Being handsome is not that easy

[DanelMadr]

Allright, I know being handsome is not such a big deal for girls. Sometimes I think it's even worse than being "normal". And it is the truth that being handsome won't get you laid....your cool, confident, humourus, socially skilled personality will!
When you are handsome you come across many obstacles. Girls are flirting with you openly but only to boost their ego. Other guys envy you and girls think of you as unapprochable. Then there is the sayings, that handsome guys are players, jerks, dumb and so on.
You can be labeled a wussy easily but you can't be too confident either, because all the girls will think, you are confident because of your looks - it works like that in their world.
Therefore you have to tune down the ****y part in ****y&Funny (Confident & Playfull - is much better attitude btw) when flirting and teasing but it's not so powerfull then. I can be way too ****y on on-line chat(without photo; btw it's much better not to use a photo whether you look like movie star or not) with perfect results but in real world it is a disaster.
Challenge is a problem too. You can't be too much of a challenge because you are already a challenge.

Because you look some sort of extreme, you get extreme responses. For example girls can touch your butt passing by or kiss you while their boyfriend is right sitting next to them and he's not aware but when you ask the simple question:
"What is your opinion on something, I need a woman's point of view"
you get :" I don't go out with models." and other examples of cold shoulder based on your looks.

They asume you are the player and nothing is better for their ego then to publicly and I do mean publicly reject you. I've read some posts from guys experiencing similar difficulties and they also mention that they feel they intimidate girls...at least sober ones and I agree with them.

You can't use this line:"Hey do you have a boyfriend and if so is he prettier than me?"....great line for you average looking guys, taken from The Professionals/UK series....thank me later.

Someone said that being handsome is just a foot in the doorway. But getting inside needs other techniques that works for the rest of the guys. This site and many others are made for normal guys and marketing strategy for handsome guys wouldn't work very well - there are not so many of us.

Maybe it is better to date only 10s or gilrs thinking they are 10 (the ones that play ****y&cold out of pure insecurity) - better not brrrrrr. Girls 9+ are imunne to handsome guys and are more confident but sometimes it seems they think handsome guys are too spoiled exactly as they are )

Hey, being handsome is not a tragedy I just need to fine tune my skills and the rest of you can see it's not about the looks
So. Can someone give me (us) some ideas how to deal with these small problems?

How to tune Confident&Playfull.
How to tune Challenge?
and so on...

Daniel from Bohemia (excuse my English)

 

[poohead]

amen brother. i hear you!

 

[insanity]

well it's like a hockey player who can stick handle around everybody. but can't seem to ever put the puck in the net.

i've had friends who you'd think that they would be pulling in the numbers. but unfortunately they don't. i think looks in any relationship is just a bonus. it's how you project yourself around these girls that might be hindering your game. maybe you act feminine. maybe conversation is like, everything is about you.
maybe your body language is showing lack of confidence. maybe your not making any connections with these girls.

 

[WhAcKeD!]

I agree with alot of what you said.

Being handsome isn't easy at all. Because of your looks, you have to have better game. Girls expect more out of you because of the way you look, so it can be alot harder to play the game properly.

Pulling the ****y and funny stuff isn't so good for more handsome looking guys. When you do this, you come as arrogant and full of yourself alot more because of your looks, girls see this no doubt. It is more important to be confident in what you say and be smooth about it, tease correctly while doing this and it can work in your favor.

If your a good looking guy girls can become more insecure around you, that is why it is important to get them in a comfortable situation.

 

[TheTrader]

You can be labeled a wussy easily but you can't be too confident either, because all the girls will think, you are confident because of your looks - it works like that in their world.

and that's your problem - your trying to adapt to the feminine world. dont get me wrong you dont sound like emuscaleted but not like a masculine man either. i hope you take no offense as i was in the same shoes and sometimes i fall back into that attitude.

my problem was that i was thinking that (almost) everybody had to like me. and that ain't gotta happen no matter how good, bad or average you look. it's simple as that - as a man you do YOUR own thing and INVITE people in YOUR world - you dont seek aproval to get access to their world, thats for women and symps.

So nowadays i have the attitude that i think very highly of myself and only deserve the best things. If guys or girls think they can make fun of my ambitions to get rich, ripped etc then i shoot back full force. if they do it a second time they will get ignored and eliminated from my social life.

in the beginning i had the attitude that i didnt want to be seen as arrogant/very confident. so i always downplayed my hard work towards weightliting, improving my looks, becomming self-employed or whatever. what did happen due to my nice attitude? everybody thought they can comment on me my diet(hey loosen up man drink alcohol and eat junk food with us why do you need a better body etcetc) or like man who do you think you are doing your own thing - work on being an employee like we are! so everything i got with my NICE attitude towards people was to get discouraged. i mean it was like APOLOGIZING for my hard work and ambition. how crazy is THAT? so i figured that people don't respect a nice humble attitude(there are always expceptions of course). and the other thing i found out is that NOBODY (but one friend who is in the same boat) encouraged me, nobody, they only talked negative stuff.

so i figured if people dont give a fvck about my dreams then i dont give a fvck about them if they think im arrogant or an ******* then so be it. So, nowadays i make it clear that im not looking for approval but that it is me who approves them. instead of apologizing like "i dont know why but i hate to work for someone else and i really hope that i can do my own thing, i know it's very difficult but i hope i get lucky...what do you think about it..." i say like"i dont wanna work for someone else so im doing my own thing every beginning is hard but i know 100% that i will make it if not me then who else ?!" if they give me **** then i give them **** right back like yeah have fun licking the azz of your boss if you even get a job with these unemployment rates!!!!(unemployment rates are higher in my country than in the U.S.) hahaahhahaha and all that for some small wage hahaahahahahhahaaaa. same goes for when somebody makes fun of my diet when i'm cutting and somebody wants to make fun of me for it. i have no problems with a little bit of fun but when it gets annoying then i shoot right back and make fun of their skinny or fat bodys.

obiviously i'm not doing all this stuff to get girls but because i want the best things in my life after having a terrible life growing up.

two more things - number 1 if you don't lift weights then i suggest you to do this because my attitude is way less masculine when i'm not lifting/doing sports.

number 2 is don't think that people will despise you because of a very confident attitude. in my experience there are enough people who LOVE to be around someone who is happy and confident AND who shows that he cares about them. don't get the wrong impression - i'm all for being confident, having a tough attitude and making no excuses about what i want and need. but at the same time i ask about peoples lives(i never tell anyone about my own life if i'm not asked) and joke around with them. but if someone tries to drag me down to their level i fvck them painfully and/or ignore them afterwards. unfortuantely this requires a lot of energy and i've realized that whenever i'm low on energy due to lack of food or too much stress then i am very vulnerable and i care about peoples opinion of me, i care about rejections from girls and this is a bad place to be. hope you get something out of this if you're still with me:wave:

 

[DanelMadr]

TheTrader......I understand what you write but it's not that problem. I don't seek approval. It is true that I don't take myself too seriously.....everyone shouldn't take themsleves too seriously ;-)
When you see a girl, beautiful one and she is very confident, you think she is confident because of her looks not what she achieved in life or lived through and stayed alive....and it's OK...women can be confident because of their looks but it is not allright with men. So, if they think you are confident because of your looks....you are out.

 

[DanelMadr]

insanity...........I agree with you but the problem is not my feminine behaviour, trust me ;-) Problem is I either have sex or nothing. Girls don't want to risk a relationship with me thinking I'm high maintenace exactly as they are in case of hotties or they are too shy around me.

 

[DanelMadr]

very good thread..... http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=18309

 

[Jariel]

They asume you are the player and nothing is better for their ego then to publicly and I do mean publicly reject you.

This I definitely agree with. A lot of girls have prejudged me as a player and my ex girlfriends have confessed to having a lot of hesitation and trust issues before getting involved with me. I asked them and other people why they thought I was a player and they have all said it's mainly because I'm good looking.

However, balancing good looks with friendliness and a touch of modesty goes a long way! You see, girls want to trust good looking guys and want to think that they can be more than just a fling, but they are cynical - you just have to restore their faith.

It's not really that different between men and women. We would all prefer to be with a hot chick, but many of them are slvts or stuck up b1tches and that's offputting. Yet a hot chick with a great personality, modesty and who shows you respect...that's what all guys want!

 

[superchristx]

You are being so damn stupid I just want to slap you in the face, seriously. If being handsome is that much of a hindrance, DUH, get uglier. I wish everyone could have the problem of too much handsomeness.

Really, have you considered getting a fake pair of lame glasses (and not the cool emo kind) clothes that don't look right, and putting a rock in one shoe? Or maybe you could grow muttonchops or get a bowl cut. There are a thousand ways you could make yourself unattractive, just do the opposite of what the ugly people are trying to do. Oh, and go get some real problems.

 

[So Many Ways]

Whenever I see threads like this I scratch my head because what I've seen in my experience is the exact opposite.

Back in the day I had a couple of buddies I kicked it with who were good looking. Everywhere we went, it didn't matter where, just driving down the street, walking through the mall, girls would just come up to them, wanting their numbers wanting to hook up with them. It happened all the time.

After a while, it just became ridiculous. I remember one instance I was with my buddy at a party and literally two girls jumped on him, one started tugging him on one arm and the other on the other arm, trying to pull him towards her. Seriously this dude was treated like a celebrity.

When I see so-called good looking guys on this site commenting on how tough it is, maybe what I've seen is the complete opposite of what you guys experience, or you guys aren't as good looking as you think you are. I don't know the answer.

 

[TheTrader]

It's not really that different between men and women. We would all prefer to be with a hot chick, but many of them are slvts or stuck up b1tches and that's offputting. Yet a hot chick with a great personality, modesty and who shows you respect...that's what all guys want!

i do show lots of respect(compared to most people) but i don't see the point in showing modesty, i make it clear when i think that im better than someone, not through overtly telling but through bodylanguage/voice. that doesnt mean that i disrespect them it just means that i think i'm the one in control and if the other person isn't down with it then they can fvck off. same goes for women - in my experience interested women submit to me naturally so it's not that i tell them do this do that blabla. but i make most of the decisions and lead them. if they are not down with it - next. deep down i'm a very modest person but that doesn't mean that i run around treating people who are below me as equals because they are not.


Danel ----

i can only judge you from your posts im not saying your feminine or low confidence im just saying you have a few things to learn else you wouldnt be asking this stuff here.

"women can be confident because of their looks but it is not allright with men. So, if they think you are confident because of your looks....you are out."

and rightfully so. for a man it is not enough to just stand there and look beautiful. imo great men desire to look good because they want to show to the world their high social status - they want to show who they are. but it is only one piece of the puzzle - a successful confident man has to DO something - take action , conquer, have accomplishements or at the very least be on the way to a great accomplishment. being femine you just have to look good and have a nice caring attitude but being masculine you have to be MORE than that. that's the way it always has been and has nothing to do with society but everything with biology.

I dont understand your problems with "only getting sex" either - that's feminine behaviour as well. women want relationships men want sex. men DO have relationships but only if the woman makes a big effort to keep the relationship going or they want children or they want suck money out of the woman or whatever. they dont want to risk a relationship with you?? so how come that many famous and rich men have serious relationships/are married??trust me there are girls out there who have the confidence to risk a relationship with a goodlooking man. maybe you should hang out in other social circles or something. but again why do you even want to be caged in a relationship?

 

[smoke city]

You are seeing what many of us have discovered the hard way -- that looks really don't matter all that much. sure you'll hear all the time about girls who think you're "really hot" but that doesn't necessarily (i.e. almost never does) convert into RESULTS. It is your interactions with women and the way you make them feel that is the whole point.
Really a bit of modesty--by that i mean honesty about yourself--is the key. If you are good looking, super intelligent, good at what you do, and have a calm and positive inner self and lots of interesting things to talk about you will RADIATE these things. When things are really going well for you nobody wants to hear about it all the time...but you should use that energy to make the people around you feel *comfortable and *special. Your looks and accomplishments speak for themselves -- but you'll have social success (and success with women) if you can also communicate how "down-to-earth" you are through modesty.

 

[DanelMadr]

However, balancing good looks with friendliness and a touch of modesty goes a long way! You see, girls want to trust good looking guys and want to think that they can be more than just a fling, but they are cynical - you just have to restore their faith.

Hope so. But I tend to think women are like terrorists....they think of modesty and friendliness as weakness joke

 

[Archaxis]

Actually, I get the complete opposite effect. My looks get VERY little attention from girls in general, but when I do get some interest they are easy to facinate, get in bed, keep, etc. All the while commenting on how gorgeous I am. What do you suppose that's all about?

 

[Bvbidd]

Actually, I get the complete opposite effect. My looks get VERY little attention from girls in general, but when I do get some interest they are easy to facinate, get in bed, keep, etc. All the while commenting on how gorgeous I am. What do you suppose that's all about?

Mabye your ugly?

Are you sure your all that hot? Your probally just ugly and think your hot.

Hot guys get hot girls.

 

[DanelMadr]

HOWEVER, it can become a pain because you have to do that EVERYTIME. Another problem arises is the fact that girls make assumptions and generalizations about you without you even saying a word.

just as how some of the "tactics" men use on hot girls, same with women, they act aloof, play games 10X worse, and pay you NO attention whatsoever.

BUT the girls that tend to not give a fvck and actually say hi to you, tend to be ugly...and the ones that DO look good...yep tend to be str8 up sluts.

I have problems getting girls too because ALOT of them try to control me which does not work on me, I've had girls try EVERYTHING in the book to try to break me, jealousy, disrespect, flaking, rejecting, whatever you can think off...and these girls are interested yet their behaviors are illogical. *sigh*.

As for the guys, always trying to put you down, making life hard for you....etc etc, everyone assumes that life is easy for you, when you live in a very shady, competitive area life is hard.

I am still mastering my game, but sometimes people make it even harder and for those ridiculing that is perfectly fine because you can never understand something you haven't gone through or have no experience in.

Damn I never knew it was so hard to find a chick, who had confidence, high-self esteem, intelligence, a good sense of humor and looks to match AND one that actually lets you talk instead of yabbering on about herself. Hey its all good, gotta play with cards your dealt with.

Yeah I know this. I never put value on my looks and I tried to be modest... f**king up my projecting of confidence. I think it is our major problem how to project our natural confidence and in the same time let girls know it's not because of our looks but what we achieved in life. Average guy start the "****y & funny" acting and he's out of the wussy category and still stay approchable. We have to go through the minefiled of "Let them no you're not player"...when you slip...you are handsome wussy.

I think hot, intelligent and balanced girls have similar problems, they don't want to be pre-judged on their good looks, hence compliments don't work with them. I'm alergic to compliments too, seriously.

 

[Charm]

Regardless of your amazing natural looks or not, the art of being a DJ remains the same for the ugly guy or the hot one. And both can land hot, interesting, fun women. So shut the hell up and get out there and practice your DJing. This kind of whining is for AFCs who like making excuses.

 

[Nighthawk]

If you pass the hot-test a chick will start straight with the shyt-tests. She wants you to be alpha so expects you can handle any crap she throws at you.

The trick for us dreamboats is to be self-deprecating and vulnerable in an attractive way. There is an expectation that a handsome man is a player, so add mystery by occasionally playing against that.

And be charming to all girls hot or not, and friendly with all lesser males. Because the hot ones really notice that and you'll get less bitter AFCs ****-blocking you.

 

[belividere]

Quit being a troll