Back in the game after many many years...

Backupagain

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To make a long story as short as possible my wife and I have been "separated" but living together since Jan.

She had an affair and we are basically all but done with each other. She has been sleeping on the other side of the house since Feb and we've had no physical ontact since then.

Last night I was to meet my ex at disneyland around 6pm. She already had been there for half the day with both kids so I simply had to show up with the double stroller for our kids.

As I got out of my car and unpacked ready to head into Disneyland I saw a beautiful woman who looked to be about the same age as me (i'm 33). She was also unloading her stuff out of her car to head into disneyland -- she even had a double stroller just like mine, so out of habit i glanced to see if she had a ring on, she did not!

As I closed up my car she closed hers up and we pushed our strollers next to each other to head into Disneyland. Being a social kinda guy, I mentioned to her how far we had parked compared to the elevators for the parking garage and she sympathized and said it was "ridiculous and about the furthest we could be from the elevators". I then asked if she came a lot and she said she did "About once a week" and she asked how often we came and I said about 1-2x a month. She then mentioned she had passes and they were expensive but worth it and I agreed.

After about 10 more minutes of small talk, (where she was from, she asked where I was from, she loved my hometown, etc -- we have a lot in common) she asked "where are your kids as I notice the stroller is empty!" and I told her I was meeting my ex and her parents for the trip. She exclaimed how great that was that I have that kind of relationship with her and that she doesn't have that with her ex. She also asked how often I had the kids to which I told her 50% and she said she has hers almost 100% to which I responded that was impressive how she handles that and her job.

She mentioned how I must be a good father, etc and I told her I tried my best :)

As we got down to the bottom floor she said how nice it was to meet me and that I should have a good day and I told her the same. As she walked away I put my old school skills to work and said "Actually, could I get your number?" She turned and laughed a bit and smiled and stopped. I told her given our circumstances this seemed like such a coincidence! She said "um, uh, ok!" I asked her if that was not ok or if she was "taken or not single" and she said "no, i just get "really gun-shy"".

Pretty awesome. She told me her number was a "bit strange" and gave it to me. It was a 408 area code to which i said "The bay -- very cool!" and she emphasized and seemed shocked that I knew that. Once I got her number she then asked me my name (before I could even ask hers) and I called her number and heard her phone ring so she has my number and I now have hers.

So now. for the questions. How should i handle this? When should i call her? I just got her number last night…

Thoughts? I know I probably shouldn't have given her the "out" when I asked for her number and if she was single, taken, etc, but she bypassed the easy out and said she was single which is an awesome sign. Right?

Additionally, she asked ME for MY name which i see as a big deal. If she was not going to answer my call or wasn't REALLY interested she wouldn't have asked MY name -- right? Thoughts?

What kind of date should I schedule? Should I offer dinner and/or bowling? Should I not mention if the kids should come and let her make that call about her kids? Thoughts? Help me out here guys! Anyone else with kids know how this is typically done?

What should the phone convo be about? How was disneyland? how late did you stay, etc? What is the deal with the 408 number? Then get straight to "I was thinking of bowling or dinner this week? maybe bowling AND dinner?" I know I have to keep it short and sweet. I'm assuming toting her today something small even is not recommended and a phone call tomorrow is best? I'm not sure as txting wasn't popular when I was last in the "game". Help!

This is my first PU for 9 years. Not bad for a first dip into the pool eh?
 

thirdtimescharm

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No kids! It should just be the two of you.

Keep it light, fun, simple. Don't overplan, overthink, overstress. Breathe deeply. Slow down. You sound like you are planning a wedding. It's a first frakking date.

Be yourself. We can't tell you what to say. Don't rehearse.
 

Backupagain

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Thanks for the advice. I'm pretty nervous lol. When should I call? How long should the call last? Is bowling / dinner a safe bet?
 

thirdtimescharm

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You say you are still living with your wife, yet you are taking this single chance meeting and building it up as if you are trying to maneuver this woman into a relationship. Don't be an AFC and do the bowling/dinner first date. Please.

You should call soon. If there was attraction, you need to keep you in her mind.

Then you need to get out there and bang 10 women, learn about all the craziness out there, and find yourself. As for how long a call should last...not long. Hi, how are you, love to get together, whats your schedule like. If it goes longer and it's good convo, go with it.

There are no blueprints. I've read A LOT of the stuff on this site, and it's all good to get different viewpoints, but the most fun I've had is when things are organic and unscripted. The scripted pick up stuff makes me cringe, though there was one thing I did which was pure gold...

I was at a birthday party and I already knew the birthday girl was interested in me, but I wasn't all that interested in her. Still, I had a few drinks and had read this little "first kiss" trick somewhere. I approached her and said "how good a kisser do you think you are on a scale of 1-10?" She blinked in surprise and said "10!" I said "Prove it" with a big smile on my face. We proceeded to have a really long kiss in front of -everyone-. After the kiss, a bunch of her friends were coming up to me asking "are you gonna go out with her?" I just laughed it off, and said it was a birthday kiss. Later than night I was in a cab with one of those friends who I had known a long time but nothing had ever happened between us, and -she- started making out with me! Now that was fun!
 

Backupagain

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If bowling and dinner are too afc what is a good first date?

Drinks/convo/appetizers one night?
 

caporal

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Yeah Drinks is the best date I think... It's nice because other girls see u with a girl and if it doesn't go well you can end up with a different chick that night.
 

KarmaSutra

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Backupagain said:
Thanks for the advice. I'm pretty nervous lol. When should I call? How long should the call last? Is bowling / dinner a safe bet?
First, you're 33 not 13. Never use internet speak again. Ever. "lol" and that sh!t slang is left for chicks who still slave over MySpace. You want women to view you as a man who can lead them, be that man. Her girlfriends and the guys who are only ever going to smell her stank on her fingers use internet jargon.

Would John Wayne use "lol" in any instance?

Second, I want to applaude you for having the gumption to approach, converse with, game, then number close with this woman.

Third, Drinks are a perfect idea. I'm usually a coffee guy but this woman seems to drip sensuality. Use it to your advantage. Keep it light. A couple of Strongbow's each then take her back to YOUR side of the house and escalate. Fvck the dogsh!t out of her.

Fourth, and most important, make sure your "separated" ex hears every orgasmic scream.

I'll keep an eye on this thread for updates.
 

Warrior74

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John Wayne wasn't even John Wayne. LULZ. He was Marion. ROFL LULZ WUT!
 

KarmaSutra

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Warrior74 said:
ROFL LULZ WUT!
Here's why you're broke and a joke (whatever the fvck a jake is, you're that too).

Contribute or get the fvck out of a man's way.
 

Warrior74

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KarmaSutra said:
Here's why you're broke and a joke (whatever the fvck a jake is, you're that too).

Contribute or get the fvck out of a man's way.
LOL. You mad bro? Mad cause I'm styling on you? Yah. You mad!
 

KarmaSutra

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Da Ebonics kid said:
yeah yo is be dope fresh mad atcha homey aight!lol omg wtf tmi gay :)
He retorted for me. I figured you'd understand what the fvck he was saying more than anyone else.
 

Backupagain

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So I called her and she didn't answer.

About an hour later she called back and we spoke for a good 20-30 mins. She would like to do dinner this weekend sometime and needs to confirm a babysitter. Again, great convo, def have alot in common, etc. It went REALLY well. In fact, scary well.

So now on to the big Q.

How do I explain to her i'm not Divorced but that i'm separated when I call on Thursday? There's no way I'm going to pick her up on Sat and have dinner and tell her ON the date. I'm simply not comfortable with that. I'd feel like I trapped her.

I need to somehow bring this up on the phone on Thurs when I call. What is appropriate? Will she likely freak out? What do you guys think?

I was considering bringing it up by asking her how long her Divorce took, how long she's been divorced, etc and if she had any roadblocks... and then let her know my ex and I have property we are still haggling about as well as stocks but that everything else is pretty much a done deal. I need to really get the house situation settled and it IS worth fighting for. Thoughts? My wife and I have been separated for 6+ mos now and all the drama came to a head about 8-9 mos ago.

My only other option would be to be REALLY blunt and tell her straight up I want to be perfectly honest with her, etc and tell her the Divorce isn't final yet, etc. What do you guys think? I think this way would freak her out. I'm not sure though.

What are the chances this will scare her off either way? Anyone out there been in a similar situation?
 

AllAboutTheChase

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Just let it naturally come up in conversation, no? It's seems like something that would get brought up eventually in the first few dates. Just make sure not to go on about it too much.
 

KarmaSutra

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From a divorced guy who's been in your position, the most direct method of attack is head on. Head on and unapologetically.

Be proud of who you are. This includes your current relationship situation with your soon-to-be ex-wife. Lay it out with your shoulders back, your chin high, and with a smile.

Tell the current potential next ex-wife that you're in the process of divorce from your last ex-wife. You're both living your lives as roommates, nothing more.

Be honest. Be progressive. Be positive.

She'll feed off of your positivity.
 
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