Being alpha vs being an a55hole list

iamnobody

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Boiling down a short list about being alpha vs being an a55hole. The traits are quite similar but come from different places.

assertive vs. agressive
dominant vs. controlling
determined vs. stubborn
caring vs. emotional
uncaring vs. passive
focused, passionate vs. undecided and bored
aloof vs. apathetic
loves women vs. hates women
outgoing vs. being a try-hard
friendly vs. over friendly / seeking approval
responsable vs. blaming others
confident vs. arrogant
impressive vs. impressed
knows when to quit vs. doesn’t know when to quit

Feel free to add more, mates.
Cheers.
 

Thomson

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As far as I'm concerned. Those 'opposites' are all same. Can u see my point? If you cant I can help you open your mind..
 

TheException

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Its pretty abstract when you try to quantify a trait as either "alpha" or "not alpha". Thats what i would rename this...but from a basic point of view these are true.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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I like this list, sometimes the lines get blurred and prospective DJ's don't know where they went wrong. Little reminders like these help.
 

zekko

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I like this list. I might quibble over a couple of them but they make a nice list. Especially if you are using this to help find the right social calibration, like Peaks&Valleys suggests.

When I saw this one:

"friendly vs. over friendly / seeking approval"

I thought the seeking approval bit sounded more "nice guy" than @sshole. But the overly friendly part does sound like a sociopath trying to manipulate. And remember, supposedly the "nice guy" and the jerk are two sides of the same coin (the jerk is the nice guy who has become embittered).

I like it, nice list. Too many people think that Alpha and @sshole are the same thing.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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You can be Alpha but still be nice and have charm. That's the difference. Sometimes we think we need to be a jerk just for the sake of being a jerk, like the converstation's going too smoothly...gotta throw something in their so she doesn't think I'm too nice and agree with her on everything. And then she disappears....

what happened??

Well, you came across as an *******.

I thought that was a good thing.

Not always....
 

iamnobody

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Thomson said:
As far as I'm concerned. Those 'opposites' are all same. Can u see my point? If you cant I can help you open your mind..
Thomson, so let me elaborate: the attributes on the left come from confidence, those on the right stem from insecurities. The difference is good inner game vs. poor inner game.
 

Thomson

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iamnobody said:
Thomson, so let me elaborate: the attributes on the left come from confidence, those on the right stem from insecurities. The difference is good inner game vs. poor inner game.
Confidence comes from insecurity. Those who have never known insecurity will never know confidence. It is like telling the blind that what they see is darkness. But they cannot see it. There is no way they can know what darkness is. They have never seen light. If I ask you whetever you know what insecurity is, you will know the answer because you have gone through it. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to tell what confidence is.

Confidence comes from insecurity. The same way aggressive comes from passive. And aggressive plus passive equals to assertive. If you have never know what being passive feels like, you will never know aggressiveness.

And then you divert uncaring and passive. That is wrong; it should be uncaring and caring, aggressive and passive. But if you mean caring by passive, then it is not insecurity. Neither is uncaring insecurity. You can only divide one thing and that's confidence and insecurity.

If the person is confident, no matter what he does comes from confident. Whetever he is aggressive, passive, assertive does not matter. What matter is whetever he knows or does not know. And it does not matter whetever an insecure one is caring or uncaring. Whatever he does, it comes from his insecurity.

You cannot divide a Don Juan. He is all. He is caring, yet uncaring. He is aggressive yet passive. He is dominat yet when the times comes he is submissive. He knows when it is better to act submissive. He is not against being submissive. When the right time is there he knows that he has to do this in order to be dominant later.

If you can divide a Don Juan, then he is not Don Juan at all. He is everything. You cannot say that he is this and he is no that. Then he will be simply in the same level as the divided one, the insecure one. If you give him half of the world, then the other half belongs to the other. They will be at the same equal level. No you cannot divide a Don Juan.

The beta is insecure but he is on the turmoil of blowing up. He is like a volcano mountain ready to blow up any time. Give him a little push, encourage and he will be far more aggressive than you ever was. Have you seen how the newbies here turn into complete jerks from being nice? From being so nice, so insecure, he turned into complete jerk that has overconfident in himself he starts to hate everyone.

So only if you are insecure can you divide the 'alpha' and the 'beta'. A real Don Juan will never divide anything. He is confidence. And whatever he does comes from from confidence. He can be playful, giving, warm but it does not make him insecure. In fact he can be all of the right side of the list and he won't be insecure.

Sometimes he hates women. What is wrong with that? Sometimes he does not feel like spending time with any women. And sometimes he does not know when to quit. If he enjoys something so much he will not see the need to quit. Sometimes he is undecided and bored. If he decides to live a flowing life he will not be able to decide anything. Flowing means whatever happens, happens, one accepts it. And sometimes he is bored. Tell me one person who is never bored.

Life is all. There will be moments when you cannot be in control and there are moments when you can. One can only accept this fact. If you look closely you can see that neither a beta nor a alpha accepts this. Only a Don Juan does. Beta means that he is always losing, it seems like he does not even want to win; his goal is losing. And alpha means that he is always winning; it seems that he never accepts losing. And both will fail with frustration. Life is both: winning and losing. You get this and in that very moment you have already lost something.

When you come to me, I will take all your lives of struggle away. There has been enough struggle going on in your life. And enough is enough. I will be giving a deep insight into accepting life so that you won't need to ever be in a conflict again. And this is not jus for you; it is for everyone who reads this. When one arrives at nirvana or what they call the middle path, one simply drops out of the unconscious fight between opposites. The fight between good and bad will be dropped. When one arrives at enlightenment, whatever he does is good.
And when one has achieved this stage, he will be forever in bliss, in happiness because there will no more be anxiety, misery, fight and conflict in the innersoul.

Enough for now.
 

devilkingx2

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I think the difference is that an alpha puts you second to himself and an A-hole ONLY cares about himself.

it's the difference between

an alpha wolf in a pack eating first and sending other wolves to scout and then retreating if they cannot handle what's ahead

and

an alpha wolf sending 6 members of his pack to attack a bear that has just made a fresh kill, getting them killed and then sending 3 more to distract the injured bear while the alpha wolf runs off with the kill and leaves his pack members(the ones with the bear, the rest follow him) behind
 

iamnobody

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Thomson said:
Confidence comes from insecurity.
Nothing gets by you, kid.

Thomson said:
He is caring, yet uncaring.
I think you got it.
Thomson said:
He is dominat yet when the times comes he is submissive. He knows when it is better to act submissive. He is not against being submissive. When the right time is there he knows that he has to do this in order to be dominant later.
nope, you didn't get it.

Thomson said:
When you come to me, I will take all your lives of struggle away. There has been enough struggle going on in your life. And enough is enough. I will be giving a deep insight into accepting life so that you won't need to ever be in a conflict again. And this is not jus for you; it is for everyone who reads this. When one arrives at nirvana or what they call the middle path, one simply drops out of the unconscious fight between opposites. The fight between good and bad will be dropped. When one arrives at enlightenment, whatever he does is good.
And when one has achieved this stage, he will be forever in bliss, in happiness because there will no more be anxiety, misery, fight and conflict in the innersoul.
You planning on starting a religion, kid?

Why do I smell a troll?
 

Thomson

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iamnobody said:
Nothing gets by you, kid.


I think you got it.

nope, you didn't get it.


You planning on starting a religion, kid?

Why do I smell a troll?
Nowadays, it seems troll is a trend here. Almost everything that is even a little bit not fitting with your dead ideas and you suspect t to be as troll. Troll is getting all the fame now.

Your answers are very lame, it seems like you are. You say that I did I not get t. Then give me your insight into what is this Don Juan.

And then you ask me whetever I'm starting a religion or no. I am not starting it; it has already started. The day I was born a new religion was started. I call it the religion of enlightenment. Only people who no longer has struggle is welcomed there. Only people who no longer has any misery; only people who are in total bliss, happiness is welcome.
 

iamnobody

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Thomson said:
Your answers are very lame, it seems like you are.
I am the lamest of them all, baby.

Thomson said:
Then give me your insight into what is this Don Juan.
Be your own man.

Thomson said:
And then you ask me whetever I'm starting a religion or no. I am not starting it; it has already started. The day I was born a new religion was started. I call it the religion of enlightenment.
yup, i deffinitelly want your autograph.

Thomson said:
Only people who no longer has struggle is welcomed there. Only people who no longer has any misery; only people who are in total bliss, happiness is welcome.
Is your religion for lobotomized people only?

3 words for you, teddy bear: take. your. meds.
 

Thomson

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iamnobody said:
I am the lamest of them all, baby.


Be your own man.


yup, i deffinitelly want your autograph.


Is your religion for lobotomized people only?

3 words for you, teddy bear: take. your. meds.
Then I must have gotten it.
 

zekko

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PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
Women can't tell the difference
If women can't tell the difference, this is good news. This means nobody has to be an @sshole.
 

Stagger Lee

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Alpha vs. a55hole label is often subjective and essentially dependent on the perception of the observer (women). It's not so much what you say and do or not, but how and what you appear like.

Being perceived as alpha vs a55hole is also a matter of degree. The degree to which you can behave alpha varies. If a short, skinny, balding, unattractive ,nonwealthy, non famous acts alpha, he's going to face great resistance and a reluctance of females perceiving his alpha behavior positively.

Really, alpha is about asserting your agenda and interests. But you have to have status and attractiveness. Women just neg, insult and walk away from a guy doing that who they don't find attractive and tell everyone what a weird, a-hole you are.

To assume a guy is not alpha and is beta because of internal psychological reasons and his actions is committing the fundamental error of attribution. There are external factors and other people out play.
 

Cremasta

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devilkingx2 said:
I think the difference is that an alpha puts you second to himself and an A-hole ONLY cares about himself.
I think you were close...

An A-hole puts you second to himself. An alpha makes you want to be second to himself.

Being alpha is about charisma and strength of personality. Being someone that people look up to and want to emulate.
As soon as you start deliberately trying to make people subordinate to you, you automatically become an A-hole.
 

ArcBound

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zekko said:
If women can't tell the difference, this is good news. This means nobody has to be an @sshole.
I throw the word value around a lot but here it is fitting as well. ( I determine value as looks, money, status, charm, basically things women value in a man).

If you have enough value if you do anything on the so called "alpha" or "@sshole" side of the list, then the woman will perceive it as alpha or good.

If you don't have enough value for that particular woman, what you do may be on the alpha side of that list, but woman will perceive it in a negative light.

For example, let's choose one of OP's criteria
"friendly vs. over friendly / seeking approval"
If you are hot or she digs you on first impression, what you do will be seen as friendly. If she gets no tingles for you, even if you are genuinely nice, it will come off as overly friendly and creepy.

That's why lists alone are useless except for a metric that a man himself should strive for. But it is not necessarily the same metric a woman looks for in a man.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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ArcBound said:
I throw the word value around a lot but here it is fitting as well. ( I determine value as looks, money, status, charm, basically things women value in a man).

If you have enough value if you do anything on the so called "alpha" or "@sshole" side of the list, then the woman will perceive it as alpha or good.

If you don't have enough value for that particular woman, what you do may be on the alpha side of that list, but woman will perceive it in a negative light.

For example, let's choose one of OP's criteria
"friendly vs. over friendly / seeking approval"
If you are hot or she digs you on first impression, what you do will be seen as friendly. If she gets no tingles for you, even if you are genuinely nice, it will come off as overly friendly and creepy.

That's why lists alone are useless except for a metric that a man himself should strive for. But it is not necessarily the same metric a woman looks for in a man.
This may be true for some women. There are women out there that are jaded and overly sensitive to jerks. That's my point. Once you start pulling the jerkish behavior they're gone. You might be able to get away with it eventually....once you've already banged her and she's into you but at the beginning, while you're still trying to build that initial attraction. It does turn some women off. This is why I like this list, there's a fine line.
 
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