Best ways to overcome loneliness, when you're alone?

[rastapasta]

a lot of great stuff in here. Things are better today, last night after I finished my run I went to my one of my favorite bars for dinner and there was actually a few people I know really well there, so that was good. Since I was too busy to go home for lunch yesterday I avoided seeing them and that obviously is helpful too.

I'm making a list of activities to concentrate on next year. I work a lot and realized I've been stuck in a routine...because I like routine so I'm going to challenge myself to do sh!t I've been talking about for a while or never done.

So far my list includes skydiving, get scuba certified, learn to surf, visit at least 2 new countries and learn how to meditate

 

[sylvester the cat]

learn how to meditate

that therein was what it took me years of reading to discover.

in this is where you will find true happiness. the everlasting and eternal fountain of bliss which you can share and which never runs out.

find this and all your problems are solved.

 

[BraddH]

that therein was what it took me years of reading to discover.

in this is where you will find true happiness. the everlasting and eternal fountain of bliss which you can share and which never runs out.

find this and all your problems are solved.

I am actually impressed since i am myself a huge meditator.

 

[Meisterman]

1) the best way would be to travel somewhere - anywhere, just travel
2) music releases dopamine try to listen to some dramatic soundtracks
3) online gaming like shooting people to relieve stress and agression
4) go out to people and try to learn something new ... dancing ? cooking course ? yoga ? whatever just something you never tried before
5) go shopping go gym go bowling go shoting - you need adrenaline and dopamine

:crackup: :crackup:

 

[RangerMIke]

So far my list includes skydiving, get scuba certified, learn to surf, visit at least 2 new countries and learn how to meditate

Two of my hobbies. I have to say that surfing is GREAT, very philosophical. First, it takes A LOT of physical stength to do it. Paddling out looks easy but it isn't. There is something about surfing... I guess if I had to put it into words it would be that it REALLY gives you a sence that you really don't have any control over your enviroment. You can do everything right... but mother nature's a b!tch. You can paddle out and have to wait 15 minutes before a great wave comes in... Or you can go ahead a ride one in only turn around and realize, "OH FVCK, I should have waited... there is an much better wave!" But... all you can do is paddle out again and wait some more. The waves are going to toss you around. It's very much like dealing with women. You really can't control them... all you can do is be the best you can and be PATIENT. You miss a good one... no sweat... there will be another. Get slammed into the turf because you road the wave too long... well learn from your mistake. Surfing helps your game. Excellent choice.

 

[rastapasta]

@Sylvester - Do you have some recommendations for a total newb on learning to meditate? So far all I did was download an app called Headspace but it has been challenging. I also did a little research about classes or whatever in my area but haven't quite found anything yet that isn't some private lesson at $100/hr haha


@RangerMike - I've heard this a lot. I've been saying I want to try surfing for 2 years now. The beach is actually my back yard and I live in one of the best surfing spots. Actually this HB was a big surfer and that was really attractive to me, which is why I think she stayed with me so long, and she left for a surfer too so yeah I guess they have game

 

[jurry]

@Sylvester - Do you have some recommendations for a total newb on learning to meditate? So far all I did was download an app called Headspace but it has been challenging. I also did a little research about classes or whatever in my area but haven't quite found anything yet that isn't some private lesson at $100/hr haha

You can't be taught to meditate. It is the practice of facing silence non-judgmentally and allowing the mind and ego to slowly recede. Forget classes, forget apps, do not spend a single dime on it. That is just your minds newest concoction for avoiding facing the present moment. Meditation comes from within.

When you sit (and forget all the positions and postures and all that bs too, just be comfortable), your mind will likely be very strong at first and it will be hard to stop thinking. As you continue though you will become more peaceful and relaxed until "you" are just there, and really there wont be much of a "you" left.

If you want to read about it - I would do so sparingly - I recommend tolle, krishnamurti, or the tao te ching.

 

[sylvester the cat]

@Sylvester - Do you have some recommendations for a total newb on learning to meditate? So far all I did was download an app called Headspace but it has been challenging. I also did a little research about classes or whatever in my area but haven't quite found anything yet that isn't some private lesson at $100/hr haha

You don't need to spend any money. It is challenging and does take work. It can be very frustrating too. I meditated for an hour every night and it wasnr until six months to a year before I could switch it on and off like a switch. Your basically switching your perception. We have all been conditioned to tune into a reality that is false. Meditation should help switch your perception towards reality. Calmness, peace and contentment. Your true self.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

You don't need to spend any money. It is challenging and does take work. It can be very frustrating too. I meditated for an hour every night and it wasnr until six months to a year before I could switch it on and off like a switch. Your basically switching your perception. We have all been conditioned to tune into a reality that is false. Meditation should help switch your perception towards reality. Calmness, peace and contentment. Your true self.

My dad meditated when I was kid, I always thought he was sleeping. I would try to sneak up on him & scare him. It never worked he always knew I was coming. He burned these funky sandlewood incense too, to this day those are my favorite. Now that I'm adult I'm pretty sure he was just down in his man cave(basement) smoking some green & relaxing.

 

[ColonelKilgore]

OP dont feel bad. Everyone goes through some tough times. Working out + meditation is how i get through it. I mean excrutiating work out. Like every fvckin day. Sometimes even twice a day.

You mentioned skydiving. I recently finished skydiving training and i highly encourage anyone to try it. One of the most humbling, life-changing experiences you can have. Literally changed my perspective on life.

 

[rastapasta]

You don't need to spend any money. It is challenging and does take work. It can be very frustrating too. I meditated for an hour every night and it wasnr until six months to a year before I could switch it on and off like a switch. Your basically switching your perception. We have all been conditioned to tune into a reality that is false. Meditation should help switch your perception towards reality. Calmness, peace and contentment. Your true self.

Can you help explain this to me? In other words, how do I start? Do I just sit comfortably and close my eyes and try to put my thoughts away until someday it happens and I understand? If there are any resources to help put me on the right path?

Thanks!
RP

 

[BraddH]

Meditation is not about "starting." It is about Being. Yes not even (b)eing but Being. It is a complete different way of living. It basically means living in the here and now. Starting always requires the future. Always requires planning and ego is the master of all planning.

Being means that it happens right now right here. You simply realise that living here and now is the ultimate form of life. Living in the past or in the future means that one does not live. The past is dead and the future has not born. The ego and the mind ALWAYS lives in one or the other. The mind is never in peace with itself. Always it has conflict against itself. Always thinking what could I have done better or what will I do to do better in the future?

Can you see my point? To live is to meditate, and to meditate is to be. You
Never "be." You always "was" or "will be." That is what separates the ordinary people and the extraordinary. I am talking about Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Lao-Tzu and so on.

When you understand this, meditation happens. It is then very natural to just sit down and relax onto oneself. This is when the ultimate bliss arrives in one's life. There is no other way.

Millions of ordinary people have tried to find happiness for at least 5000 years and what is the end conclusion? Third World War. The ultimate self-destruction. Why is it so that even after Jesus died, 2500 years ago, he still lives so deeply in the current generations life? Why is it so that Buddha who is the ultimate symbol of bliss and peace still so deeply alive after 3000 years? Because it is simple absolutely nature that bliss and peace lives, grows and all that is destructive dies. From Hitler to Putin, every guy who wants to "conquer" the world has the biggest ego and the ego is the biggest destructive weapon in the universe. And there is proof in history. History never lies. how many people did Hitler actually killed? And it is because he wanted to conquer the world - the ego wanted. It is propably the most inhuman and destructive act anyone on this Earth has done. Our Mother Earth and it's nature is so lively and beautiful, yet these stupid egos must go and destroy it completely. If not by global warming, then by nuclear weapon.

Live here and now, herenow because it is the only dimension where people truly authentically lives.

 

[jurry]

Well said bradd, the mind/ego would always rather work in discrimination and outcomes, "how do i get that girl", how can i get this or that to work in my favor, etc. Its an alien concept almost to be without the mind.

 

[ColonelKilgore]

Can you help explain this to me? In other words, how do I start? Do I just sit comfortably and close my eyes and try to put my thoughts away until someday it happens and I understand? If there are any resources to help put me on the right path?

Thanks!
RP

Sit as relaxed as possible and be quiet.
Breathe naturally through your nose.
Focus on your breathing.
When you get distracted come back to your breathing.
Don't think.
Just be.

 

[rastapasta]

So this weekend I read 'The Power of NOW' and all I can say is, mind blown. Quite literally. I already ordered the follow up book.

On the other hand, now I realize how entrenched my mind and emotions are and how hard it is fighting to protect the self identity. Today especially, not even 24 hours after I read the book I find my mind and emotions returning to all this crap, but at least I am catching it and observing it. Going to read that book again and practice more. I did a meditation (or attempted to) this morning, not that bad but will also require much more practice.

Also I just had a question about NC, does it count if you happen to see the person but you don't acknowledge eachother? Today is basically 2 weeks no contact except for the few times I saw her at a distance or passed by her the previous week. I guess days don't matter I was just curious.

The last thing, I am curious if you guys think this is super petty / that I care to much: I'm seriously considering hiring a personal assistant. I've had one before and it was good back when I had two jobs and sh!t was getting too crazy. But kind of the first thing I thought about was that I should find the hottest assistant possible just so that this dumb b!tch sees her walking my dog haha. That will probably make the hamster spin. Although I kind of like that idea, it is not really my main motivation, which is tax writeoffs, get organized, free up more time for myself. Interviewing a cute 24 y/o who cooks healthy food later today.

 

[rastapasta]

Gonna type this out, just because:

So I've been really trying to internalize the things I read in Power of NOW. I can definitely feel very small changes. I've ordered about half a dozen books from Amazon and plan to spend my short holiday break reading them.

Last night during my walk, I happened to cross paths with her and her new guy again. I'm usually very perceptive of my surroundings and so I usually can see them at some distance away. My dog then stopped my movement to piss on something so I was stuck. My goal is to pretty much act distracted and not even make eye contact or acknowledgement (although this is hard). Once I began movement again they were basically right in front of me. The vibe was really intense, she was basically not even in my sight literally hiding behind him in fear. That is what I felt. I didn't really look at them but rather through him to her and at the dog he was walking. As we passed I couldn't help but turn my head to see that he was looking at me with an extremely angry look, like he wanted to kick my ass. Although I felt the intense anxiety come up, I also found it comical as there is no way in hell I am getting into any kind of confrontation. I'll simply smile and walk away.

Although the energy fields between us all were super intense, at least as I felt it, I was able to observe myself for a moment afterwards and be OK. I think this is progress. Ultimately, my goal is to experience meditation during my walks to the point I am not even aware of their existence.

Just wanted to put all that in some kind of verbal form....in other news:

I thought I was going to get my bonus today, but it doesn't look like it is happening. That was dissapointing, but due to my own expectation that I would get it. Not sure why I am last in line.

I have no plans for Xmas and my short break other than to read all these books, but my landlady invited me to xmas dinner with her family. That was really nice and I'm still thinking about it although I'll probably go hang out with someone else if I don't stay home reading.

Hired a personal assistant, she cooks and I am hoping she frees up some of my time and also helps me improve my really bad eating habits (I don't eat junk I just eat infrequently or in binges)

Lastly I have been really motivated to work out in some way every day, giving myself maybe one day of rest. It has actually been pretty easy (maybe I need to push harder) and rewarding. The down side is that as of last weekend every time after I go for a run (2-3) miles, I piss blood. I don't have health insurance so I haven't quite run to the doctor yet.

RP

 

[sylvester the cat]

The down side is that as of last weekend every time after I go for a run (2-3) miles, I piss blood.

RP

:nervous:

 

[rastapasta]

Yeah I'll get it checked out after the holidays...I guess it is common in runners.

The question I meant to pose in my last post is that whether no action is always the best action when the situation arises that I cannot avoid them? Should I just stare straight ahead and continue moving? My evening walk is the favorite part of my day and I am not about to stop that or go somewhere else because of them, I've already lived there 2 years.

 

[Moroder]

Hey man, we all hate M.D.s, especially when it's concerning the yellow department, but have this stuff checked and fixed asap. This should not happen at all.
And 2 cents on your walk: I think you should stick to it by all means, but avoid the pretty big chance of getting into a fight with this dude. [EDIT: So maybe take your walk an hour earlier or later, if your doggie complies, or change your route slightly. Still walk, but without seeing the 2 of them.] The other guy won't be as cool about these encounters as you are, and you don't need a fistfight right now. Plus, seeing your ex on a daily basis will only block your healing process and reload your trauma every time.

 

[Mr_Stinky]

I remember about 2 years ago I ended a relationship with this HB7 and felt like sh!t after I did it. I know why (lack of options, low self esteem, etc) but when I found this forum I saw this podcast posted:

Mission #4 – Objective: Hardcore HOPE for lonely, depressed, and frustrated men EVERYWHERE!

It truly helped change my life around. I have since listened to all 45 episodes he has put out (some more than once) and would recommend his stuff to anybody.

Hope it helps