From time to time it's interesting to observe certain dogmas around here. Some members adopt a distinctively binary view of something or other and the community is not well served by these attitudes. The result of binary thinking is not only that it limits or narrows one's perspective, but more importantly that it may influence someone less experienced in such a way that at the end of the day is actually detrimental to those who adopt a narrow view based upon what they read or absorb here and then find it isn't so in the real world. This leads to disillusionment and disappointment. It can lead to anger and frustration when perhaps a wider lens might better inform the reader.
In recent days (and this is always true to some degree or another) there have been posters espousing ideals that are from my perspective like caricatures of reality. And caricatures are cartoon characters. They are not real.
Some of the attitudes I see around here are things like:
"Marriage is a horrible deal. Don't get married, you'll only get divorce raped..."
"Women are only good for sex and after 35 they aren't good for anything..."
"Women are going to have sex with the Chads and then will cvck a normal man to gain his resources"
"Older women should be thrown away. Only the women from 18-23 are worth anything..."
"Women are incapable of logic and are ruled by emotion..."
"LTRs and Marriage are for cvcks. You should be spinning plates forever..."
"Don't ask a fish how to go fishing..." This one is a favorite of mine. Who but the fish knows its environment best?
If you look at any of the above assertions (which I as a woman am well aware I may catch some heat for mentioning) they are all coming from a place of fear and lack. The reader of various posts around here must bear in mind that many men here have had genuinely awful experiences with some awful women and there are plenty of men around here who haven't had success in the relationship department ever. This creates a bias. A negative bias. I am pointing this out because there is a frustration that emerges when some men around here cry about how some short or fat or bald or ugly man ended up with a pretty woman and yet here he is, objectively more (fill in the blank) and he is not having success. "Why am I not successful!" some cry. I dunno. Perhaps a close examination of your attitudes should be considered.
Some posts are asking for basic nuts/bolts advice. How do I text? How much is too much? What do I say? That's cool but really the answer is get out there in a social environment and get some experience. Get rejected, fail. Fail some more.
I'd be willing to bet a substantial sum that top salesmen are not running around on here lamenting their woes with women. Those guys are too occupied getting laid or in good LTRs or marriages. By the same token I do not see the men here on the forum who are known to be in satisfactory LTRs or marriages jumping on the negative bandwagon to agree with the above attitudes...nor do I see (as a rule) the older more life experienced men jumping on that bandwagon. But some of the most frequent and vocal posters espouse these narrow views.
It's an observation. Be aware of your own individual goals in your personal life and your life at large. As some posters have stated there is plenty of gold to be mined here so long as you weed out the dogmatic self defeatist stuff.
I do think there is a great deal of value in understanding the generalities that can be observed in the marketplace. Plate spinning serves a useful purpose for example. Going by actions rather than expectations or words is a good practice. Avoiding unhealthy women is certainly good advice. Self-improvement as a focus benefits each of us individually and improves our experience and enjoyment within the world around us and the world at large. Lots of women are entitled or vacuous and so forth.
Learn to screen properly and efficiently the women you allow into your life. Know WHY you are allowing a woman an opportunity. And that is some of the debate I am referring to. Your attitudes are going to affect your ability to screen well. And how well you screen is going to affect your outcome, even though early on it is best that you are as outcome independent as possible...
In some ways the board here is a representative slice of the world at large when you factor in who as a percentage of the population, is more or less successful in any given arena. There are plenty of successful contributors here whose content is worthwhile. There are those who have transformed themselves along the way and benefited from the information and wisdom that exists here. And there are those who beat their chests and spout dogma which may or may not really be of service in the long run. What I enjoy about the group here is the variety of viewpoints. Determine your own individual aim and then seek out guidance on how to get where you want to go. Whether that is getting laid tonight or getting married and being a father one day, or whether it's enjoying a companion you can hang out with once you are over the hill, because at some point we are ALL going to be over the hill.
Obviously I am not a man and have never and will never be one. But I had a great man for a father who did not pamper nor spoil me, and I have a responsible man for a son (for I do not pamper nor spoil him), and I have had the pleasure of knowing many great men over my lifetime, in personal relationships and in family and among friends and colleagues. I have also known men who haven't manifested themselves as they could have. So I've seen a few things over the years.
Beware of the jaded. Be careful what attitudes you allow to populate your mind. Be sure it serves your greater purpose in your personal life and your life at large.
You are invited to discuss.
