BPD/Cluster B Oddities

JWT

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In my recent struggle to detach from my BPD girlfriend of almost a year, I am wondering if anyone else has noticed the following characteristics in someone of whom they were with. Granted, I do realize these characteristics are not exclusive to BPDs/Cluster Bs and that everyone has their quirks about them. But when you add these to all the mainstream traits of the personality disordered, it is rather thought provoking. Most of these seem to do with seeking attention.


Has trouble holding eye contact for too long. Would very often look up at me while talking or looking at me. Made me somewhat self-conscious as I thought my hair was messed up or something.

Complains of physical maladies all the time. She's tired, back hurts, stomach hurts, etc. I noticed that most of the time this happens is when things are good between us - almost as if she is seeking validation that I care for her current state of being. But has also told me people have told her that she whines a lot. Shocker.

Yawns excessively. AND when doing so does it very loudly in melodramatic fashion, also as if to draw attention to herself.

Often talks in Third Person. Is this a way of dissociation? I've never known anyone to talk in Third Person and I have been around a while.

Lack of facial expressions.

Admits to having ADHD, which is often paired with BPD.

Calls me by first name and first and last name when angry or upset. Does this with her kids too. Ironically, I feel as though she treats me like a child in her scolding/punishing ways.

Any input and personal experiences similar to this is appreciated.
 

saywhen

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Too elaborate.. You never mentioned any hot/cold push/pull attitudes associated with bpd. A straight up narcissist would present themselves in a manner which you state here. In my opinion.
 

JWT

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saywhen said:
Too elaborate.. You never mentioned any hot/cold push/pull attitudes associated with bpd. A straight up narcissist would present themselves in a manner which you state here. In my opinion.

She has all the hot/cold, push/pull attitudes. Projection, manipulation and control as well. If there were frequent flyer rewards given out for guilt trips, she'd be able to go around the world 100 times over. I know NPD and BPD are similar. Regardless of which it is, or both, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for sure and I need to stop the ride.
 

saywhen

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Been there man. Its hard.

Mine would ignore me for like weeks once stuff was getting more emotional.
Then when id call her out on the disrespect of flaking and ignoring me, she would flip the situation saying I'm too needy. I was like, wtf. Im laying some ground rules here. I dont give a f*ck either way. Then there was one time i simply had enough of her crap. I ended it. My plan was to go NC completely. Then she would show up at all the places i chill at. Trying at feeble attempts to get me back. hahaha
 

saywhen

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Its hard though. Almost like an addiction.
I found i almost craved the rollercoaster of emotions.
Chicks with no clear sign of personality disorders almost get boring. Hahah
 

JWT

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saywhen said:
Been there man. Its hard.

Mine would ignore me for like weeks once stuff was getting more emotional.
Then when id call her out on the disrespect of flaking and ignoring me, she would flip the situation saying I'm too needy. I was like, wtf. Im laying some ground rules here. I dont give a f*ck either way. Then there was one time i simply had enough of her crap. I ended it. My plan was to go NC completely. Then she would show up at all the places i chill at. Trying at feeble attempts to get me back. hahaha
Did you give in to the attempts? How would she try to get you back? Mine definitely is not the kind to beg to have me back like on some of the other posts I have read. She'll poke at me and when I respond, engage me back in and say it was my fault for ignoring her, etc. I naturally defend myself and the show is on. Dumb moves I made. You can't reason with the irrational and I finally have realized that, despite that addiction you mentioned.
 

Johnny Alias

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Just call her a Cluster B. They share many of the same traits and trying to pigeonhole her into HPD, BPD, NPD etc is a waste of time.

The fact is none of these women are good for you and they DO NOT get better.

I can relate on the physical maladies. Back, neck, knee, sick all the time... stomach pain. It was unreal. She spent a fortune going to the chiropractor... and often took hardcore narcotics... though I have to wonder how much of it was to feed an addiction...

Some other traits you may have seen:
Speaking with a child like voice
No sense of time
Always has an enemy
Substance abuse
Poor memory
ADHD - Which you mentioned
Bisexual
Hypersensitive
Way more prone to PMS blowups
Strange eating habits - Disorders and Allergies
Abusive Childhood
Highly Dependent on Others - Financially, spiritually, etc.
Attention *****
Believes in Spirits and Mystical Crap
Lying
Lack of Empathy
Few Real Friends - They always get tired of their drama and nonsense eventually.

Walk away. Seriously. They're dangerous as hell.
 

saywhen

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I did give in a few times admittedly. She would show up at my known chill spots and try to talk me out of my decision to end it with her. then id fall back in. But sh*t wouldnt change. The best thing you can do is get involved with different chicks. When it finally ended for good, i had a couple others on the go. So i wasnt to worried.. She still trys to contact me. which is odd cause our last falling out was pretty bad.
 

SgtSplacker

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A cluster B is in my opinion basically a "broken person". For example, the one I was dating was so busy freaking out over stupid things she would not really freak out over things she had good reason to be upset over.

So the behavior you are seeing is just more broken behavior by a broken person...
 

JWT

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SgtSplacker said:
A cluster B is in my opinion basically a "broken person". For example, the one I was dating was so busy freaking out over stupid things she would not really freak out over things she had good reason to be upset over.

So the behavior you are seeing is just more broken behavior by a broken person...
Your example really hit home. Mine actually admitted to being really emotional over the small stuff, but not the things she should be emotional over, just like you said. Funny how they admit some of their brokenness every once in a while. Never so when in an argument or discussion, however. At those times she is perfect and it is all my fault.
 

JWT

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Johnny Alias said:
Just call her a Cluster B. They share many of the same traits and trying to pigeonhole her into HPD, BPD, NPD etc is a waste of time.

The fact is none of these women are good for you and they DO NOT get better.

I can relate on the physical maladies. Back, neck, knee, sick all the time... stomach pain. It was unreal. She spent a fortune going to the chiropractor... and often took hardcore narcotics... though I have to wonder how much of it was to feed an addiction...

Some other traits you may have seen:
Speaking with a child like voice
No sense of time
Always has an enemy
Substance abuse
Poor memory
ADHD - Which you mentioned
Bisexual
Hypersensitive
Way more prone to PMS blowups
Strange eating habits - Disorders and Allergies
Abusive Childhood
Highly Dependent on Others - Financially, spiritually, etc.
Attention *****
Believes in Spirits and Mystical Crap
Lying
Lack of Empathy
Few Real Friends - They always get tired of their drama and nonsense eventually.

Walk away. Seriously. They're dangerous as hell.
Definitely substance abuse - daily drinking and pot smoking.

No sense of time. This is interesting. No clocks in her house at all. Only one on the microwave. Uses cell phone for alarm clock. Never wears a watch and is habitually late, especially at work. Still keeps her job, however, amazingly enough.

Hypersensitive - This is putting it mildly.

Lack of Empathy - About a two on a scale of one to ten.

Few real friends - Spot on!

Thanks
 

Johnny Alias

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You bet man. The substance abuse can be a killer... especially if she launches into rages against you. Have you ever seen her switch from a Jekyll to a Hyde persona whenever she hits one too many drinks? I can't tell you how many times that happened to me. Just screamed in my face for HOURS. Completely unhinged rage... and you'll also notice her repeating the same lines over and over again:

"You don't know how I feel!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

Notice the you's? A lot of the time these episodes are her expressing anger at her parents over an effed up childhood... and you get to be the parents. If it seems scripted it is because shes given this same speech over and over again to different men.

As for the time thing that's not exactly what I was referring to... For mine something that happened weeks ago was days ago. Months ago was weeks ago... you get my meaning? They're dissasociated from this reality.

Habitually late is a hallmark. Never forgiving you for a slight is another. Does she have a tendency to bring up crap you though you guys worked out ages ago? Cluster B's have a very HARD time forgiving people for anything. Even when they say they do they keep it tucked away as ammunition against you in future fights. As these real or imagined transgressions accumulate the devaluation/splitting phase begins and you're a piece of crap she can abuse freely or abandon without remorse.

They are not rational. STAY FAR FAR AWAY.
 

JWT

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Johnny Alias said:
You bet man. The substance abuse can be a killer... especially if she launches into rages against you. Have you ever seen her switch from a Jekyll to a Hyde persona whenever she hits one too many drinks? I can't tell you how many times that happened to me. Just screamed in my face for HOURS. Completely unhinged rage... and you'll also notice her repeating the same lines over and over again:

"You don't know how I feel!"

"HOW DARE YOU!"

Notice the you's? A lot of the time these episodes are her expressing anger at her parents over an effed up childhood... and you get to be the parents. If it seems scripted it is because shes given this same speech over and over again to different men.

As for the time thing that's not exactly what I was referring to... For mine something that happened weeks ago was days ago. Months ago was weeks ago... you get my meaning? They're dissasociated from this reality.

Habitually late is a hallmark. Never forgiving you for a slight is another. Does she have a tendency to bring up crap you though you guys worked out ages ago? Cluster B's have a very HARD time forgiving people for anything. Even when they say they do they keep it tucked away as ammunition against you in future fights. As these real or imagined transgressions accumulate the devaluation/splitting phase begins and you're a piece of crap she can abuse freely or abandon without remorse.

They are not rational. STAY FAR FAR AWAY.

The "You's" are everywhere, yes. When she has too much to drink, she doesn't get combative. Just more horny. lol Substance abuse is her escape from the painful emotions she deals with almost constantly.

Definitely holds grudges and "score keeps." She can pull up something from the past faster than anything. But she HATES it when I bring up something she has done in the past. Double standards are everywhere. It's all about entitlement, control and manipulation.

Thoughts on why she talks in Third Person at times? Another way of dissociating I think.
 

mikey2012

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BPD traits;

1. Lying
2. Snooping. Can hack your email or check your phone.
3. Lack of empathy
4. BiSexual
5. Pot smoking
6. Can do anything sexually.
7. STDs
8. lots of guy friends
9. No career/job
10. Lazy
11. Selfish
12. Accuses you of not "loving" her.
13. Callous
14. Blows up at the smallest thing
15. Brings up your past faults even though it has been resolved
16. Complains a lot...esp about prior relationships
17. Back aches/stomach aches
18. Can distance from you quickly and go to someone else quicky
19. Says she been abused etc.
20. Leaves relationships abruptly.
 

mikey2012

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JWT said:
The "You's" are everywhere, yes. When she has too much to drink, she doesn't get combative. Just more horny. lol Substance abuse is her escape from the painful emotions she deals with almost constantly.

Definitely holds grudges and "score keeps." She can pull up something from the past faster than anything. But she HATES it when I bring up something she has done in the past. Double standards are everywhere. It's all about entitlement, control and manipulation.

Thoughts on why she talks in Third Person at times? Another way of dissociating I think.
you hit the nail on the head. you have to be there for her, but when you need her she is gone. she wants 100% control of you.

but watch out they ALWAYS come BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
 

orbion2013

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mine was defo cluster b... narcassist, passive agressive etc etc

she came back twice... never take them back.... NEVER


huge mistake, they do not and will not change... woman like these should be for fun & nothing more than that..

but it's best to avoid them all together... they will turn your life upside down
 

JWT

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mikey2012 said:
you hit the nail on the head. you have to be there for her, but when you need her she is gone. she wants 100% control of you.

but watch out they ALWAYS come BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
She's come back every time so far, but not yet this time. She seems to be holding out longer and being able to resist coming back. Don't get me wrong. I don't want her back, so maybe she is finally done and found her next victim. How do you tell when they are finally done? I guess only time will tell.
 

Johnny Alias

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JWT you shouldn't ever have to find out if she's done or has a new victim. If you are properly follow the NO CONTACT rules then you've blocked her on your phone (yes it can be done and easily), your facebook, email, and you've told your mutual friends you DO NOT want to hear about her EVER again.

I hate to be harsh, but if you haven't done this stuff you are still attached to her and on some level wanting her back. No BS here. You will NOT be able to fully detach unless you go full NC.

She is like crack to you. I've been there. Anytime you interact with her AT ALL it resets the clock on your recovery process. Don't try to find excuses. If a new BF beats her up that's her problem. Don't be there to rescue her. If she's got belongings at your house BURN THEM.

They are EXPERTS at roping you back in... but even then it doesn't take much work. They can promise they've changed, are in therapy, whatever. It's all a ruse and they know you're a crackhead anyway. If they have kids you have bonded with they will use them as bait!!! That happened to me and a friend of mine!!!

Go total NC. Cry. Grieve. But NEVER talk to her again. EVER.

I'm lucky. Mine's old and her beauty is fading fast. I also want a kid which would almost be impossible with her now. These are the rational arguments I can bring to the table when I start fiending. Make that list of EFFED up stuff she did to you. Refer to it when you have to. Above all remember she NEVER loved you. It was all an act.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196369 Look at Peak IV's comment. By far the most insightful comments I have ever read regarding Cluster B's. Read it over and over again. My two cents. Good luck.
 
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