Being cut off by family

Stephen89

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So I'm at a Christmas party and keep being left out by the senior, uncles, older cousins.

No one talks to me or talks about me.

They always talk about others peoples work, what they do in their life however I'm constantly cut off.

None of my family knows I'm looking for programmer jobs or running a business. It's because they don't ask me, they ask my sister or other cousins but not me.

They don't even acknowledge me properly.

My most respected uncle always ask my sisters how's work etc.

My uncle checked my cousins resume, I'm looking for programmer jobs he could have checked my resume.

I'm getting sick of now.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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So I'm at a Christmas party and keep being left out by the senior, uncles, older cousins.

No one talks to me or talks about me.

They always talk about others peoples work, what they do in their life however I'm constantly cut off.

None of my family knows I'm looking for programmer jobs or running a business. It's because they don't ask me, they ask my sister or other cousins but not me.

They don't even acknowledge me properly.

I'm getting sick of now.
Might be jealous. Spend less time.
 

logicallefty

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Family isn't what they are cracked up to be. They will sh|t on you just as badly as women, but it can sometimes feel worse because you don't see it coming.

I would skip the next family gathering, and make note of who asks why you were not there.

I have relatives that I will only be seeing at funerals from now on and one of said relatives is my sister.
 

backseatjuan

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Something fishy man. You could be adopted. Or, your uncles and cousins have a different idea about inheritance. That means you have to be around your father and mother, grandfather, be there for them more than your family. Support, take your grandfather to strip joint.
 

Stephen89

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Thanks for the replies.

I'm back home and as I stated in my opening post he checked my cousins resume. Also he talked about what's he doing.

He could have asked me anytime yesterday about what I'm doing and he never asks me.

He also said something related to my sister being rich.

My sister is a marketing manager and the irony is my last interview offer was better paid than hers.

I just don't understand why he's ignoring my career. My sister and cousins are/have started their careers before me.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Thanks for the replies.

I'm back home and as I stated in my opening post he checked my cousins resume. Also he talked about what's he doing.

He could have asked me anytime yesterday about what I'm doing and he never asks me.

He also said something related to my sister being rich.

My sister is a marketing manager and the irony is my last interview offer was better paid than hers.

I just don't understand why he's ignoring my career. My sister and cousins are/have started their careers before me.
The family probably heard about your successes from someone you told. They are trying to "put you in your place" by diverting attention from you and treating you less than. Just minimize your exposures to them. See them CME (Christmas, Mothersday and Easter ) that's it.
 

Stephen89

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The family probably heard about your successes from someone you told. They are trying to "put you in your place" by diverting attention from you and treating you less than. Just minimize your exposures to them. See them CME (Christmas, Mothersday and Easter ) that's it.
Thank you, but why would they want to put me in my place for?

I don't believe their jealous of me, maybe they just don't want me to have any power because they think I'm arrogant?
 

mrgoodstuff

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Thank you, but why would they want to put me in my place for?

I don't believe their jealous of me, maybe they just don't want me to have any power because they think I'm arrogant?
This is what people DO! It happened to me. Say you achieve heights over your parents and uncles and carry yourself like it... You are not trying to act bigger than them or anything but your LIFE supports it. When you are around them, they may attempt to "re level" you or "put you in your place". This is what people do!

Word likely spreads like wildfire about your gains and successes. You sound mild and quiet about it, but you tell one person in confidence and it spreads out of them. Then family acting weird like they are doing you.

IT HAPPENED TO ME. And it hurts like hell. You'll get a lot of people turning on you that never were as motivated as you. It's like you make them feel bad about themselves , and it might not be your intention at all!
 

Stephen89

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This is what people DO! It happened to me. Say you achieve heights over your parents and uncles and carry yourself like it... You are not trying to act bigger than them or anything but your LIFE supports it. When you are around them, they may attempt to "re level" you or "put you in your place". This is what people do!

Word likely spreads like wildfire about your gains and successes. You sound mild and quiet about it, but you tell one person in confidence and it spreads out of them. Then family acting weird like they are doing you.

IT HAPPENED TO ME. And it hurts like hell. You'll get a lot of people turning on you that never were as motivated as you. It's like you make them feel bad about themselves , and it might not be your intention at all!
Thank you very much for this post.

Now this explains my uncles/family's behaviour and puts things into perspective.

So yeah, perhaps I make some people feel bad because I've proved them wrong. Although I don't mean too.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Thank you very much for this post.

Now this explains my uncles/family's behaviour and puts things into perspective.

So yeah, perhaps I make some people feel bad because I've proved them wrong. Although I don't mean too.
Boy, I'm overanalytical, and it took me more than a YEAR to figure this out. Until then, my family would be raping my confidence, stealing attention in obvious ways, etc. A bunch of monkey shines.
 

Reykhel

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So I'm at a Christmas party and keep being left out by the senior, uncles, older cousins.

No one talks to me or talks about me.

They always talk about others peoples work, what they do in their life however I'm constantly cut off.

None of my family knows I'm looking for programmer jobs or running a business. It's because they don't ask me, they ask my sister or other cousins but not me.

They don't even acknowledge me properly.

My most respected uncle always ask my sisters how's work etc.

My uncle checked my cousins resume, I'm looking for programmer jobs he could have checked my resume.

I'm getting sick of now.
1. Lower your expectations from your family: when your expectations don't match reality you will suffer.

Don't expect them to ask you about your life and don't read into it when they don't. If you want to tell them stuff, tell them, if not, don't.

2. Impose your frame more: it sounds like your buying into your uncle' s frame. You may even need to work on a more dominant body language.
 

Poonani Maker

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Dude, my family is kinda blue-pilled. They watch TV. My grandparents are all deceased, my uncle has alzheimers. My brothers are closer to me now, but they could never be as red-pilled as me due to religion and careers (where one must be Politically Correct to earn money/keep his job). My dad was my best ally, but he just passed. He was awesome. He played online games with me a couple of years back. He was always in my corner, always had my back. I've been grieving ever since. What little family I have left treats me pretty well. We are all we have left. I care not if they are interested in me (but they are) in gatherings cause I'm set.

Just be "set" and then YOU can be interested in what THEY are doing (with their lives). You be the daddy, even if you're young. You do not have to be old to be concerned for others.
 

backbreaker

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when i was 20 my family litearly iddn't even bohter to invite me to thanksgiving. best thing that could have happened to me.

in the wild most animals cut their kids off, if not all animals after a certain age. it's time to fend for yourself and go out there on your own two feet.
 

Who Dares Win

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Unless there is a potential inheritance from your grandfather or grandmother you can easily skip any further family gathering, dont even bother to acknowledge their existance they are just a drag in your life and nothing more.

If there are potential inheritance just get in touch with the elders, birthdays, anniversaries and sundays...
 

Stephen89

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Thanks for the replies.

Since my most respected uncle don't acknowledgement me properly and acknowledges and respects everyone else in their job. I don't feel the need to respect him much.

I want to know when I get a better paid job than my sister (although they will mistakenly think she is in a better paid job because she's a marketing manager) and I'm running a business, my uncle said my sister's rich, will he still call her rich? Even with the knowledge I'm doing financially well or will he still ignore me?
 

backseatjuan

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Since my most respected uncle don't acknowledgement me properly and acknowledges and respects everyone else in their job. I don't feel the need to respect him much.
Hi Juan. Wrong! Do respect ALL OF YOUR FAMILY. Including your uncle. I ate a dog on this, listen to me. I'll tell you a story or two at the end of this post, please do listen.


I want to know when I get a better paid job than my sister (although they will mistakenly think she is in a better paid job because she's a marketing manager) and I'm running a business, my uncle said my sister's rich, will he still call her rich? Even with the knowledge I'm doing financially well or will he still ignore me?
Something fishy here man. Inheritance is involved? I bet it is. It could be your grandparents inheritance, and even your parents inheritance.


Anyway, I promised you a story or two, so let's begin. Before 2010 I spend like 15 years in Miami with my mother and aunt, while my father (divorced when I was 7) was in Russia. On holidays I'd call him. Then in 2009, closer to new year, I called him, told him pap, I'm coming back, I'm fed up here. He began yelling at me, told me he has a new family. I didn't get his reaction until about a month later, when we find out that he has sold my mother's garage, which is located in a prime spot. I come to Russia in summer of 2010, and I meet him, he brought my passport over. He threw the passport at me, and told me to fvck off. No reason here, I didn't provoke anything like that. Then he told everyone else that I said fvck you to him, which I didn't. Eventually, because he did what he did, I sued him over his apartment, in which I was registered, I wanted half. I lost. From my interaction with him and with other family members from his side, in retrospect, it was obvious that they had a hand in all of it. Then in 2015 he died, I find out only two months later from 3rd persons. Nobody told me because of inheritance, by law I am allowed all of it, because he did not have a will. I did get apartment and car, I had to give land to family so there wouldn't be a lengthy court thingy. Plus I lost another garage, as it wasn't registered officially, plus my family cleaned his apartment, took everything, including the fridge. Turns out I am adopted, do you know what it is to find out you are adopted at age 35? The family, apparently my cousin, who is fsb, has found out that documents on me had mistakes, like my dad was in prison when I was adopted. Not that he didn't want to adopt me, because he had problems with sperm. But mistake is a mistake, in court it could have went either way. So two of my uncles, and there of my cousins, with whom I grew up, didn't bother to tell me that my father died.


Another story, this time from my mother's side family. We had this uncle, who has been doing opium since he was 17, then later he went on some synthetic sh1t, which eventually killed him at age 50 something. When I come here, I couldn't live with him under one roof. Every night he would have a party, get some b1tches, and do some drugs. He never had a job, so he'd ask me for money. Eventually I told him to fvck off, and left. My grandmother saw that I don't get along with him, and changed her will from my mother, to this uncle. Obviously, my uncle did some convincing, even married a young girl with two children, telling everyone that one of the sons is his. My grandma obviously believed him. Grandma died, left him a lot of land and house. I had to take it all back from him, won't tell you how it happened, but he did eventually sold some land, a small portion, and the rest of the land and house he wrote to my mother. The money of the land that he sold he shot into his arm in three days. 10 grand dollars went into his vein in 3 days. I did save the rest of land and the house! Of which I am proud.


Anyway, thing or two to learn here, is that you can not trust anyone, even your family. They could be lying to you all your life, you could be adopted. They could have special agenda behind your back. They could provoke you, they could manipulate you. Thing that you can be sure they want is the inheritance. Sounds terrible? Yes it is. People closest to you, uncles, brother of your father, does not give a fvck about his brother's son, just wants his brothers stuff. Uncle just wants to sell everything and get high. Be careful. Don't let anyone provoke you, and stay closer to people you love, that is your father, mother, and your grandparents. Stay even closer to people that can contest your love to your family, like your uncle.
 

daddymonsterpoodle

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Maybe you are boring and aren't very good at talking to people or are just overly sensitive.
How big an interest do you show in your family? When are their birthdays? Do you send a card or present? If you have any nephews and nieces when are their birthdays? What sports are they playing? What activities do you do with your family? When was the last time you did anything for them without expecting something in return?
 

Stephen89

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Maybe you are boring and aren't very good at talking to people or are just overly sensitive.
How big an interest do you show in your family? When are their birthdays? Do you send a card or present? If you have any nephews and nieces when are their birthdays? What sports are they playing? What activities do you do with your family? When was the last time you did anything for them without expecting something in return?
I literally could write a 10 page list.

One of my uncle's birthday is today. We have a family whats-app group and I always say happy birthday to all my uncle, aunties and cousins. The uncle who cuts me out ironically did not say happy birthday on my birthday, he did to my sister and I did say happy birthday to him when it was his birthday.

I always go to their houses a couple of times (Christmas, Easter, sometimes randomly to visit my cousins). While they only twice a year.

I play sports with my family and I play video games with their kids.

I have a great, great relationship with my uncle and aunt's kids.

I'm helping the guy who cuts me out in certain conversations, who ignores my career, I'm helping his children in their education and could even get his son a job in programming.

I've done literally everything for all my family, they don't have much respect for me. I've got my other cousin a job twice (where he is incapable in life) and his father still chats sh!t behind my back. I always visit his house every week and his kids although great people, only visit once a year.

Yet every time I see the other most respected uncle(one of my other uncles), no acknowledgment in my career, literally every time I seen him in the last year, he has ignored it. I talk to him about sports, everything, he just ignores my career and acknowledges my sisters and cousins career. Hence he said my sister is rich (when she's not), he asked about my other cousins career and this other guys career at the Christmas party.

My other uncle (let's call him uncle 3)-I've done nothing wrong, been very respectful, his wife had to go into hospital and kindly visited her in hospital and at a wedding 2 years ago, I courteously went up to him to shake his hand and he angrily and rudely ignored it. He also quietly said at the Christmas party something about "I do not pick up the phone at home" when in actual fact I'm out.
 
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Who Dares Win

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I literally could write a 10 page list.

One of my uncle's birthday is today. We have a family whats-app group and I always say happy birthday to all my uncle, aunties and cousins. The uncle who cuts me out ironically did not say happy birthday on my birthday, he did to my sister and I did say happy birthday to him when it was his birthday.

I always go to their houses a couple of times (Christmas, Easter, sometimes randomly to visit my cousins). While they only twice a year.

I play sports with my family and I play video games with their kids.

I have a great, great relationship with my uncle and aunt's kids.

I'm helping the guy who cuts me out in certain conversations, who ignores my career, I'm helping his children in their education and could even get his son a job in programming.

I've done literally everything for all my family, they don't have much respect for me. I've got my other cousin a job twice (where he is incapable in life) and his father still chats sh!t behind my back. I always visit his house every week and his kids although great people, only visit once a year.

Yet every time I see the other most respected uncle(one of my other uncles), no acknowledgment in my career, literally every time I seen him in the last year, he has ignored it. I talk to him about sports, everything, he just ignores my career and acknowledges my sisters and cousins career. Hence he said my sister is rich (when she's not), he asked about my other cousins career and this other guys career at the Christmas party.

My other uncle (let's call him uncle 3)-I've done nothing wrong, been very respectful, his wife had to go into hospital and kindly visited her in hospital and at a wedding 2 years ago, I courteously went up to him to shake his hand and he angrily and rudely ignored it. He also quietly said at the Christmas party something about "I do not pick up the phone at home" when in actual fact I'm out.
They either are a family of assh0les or you di something wrong, no other explanation to have all of them against you like that.

Well unless you live in missisipi and you are the only black guy of the family of course.
 

Stephen89

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They either are a family of assh0les or you di something wrong, no other explanation to have all of them against you like that.

Well unless you live in missisipi and you are the only black guy of the family of course.
It could be resentment.

When I write this, I'm not being disrespectful to anyone in these positions.

The uncle who's son I've helped get a job twice, he hasn't done well in life and I'm starting to do well in life, their could be peer pressure.

The most respected uncle who doesn't acknowledge my career, he is very popular and hangs around a lot of people, goes to pubs, their houses. I'm sure his brother in law wants to see me fail since his son hasn't got a job after 5 years of graduation, where he knows I've had interview offers for programming roles.

Uncle 3-well, it's pure mean, possibly due to his son who has never been in a relationship and he is 39/40(no offence to him) and his other daughter who has caused him embarrassment.

That's the only thing I can think of.

However, I appreciate all of you who has replied who have given great advice and suggestions on this thread and I will take it on board.
 
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