boyfriend - a common problem for all DJ's

morisson

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hi there!

i want to ask about a common problem with most of us DJs. can the experienced DJs tell me what to do when the girl you're DJing tells you that she has a boyfriend? (or when you find out that she has one?)

and how to win over that boyfriend?

thank you!
morisson

P.S. please dont reply if your reply is "look for another girl, it wasnt meant to be!" :p
 

Santos

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If she tells you about her BF when you ask for her number, next her. If she tells you about her BF within a few days of meeting you, next her. If she's into you in either siutation she will chase you. Don't chase her.

The problem is girls with BFs can waste a DJs valuable time. I wasted 2 and a half months and had oneitis over a girl with a BF. She strung me along. The farthest I got with her was second base. She's back with the BF. Basically she went out with me long enough to figure out if she wanted the BF or me. I made AFC mistakes that screwed me over in the end, but I think if I had not made those mistakes and had been a DJ I could have got her.

This girl was not 100% happy with her BF and wanted to see if I was better. My advice to you is ask the girl on a date, and show her a good time. When she starts showing a high IL you MUST pull away, act as if she is not your only option (even better if you don't NEED to act).

I increased this girls IL to over 80% by being funny, confident and UNAVAILBLE. She'd leave messages for me to call her and I'd get back to her 8 hours later or even the next day. She left these messages EVERY DAY. She'd use any excuse to call me. Sometimes she'd leave a message, call me TWICE the same day and not get hold of me.

If I felt her IL level decreasing, I would just not call her AT ALL until she called me. If she asked me favours that required too much, I turned her down. She asked me if we could go to a club together on a friday night, two days before I asked her if we could go with ALL MY FRIENDS the saturday night for some girls birthday. This pissed her off cos' she knew she wasn't that important to me which made her WANT ME MORE. I also "accidentally" let her read my text messages, she found out I was going on a date THAT NIGHT. Needless to say, I got a lot of action that weekend :D. She kept LJBF me, but we kept making out within a few days of that happening (she plays games).

Remember she has a BF, so don't feel guilty about messing with her head. You have to intesify techniques here, especially if the BF means something to her.

Don't call her every day.
Don't always return her calls.
Don't always accept her plans.
Don't insult her BF or mention him in convo.
Don't be too available.
Don't accept "just be friends" (she wants to have time to compare her BF to you).

Do ensure you have other options.
Do keep yourself busy.
Do create a good first impression.
Do use kino and C & F.
Do SUBTELY let her know you have other options.

You date her about two or three times, but make sure she REALLY enjoys herself (I was lucky - me and this girl had real chemistry). Make sure you flirt and use C & F and KINO HER! She MUST be able to think of you sexually (this girl was having dreams of f__king me within a week of meeting me). Then you start playing your games. (Follow the advice above). Be a DJ. Follow the DJ principles.

Where did I go wrong?
For the first 2-3 weeks I played the game brilliantly, but then:

- I became too available.
- I talk on the phone too often and too long.
- If she once tried to LJBF me after we made out, I got pissed off (a sign of weakness). I recovered slightly, but naturally she will ALWAYS remember this.
- She started to realise how I HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS.
- I got pissed off with her ONCE MORE, for a stupid reason. (Her BF and her were getting to me). This was the last straw and I got LJBFed for good.
- I was no longer a mystery to her. (Thanks to the long phone convos)
- Sometimes I got too nervous around her, mainly cos' I was a virgin and she was not (VERY BAD).

Basically I VIOLATED all the DJ princples because she became my oneitis. Then your game goes to sh*t. If you show her a good time and take her out once in a while, she will start chasing you. Remain a challenge and a msytery is important. You have to resist the inner AFC.

Good luck!
Santos
 

becker

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Funny how Santos and I post in the same threads, probably because we share experiences in this particular area.

I mostly agree with what Santos said. The only difference with me is that I don't date girls with BFs; instead, I tend to LJBF them, but I keep it flirty friendship, which means that you don't tell them they are friends, and then sometimes act as though you are just friends (normal convo, nothing suggestive), and then sometimes be flirty (kino, C+F, etc.). Then you try to read them a little based on their behavior. Do they seem to be getting attached to you, or are they pushing away your kino (there have been some girls who aren't receptive to kino if they have a BF, and will be a little resistant).

Anyways, bottom line is to not let the whole BF thing get in your way. Who the heck cares, she can always break up with him. It's not a lifelong contract or something. Commitments can be broken, and they probably should be broken, if there is something better that comes along. The world is a selfish place, whether you like it or not.

I had a class before, where the professor threw out this thought, that it really isn't possible to do anything in life without a selfish motive. Every act that you do will be selfish in some way or another.

The most likely rebuttal here is that someone will say "what if you're helping someone whose car is broken on the side of the street?" How can that be selfish? Well, it's usually done because it probably makes you feel better in some way, and that's a selfish motive. It all depends on how you view "selfish". It doesn't always have to have a negative connotation.
 

HuuBinh

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If she isn't happy with her bf, what i do is i'll elicit those negative feelings that she current has, but do it in an implicit manner. Meaning don't talk trash or tell her to dump him. Maybe you can even steer it to the bf destroyer pattern.
 

becker

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Although I'm not going to say this is 100% foolproof, I'd say one possibility is to just talk freely about the BF, not the problems, but if she says she has to do "X" with her BF, then don't make a big deal out of it.

The only chance at all that she's going to dump him for you is if you are the better prize, and usually it has be be by quite a bit, not just a little better. She has to see only your good side, and have a hard time finding anything bad about you. This means no displays of jealousy, neediness, talking down the BF, whatever, and hopefully you aren't like that in the first place, but if you are, then you'll have to find a way to curb that.
 

The Professional

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I used to back off from a girl as soon as I heard them mention their boyfriend. But now, as long as they're showing high enough interest, I play along. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going for her if she's willing. I don't even think about the boyfriend. I'm only interested in the girl.

The way I see it, is that I'm just having fun being the best that I am, and if a girl wants me, ultimately in the end, it's her decision not mine or her boyfriend's. I'm not stealing her, because if I win her over what does that say about the strength of their bond?

People might bring up the fact that if a girl leaves her boyfriend for me, she might do the same to me. Well, I'll do my best to keep her interest, but if she leaves, there's nothing I can do. There are plenty of other good women out there, I'll just move on.
 

becker

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The Professional,

That's pretty much the way I see it. There will always be a better deal out there, and if it comes at you and jumps into your arms, anyone would be a fool not to take it. The only exception to this of course is if you're married with children, then it's messed up if you do anything.
 

DJ_Dork

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becareful with this dudes, unlike you while you get to see her whenever - she has a deeper relationship with her boyfriend while all you see is the surface. If she's the loyal type who prefers stability she will not switch over to you unless she's the more unstable/less loyal type IE she will pull the SAME **** with you if she gets bored of you. If she's an abusive relationship.. I highly doubt she will be good relationship material for you since she is traumatized and has a lot of baggage. Just be careful you stupid girlfriend stealers.

Pulling the "flirty" thing is okay if it's simple banter but if you push hard she will start playing you like a violin/make you into a nice guy friend for her.
 

morisson

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thanks guys for all the help, so i figure out

1. shouldnt be really stumbled if she has a boyfriend and treat he like she will eventually be attracted to me at the end.

2. show her that i'm the better man and that i'm the prize that every girl is trying to get

3. use the bf destroyer!

sounds delicious!
 

Ricky

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Santos has some really good info in here.

When I first started out here, I was dating one girl, but another girl was really coming on to me. We were in classes together and studied together and it was a very, very long time before she mentioned her boyfriend.

I took things slow as I was dating another girl, but I was pretty interested in dating her. After she mentioned her boyfriend, I acted like it didn't phase me. She still had high interest and she would even suggest going out on certain nights, (Valentines night of all things was one of them, i don't know where the hell her BF was, but that was before she mentioned she had one) and I turned her down for that one.

Later we agreed to go out for drinks once, but she cancelled at the last minute (no doubt feeling guilty). A few months later she suggested it again (and did the same damn thing).

After that I was done with her. I haven't pursued girls with a BF since. There are more single girls out there than you realize, but you just have to talk to as many chicks as possible to find it out.

I think the caveat for all of us is:

DJ every last chick out there (even some that you aren't attracted to at first) until you get so good at it, that it's second nature (I'm not at that point yet, and still use alcohol as my crutch too often).

Out of every chick you DJ (a certain percentage will have BF, some will be married, some will be single), but if you are doing things right, they will all respond to you.

What you choose to do with that response is up to your own ethics. Right now I dont' need the hassle of DJing a chick with a boyfriend, will never ever do more than maybe make out with a married chick (even that is too far, believe me guys I learned this the hard way) and I'm not too fond of dating single moms. So to avoid this statistically, I need to meet a lot of chicks. And I find when I go out and DJ lots, my relationship with my GF improves due to the massive social proof I get.

Remember LIFE IS ONE BIG SALES JOB!
 

becker

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Originally posted by Ricky

DJ every last chick out there (even some that you aren't attracted to at first) until you get so good at it, that it's second nature (I'm not at that point yet, and still use alcohol as my crutch too often).

Good point here, Ricky. I have completely given up all alcohol, and don't touch a drop now. I find that needing it is much more of a copout than anything. If you need alcohol to pull a girl, your skills are probably not ever going to be developed to the point where you're truly a charismatic girl magnet.

There are just too many opportunities I've had where alcohol is not properly involved (ex. on the streets, in shopping centers, libraries, etc.) where you need to be on the ball, and if you are all drunk, you're not going to be able to be in those places most likely. That, and I've completely given up looking for women in bars since those are never good for LTRs.
 

Thoroughbred

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Almost every girl with a boyfriend is trying to get away/escape from him- which is why I don't want a serious relationship. Anyone agree?

Many friends of mine see it the same way, too.
 

crowes22

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There are good points here, but guys I find that a girl with a borefriend that really wants you, will let you know.

You have to learn when she is doing that. Forget proving you are better, she'll decide that for herself within minutes of meeting/seeing you, I guarantee it.

The answers on how to learn it are here on this site too. Check it out and good luck.
 

becker

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Originally posted by Thoroughbred
Almost every girl with a boyfriend is trying to get away/escape from him- which is why I don't want a serious relationship. Anyone agree?

Many friends of mine see it the same way, too.
I can't say I've had the same experience, although I would like nothing more than you to be correct on this. It would have many my life a lot easier in the past.

It definitely takes some good selling skills. You need to be on the ball and just say all the right things at the right time.
 
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