Being a Man

[guru1000]

I have been on this forum for about a month. I read alot of posts, the bible, etc. The message basically is "Be A MAN". But I find strange that alot of the so-called "MEN" on this forum just follow the rules of being a man but are not actually men.

What defines a "MAN". Balls! No better way to describe it. All these suggestions of plate theory, framing , DHV are all strategies of how to be a man. But the truth of the matter is, if you are truly a "MAN", you don't need strategies. Men act! Men do not give a f*ck about anything except their goals! Men do not cry . Men do not get emotional and act like women. Men do not need 10 women to be confident or to appear not desperate; they are not desperate because they are MEN. Men take risks in life because they have balls. Smarter men take calculated risks. Men are aggressive in thought and action. Smarter MEN have a carefully planned out goal and then act aggressively to that goal. The more successful men in business and life have statisically higher testosterone levels. Why? Because they have less fear! Fearless=100% Confidence. Confidence=Higher testosterone. Successful men are more confident men and thus are "MEN". I wouldnt call the average guy an AFC. I would call him a boy. Women naturally are attacted to MEN; so are men. Everybody wants to be around a winner. MEN are winners because they act aggresively to their goals and do not fear failure.

Fear and Confidence are opposite ends of a spectrum. The less you fear, the more confident you are and vice-versa. So Men are confident , thus possess less fear.

In Conclusion, everyone who experienced a loss came to this site seeking answers. And all these strategies are discussed to make "US" not repeat the same mistakes again, with a temporary bandaid. But these strategies do not solve the problem. The solution is in being a "MAN". But then you say hey guru "Read the forum, we already said these are only guidelines until you become a true DJ". I ask is a DJ a "MAN"? A DJ may be better equipped to deal with a women but that does not make him a MAN. Being a MAN in life means care free aggressive action in every goal -related endeavor without emotion to the outcome. A MAN thrives in action, not results. Yet all we hear on this forum is complaining about the results. Ok so now you are a true DJ> Congrats! You know how to handle women (so you say). But what about life? What do you fear in life? Do you fear poverty, sickness, loss of love, loss of character, critism? What do you fear??? Have you ever feared 0%? Is it possible? Under the same token, is it possible to be 100% Confident? I can hear the critics say" You have to fear, you need healthy fears to keep you in line, what you are speaking of is borderline insanity!". I say fear is an inhibitor to confidence. Healthy fears should be rephrased as boundaries not to cross. "I will not kill, not because I fear the consequence but because I choose not to as that is a set boundary of integrity." If fear is truly eliminated or minimized, there are no strategies that are needed.

"MY girl left me, boohoo". Why did she leave you? Were you a boy? Women dont leave MEN.

"I am poor, boohoo". Why are you poor? MEN are only poor after they failed with an aggressive endeavor and even then they dont cry; they do it again with a different approach.

"Women dont like me, boohoo". Because you are not a MAN.

"I am ugly, boohoo". An ugly boy, now I truly feel sorry for you.

"OK I am a Man now but I went out there took a huge risk and lost everything and I have to start over". OK, AND?? Did you learn a way not to do it? So what is the problem?

I can go on and on, just look at every post. BE A MAN! Stop complaining!


This post was edited because of the natural misinterpretations of the critics.

 

[joekerr31]

this is absurd.

no way in hell you are a successful MAN and posting this drivel. this is the kind of stuff you'd expect out of some 18 year old kid in the locker room before half time to try and pump the team up.

 

[Drum&Bass]

Very nice, and only a month you were able to realize the pathetic majority on this site !! your ability to think for yourself and real world understanding is a step in the right direction..

the funny thing is...its so easy and you realize that !!

The message basically is "Be A MAN". But I find strange that alot of the so-called "MEN" on this forum just follow the rules of being a man but are not actually men.

Soon you will realize that the world is divided into certain groups of people both men and women...people who have the ability to become aware of things and take action without anyone to hold their hand vs. people who are aware of things but need to FOLLOW because they don't have the drive to improve themselves on their own.

that is why so many AFC questions are asked...so many foolish people repeat and wonder about the same thing..so many guys lack confidence..I'm slowly beginning to realize that, like fat women...men who are AFC choose to be AFC, with only a select few who do wake up and are able to drive themselves towards improvement.

In Conclusion, everyone who experienced a loss came to this site seeking answers. And all these strategies are discussed to make "US" not repeat the same mistakes again, with a temporary bandaid. But these strategies do not solve the problem.

- Brilliant

I don't agree with your points about fear, because fear is a human emotion..The way a man handles fear is what is important, it is OK to have fear but confidence will allow you to use logic in its presence.

"I will not kill, not because I fear the consequence but because I choose not to as that is a set boundary." If fear is truly eliminated, there are no strategies that are needed.

I don't agree with this statement...a man should not kill because killing unless in the act of any form of defense is wrong. having boundaries is pointless unless you understand why you have them.

Men do not give a f*ck! Men do not cry. Men do not get emotional and act like women.

very true !! men should not act irrational as women..but having emotion is NOT AN EXCLUSIVE RIGHT ONLY TO BE ENJOYED BY WOMEN...crying or showing any emotion DOES NOT MAKE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE LESS OF A MAN.

your still rough around the edges and have a lot to learn but you are definitely ahead of most of the others. keep up the good work.

 

[guru1000]

this is absurd.

no way in hell you are a successful MAN and posting this drivel. this is the kind of stuff you'd expect out of some 18 year old kid in the locker room before half time to try and pump the team up.

Likely response. Any more critics with a proven track record?

 

[joekerr31]

Fear and Confidence are opposite ends of a spectrum. The less you fear, the more confident you are and vice-versa. So Men are confident , thus fearless.

actually this is not true. they are not opposite ends of a spectrum. lots of confident people can be afraid at the same time.

cops are a great example. firefighters are another. they are afraid, but they are confident at the same time.

a PUA artist is another example. you think PUA artists don't worry, even just a little, about rejection. sure they do, even if its just a little. but their confidence so outweights their fear that they dive in and get the job done.

telling people not to be 'afraid' of things is idiotic - fear is part of the human experience. rather the focus should be on how to manage your fear when it does occur.

anyway, im out of this post. its so teenagerish theres no point to it.

 

[joekerr31]

oh one other thing. as for successful men, aggression is NOT the key trait.

even guys like julius ceasar was successful because he knew when to be aggressive and when NOT to be aggressive.

read roman history and you'll see that Sulla, who ruled Rome, basically killed half the ruling class of Rome when he took it over. when ceasar saw this happening ceasar abandoned his fellow allies and sided with sulla.

its idiotic to propose that naked aggression is the key to success in life.

ok, now im out

 

[guru1000]

actually this is not true. they are not opposite ends of a spectrum. lots of confident people can be afraid at the same time.

cops are a great example. firefighters are another. they are afraid, but they are confident at the same time.

a PUA artist is another example. you think PUA artists don't worry, even just a little, about rejection. sure they do, even if its just a little. but their confidence so outweights their fear that they dive in and get the job done.

telling people not to be 'afraid' of things is idiotic - fear is part of the human experience. rather the focus should be on how to manage your fear when it does occur.

anyway, im out of this post. its so teenagerish theres no point to it.

It seems to me , joekker you have read alot of PUA info to derive your comments. I give life experiences. I'm not here to put my resume but one thing I can tell you my friend, this is TRUE experience. Is fear healthy? No it isn't! Read Napolean Hill and stop reading forums. Do you have a track record? Do you know any HEAVYWEIGHTS in life ? Who are your friends? What have you grossed this year? What have you done? I dont need these answers , you already told me. I can tell you are miserably placed in life's web. Wake up and model MEN who are successful.

Teenagerish is your success in life. Your paradigms are small.

When your belief system is challenged , what happens?? Are you where you want to be in life? NO!

It amazes me , how one can such a good DJ, but not a MAN in life.

 

[guru1000]

oh one other thing. as for successful men, aggression is NOT the key trait.

even guys like julius ceasar was successful because he knew when to be aggressive and when NOT to be aggressive.

read roman history and you'll see that Sulla, who ruled Rome, basically killed half the ruling class of Rome when he took it over. when ceasar saw this happening ceasar abandoned his fellow allies and sided with sulla.

its idiotic to propose that naked aggression is the key to success in life.

ok, now im out

You missed the point. Aggressiveness it not what makes a man. Confidence is. Confidence and Fear are opposite ends. It is a Known fact that higher testosterone levels are associated with higher confidence levels.
I'm not even entertaining this anymore , it's like ROLLO explaining plate theory in the LOVESHACK.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Ehh I think he is on the right track, but he might be over simplifying things way too much. Confidence and manning up is a big part of the battle, but it's not all of it.

If you're in the business of simplifying things, I'd say the basis of all the teachings here is more that chicks are always going to want what they can't have. That's why making yourself the prize works. Spinning plate theory is partly based on this idea as well. Though, I would stay away from simplifying things.

You can't just be confident though. I know so many guys who are confident and while they all have some success with girls, their confidence is annoying and misguided at times. Everyone knows someone who always thinks their right. Confidence without guidance usually becomes arrogance at some level.

You said something about fear. Everyone, with the exception of serial killers maybe, feels fear to some extent. It's just how you manage and deal with fear that makes the difference. When I was running track in high school, I used to get scared sh!tless before races, especially when I was a freshman and sophomore. Eventually, I learned how to use the fear and anxiousness to contribute to by competitive drive and push myself even harder during the race. Even today, ten years later, when I run a race I still use that tactic to deal with pre-race jitters. The fear has subsided some, but it will never completely go away.

 

[guru1000]

Very nice, and only a month you were able to realize the pathetic majority on this site !! your ability to think for yourself and real world understanding is a step in the right direction..

the funny thing is...its so easy and you realize that !!
Soon you will realize that the world is divided into certain groups of people both men and women...people who have the ability to become aware of things and take action without anyone to hold their hand vs. people who are aware of things but need to FOLLOW because they don't have the drive to improve themselves on their own.

that is why so many AFC questions are asked...so many foolish people repeat and wonder about the same thing..so many guys lack confidence..I'm slowly beginning to realize that, like fat women...men who are AFC choose to be AFC, with only a select few who do wake up and are able to drive themselves towards improvement.

- Brilliant

I don't agree with your points about fear, because fear is a human emotion..The way a man handles fear is what is important, it is OK to have fear but confidence will allow you to use logic in its presence.

I don't agree with this statement...a man should not kill because killing unless in the act of any form of defense is wrong. having boundaries is pointless unless you understand why you have them.

very true !! men should not act irrational as women..but having emotion is NOT AN EXCLUSIVE RIGHT ONLY TO BE ENJOYED BY WOMEN...crying or showing any emotion DOES NOT MAKE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE LESS OF A MAN.

your still rough around the edges and have a lot to learn but you are definitely ahead of most of the others. keep up the good work.

Fear is not healthy. Fear is actually refered to as a "Ghost". Confident , Successful MEN have less FEAR than non confident failures. Fear is an inhibitor. Is it possible to eliminate fear in certain areas of your life completely? Well I ask you this, if confidence is the opposite of fear, is it possible to be 100% confident under the same token. Guess what. If you were a very successful LIQUID MAN today, you would have less fear then 99.9999% of the population. Why? You are VERY CONFIDENT. You have SERIOUS LIQUIDITY.

In regards to boundaries: Your boundaries should be set in accordance to your integrity and livlihood, not to fear.

 

[mintxx]

jackass. joekerr knows his sh!t. drop the empty rhetoric and talk about the real world.

 

[Jon55]

I like him just because he challenges all the "DJ"'s.

 

[mintxx]

maybe he has a point in a half assed way but it's all in vague abstracts

 

[JustDoItAlways]

The question is how do women respond to a MAN?

In essence, this is all they are looking for. All their tests are designed to find out how much of a MAN you are.

If you congruently act like a MAN, women eventually fall for you and your relationship becomes the best it can be.

[Being a MAN is not the same as being as a badass. Think of what a 25 year old mature woman defines as a real man. In addition, to being the Alpha male, she will think a real man is a guy who is fun to be around, plays sports, drinks beer with his buds, owns a house, would be a good father, etc.]

[Being a Man also means choosing women who are good for you. There are many women who will make your life he4l, no matter how much of a man you are.]

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I don't disagree with you GURU, but you're distilling a lot down and calling it common sense. An AFC is indeed a "boy", but we use a lot of terms for lack of a better one. A "boy" can at least claim ignorance; he's immature, inexperienced and does what he impulsively thinks is best or emmulates behaviors and ideologies based on examples he finds in his environment (i.e. other boys). An AFC doesn't have this ignorance as an excuse.

However, as I said, I do agree with what you're getting at in principle. The problem is that the examples for a real, positive masculinity have been so scarce and so thoughroughly marginalized and riduculed that to tell a "boy" to be a Man is equitable to telling him "be ridiculous." How does the boy learn to be the Man in such a world? PUA techniques and DJ theory meant to kill this AFC internalization (mine included) are simply tools. What's frustrating you is that boys, in their X-Box generation escapist laziness, come to see these tool as the end, rather than a means to the end - being a Man. Rote memorization will help you pass a test once, but you wont learn anything in the long term. The same applies to PUA tools. I once played the lead role of MacBeth in college and committed to memory the entirety of that part (no small feat I can tell you), the play was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life, but for the life of me I can't remember more than a line or two from the play now.

As I said, the technique doesn't make you a Man, but they direct you into the confidence that does if one is open to changing himself on the inside as well. Far too many AFC come across Mystery Method or any number of "get the girl" programs and have success with them, but they never make the internal transformation from AFC to mature Manhood. For many it's too much to quick and they end up with the "girl of their dreams" only to endure mental and emotional anguish in an LTR because they never killed their inner AFC and fall back into "boyhood" in their relationship. It becomes a bait & switch proposal for women; they're attracted to the behaviors of a Man that the AFC is taught to emmulate and then have him revert back to a boy in an LTR.

All of that said though, how else do you teach a boy to be a Man in his 20s, 30s, or even 40s, when the only examples ever set for him are those of immature "boyishness"? If 40 is middle age, you're fighting against half a life time of this example being modeled for him. There has to be a starting point. You can call it "fake it til you make it" but what technique tools teach is how to mask a deficit. Women are naturals at this - make up, breast implants, hair color, etc. - that deception is part of being a woman. The guy using PUA tools does the same; he emmulates the behaviors of guys who seem to be 'naturals' at getting women. The tools are useful, but they need to be combined with a real internalized change of perspective and opinion of oneself.

 

[DavenJuan]

question....

To simplify FEAR VS. CONFIDENCE the way you have makes it seem like being a MAN is to simply not just SHOW, but actually not HAVE any emotion.

which makes me wonder...

what is the satisfaction with accomplishment if a TRUE mand has no fear of anything. I would think accomplishment of anything (women, life, career) has much more fulfillment when you have emotion attached. ??

 

[STR8UP]

A Man does fear, he just knows how to control, channel, and use that fear to his advantage.

 

[guru1000]

question....

To simplify FEAR VS. CONFIDENCE the way you have makes it seem like being a MAN is to simply not just SHOW, but actually not HAVE any emotion.

which makes me wonder...

what is the satisfaction with accomplishment if a TRUE mand has no fear of anything. I would think accomplishment of anything (women, life, career) has much more fulfillment when you have emotion attached. ??

Is it possible for a person to be 100% MAN. Thats' an abstract question(Look at the following paragraph). There will always be degrees of incompletion naturally in anything. We all try to be if we understand my ideology, but noone is quite 100% because we are human. Being human makes us fallible and thus not perfect in any extreme. We all slip up and make mistakes. The purpose of my original Post of which Rollo saw right through to capture the essense of it; the solution is to be a MAN.

In this orginal post , I suggest a key attribute of a man is his confidence. Confidence has an inverse relationship with fear. A man who has 100% confidence has 0% fear. Is it possible to have 100% confidence in anything. Yes ! For things that are not important. I can brush my teeth or cross the street with 0% fear. But if it is something of importance my FEAR RADAR goes up because I dont want to lose it. So LEts take a natural PUA. HE has a high confidence level but also a degree of fear in PU. Why because this is his livlihood. If something is that important to us we as human being have an inclination to fear. So the PUA has 95% confidence with a 5% fear factor. Remember they are inverse. What you lack in confidence , you compensate with fear. Most confident MEN when acting inside their livlihoods will usually have percentage points of fear. But the key here is to minimize, if not , elmininate fear.

The less you think of an endeavor, the less it controls you. The more you think of it, the greater the image is in your mind. When an image is large in your mind, you percieve it as important. Once it becomes important, it's an instantaneous fear that we get naturally as sane human beings. The more you think about it, the more threads of fear you attach to this endeavor. Think about it enough with inaction, all of a sudden it becomes terror. Action is the only things that eliminates the bulk of these threads of fear because with action comes results and less percieved importance (it's not as important if it is being addressed and resolved).

I can go on and on, I just dont have the time. My point is to stop procrastinating, act aggressively to your thought out goals. Minimize your fear by thinking less and acting more.

 

[guru1000]

I don't disagree with you GURU, but you're distilling a lot down and calling it common sense. An AFC is indeed a "boy", but we use a lot of terms for lack of a better one. A "boy" can at least claim ignorance; he's immature, inexperienced and does what he impulsively thinks is best or emmulates behaviors and ideologies based on examples he finds in his environment (i.e. other boys). An AFC doesn't have this ignorance as an excuse.

However, as I said, I do agree with what you're getting at in principle. The problem is that the examples for a real, positive masculinity have been so scarce and so thoughroughly marginalized and riduculed that to tell a "boy" to be a Man is equitable to telling him "be ridiculous." How does the boy learn to be the Man in such a world? PUA techniques and DJ theory meant to kill this AFC internalization (mine included) are simply tools. What's frustrating you is that boys, in their X-Box generation escapist laziness, come to see these tool as the end, rather than a means to the end - being a Man. Rote memorization will help you pass a test once, but you wont learn anything in the long term. The same applies to PUA tools. I once played the lead role of MacBeth in college and committed to memory the entirety of that part (no small feat I can tell you), the play was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life, but for the life of me I can't remember more than a line or two from the play now.

As I said, the technique doesn't make you a Man, but they direct you into the confidence that does if one is open to changing himself on the inside as well. Far too many AFC come across Mystery Method or any number of "get the girl" programs and have success with them, but they never make the internal transformation from AFC to mature Manhood. For many it's too much to quick and they end up with the "girl of their dreams" only to endure mental and emotional anguish in an LTR because they never killed their inner AFC and fall back into "boyhood" in their relationship. It becomes a bait & switch proposal for women; they're attracted to the behaviors of a Man that the AFC is taught to emmulate and then have him revert back to a boy in an LTR.

All of that said though, how else do you teach a boy to be a Man in his 20s, 30s, or even 40s, when the only examples ever set for him are those of immature "boyishness"? If 40 is middle age, you're fighting against half a life time of this example being modeled for him. There has to be a starting point. You can call it "fake it til you make it" but what technique tools teach is how to mask a deficit. Women are naturals at this - make up, breast implants, hair color, etc. - that deception is part of being a woman. The guy using PUA tools does the same; he emmulates the behaviors of guys who seem to be 'naturals' at getting women. The tools are useful, but they need to be combined with a real internalized change of perspective and opinion of oneself.

I AGREE. However, like you said, instilling techniques of confidence gets you in the door but inevitably will lead to LTR demise because a change is not made. A more internal change has to made to sustain MANHOOD. How can this change be made? Why did Anthony Robbins make people walk on firey coals? To change their internal belief system.

I can teach a person how to make money but if I dont change their internal beliefs, when I leave they are still in their same PARADIGM.

Yes when a BOY hits their 30's and 40's it is much harder to change their internal beliefs. It is like a zebra with stripes. The only way to CHANGE anyone is for them to associate enough PAIN to their old behavior that it is less painful to CHANGE. Thus the forum. But teaching techniques of a MAN is a only a Quick Fix, a temporary solution , just a Bandaid. Inevitably without the internal core changing, the same result will happen.

So the question now becomes how do you change the internal core belief system? How do you change's one life long beliefs and convictions? First thing I ask is "How Hurt are you". Do you want to change? Are you willing to be challenged ? Instilling a new belief system is the solution. What is the basis of this new System of being a MAN?

I have a strategy that I employ for my businesses. I work with people's fears.
Why? If I am able to eliminate or minimize their fears, I am changing an internal strong belief. In this temporary motivational technique, I lead people to ACTION of previous inaction paralyzed by FEAR or SET WAYS(stripes on the zebra). Through this action(of which was never previously done) , their beliefs of themselves change. WHY? Different actions lead to different results. Different results lead to different perceptions and beliefs. Your belief system is slave to your current outcome(life). I stress"Dont focus on the outcome, only on the action". I say this so they are not slaved to thier outcome driven belief system. Take different ACTIONS, your belief system changes.

I explained this only with a few paragraphs. To fully explain this would take alot of time. I hope you get the "behind the scenes" value.

 

[bigjohnson]

Confidence has an inverse relationship with fear.

Ignorance can reduce or eliminate fear just as surely, yet I wouldn't promote ignorance as a solution. Fear and confidence are related but I would dispute that the relationship is as simple as straight inversion. Confidence will overcome fear, allow men to continue despite adversity.

Fear is a very useful thing.