best way to deal with a date who keeps answering her phone & chatting away every 5min

[drift king]

i've encountered this scenario a number of times. what's the best way to deal with a date who keeps answering her phone whenever she gets a call?

this is ok but it's when she chats for longer than 1minute at a time i find disrespectful but i don't know what to say or do to show my disapproval without looking getting annoyed/angry

 

[drift king]

scenario 1: we had a 1st date just as we're about to pay she puts down money for her meal and answers her phone and natters away. i didn't even get chance to offer to pay and in her culture it's the man's responsibility to always pay so i saw this as a test and by her paying she's LJBF'ing me and treating our meet as just friends so it's ok for her to take a call.

furthermore the fact she carries on talking for about 5mins as we're walking back to my car shows she's treating me like a friend (cos if you're just a friend then taking calls and carrying on is acceptable) but i wonder if it's cos i didn't pay.

how would be best to deal with that?

scenario 2: you're both in a bar and she keeps getting calls every 5 mins (not necessarily work related but social calls) which is annoying. she asks you 'is it ok if i take this?' the 1st time. if u say yes she'll carry on taking the next 10 calls for the rest of your date.

is it ok to look annoyed and give an evil look at her then shut down when she returns from her call?

what should you say? should you walk out on her to send a message that it's rude what she's doing but then return after a couple mins (but make her think you walked out on her) then ask her when you arrive back 'u finished your call then?'

 

[KontrollerX]

Leykis 101...

Get up, walk away, and leave.

She fvcked up her chances with you.

She has low interest in you.

Taking calls is absolutely unacceptable by either a man or woman while on a date.

Don't be a pvssy and try and rationalize it as being ok for whatever reason.

Look at it for what it is.

A sign of severe disrespect and low interest.

Do you think she'd be taking calls if her favorite male movie star was sitting across from her?

Do you think she'd be taking calls if a handsome billionaire prince from another country was sitting across from her??

Hell no, they'd have her undivided attention which you should have too from her or you are just wasting your time sitting there with her.

 

[drift king]

ok should this still apply if it's a facebook meeting and you haven't met her before?

i understand what you mean if say you've met previously exchanged numbers then went on a formal date with intention of date.

if it's off facebook it could be deemed that way. when they ask you on the 1st call: 'is it ok if i take this call?'

what do you say?

 

[KontrollerX]

You just politely say its not cool to take calls on a date.

If she gives you any sh!t over your position on that stay polite and simply say to her that you and she just are not going to be compatible and be on your merry way.

 

[drift king]

you make a good point.. i've just been thinking that what u say makes a lot of sense but i feel 'sometimes' there are a couple incidents where taking a call is allowed.. i.e. if she gets a call from work or it's an emergency call of somesort (but this would require the person calling her to call her more than once) or if say you're on an afternoon date and she's due to meet her friend in the evening and they need to confirm times there and then (also requires said person to call more than once)

ok what if she doesn't even ask.. if i recall in my scenario 1, she had her phone there it rang and says to me 'i have to just take this' or she'll just answer it mid sentence cos her phone is on the table.

in that instance would you mouth to her as she's on the phone what you just said and walk away?

i feel like that if you just suddenly walk out on her she'll think you're a psycho or something and you'll be known as that guy who's petty and overreacts?

 

[Alle_Gory]

'sometimes' there are a couple incidents where taking a call is allowed.. i.e. if she gets a call from work or it's an emergency call of somesort

This wasn't one of those sometimes.

i feel like that if you just suddenly walk out on her she'll think you're a psycho or something and you'll be known as that guy who's petty and overreacts?

Who gives a crap what she thinks? She's not even polite.

Care about what people close to you think. Family (depends) & really close friends.

 

[brian123]

I'd say "I guess I should go since I am not interesting enough for you"

 

[KontrollerX]

She shouldn't even have her phone with her while out on a date or if she does the ringer should at least be turned off.

Unless you are dating an EMS worker, a surgeon or someone with ailing friends or relatives there probably isn't going to be any legitimate emergency calls coming in.

Alle Gory said it best.

Who gives a fvck if she thinks you are crazy or impolite if you get up and leave?

Maybe she should be the one thinking that she is crazy and impolite for thinking it would be ok to talk with everyone else but you on her phone during the date.

It just shows where her priorities are and they are not with you.

A chick doing this is just as disrespectful as a woman breast feeding her child in public view or a guy whipping his d!ck out while in a crowd and taking a p!ss in a public street or a chick passing out on the street after having one too many drinks at the club or a guy taking a sh!t on the sidewalk.

Its just shameful disrespectful behavior to be taking non essential calls while on a date and again legitimate emergency calls will likely never come up unless you are dating the type of person that I mentioned earlier ie an EMS worker, a surgeon or someone with ailing friends or relatives.

 

[Target_100]

I'd say "Just wait here a minute" and smiled and walked away. Then I'd drive away and met another girl.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

I was going to post the Leykis101 on this one but somebody already did it for me. You are paying for exclusivity of her time when you are on a date. Get up and leave.

But honestly some of the girls I met in the city yesterday are constantly on the phone. They always want to see what's going on. So if I followed this rule I'd probably be going home early every night. Although it does sometimes lead to them chasing after you more with apologies.

 

[Alle_Gory]

legitimate emergency calls will likely never come up unless you are dating the type of person that I mentioned earlier ie an EMS worker, a surgeon or someone with ailing friends or relatives.

... and usually they would inform you ahead of time, if they had any interest & respect.

 

[Mr. Me]

we had a 1st date just as we're about to pay she puts down money for her meal

Right there that told me she wasn't interested in you.

Women make sure they pay their portion when they seriously don't want to imply ANY obligation on their part. And they only do that when they're totally not interested.

So her subsequent yapping continually on her cell to avoid you comes as no surprise. As they say in baseball, "YER OUT!!!"

Like the other brothers pointed out, it's disrespect that she's showing you. She disrespects you, because she doesn't care.

On my first dates, if she answers her phone, I do note that as a possible flag. I kindly then say, "Let's turn off our phones okay?" and what she answers either makes it or breaks it.

If she agrees, great.

If she gives me the excuse, "It might be work", my answer is an incredulous wide-eyed: "You mean you're working now?" In my mind, those calls can wait until business hours.

If she gives me the excuse, "It might be an emergency (kids whatever)", then she can look to see who's calling and not answer if it isn't the kids.

But most times, when it is the kids, it's no emergency. How often do people have emergencies at the exact moment they're on a date? Unless they're choking from dinner, the answer is hardly ever.

So, if she answers the call because it's from the kids and it's not an emergency and she doesn't end the call promptly but instead chit chats with her kid for five minutes about what's on TV or some such mundane topic, that's a deal breaker.

People managed to survive just frickin' FINE before cell phones came along.

Bottom line: if she gives you a hassle about it, you don't want a woman like that.

You'll find the woman who wants you will put her phone away.

It's a screening process.

is it ok to look annoyed and give an evil look at her then shut down when she returns from her call?

Never.

what should you say? should you walk out on her to send a message that it's rude

Leykis 101 advocates that, but keep in mind that admittedly, Leykis says you have to be a jerk. So, if you wanna handle it like a jerk, by all means, do so.

If you wanna handle it like a gent, you keep your cool, you finish the meal, get her home, say goodnight and throw her number away.

 

[drift king]

here's another example. the other day i went out with a girl and as we walked to the bar we were standing up getting ordering our drinks.. i already was distracted by the barman cos i was paying at the time then her phone rings, she suddenly says to me 'can i just take this quickly please?'

i was caught in between 2 minds and just said 'yeah ok' should i still have given her a hard time about it?

cos i noticed that she went outside to take the call quickly then within 20 secs came back in and apologised to me. she told me she had a prior engagement to go to in an hours time (she told me this earlier in the day) but i thought it was polite of her that she ended the call swiftly and apologised. (i think it was her friend asking what time she was coming)

should i still have walked and left in that situation? it just seems like you're overreacting.. like say the call comes in towards the end of the date and you've had a really good time and she's digging you and she just takes the call impulsively then proceeds to leave the table then comes back 2 mins later before you have a chance to say anything.

should you disregard her in that instance too?

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

In that situation stay. But when the girl is new, you wanna make the point that your time is valuable. If you're at the bar talking to the bartender you are not there for exclusive time to spend with her, which is a much different scenario than a girl taking a call during a meal or leaving the theater to take a call during a movie.

When you are paying for exclusivity of her time, she is to be off the cell phone. If she goes on the phone, that's when you walk away.

 

[Metaphysical]

i take my phone out and i shut it off in front of her, makin sure she looks at me

then i tell her, "I respect you too much to interupt our conversation with other things".

now it's your turn

 

[DavenJuan]

some of you guys are taknig this wayy to seriously..

listen. this whole "NO PHONES, TURN OFF". ."LEAVE THE PHONES AT HOME" is a bit overboard. i get the point, but its completely unnecessary

use your own judgement. if you FEEL disrespected, regardless if she talked for 2 secs or 2 hours is completely up to you. the issue here is YOU NOT EXPRESSING your discontent.

if im on a date i could care less if she answers her phone or not. but if for ONE SECOND i start to feel neglected, or my time is not being appreciated, then i let it be known... but for me to tell her "hey, no phones okay??" is a bit too much if you ask me.

bottomline, use your own judgement. if you feel like YOU are being unappreciated, then you make a decision, but dont just walk away because she pulled her phone out.

again..IMO

 

[KontrollerX]

You keep changing the scenario dude.

Its not fair to any of us for you to change the scenario and claim our first answers apply to that so you can position us as being irrational and in the wrong. It doesn't work that way.

To me it looks like you want to rationalize away bad chick behavior and low interest in you.

If thats how you want to live your life by all means let women walk all over you and do that, its no skin off our backs how you decide to live your life.

Though for the sake of educating others I will answer to your other scenario...

Of course you can give a girl a chance and not walk away from her if her phone rings once and she apologizes profusely for it and even asks if its alright to take the call before she answers. Its just basic common sense but yeah again your original scenario had the girl yapping away and I quote "every five minutes".

The second scenario you laid out again simply having common sense would've given you the correct answer in that situation and I refuse to believe you and anyone here doesn't have common sense so yeah the second scenario and asking us about it seems to me kind of pointless and just you trying to rationalize and ask us your real question which would be what level of bad behavior from a girl would be acceptable?

The answer of course is an individual thing, its all about what you are willing to tolerate within your frame.

A guy can legitimately lay out a frame for no bad behavior whatsoever and walk at the first sign of it no matter how small or at least make out in his mind that because of the bad behavior the girl will be relegated to fvck buddy status with zero emotional investment even though she may be strung along to think otherwise.

While another guy might rationalize in his mind that well nobody's perfect so I can deal with a girl treating me like sh!t because again its not like anyone can find the perfect mate out there and hey its natural that people get angry. Its not like I'll ever find a girl that never gets angry so I'll just put up with whatever anger this girl shows me.

The second line of thinking is AFC in that you let the world dictate what you can have rather than you creating your own world for yourself and what is acceptable within it.

So yeah the real question you need to be asking and answering for yourself is...

What amount of bad behavior if any am I personally willing to tolerate from a woman?

Because you creating this other scenario to me looks like you are trying to paint us in the wrong for our answers to your original scenario when this second scenario is completely different in what happens in it namely the woman's actions towards you. To me the second scenario's creation is like you trying to prove us wrong for our answers to the first scenario so you can rationalize away legitimate bad behavior from women as being ok or even normal. Probably because like a lot of guys here you keep running into disrespectful women and tolerating it and are tired of hunting for more options when you just keep running into the disrespectful women. I have sympathy for you with that but if that is the case you simply have to keep fvckin em and chuckin em and never settle down or begin a relationship with any women that are disrespectful to you.

In closing you can avoid either your first scenario posed to us or the second scenario by following Mr. Me's excellent advise right here...

"On my first dates, if she answers her phone, I do note that as a possible flag. I kindly then say, "Let's turn off our phones okay?" and what she answers either makes it or breaks it."

And you should do this and save yourself a lot of hassle with it.

By being nice and understanding and letting a chick take her calls and all that even if she is kindly and apologetic about it you waste your time.

Your precious valueable time that you can never get back.

Time you could be spending getting to know another chick who agrees to shutting her phone off or not even bringing it with her before the date begins.

And sure its still ok to proceed with a girl who is apologetic and considerate about answering her call but yeah all I'm saying with the time wasting thing for this scenario is you should use Mr. Me's advise and avoid wasting any time entirely.

These are the best answers for you but I suspect you may have yet another question for us so I'll pose it and answer it before you can ask it to save us all some trouble...

Well guys what if I meet a groovy chick on a cold approach and her phone rings? What then?

Answer: If she acts like the chick in the first scenario and presumably keeps taking various calls every five minutes with no regard for you, you walk away but if she apologizes and asks you if it'd be ok to take a call common sense should guide your path here and let you know the girl cares enough about you that she is considerate to ask you before taking a call or at least apologizes for it afterwards but again you can use Mr. Me's idea almost immediately even on a successful cold approach if the rapport and interest on both sides is strong enough. Simply suggest that you and she turn your phones off and voila hassle free date!

 

[Poonani Maker]

I agree with DavenJuan. If you've worked in any customer service capacity, you know what it's like to be ****-on, so you take it and you take it, and then you may take it again as you're calmly pinching your coat off of the chair and exiting the establishment gulping and treating her as a disease in the process. You HAVE to turn the psychology or frame around on HER questioning HERself, HER self-esteem. Anything she throws at you should ricochet off your armor.

Women and retards go hand in hand. She's the complainer. You're not.

 

[drift king]

You keep changing the scenario dude.

Its not fair to any of us for you to change the scenario and claim our first answers apply to that so you can position us as being irrational and in the wrong. It doesn't work that way.

To me it looks like you want to rationalize away bad chick behavior and low interest in you.

If thats how you want to live your life by all means let women walk all over you and do that, its no skin off our backs how you decide to live your life.

Though for the sake of educating others I will answer to your other scenario...

Of course you can give a girl a chance and not walk away from her if her phone rings once and she apologizes profusely for it and even asks if its alright to take the call before she answers. Its just basic common sense but yeah again your original scenario had the girl yapping away and I quote "every five minutes".

The second scenario you laid out again simply having common sense would've given you the correct answer in that situation and I refuse to believe you and anyone here doesn't have common sense so yeah the second scenario and asking us about it seems to me kind of pointless and just you trying to rationalize and ask us your real question which would be what level of bad behavior from a girl would be acceptable?

The answer of course is an individual thing, its all about what you are willing to tolerate within your frame.

A guy can legitimately lay out a frame for no bad behavior whatsoever and walk at the first sign of it no matter how small or at least make out in his mind that because of the bad behavior the girl will be relegated to fvck buddy status with zero emotional investment even though she may be strung along to think otherwise.

While another guy might rationalize in his mind that well nobody's perfect so I can deal with a girl treating me like sh!t because again its not like anyone can find the perfect mate out there and hey its natural that people get angry. Its not like I'll ever find a girl that never gets angry so I'll just put up with whatever anger this girl shows me.

The second line of thinking is AFC in that you let the world dictate what you can have rather than you creating your own world for yourself and what is acceptable within it.

So yeah the real question you need to be asking and answering for yourself is...

What amount of bad behavior if any am I personally willing to tolerate from a woman?

Because you creating this other scenario to me looks like you are trying to paint us in the wrong for our answers to your original scenario when this second scenario is completely different in what happens in it namely the woman's actions towards you. To me the second scenario's creation is like you trying to prove us wrong for our answers to the first scenario so you can rationalize away legitimate bad behavior from women as being ok or even normal. Probably because like a lot of guys here you keep running into disrespectful women and tolerating it and are tired of hunting for more options when you just keep running into the disrespectful women. I have sympathy for you with that but if that is the case you simply have to keep fvckin em and chuckin em and never settle down or begin a relationship with any women that are disrespectful to you.

In closing you can avoid either your first scenario posed to us or the second scenario by following Mr. Me's excellent advise right here...

"On my first dates, if she answers her phone, I do note that as a possible flag. I kindly then say, "Let's turn off our phones okay?" and what she answers either makes it or breaks it."

And you should do this and save yourself a lot of hassle with it.

By being nice and understanding and letting a chick take her calls and all that even if she is kindly and apologetic about it you waste your time.

Your precious valueable time that you can never get back.

Time you could be spending getting to know another chick who agrees to shutting her phone off or not even bringing it with her before the date begins.

And sure its still ok to proceed with a girl who is apologetic and considerate about answering her call but yeah all I'm saying with the time wasting thing for this scenario is you should use Mr. Me's advise and avoid wasting any time entirely.

These are the best answers for you but I suspect you may have yet another question for us so I'll pose it and answer it before you can ask it to save us all some trouble...

Well guys what if I meet a groovy chick on a cold approach and her phone rings? What then?

Answer: If she acts like the chick in the first scenario and presumably keeps taking various calls every five minutes with no regard for you, you walk away but if she apologizes and asks you if it'd be ok to take a call common sense should guide your path here and let you know the girl cares enough about you that she is considerate to ask you before taking a call or at least apologizes for it afterwards but again you can use Mr. Me's idea almost immediately even on a successful cold approach if the rapport and interest on both sides is strong enough. Simply suggest that you and she turn your phones off and voila hassle free date!

no i wasn't trying to change the scenario if that's how it seemed

literally the different scenarios i mentioned were actual situations which happened to me so i wanted to know if there was one set rule for all or should it be different each time cos i felt it was a bit over the top walking out on her and having her think you're a psycho and telling all her friends who inevitably will know your female friends so you get a local reputation..

also in the 1st scenario i metioned it was a first meeting off of facebook so it kind of fell into the 1st date/1st meeting category so it's hard to figure out which is the best way to act cos it's a complete stranger.. cos usually you'd have a 1st meet and then a 1st date rather than all encompassed into one.