Boring conversations

[Krugzner]

Hi, I'm new on this forum.

I'm 23 years old. I have this problem of conversing with girls long-term. I'd be fine the first 30 minutes to an hour but i notice i quickly exhaust the convo and it becomes boring. Then the girl retreats and i can't find the spark that was there anymore. I'm always trying to start a convo in a fun way. I introduce myself, say hi then try to take it from there. I rarely go out to bars/clubs since my job is quite exhausting but i do keep meeting new girls because i have different social circles. I also use instagram to dm a girl if we have seen each other before or/and share mutuals. Keep in mind i haven't dm'd anyone new since 3 months ago.

I sense that my approach is completely wrong, and i'm a beginner in game. I've had success in highschool and early semesters of university due to just being funny, having a good physique and having number of friends. It never lasted though and i know the reason why. It's because I used to be so nice it became boring. Now i've been redpilled, understood how women function and changed myself.

I know redpill works because i've stopped being so nice, started being a bit more selfish, and more teasing and women were delighted. It never lead to nowhere cause i'm facing this problem of maintaining conversation in-person and in texting. So i'd really appreciate if you guys can guide me on what topics we should talk about, how i start a convo and where i eventually lead it. Also since the girls i mostly meet are my in social circle it has the added risk of being known as the weirdo who dms girls and doesn't know how to text. So i'm a bit afraid to escalate too early.

If you guys want to recommend any books/videos i should consume feel free to. I need to polish my game.

To give you an example, i've met this girl recently from our group of friends who hang out. We talked she was fine.I added her on insta and we start talking. I admit i was a bit more aggresive, i was teasing had a difference of opinion and when i sensed we were arguing i quickly changed topics to something else. We started talking about movies and the characters she likes and the characters i like etc. but convo then seems to have fizzled out and she said goodnight and that was it. I don't know what to talk about except movies and tv shows.

i have never had this issue with my friends as we are always talking about some random thing.And i can hold a convo about any topic since i have good memory and knowledge about a wide range of topics.It impresses new guys but i know girls don't care about logical topics or whatever random fact i know.

Tl;dr I don't know game, can't keep conversation, and don't know topics to converse about with a girl. Want to polish my game, be more fun and lead an interaction in the right direction. I have knowledge in wide, very wide, range of topics. Recommend advice or resources.

 

[holidayad_]

One thing that has always worked in my favor is my ability to be a good listener.

This works wonders when it comes to women—they like to feel listened to. The guys here always say that on a date, you should let the woman do most of the talking. You're responsible for about 10-15% of the conversation, and that's true. It works.

All you have to do is ask questions to keep the conversation flowing and moving in the direction you want.

Another important point: you mentioned that you started chatting with a girl on Instagram. Good. Just don't talk too much via text. Talk just enough to get a date.

This helps to keep you shrouded in “mystery” and keeps the woman’s interest warm.

Of course, some women will require a little more rapport, and that's fine—you have to adapt. But it's important to maintain a balance.

This approach has been working for me.

Welcome.

 

[Krugzner]

One thing that has always worked in my favor is my ability to be a good listener.

This works wonders when it comes to women—they like to feel listened to. The guys here always say that on a date, you should let the woman do most of the talking. You're responsible for about 10-15% of the conversation, and that's true. It works.

All you have to do is ask questions to keep the conversation flowing and moving in the direction you want.

Another important point: you mentioned that you started chatting with a girl on Instagram. Good. Just don't talk too much via text. Talk just enough to get a date.

This helps to keep you shrouded in “mystery” and keeps the woman’s interest warm.

Of course, some women will require a little more rapport, and that's fine—you have to adapt. But it's important to maintain a balance.

This approach has been working for me.

Welcome.

Thanks dude. I ask questions yeah but i don't want to be an interviewer either. Since I had that problem before too. Is there any direction you'd recommend steering the convo to?

 

[Barrister]

Thanks dude. I ask questions yeah but i don't want to be an interviewer either. Since I had that problem before too. Is there any direction you'd recommend steering the convo to?

Don't look at it as being an interviewer. Look at it as building rapport. The best way you build rapport is to let people (not just women) talk about themselves and act interested. Of course, it takes more than just asking questions. You need to be engaged and charming as well. Go watch Pierce Bronson in James Bond films for instance and you will see how to carry yourself. If you are a good looking guy with good physique as you say, you can definitely pull this off.

Game is actually very easy. It is just being social/charming and engaged with the woman. Mix in some well-timed kino throughout your conversation to help build the sexual tension.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

You ask what she's interested in and why questions.

"Oh that's cool. How'd you get into that?" "Where do you like to do that?", etc.

Where, what, when, why & how questions. Be engaged and actively listen. Do not simply wait to say your experience. Really listen. Life skill 101.

Book recommendation:

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Deborah Fine (who was a socially awkward engineer who learned to be a brilliant conversationalist.l). Tells you what to do; tells you what NOT to do.

Get that book. Its an easy read.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Listen to what women are telling you. They are introducing multiple new topics you can ask them about or being up every time they speak.

 

[Gamisch]

If a woman likes you you don't have to say anything. I am being serious. You can be the silent ,aloof and mysterious man because she decided long before she wants to sleep with you.

I've learned that "great conversation " is rather a joker i like to keep concealed and throw when needed. When the interaction starts with " great conversation " I actually put HER in the friendzone right away. Why? Because oftentimes that's where ME will end up anyway when I count on conversational skills to get her wet.

I can literally talk about ANYTHING. If I am unfamiliar I wanna learn. But years and many interaction with women ( think thousands and thousands) taught me it's unnecessary.

 

[characternote]

If a woman likes you you don't have to say anything.

this has basically been my experience, too.
It was one of the things that had me doubting 'game' and all the magic verbals in the books many years ago. I couldn't ignore that I was sometimes getting laid with girls when I didn't do or say anything 'good' at all. They just wanted me. And other times, i'd do every super duper advanced verbal game technique in the book and the girl couldn't care less. It was over before I said 'hi' because i wasn't her type lol

I honestly believe this is why all of the 'experts' disagree on literally every single nuance of 'game'. like, you could read mysterymethod and think 'ahhh, I get it!'. then you could read mark manson and think 'errr...ok, so this expert disagrees with mystery in literally every single way possible!'. And you could make the same arguments for the whole direct game vs indirect game debates

I think all these guys are being 'fooled by randomness' as Nasim Taleb would say.

 

[Clockwerk50]

As often emphasized in the manosphere, female energy is centered around building relationships, while male energy is focused on action. Therefore, the more you talk, the more you risk falling into the palm of their hands. Men who express themselves excessively tend to become easily infatuated while the female does not develop any deep feelings for the men. To shift this dynamic, engage in action-oriented activities: mini-golf, bowling, visiting a shooting range, walking in a park or at a playground after dark, attending carnivals, and so on. This will make them fall into your frame.

With that said, in the context of social circle game and during the initial stages when you're alone with a woman for the first time, the best strategy is to be extremely polite and engage in small talk. Women will often try to qualify themselves to you. If you find what they offer appealing, you can consider asking them out a few days (Some women's method of qualifying themselves to you is by giving you sex/BJs right away depending of the setting).

As you become more comfortable with her and advance to the next stage, use humor, flattery, and discussions about future plans to keep the conversation engaging. Focus on sharing your likes and dislikes rather than providing factual information. Try to have emotionally driven conversations to build a stronger connection and avoid talking excessively about yourself. Maintain the momentum to keep the interaction progressing...

 

[Glassguy]

Cut the conversations down unless they are in person (on dates).
Phone conversations should be 5-10 minutes. You should end the call while the convo is still accelerating. Leave her wanting more.

 

[Bingo-Player]

" do you feel like "

"How did that make you feel"

"did you learn anything from that"

"what made you do that"

" you seem like you have"

" did you think thats what would happen "

Women enjoy talking in these kind of open ended illogical conversation styles

men are more straight to the point

 

[Agamemnon43]

You can't become unboring converstationalist overnight. End the converstation before you exhaust yourself, and escalate towards some activity or physical. (stop them from boring you to death with too much talk anyway)
Anyways you only need to have a good conversation on the first date. From the second date it literally doesnt matter what you say, you can't fuk up if you get the first impression right.

 

[jhonny9546]

This works wonders when it comes to women—they like to feel listened to. The guys here always say that on a date, you should let the woman do most of the talking. You're responsible for about 10-15% of the conversation, and that's true. It works.

All you have to do is ask questions to keep the conversation flowing and moving in the direction you want.

The problem that I think we all face, although some people are good at "filling" silences, is that these moments can sometimes last for a long time.

How can I explain this?

There are times when both people in a conversation may not know what to say, leading to an uncomfortable silence that could stretch on for quite a while. This can create feelings of embarrassment or the pressure to fill the void. While silence can be useful, too much of it can become boring, even for you.

So, what should you say in such situations? Should you say something silly? You might try to break the silence with something funny, current, or relevant.

ps: the scenario is not the first appointment, but rather a LTR because everyone can be trained to get good for first and 2nd appointment, but then?

 

[BeExcellent]

You should be fine being quiet together in s relationship. Sometimes things are talked out. Put on some music or enjoy the quiet time.

 

[SW15]

The Fine Art of Small Talk by Deborah Fine. Tells you what to do; tells you what NOT to do.

Get that book. Its an easy read.

Although I'm not familiar with this book, I can sense that it would be useful for @Krugzner .

Cut the conversations down unless they are in person (on dates).
Phone conversations should be 5-10 minutes. You should end the call while the convo is still accelerating. Leave her wanting more.

Agree with this for phone conversations. @Krugzner was having problems with in-person conversations as well.

Look at it as building rapport. The best way you build rapport is to let people (not just women) talk about themselves and act interested. Of course, it takes more than just asking questions. You need to be engaged and charming as well.

Game is actually very easy. It is just being social/charming and engaged with the woman. Mix in some well-timed kino throughout your conversation to help build the sexual tension.

This is what @Krugzner would need.

 

[zekko]

One thing that has always worked in my favor is my ability to be a good listener.
This works wonders when it comes to women—they like to feel listened to.

This is true. And most women, being social creatures, like to talk. A lot. So there's a decent chance that she will probably carry the bulk of the conversation.

And the other thing I would say is, the more things you know about, the more topics you can talk about. Could be anything, even if it's just a currently popular movie or TV series.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Everyone else kind of beat me to it. Listen to her and respond to things she says and just let the convo flow naturally instead of just thinking of the next question you want to ask. Only ask questions that you actually care to hear the answer to. A lot of people make this mistake it seems, asking too many questions, instead of commenting, affirming, or sharing your own anecdotes related to the discussion. Even in job interviews I find it helpful to make some time to comment/affirm things instead of only discussing the talking points around questions. Yawn.

However, on another note....... some women are just genuinely boring and horrible at conversation, especially if they have no hobbies, interests, or unique, non-NPC takes on things. I'm kind of at the point where if I cannot have a good conversation with a woman I'm on a date with, I dont even want to sleep with her. So on some level, the burden isn't entirely on you, it can be lack of chemistry, or the woman can be genuinely boring or lacking in social skills.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Glad to hear you have standards.

I don't date bimbos. If a woman cannot hold a conversation with a little bit of depth, she's off my radar.

Same. The reason I don't even want to sleep with (let alone date) women like that is because I know the second I bust I'll want her gone. What's the point?