Borderline: a matter of life and death

[xstang77]

The thing is, if you get away from them and survive it, usually there is a huge upgrade in yourself, at least there was for me. I really got my **** together after it, that makes them want you back. It's a catch 22. If you are strong enough to survive them and come out of it stronger, they get real attracted to that.

The flip side is they utterly destroy you and you become super cuck, then they want nothing to do with you.

yea when mine left I read the dj bible and became 20x better and got a chick I'd never dreamed of being able to have,thought I finally had it right after learning so much, then the new chick dropped me on my head out of the blue so now I'm just bitter and jaded.

 

[GunShow85]

It's like we all dated the same person

Every part of the "wake of destruction" a BPD leaves behind them is attractive the first time you meet one.

-Wow, she hates everyone else. Maybe she likes special guys like me.
-Wow, these guys all sound like insane losers. This should be easy.
-I need to rescue her. My whole life has built up to this moment.
-I'll feel so proud when she's finally mine, knowing she destroyed all those lesser men.

EX: "I wish he would drop dead. Never mention him." to "Can you kiss me on the forehead like he did? He was the only man who was ever nice to me." within a couple hours.

Her own brother: Sociopath drug addict (probably true, her family was very ****ed up). When he died she didn't react at all. Said didn't care about her "stupid brother".

The list goes on. In my eyes she was so incredibly gorgeous, a mid-20s supermodel with barely any sexual experience and this extremely young girly personality. I would pretend to believe all of this bull**** day after day until I no longer trusted my own memories.

Yes! Exactly. "wow she picked me". No feelings. Mid-20’s supermodel with young girl personality. I heard it called “childlike wonder” on another thread. It’s almost like it’s the same girl. Her changing opinion of exes too.

Long term you'll see that it's actually just childish and predictable and it won't bother you anymore. You have that to look forward to.

This is so true. At first it is fascinating, but eventually you see it is just childish and repetitive.

I had a high functioning one, too. It's incredible how they know the exact moment when you start to fall for them or become attached and then the bottom falls out.
The callous disregard for what they've done is truly inhuman. I honestly think if guys haven't experienced it, there's no way they can wrap their minds around how depraved and cruel it is.

I think it is a challenge from them to conquer you and it provides a source of validation. Once had, they devalue. CALLOUS DISREGARD, I watched one abuse a puppy-dog orbiter guy who gave her flowers, etc weekly. I finally called her out on it and she said “I don’t care about it him and if he wants to be miserable its his own fault.”

I had that cramping feeling in my gut during a first date once.
4 months later i was depressed and thinking of suicide...
Personally i wouldn't even go for the first lay. Mine was NPD/BPD and gave me PTSD.

Your gut never lies

I do think how badly you are willing to lose yourself in a BPD relationship depends in some part on your self esteem and goals in life.

I think the men who seem to cope best in these BPD relationships or the aftermath are probably those who are just selfish and aware of their own needs and ambitions. Perhaps that is what holds their attraction for so long. They see us as someone who must be conquered and beta-ised?

Agree. If everything was right in your life, you wouldn't give bpd a 2nd date (no matter how hot they are).

 

[MrOctober]

yea they're ridiculous...

God I'm gonna stop typing now instead of ranting lol

 

[Billtx49]

Question is, why wasn't this enough of a red flag to eject? Speaking for myself because I too watched this happen and did nothing.

Because most men are usually hoping for the porn star sex and being treated like some kind of god to resume like it was during the initial love bombing stage. Hence, you rationalize away the flags. It took mine getting physical with me over nothing for me to eject. Even then I only considered it disrespect, which was enough. Didn't really know what BPD was then.
Like many men, I researched it later because that relationship raised so many unanswered questions that were not about normal female behavior.

 

[MrAddiction]

Because men are usually hoping for the porn star sex and being treated like some kind of god to resume like it was during the initial love bombing stage. It took mine getting physical with me over nothing for me to eject.

...and even knowing/having taken the redpill, you can not imagine how cruel aus selfish women, especially such cuties can be!
I still struggle to get the two images i have of mine into one. The nice and sweet one and the ugly one. Problem is the nice and sweet is direct and understandable. To get to know/understand the darker site you have Do a löst of research.
I think this is why NC is so important. The Moment they are in Front of you and are the Sweet nice version, that you always knew/ thought what she really was, it is quite easy to put aside everything you know about her and her disorder throug reading. You might come to the conclusion you wronged this chick heavily.
That at least is my impression. Most things she has done in a good way, you did actively experience. Most or a lot of the Bad things she did, you did not experience so directly because she covert it and you only had suspicion or you just undestood in hindsight. And direct experience always trumps knowledge that has come throug understanding.
Example: you can read a lot and try to Imagine how painfull it Must be to be shot in the arm. But you never will know like someone who realy got shot. You can forget the first one, but never the last.

 

[MrAddiction]

let me guess, kept bringing up arguments with you for no big reason and making a big fuss about it? It can wear a man down....

Mine once told me: "i can never give you that harmonic relationship that you want to have" and I just thought wtf, who could be interested in fighting verbaly all the time and an unharmonic relationship? I was just irritated like deer in the headlight. Like the deer should, I should have run. But did't - and was run over by the truck.

 

[MrAddiction]

but even by this site which normalizes very poor female behavior

That is one of a problem. You come here to this site, learn about women and how they are and how they are to tread. And you have sucess with women. But what you do not know as a knewbie, is that there are nuances and where they are.
I for example learned about **** tests and found out how to handle them quiet well. Fine. But what happend to me? A lot of the stuff I took as a ****test from my NPD/BPD ex and shrugged it off was no ****test but blatantly disrespectful behavior towards me - unfortunately I had to learn/read this after I was already out.

 

[Billtx49]

unfortunately I had to learn/read this after I was already out.

One of the few breakups you can actually be happy about. She can't change who she is and you can go forward knowing more than you did before that encounter.

 

[MrAddiction]

One of the few breakups you can actually be happy about. She can't change who she is and you can go forward knowing more than you did after that encounter.

Sure. But knowing earlier the differene might have let me eject earlier. On the other Hand this is just speculation and I might have stayed this way or that way. But good to be out - more or less: she is still trying to contact.

 

[Billtx49]

Sure. But knowing earlier the differene might have let me eject earlier. On the other Hand this is just speculation and I might have stayed this way or that way. But good to be out - more or less: she is still trying to contact.

Don't let her hoover, she likely won't stop until she gets distracted with another man. Mine just stuck to covert spying, but found no way back in so that stopped eventually.

 

[MrAddiction]

....and one thing that is annoying is that little voice deep down inside my head, that is still in doubt. Is/ has she really been that bad or are you just painting her black eventhough I have more than enough evidence that she did a lot of things that were bad and without any thought about me and my feelings. And honestly: a lots of things I allowed her to do to me I would never ever have allowed any friend to do to me. If a friend would have done only a single of these moves on me, he would have been out of my life in a blink of an eye.

 

[Billtx49]

....and one thing that is annoying is that little voice deep down inside my head, that is still in doubt. Is/ has she really been that bad or are you just painting her black eventhough I have more than enough evidence that she did a lot of things that were bad and without any thought about me and my feelings. And honestly: a lots of things I allowed her to do to me I would never ever have allowed any friend to do to me. If a friend would have done only a single of these moves on me, he would have been out of my life in a blink of an eye.

Yes, the hardest thing about one of these encounters is the detachment phase after it's over and self doubt.

 

[MrAddiction]

Don't let her hoover, she likely won't stop until she gets distracted with another man. Mine just stuck to covert spying, but found no way back in so that stopped eventually.

Like I said earlier this evening. She has already moved another man in short After the breakup - which is 8 month ago. And she still is trying to contact. She even seemed to try to invite herself to my Birthday last month. She send me an SMS if and where I would celebrate my Birthday. Sure I stayed NC.

 

[Billtx49]

Like I said earlier this evening. She has already moved another man in short After the breakup - which is 8 month ago. And she still is trying to contact. She even seemed to try to invite herself to my Birthday last month. She send me an SMS if and where I would celebrate my Birthday. Sure I stayed NC.

She and new guy must not be doing well. When mine started the spying she had been with new guy 3 years in his house. The thing with these women also is that when you are gone, they think they love you again even with another man in the picture. Just part of their disorder.
It's why a triangulation with them is devistating to both men eventually.

 

[MrAddiction]

The thing with these women also is that when you are gone, they think they love you again

...and that explaines why it makes a rebound so easy to happen. She thinks she likes you again... and we on the other side realy still do love her (which in reality means the illusion wie have of them) to some degree and ever will.

I told myself: she stopped loving me but thinks she can still fcuk me over. I on the other hand might still love her but I stopped letting her fcuk me over.

 

[Billtx49]

...and that explaines why it makes a rebound so easy to happen. She thinks she likes you again... and we on the other side realy still do love her (which in reality means the illusion wie have of them) to some degree and ever will.

I told myself: she stopped loving me but thinks she can still fcuk me over. I on the other hand might still love her but I stopped letting her fcuk me over.

Yes, a rebound with a BPD just starts her cycle over again with the same end result as before.

 

[MrAddiction]

Yes, a rebound with a BPD just starts her cycle over again with the same end result as before.

I see you too know what you are Talking about.
It took me one rebound to come to the conclusion that I can not let that do to me.
I knew Tomassis Iron rule Number 7 before, so the outcame did nor realy shock me, I had to try it either - a big mistake. But I would not have expacted it to be that hard get to me that strong. But I was not sure that I was realy dealing with a Cluster B at the Time I let the rebound happen.
That is why I today kinda preach this Iron rule number seven. If one does not get back together with any ex never ever - nobody will have to encounter one or even more BPD rebounds.

 

[Billtx49]

I see you too know what you are Talking about.
It took me one rebound to come to the conclusion that I can not let that do to me.
I knew Tomassis Iron rule Number 7 before, so the outcame did nor realy shock me, I had to try it either - a big mistake. But I would not have expacted it to be that hard get to me that strong. But I was not sure that I was realy dealing with a Cluster B at the Time I let the rebound happen.
That is why I today kinda preach this Iron rule number seven. If one does not get back together with any ex never ever - nobody will have to encounter one or even more BPD rebounds.

Count yourself as lucky then. Some men go through that BPD hell 2 or 3 times before getting smarter.

 

[QuadDeuces]

It has been years since I've been on this site.
But here I am back again, last week I met a damaged goods girl (probably on the cluster B spectrum) through Tinder, heavy smoker, occasional recreational drug use, daddy issues, pierced nipples, tattoos, extreme good lays, she let me slap her face and spit in her mouth she licked my Azz on the first date, had great sex 4 times in 1 week.
This morning my phone went mental with texts about how she (thinks she) loves me, how I should be her future, how masculine I am, how I was the best lay, the usual BPD idolisation.
I decided to eject, sent her the typical, "It's not you it's me" text.
She's going crazy as we speak, I had to put my phone on flight mode to get a rest.
It seems I dodged a bullet here.
Next time I'll eject after the first lay.
They're just not worth it.
Oh and trust your gut, your gut will cramp when you're dealing with a BPD.

LOL just found this post of myself in this thread I forgot all about posting it.
Well I ended up going back for what I thought easy pvssy after she begged and begged me, and now 5/6 months later she wrecked everything with her insane behavior and it really took me down (See no contact thread).

So if I could go back in time to when I posted the initial post is "DONT GO BACK, YOUR GUT IS RIGHT!!!"

 

[Billtx49]

LOL just found this post of myself in this thread I forgot all about posting it.
Well I ended up going back for what I thought easy pvssy after she begged and begged me, and now 5/6 months later she wrecked everything with her insane behavior and it really took me down (See no contact thread).

So if I could go back in time to when I posted the initial post is "DONT GO BACK, YOUR GUT IS RIGHT!!!"

I read somewhere once that BPD women can best be described with the phrase wash-rinse-repeat.

They will do it over and over as long as you let them…