This guide is intended for people who are struggling in the seduction game and who have made limited progress despite being in the community for a long time, or anyone who has been called "weird" in the last year; even if you think this isn't you, you may want to read on.
Over the past few months, I stopped going to sosuave or ASF or any other seduction sites. I simply got burnt out on the information overload and decided to focus on other areas of my life.
It was surprisingly easy.
During this time, something strange happened... I stopped pre-meditating my social interactions.
No longer was I walking up to a "HB" with a seduction gameplan in my head. I just chilled out and totally didn't care about the outcome of anything.
Part of the reason for this is because I made a deal with myself that I would abstain from trying to get girls for 3 months while I undergo IPL (intense pulsed light, like laser but not as abrasive) treatments for rosacea (a skin condition that causes the cheeks to flare red). Here a the link if you wish to understand the condition better: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosacea
I concluded that a big cause of my social unease was that I had rosacea, and my self-consciousness about it sabotaged my ability to be in the PRESENT and aware of the EXTERNAL world of people. It hit me that any attempts I made to get girls would be sabotaged by self-doubt about my rosacea. So instead of letting that doubt permeate through my interactions with girls, I decided to not consciously push ANY interactions with girls, since the doubt would inevitably affect them. In effect, my expectations were lowered to nothing, because I knew that in 3 months the rosacea would be effectively treated and the self-consciousness about it would be erased.
I got my first full-time job to help pay off the expensive treatments.
On the first day of work, something happened that completely re-adjusted my perspective of social interaction.
As I was sitting in the lobby waiting for someone to come show me where I needed to go, a lovely girl (8) sat down in the chair next to me, even though every seat in the lobby was open except for the one I was sitting in.
Then she opened me and asked me if it was my first day. I told her it was. We made some small talk.
I wasn't interested in ****ing her though, since I made a promise to myself that I basically wouldn't make any efforts to have sex for three months.
Well, what happened was that I barely paid attention to her... just enough to be POLITE, but I did not go out of my way to carry the conversation or make it intensely interesting or different.
I expected her to think that I was boring or didn't like her. Instead, she kept asking me questions about myself. Rapport questions. This kind of charmed me, since I expected a 100% different reaction. So I opened up a little more and OCCASIONALLY made eye contact with her. Most of the time, I was looking off into the distance, idly watching a TV monitor whlie I talked to her, but when I wanted to stress something or when she said something that caught my attention, I would turn to her.
The tour guide woman showed up, and since it was both my and the girl's first day at work, she gave both of us the tour, which lasted around 6 hours, from getting the rules explained to us to setting up our accounts and getting our name-tags made.
Interestingly, I noticed that the girl would laugh at anything remotely funny I said and would study my face to get my reaction to things the tour guide said.
I literally noticed her staring at me in the elevator, while my BL was turned away from her since I REALLY was not interested because of the pact I made to myself.
She whipped her hair into my face a few times... when the tour guide was showing us one of the better views from an upper story of the building, I stood behind the girl and I noticed her eyes piercing my chest, like she was having sexual thoughts about me taking her from behind. Not exaggerating. She could have moved out of the way to let me get a better view, but she stayed there.
She also created a kind of "our world" frame when one of the other new workers on the tour, a young-looking 16 year old girl, wanted her photo-ID picture taken again because she didn't think it was good. The HB and I had already gotten our pics taken and we were both sitting on the side. When the younger girl wanted her photo taken again, HB looked at me and smiled and laughed quietly like "Aw, shes insecure haha." I returned a smirk and nodded.
In the end, I didn't escalate, partly because the end of the tour separated us onto different floors of the building and partly because this was a learning experience that I did not want to interrupt.
This girl was clearly into me from her subcommunication, yet I did NOTHING to try to win her over or entertain her. I made idle small-talk, shared my opinions on some things that sparked my interest, talked about common bull****... for example, she mentioned that she doesn't like fast food. And I said something like "Yeah, I avoid it too, but sometimes it's all you can get when you're driving around at 4 in the morning and you can hear your stomach over the stereo."
And she was like "yeah, haha."
GUYS, it doesn't take much to intrigue a girl! LOL. This is how NORMAL people talk. Idle topics that we analytical thinkers are bored to sh!t with. They enjoy i t.
Likewise, I met a black guy a couple weeks ago. The old me would have tried to make the conversation interesting and end up looking like a try-hard and coming off weird. What did I do this time? "Hey man, what college you go to?"
And he answered in turn. Small talk. It happens. It is what normal people do. People who are COOL and subsequently NOT weird don't feel a need to impress strangers and get their approval. And this goes for ALL the different types of relationships.
Whenever people remotely sense that you are trying to get their approval, it makes them lose respect for you. And you can give yourself away in so many ways. Maybe you provided too detailed of an answer to a question the person asked. Maybe you got too logical and hence put FUN (the golden cow) in second place? Maybe you ruined the vibe because you tried to ONE-UP some guy's story.
Sh!t like "Oh man, yeah that's pretty cool but GET THIS." That sh!t is lame!! CHILL OUT. Positive emotions win the day, not a need to be RIGHT or DIFFERENT. COMFORT. You ain't gonna create comfort by coming off like a try-hard. If you TRY HARD, then (in everyone else's view) you obviously are not succeeding, because other people DON'T TRY AT ALL (like me and the girl) and still get the same thing everyone is shooting for, which is of course acceptance, specifically peer acceptance.
People who don't try to get peer acceptance and who are non-judgmental are people who are COOL.
This message of this post intersects with Tyler Durden's "25 Points" and a few other posts of his. I'm a bit disappointed that I had to learn the meat of his message the hard and slow way instead of being able to simply internalize it by reading alone. In the end, I realize what he has said in those posts to be true according to my experiences, but ironically when I used to try to pull off some of his "high-octane" approaches, I indeed looked like a try hard. It is only when I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't have sex for a few months that I STOPPED sarging and actually got approached and got attraction from doing nothing... well maybe not nothing... it was a pretty tried and true "indirect approach" to the situation since I literally was not interested on more than a transient level of "oh she's hot."
Interestingly, I had similar experiences of spotting attraction out of nowhere when a pua "guru" told me a few months back to just get comfortable talking around girls and to not even think about sex with them for a few weeks. A few weeks without trying to escalate to sex! Damn! That was too hard for me! But I did it for a day and it really astonished me. Instead of carrying the plan through to completion, I instead got excited by the results and went back to sarging instead of learning the lesson.
Anyways, I hope you guys got something out of this post.
If nothing else, I want everyone whose progress is stymied to talk to girls for a a few weeks WITHOUT the intent of sex. You need to get comfortable talking to people in general and having people see you as cool. Learn that truly being yourself without barriers is what is genuine and what people respect. Trying too hard, putting up shields to disguise who you are, and a myriad of other things in the same vein will cause people to see you as socially awkward and NOT cool.
He who cares the least wins. Actually, I should say that he who APPEARS to care the least wins, but in my experience I couldn't adequately APPEAR to not care or even conceptualize WHAT it was to not care until I genuinely didn't. So it was amazingly beneficial to me to coincidentally force myself to let go of the outcome.
Cheers.
-Duke
Over the past few months, I stopped going to sosuave or ASF or any other seduction sites. I simply got burnt out on the information overload and decided to focus on other areas of my life.
It was surprisingly easy.
During this time, something strange happened... I stopped pre-meditating my social interactions.
No longer was I walking up to a "HB" with a seduction gameplan in my head. I just chilled out and totally didn't care about the outcome of anything.
Part of the reason for this is because I made a deal with myself that I would abstain from trying to get girls for 3 months while I undergo IPL (intense pulsed light, like laser but not as abrasive) treatments for rosacea (a skin condition that causes the cheeks to flare red). Here a the link if you wish to understand the condition better: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosacea
I concluded that a big cause of my social unease was that I had rosacea, and my self-consciousness about it sabotaged my ability to be in the PRESENT and aware of the EXTERNAL world of people. It hit me that any attempts I made to get girls would be sabotaged by self-doubt about my rosacea. So instead of letting that doubt permeate through my interactions with girls, I decided to not consciously push ANY interactions with girls, since the doubt would inevitably affect them. In effect, my expectations were lowered to nothing, because I knew that in 3 months the rosacea would be effectively treated and the self-consciousness about it would be erased.
I got my first full-time job to help pay off the expensive treatments.
On the first day of work, something happened that completely re-adjusted my perspective of social interaction.
As I was sitting in the lobby waiting for someone to come show me where I needed to go, a lovely girl (8) sat down in the chair next to me, even though every seat in the lobby was open except for the one I was sitting in.
Then she opened me and asked me if it was my first day. I told her it was. We made some small talk.
I wasn't interested in ****ing her though, since I made a promise to myself that I basically wouldn't make any efforts to have sex for three months.
Well, what happened was that I barely paid attention to her... just enough to be POLITE, but I did not go out of my way to carry the conversation or make it intensely interesting or different.
I expected her to think that I was boring or didn't like her. Instead, she kept asking me questions about myself. Rapport questions. This kind of charmed me, since I expected a 100% different reaction. So I opened up a little more and OCCASIONALLY made eye contact with her. Most of the time, I was looking off into the distance, idly watching a TV monitor whlie I talked to her, but when I wanted to stress something or when she said something that caught my attention, I would turn to her.
The tour guide woman showed up, and since it was both my and the girl's first day at work, she gave both of us the tour, which lasted around 6 hours, from getting the rules explained to us to setting up our accounts and getting our name-tags made.
Interestingly, I noticed that the girl would laugh at anything remotely funny I said and would study my face to get my reaction to things the tour guide said.
I literally noticed her staring at me in the elevator, while my BL was turned away from her since I REALLY was not interested because of the pact I made to myself.
She whipped her hair into my face a few times... when the tour guide was showing us one of the better views from an upper story of the building, I stood behind the girl and I noticed her eyes piercing my chest, like she was having sexual thoughts about me taking her from behind. Not exaggerating. She could have moved out of the way to let me get a better view, but she stayed there.
She also created a kind of "our world" frame when one of the other new workers on the tour, a young-looking 16 year old girl, wanted her photo-ID picture taken again because she didn't think it was good. The HB and I had already gotten our pics taken and we were both sitting on the side. When the younger girl wanted her photo taken again, HB looked at me and smiled and laughed quietly like "Aw, shes insecure haha." I returned a smirk and nodded.
In the end, I didn't escalate, partly because the end of the tour separated us onto different floors of the building and partly because this was a learning experience that I did not want to interrupt.
This girl was clearly into me from her subcommunication, yet I did NOTHING to try to win her over or entertain her. I made idle small-talk, shared my opinions on some things that sparked my interest, talked about common bull****... for example, she mentioned that she doesn't like fast food. And I said something like "Yeah, I avoid it too, but sometimes it's all you can get when you're driving around at 4 in the morning and you can hear your stomach over the stereo."
And she was like "yeah, haha."
GUYS, it doesn't take much to intrigue a girl! LOL. This is how NORMAL people talk. Idle topics that we analytical thinkers are bored to sh!t with. They enjoy i t.
Likewise, I met a black guy a couple weeks ago. The old me would have tried to make the conversation interesting and end up looking like a try-hard and coming off weird. What did I do this time? "Hey man, what college you go to?"
And he answered in turn. Small talk. It happens. It is what normal people do. People who are COOL and subsequently NOT weird don't feel a need to impress strangers and get their approval. And this goes for ALL the different types of relationships.
Whenever people remotely sense that you are trying to get their approval, it makes them lose respect for you. And you can give yourself away in so many ways. Maybe you provided too detailed of an answer to a question the person asked. Maybe you got too logical and hence put FUN (the golden cow) in second place? Maybe you ruined the vibe because you tried to ONE-UP some guy's story.
Sh!t like "Oh man, yeah that's pretty cool but GET THIS." That sh!t is lame!! CHILL OUT. Positive emotions win the day, not a need to be RIGHT or DIFFERENT. COMFORT. You ain't gonna create comfort by coming off like a try-hard. If you TRY HARD, then (in everyone else's view) you obviously are not succeeding, because other people DON'T TRY AT ALL (like me and the girl) and still get the same thing everyone is shooting for, which is of course acceptance, specifically peer acceptance.
People who don't try to get peer acceptance and who are non-judgmental are people who are COOL.
This message of this post intersects with Tyler Durden's "25 Points" and a few other posts of his. I'm a bit disappointed that I had to learn the meat of his message the hard and slow way instead of being able to simply internalize it by reading alone. In the end, I realize what he has said in those posts to be true according to my experiences, but ironically when I used to try to pull off some of his "high-octane" approaches, I indeed looked like a try hard. It is only when I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't have sex for a few months that I STOPPED sarging and actually got approached and got attraction from doing nothing... well maybe not nothing... it was a pretty tried and true "indirect approach" to the situation since I literally was not interested on more than a transient level of "oh she's hot."
Interestingly, I had similar experiences of spotting attraction out of nowhere when a pua "guru" told me a few months back to just get comfortable talking around girls and to not even think about sex with them for a few weeks. A few weeks without trying to escalate to sex! Damn! That was too hard for me! But I did it for a day and it really astonished me. Instead of carrying the plan through to completion, I instead got excited by the results and went back to sarging instead of learning the lesson.
Anyways, I hope you guys got something out of this post.
If nothing else, I want everyone whose progress is stymied to talk to girls for a a few weeks WITHOUT the intent of sex. You need to get comfortable talking to people in general and having people see you as cool. Learn that truly being yourself without barriers is what is genuine and what people respect. Trying too hard, putting up shields to disguise who you are, and a myriad of other things in the same vein will cause people to see you as socially awkward and NOT cool.
He who cares the least wins. Actually, I should say that he who APPEARS to care the least wins, but in my experience I couldn't adequately APPEAR to not care or even conceptualize WHAT it was to not care until I genuinely didn't. So it was amazingly beneficial to me to coincidentally force myself to let go of the outcome.
Cheers.
-Duke
