A woman will be able to easily tell the difference in the general disposition; the way a man interacts with women in general, between one man who has a bitter, distaste toward women and another man who carries no such bias.
Strongly agree. This is the reason for the thread. Men need to understand and embrace their own individual goals and reasons and rationale in their own lives. Group think and mob mentality, which men bemoan women for all the time around SS is evident in the responses to this thread (how ironic), which I think is instructive and illustrates the whole point of the thread nicely.
As I noted I will address the negative attitudes that keep popping up:
"Marriage is a horrible deal. Don't get married, you'll only get divorce raped..."
The above statement is far from categorically true, even in today's day and age. This attitude comes out of the proverbial crabs in a barrel pulling each other down. Know that there is strong bias here in the community because most of the men here have had wretched experiences with relationships up to and including marriage. Whether or not a marriage is successful depends on who you chose as a partner. If you pick a great partner then your chances for success increase exponentially. The tough thing about choosing a great partner is three fold. 1. It means you as a man have to be visible/viable/considered a great option to the women who have the greatest amount of choice, which means you better bring your "A" game as well as a great attitude (this involves more work than many men are willing to undertake), 2. It means you evaluate women on character and internal attributes as a higher priority than looks/body, and 3. It means you accept that marriage is a commitment that is made seriously and must be taken seriously. You can't just scatter at the first problem. It is the journey through hardships in partnership and the surmounting of them that builds great unions.
The above statement assumes defeat before the vows are taken. It is a cynical and inherently jaded view. I'm as pragmatic as they come. I've spoken openly about the fact that I married someone who folded when his life ran across serious difficulty. I stayed for 14 more years out of loyalty and commitment. Eventually I understood I can't do the personal growth for him; all I could do in the end was stay or go. So almost 6 years ago I left. He's still spinning his wheels and my life has evolved because I made a hard choice, but a choice that was made out of self respect.
Great marriages do exist and not just among the elderly. Seek out marrieds who are successful and who are enjoying their life journey with their partner. If you look around you'll know people who are having a good experience. There are members here on SS in this category (although many who fall into this category rarely post anymore - why would they? Those who are doing well don't need the help so they go on about their lives)...and there are many out in the world who are doing well.
Look for the successful and model what they do. Do not hang around the unsuccessful whining in a little witchfest about how life is terribly unfair. I was subject to financial ruin via divorce myself since I was the breadwinner. So I get it. But life is too short for paranoia and
a healthy marriage remains the best environment for raising healthy, well adjusted kids, bar none. It also is statistically true that married men are healthier and lead longer, more fulfilled lives. There is lots of research available on this.
Also - I seriously doubt I will ever marry again. I've had children and am financially self-sufficient so I don't need marriage in the traditional sense anymore. I also, like many of the men here, need to be careful of those who might seek to take financial advantage of me. If I do not marry I do not risk undue financial/legal entanglements. Oh. And get a trust as well. To protect your assets just in case.
"Women are only good for sex and after 35 they aren't good for anything..."
This seems to be a view that predominates among the younger guys, which makes sense. A 50 or 60 year old man is going to find 35+ age women much more viable than a man in his 20's. Hell. Some of the guys in their 20's can't imagine any woman old enough to be their mother can possibly be beautiful or sexy etc. So this I chalk up to age. Those attitudes will change and evolve as the men change and evolve (mature).
The women are good only for sex part of this statement is an insidious statement of lack. It's an expression of disappointment that men need women in order to have actual sex (your hand notwithstanding) and it is colored with resentment about that fact. It is also a version of diminishing what you do not have as a means of disqualifying something you couldn't obtain.
In other words, when I see men making this statement it tells me these guys are terrifically unsuccessful with women and can't get younger women's attention and then are ticked that even older women won't play ball.
It is a terrible way of looking at women which also inherently underestimates women. Men with this attitude are creepy AF. No wonder these men repel women.
"Women are going to have sex with the Chads and then will cvck a normal man to gain his resources"
Understand something. See the word "normal" in that statement) and attitude? Normal = mediocre. Great women do not settle for normal/mediocre. A statement that arises out of bitterness that good quality women expect something in a relationship. That something might NOT be resources. It might actually be a worthwhile partner, which some men have no desire to do the work to become. It is also a statement that men who are themselves transactional in relationship lament. This is the siren song of the men who tried to buy a woman and/or keep a woman with resources and "stuff" and ended up with a gold-digger who has low or no sexual desire for him.
If a woman DESIRES you sexually she isn't going anywhere. Ever. Masculine men are the ones who stir desire. Masculinity is not the same thing as looks.
If a man has this complaint, he needs to look hard at himself in the mirror and ask himself honestly why women don't want to fvck him. Because that is the real issue.
"Older women should be thrown away. Only the women from 18-23 are worth anything..."
In my opinion this arises from the age of the poster. Younger men are going to hold this view, older men typically wont. I do agree that the younger a woman is the more reproductively viable she is and perhaps the less sexually experienced, but with the hook up culture rampant among the young as well as the old you can no longer assume youth = inexperience. But from a health/biology perspective younger is certainly better for child bearing healthy kids.
The other side of this coin is that men need to pick women who suit their individual needs and goals. If a man is himself older and already a father, he might not want a young chick who is going to expect to be a mother one day. He might be better served finding a woman who is also done having babies and who is in the same life stage as him.
More next post....
