Bit of advice required

Dean87

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Hi guys, been reading the forum with a lot of interest. A lot of good advice given from what I can see. Hope you can help me with with a bit of advice for myself...

Met a girl online, same age, mid 20's. We've been talking for 6 or so weeks and eventually met last week, casual date; coffee, walking, beach sort of stuff. She was everything I thought she would be in person, intelligent, great personality, funny, and a hard 8. I've been on quite a few dates in the past few years and have always managed to make myself come across as relatively confident whilst dating, but I think this has always been because I've never really been that into any of the other girls i've dated. On this occasion I was the total opposite. I had really hyped myself up too much and came across as quite shy and reserved (her actual words after meeting up). Before date 1, she seemed very keen, messaging me all day, every day, very interested in me. After the date, she's been a lot quieter, first off I said I'd like to meet up again and she said the same although, she said she was really busy with work, moving house, etc, so didn't know when. At first I thought this was a blow off, thinking I had come across as far too keen, I was acting as she had been prior to the date.

After asking her several times about meeting up (I know this is NOT cool) she's told me that she's off work Wednesday this week and is going to get the train across to meet up.

If I could read her mind I think she hasn't made her mind up at all yet, (she said that we needed to meet up again, "as you can never really judge someone after one date") I know she is unsure about a few things I can't really change;

How far away I live as she is a city girl with no car, but it's literally 40 minutes for me to drive to her.

The fact I work away for 4 weeks, in retrospect though I am off work for 6 weeks after each 4 week stint.

I need advice on how not to mess up Wednesday, I've got the hots for this girl which is totally clouding my better judgement, just really don't want to mess up!

On another note, i've not messaged her today and haven't heard anything from her either which is unlike her.

Cheers!

...and sorry for the long thread!
 

No.Danny

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Stop over thinking it. Stop being so AFC yes she may be what you're looking for but don't let her know that. Play it cool, make her prove herself. And just be natural, let her talk about herself just chime in. Whatever you do. Please don't, please don't try too hard.
 

Dean87

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thanks for the link Espi, pity I didn't read that a week ago! Oh well, at least I can act less interested till Wednesday.

P.S. I have another date penciled in for Thursday with an equally nice girl, with this practice and a bit more research I might not mess it up as much this time! :D
 

Greasy Pig

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Be prepared for major flakage, OP. I can feel it in my bones.
 

Dean87

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Well no flake yet, picking her up in ten mins. Will let you guys know if it's a success or failure!
 

sph21

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Dean87 said:
Met a girl online, same age, mid 20's. We've been talking for 6 or so weeks and eventually met last week, casual date; coffee, walking, beach sort of stuff. She was everything I thought she would be in person, intelligent, great personality, funny, and a hard 8.
I think it's too soon to conclude that. I believe you showed too much feeling for her. It's an attraction killer. It's too easy for her. You weren't hard to get. You need to become a challenge.

Read this
 

Dean87

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Yeah, true words. Well think it went "ok". Although there wasn't much flirting going on :-/ still I like her, I never mentioned anything about a third date, she just mentioned about getting in touch next time she's free. Now, I do like her, but have another date setup for tomorrow and I only just found out today girl A is going to the next bar along at the same time tomorrow night as I am taking girl B. Do I,

A - Mention to her that I'm going out with a "friend" and possibly answer difficult questions.
B - Say nothing and hope she doesn't see me (which I don't feel right in doing)
C - (Maybe a bit crazy) Tell her I'm going out on a date tomorrow night. See if it provokes a reaction.

D.
 

Lotus Effect

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Dean87 said:
Yeah, true words. Well think it went "ok". Although there wasn't much flirting going on :-/ still I like her, I never mentioned anything about a third date, she just mentioned about getting in touch next time she's free. Now, I do like her, but have another date setup for tomorrow and I only just found out today girl A is going to the next bar along at the same time tomorrow night as I am taking girl B. Do I,

A - Mention to her that I'm going out with a "friend" and possibly answer difficult questions.
B - Say nothing and hope she doesn't see me (which I don't feel right in doing)
C - (Maybe a bit crazy) Tell her I'm going out on a date tomorrow night. See if it provokes a reaction.

D.
Sorry mate, it has not went "ok"!

If you have not flirted/escalated/closed it was not ok. It was bad!

And worse of that. She knows it was bad!

It was the second date already and you haven't made a move?? What is wrong with you?? If I'm thinking like that, imagine her!! You should have closed her on the first date. There is not a single reason that cross my mind that believes it is ok not to do so.

She accepted going on a second date with you, hoping you'd make a move. As she accepted it, she was basically screaming "Be a man!" "F*ck me!".

But you haven't. The only person you f*cked was you own self.

Of course she was vague about hanging out with you another time. Why would she?!

Now, about the options you shared.

A) Gay. You don't owe her any explanations about your life

B) Gay. If all, she should at least see you. In my opinion, you are not going anywhere with this girl, as by now she knows for sure you don't have a pair. And I'm don't believe that it is going to raise her attraction towards you due to pre-selection theory. But a least she won't think you are gay.

C) Beyond Gay. Don't. Please. Just don't!
You had 2 dates already to provoke a reaction. You don't want to provoke a reaction that way. You've already said you like this chick. You are not even near the best mindset to try and pull this one off and get it the way you are expecting.

As I've said. You are already told us you like this chick. And yet you haven't done anything in order to fulfill your needs!

so letter D would be)
The best course of action is to let this one go for now. I know it is cliche, but it is cliche because it is true. Focus on yourself, and other chicks. Get better with women in general. After you get to this point, you can try this one out again.

Gotta tell you though. If you get better, and improve yourself, with the sole purpose of becoming a better man for her, and you eventually get her, rest assured that it won't last, you WILL fall back to your old AFC ways, and your magic girl won't last long by yourside.

Believe me, I've seen this happening. Not only with me!

Peace! :up:
 

Dean87

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See where you're coming from Lotus Effect. She has just messaged me, telling me she got home okay. I said it was nice to see her again and to keep in touch. She replied with, do you want to see me again?? I haven't replied to that...
 

Dean87

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ok update, girl A wants to meet up in a couple days on her only day off, so still interested it seems. Date tonight went really well, sent her a message saying let me know she gets home okay, to which she replied, gonna just leave that one and see when she next gets in touch. Another new date tomorrow, this is going to start getting messy.
 

Dean87

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Well tonights date flaked and asked for a reschedule Saturday or Sunday, to which I replied, sorry I'm busy, but maybe some other time. I think she's getting nexted as she's below the other two and she's a bit nuts. Now I'm really fighting the urge not to message my date from last night. Is it really best not to message her till at least 3 days have passed? When I had been talking to her daily before we went on a date. I think I know the answer already, but can someone explain why I shouldn't?

D.
 

Lotus Effect

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This one is easy...

It's not that you are supposed to wait for three days. It is not a rule, that should be followed no questions asked.

The thing is that when you wait a few days to get back in touch with her, you let her wonder about you and the date ..

And you want to know when do a girl "fall for you"?!?

When you are not around!!

The same way you are thinking about her, she is thinking about you. Now why ruin her thinking about you with the actual you?!

Leave her wondering do the work for a while! :up:
 
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