confused why she would text me at 1 in the morning? I got mixed reaction from my friends. I don't know what she is trying to do. why wait 5 days after she dies to text me that? im confused. I thought about her all the time. mostly anger for how she treated me. i'm finally getting over that. now she texts me again. we broke up last year at this time. then went back for a few weeks. it was a mess. if any guys on here has BPD ex's or knows about them should i text her back or not? that is my question.
Elmer is right. Another thing is that she didn't really contact you because of her grandmother. She contacted you because you broke up last year at this time. Most borderlines are big on dates. If you're finally getting over her, do not respond. It may seem sad and harsh, but it's the best for both parties involved.
 

vatoloco

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She's trying to suck you back in.

"Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"
 

jake-a-roo4

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vatoloco said:
She's trying to suck you back in.

"Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

that is what i thought. can anybofy offer any more advice that knows? got some good advice so far.
 

jake-a-roo4

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AlexDP said:
Elmer is right. Another thing is that she didn't really contact you because of her grandmother. She contacted you because you broke up last year at this time. Most borderlines are big on dates. If you're finally getting over her, do not respond. It may seem sad and harsh, but it's the best for both parties involved.

that could be true because we first started dating and broke up the first time during this week. these dates were important to her. so she says. i figure if i dont respond she might be texting more to get my attention. idk. it was her cousin who told me she had BPD. she never told me herself. this explains how she was acting. i just dont want anymore.
 

Atom Smasher

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Elmer, I had no idea you were so well-versed with BPD. You are spot-on. Yo just described my recent ex to a T.

Oh, thanks also for reminding me to take down my Christmas decorations.

+1
 

Edward Luvingston

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A few months back I had my most serious ex-girl of the past five years, who definitely suffered from some personality disorder, suddenly reappear after a year of absence (cut her off). I got a facebook message from her randomly asking if she could send me an email. My logical mind told me to just ignore the FB message because she was probably going through some issues with her current BF and only wanted to either make him jealous or have someone else orbit her. After giving her my email address she sends me this long apology for our very bad break up with the word "love" and "us" repeated several times. To make a long story short after RE-realizing that she's a selfish borderline personality, due in part to Elmers post, I've surgically cut out this cancer from my life.

Bipolar girls are like black holes in the universe. They have an insatiable urge to consume and crush everything around them. They feed on the energy of others and after they've sucked them dry they move on to the next solar system.
 

bigneil

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I agree with those who say not to contact her, based on my recent experience.

* I walked away from my BPD relationship in April.
* 10 days later she texted (to wish me a Happy Easter) but I did not reply.
* 30 days after that (NC day 40 for me) she wrote me an email explaining that she was sorry I decided not to talk to her (in other words it was my fault).
* I made the mistake of responding, and since then we have had about 12 emails exchanged.
* I've gone right back to thinking about her, dreaming about her, though I can tell she's just not interested the way she once was.
* She will email a question or two, just to keep the conversation going, but there is no passion like before.
 

The_411

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Put it this way a "normal" ex would either not text you or they would say thanks for your your help with my grandmother, unfortunately she passed away. The fact that she said I know you hate me to start off is an instant red flag.

She's trying to manipulate your pity into a reply. It's a hoover and believe me hoovers come in all shapes and sizes. BPDs will stoop to just about any level to hoover you back into their chaos.
 

joverby

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Girls that are cluster B or have some sort of personality disorder will drain your soul and have you coming back for more. It's messed up how it works.

I just went to dump mine a few days ago and got guilt tripped with her story of why she's fvcked up and got the whole so instead of helping me through it you're just going to leave me?

I regretably retracted and am now going out with her again.(She did actually make me feel bad for "not giving her a chance") She called me after work last night and had a very pissy tone about her voice(for reasons unknown to me) I didn't bother stressing or prodding about it like the old me would've. (Because I knew there wasn't going to be a good reason anyway)

This time I'm staying in the prepared to walk mind set.
 

Scars

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Good god Joverby. What did I tell you?

Now you're making up excuses, letting her guilt trip you, completely letting her take the innocent victim roll while she is the crazy one..

I am telling you now brother, get rid of her. The longer you procrastinate the harder it will be later down the road. You're already having a hard enough time now because you can't even leave her. Your mind is saying "I need to leave her", but you're thinking with your emotions just like a woman. She's already destroying your spirit. You are constantly mentioning her on here. I bet she runs through your mind all day. You keep telling yourself how annoying and immature she is, yet you still want to spend time with her. Grow the balls and get it done. I'm just telling you in your best interest brother.. don't wait until she's already pregnant, cheated on you with your best friend, broke your belongings, and sent you spiraling down in a massive depression before you finally decide "Hey, I've had enough." Get rid of the problem now or it will be that much harder later on. I am doing the same thing. I'm at about 50 days NC with my ex. Her contacting me every other week is tempting, but I just keep telling myself that it happened for a REASON and I ignore her. The mild sadness/loneliness won't be around forever.. it will go away eventually and you will feel so much better knowing you don't have a crazy blood sucking b!tch destroying your life.

-Scars

-Scars
 

Alle_Gory

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f283000 said:
What are you some kind of wussy man with no self control? So automatically if someone says something to you are you obliged to respond?
Good fvcking question.
 

jake-a-roo4

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Thanks guys for all your advice. I know this is old but my ex has texted me again after another whole year. I didn't reply to the last one she sent me but my anger is still there. I think I'm going to change my number after this. Part of me wants to talk to her to tell her off from everything she did but the other doesn't. Heard from the grapevine her life isn't that great and refused to get any help that her last bf tried to get for her. Probably why she texted me again late at night.
 

PeakIV

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They always do that, mine got in touch again after 7 months NC ( new relationship gone tits up)

I said best if we don't stay in touch, have a nice life..... and blow me down, sends an e-mail 2 months later with some random question about what was the name of the restaurant we used to go to???!!! WTF


They always get in touch from time to time, just ignore delete delete delete......
 

AlexDP

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jake-a-roo4 said:
Thanks guys for all your advice. I know this is old but my ex has texted me again after another whole year. I didn't reply to the last one she sent me but my anger is still there. I think I'm going to change my number after this. Part of me wants to talk to her to tell her off from everything she did but the other doesn't. Heard from the grapevine her life isn't that great and refused to get any help that her last bf tried to get for her. Probably why she texted me again late at night.

Why is the anger still there? So much time has passed.
 

Beowolf

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jake-a-roo4 said:
"My anger is still there. Part of me wants to talk to her to tell her off from everything she did."

Bpd ex was still trying to contact me after four years of my radio silence. The last time she tried, I finially let her have it:cuss: with both:box: The release felt good, her p***** was in an uproar for a little while, and she never bothered me again.
 
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