Avoid girls who said they've been beat by their ex-boyfriends

[Black Widow Void]

Women can be frustrating and illogical - no doubt. Sometimes, I question my attitude toward them. However, after reading everything in this posting thread from implications of .... "she made me do it" to "I wish I'd been the one to do it" etc.... I know my attitude could be worse.

Funny thing is that Pyros makes a personal statement (to which I agree) and suddenly, a few members here start back-peddling ... or applying blind-eye viewing on several previous above entries. Does this sound like female behavior? I think so.

Speaking of female behavior, many members within this thread seem to display a lack of self-accountability (implying that it's not a man's fault if a woman is hit). Women pizz me off too, and I'm not short with words or walking away... but I'm not going to physically confront a woman as I would another man. Doing so, is no different than striking a smaller man that hasn't thrown the first punch. With that being said, I do think it's quite telling when a woman repeatedly re-enters abusive relationships. One word "avoid!"

I'm glad the OP created this posting. A lot of character within this thread was exposed. My respect for those is the equivalent (if not lower than that) to a white knight.

 

[usernamedox11]

Women can be frustrating and illogical - no doubt. Sometimes, I question my attitude toward them. However, after reading everything in this posting thread from implications of .... "she made me do it" to "I wish I'd been the one to do it" etc.... I know my attitude could be worse.

Funny thing is that Pyros makes a personal statement (to which I agree) and suddenly, a few members here start back-peddling ... or applying blind-eye viewing on several previous above entries. Does this sound like female behavior? I think so.

Speaking of female behavior, many members within this thread seem to display a lack of self-accountability (implying that it's not a man's fault if a woman is hit). Women pizz me off too, and I'm not short with words or walking away... but I'm not going to physically confront a woman as I would another man. Doing so, is no different than striking a smaller man that hasn't thrown the first punch. With that being said, I do think it's quite telling when a woman repeatedly re-enters abusive relationships. One word "avoid!"

I'm glad the OP created this posting. A lot of character within this thread was exposed. My respect for those is the equivalent (if not lower than that) to a white knight.

I don't think anyone here believes it's OK to physically strike a woman as long as she is not a real psychical threat to you (if she has a knife, different story).

There are a few scenarios here that you are overlooking.

While bad things can happen to good people, men who beat women have issues of their own. In my opinion, most women who go for such men with psychological issues (the red flags will show early on: road rage, extreme negativity, short temper in general), usually have issues of their own. Any confident woman who is not overly insecure and not attracted to such behavior (if she was, it would indicate something about her) would not go for a man like that.

Another possibility is that the woman is amazingly abrasive and she drove an otherwise good man to hit her. That is not to excuse his physical violence or the man hitting her but it still says something about her.

While it is completely possible that a genuinely good woman made a mistake, it is my belief most women who get themselves into such situations have issues of their own.

Like many of the men here, we've been AFCs and dated bad women because we've had insecurities of our own and we probably were not great partners because of our insecurities -- in essence, we had issues, which is why we went for terrible women in the first place. The same can definitely be true for women.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Women can be frustrating and illogical - no doubt. Sometimes, I question my attitude toward them. However, after reading everything in this posting thread from implications of .... "she made me do it" to "I wish I'd been the one to do it" etc.... I know my attitude could be worse.

Funny thing is that Pyros makes a personal statement (to which I agree) and suddenly, a few members here start back-peddling ... or applying blind-eye viewing on several previous above entries. Does this sound like female behavior? I think so.

Speaking of female behavior, many members within this thread seem to display a lack of self-accountability (implying that it's not a man's fault if a woman is hit). Women pizz me off too, and I'm not short with words or walking away... but I'm not going to physically confront a woman as I would another man. Doing so, is no different than striking a smaller man that hasn't thrown the first punch. With that being said, I do think it's quite telling when a woman repeatedly re-enters abusive relationships. One word "avoid!"

I'm glad the OP created this posting. A lot of character within this thread was exposed. My respect for those is the equivalent (if not lower than that) to a white knight.

I haven't seen one post on this thread that advocates or encourages men hitting women.

 

[logicallefty]

I haven't seen one post on this thread that advocates or encourages men hitting women.

He may be alleging mine where I said I was jealous of my ex's ex who smashed her face into a windshield and broke it. And what I said is exactly what I meant, I was jealous. It's a thought, that's it. No more..

The fact is I went to jail because she followed me out of the house when I was trying to get away from her and she got me in a choke hold. I restrained from really fighting her back but she was choking me so hard that I bit her thumb to try and get her to loosen up so I could breeth. WHen I got loose she told her son, who does martial arts, to go after me. he gave me two black eyes. Again, I restrained from fvcking him up too as he was only 16.

Cops were called and they took me to jail for the small blood blister I left on her thumb, but not her for choking me or him for my two black eyes.

So am I a little jealous of the guy who tore her face into pieces and never even had cops called on him?

YOU FVCKING BET I AM AND I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR WHAT I SAID

.

 

[Mike32ct]

Applegoo makes a good point. These abusive guys usually give plenty of warning signs early on.

Watch any L ife t ime movie and you can that the guy is a prick with a short fuse right away. Women claim to have superior "intuition" but they can't tell who is a possible abuser? They are too busy labeling a harmless but less attractive guy as "creepy" to notice which men are truly dangerous men right away. They are too busy thinking with their vag and being drawn to dangerous types.

I don't mean all women of course. Plenty of women will properly avoid abusers. But women that "couldn't tell he was going to be abusive" should be avoided.

 

[usernamedox11]

He may be alleging mine where I said I was jealous of my ex's ex who smashed her face into a windshield and broke it. And what I said is exactly what I meant, I was jealous. It's a thought, that's it. No more..

The fact is I went to jail because she followed me out of the house when I was trying to get away from her and she got me in a choke hold. I restrained from really fighting her back but she was choking me so hard that I bit her thumb to try and get her to loosen up so I could breeth. WHen I got loose she told her son, who does martial arts, to go after me. he gave me two black eyes. Again, I restrained from fvcking him up too as he was only 16.

Cops were called and they took me to jail for the small blood blister I left on her thumb, but not her for choking me or him for my two black eyes.

So am I a little jealous of the guy who tore her face into pieces and never even had cops called on him?

YOU FVCKING BET I AM AND I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR WHAT I SAID

.

That sucks man. Sorry to hear that. I personally would've fvcked her kid up if he came at me like that.

 

[logicallefty]

That sucks man. Sorry to hear that. I personally would've fvcked her kid up if he came at me like that.

The kid did what his mother told him and I liked him at the time and still do. In fact, he later went to court with me against his own mother and took my side. So he has more than made up for what he did to me. And I don't forgive anyone easily but he earned it in court.

 

[Meisterman]

Girls who find themselves in repeatedly abusive relationships are half the problem. I'm not saying they deserve to get their a** beat, certainly not. But what I mean is these girls are drawn towards violent a**holes. They have a subconscious belief they aren't worthy and probably didn't have a father figure in her life so to fulfill this belief she isn't worthy she finds herself in dysfunctional relationships time and time again. I've seen it all too many times before.

Okay so this girl I met recently and I hooked up with for a few weeks, many red flags. I mean lots. Yikes. But somehow her looks and charm enticed me for a long time, and before I knew her history. Here are some red flags I'm talking about:

-She used to be bulimic 2 years ago
-She's a foster child and hasn't lived at 'home' with her real parents in a long time
-She's 19
-Her ex-boyfriend used to beat her, so she had to move out.
-She said she was engaged for over a year to this boyfriend...when she was 17
-She has a tattoo the length of her forearm dedicated to a friend of hers that died last year. But the 'friend' was really her abusive ex-boyfriends brother who she fu*ked many times right before he died. He crashed his car into a tree on bath salts and got stuck under it (serious).
-All her friends are sluts and fvking 5 guys each on the daily
-Brags about doing acid, shrooms, and getting drunk all within 1 weekend at a music festival
-Parties a lot with a large group of people. She says guys in their 30's usually hit on her.



Jesus Christ guys. Is this enough red flags for you guys today? Psycho much? I can't make this stuff up. It looks even worse written down to look at it all. I mean what da fuq? I slowly learned 1 red flag after the other, trying to convince myself oh it's fine, no biggie, etc. Then the flags became overwhelming. Luckily she started fu*king other guys when she was seeing me so it ended pretty fast afterwards and at first I was really sad now I see it's best I didn't get lured in too much because it could have been much worse down the road.

 

[Eternal_water]

I'm not going to physically confront a woman as I would another man.

So you are saying its not ok to hit a woman but it is ok to hit a man, just on the basis that he is male? Once again making males the less important gender that its ok the treat far worse.

 

[christoff522]

Okay this is what the posters are saying.

Girls who get abused and keep going back, often have psychological deficiencies of their own. Tales of abuse from their exes (and boy do i have tales of girls who've claimed this stuff about their exes) and how they were controlled and dominated and had no freedom and were kept prisoner in their bf's house etc

tend to be red flags of BPD/HPD nutjobs.

It's a perfectly valid point of view, and actually a psychological tactic used to make you feel empathy and sympathy for them. It puts you in a mindset of "how could someone do this to someone so lovely", they'll play the game of being the little girl and you're the prince on the horse coming to whisk her away - and boy will she be grateful.

Within a short time however she will bore of this persona and the narcissistic control freak will come out. Often they've never been abused by an ex, or SHE instigated it, either by word or action. The reason they do this is indeed a subconscious belief that they deserve it, self hatred, and a need to be completely controlled by someone (usually cos daddy left when they were little). If you didn't hit them, they wouldn't actually respect you. The best psycho relationships tend to be NPD+BPD/HPD, because the NPD male will keep the girl 'in line' and not care when she goes off cheating for a while (he will think that she's scum anyway so why should he care).

This isn't opinion either, the book "I hate you..don't leave me" discusses this in detail.

Obviously there are abusers who kick off during substance abuse episodes and a perfectly normal woman may forgive such an episode. But a woman like that won't be telling all and sundry, and telling every guy who came along long heartfelt stories of such terrible abuse. It's something that will be kept to oneself because of the trauma of it. Only once a woman LEARNS TO TRUST a new man will she reveal this stuff.

The sort of girl's we're talking about will tell you day 1, or at least in week 1. Mine told me day 1, and another girl went into all sorts of detail about it, sent me photos of bruises, told me she was raped "but don't tell anyone". It's all bullshyt - and even if it did happen..she said she went to the police [and never mentioned it to me again ]

its funny actually - both claimed rape.

1. Its drama.
2. It makes them feel alive
3. it confirms/validates their opinions on themselves
4. oftentimes it allows them to relive childhood abuse
5. it gives them control over their man (they instigate the abuse)
6. it allows them to test and exceed boundaries
7. its a story to tell, and it allows them to shift blame from their disorder to their partner.

In the end, if you've heard about abuse and you enter into a relationship with that person, chances are you will be pushed the same way.

I've watched one girls ex go no-contact, I've literally watched his fb pics change from angry, depressed and sad to him smiling and happy and having fun with his friends. :rock:

 

[logicallefty]

Okay this is what the posters are saying.

Girls who get abused and keep going back, often have psychological deficiencies of their own. Tales of abuse from their exes (and boy do i have tales of girls who've claimed this stuff about their exes) and how they were controlled and dominated and had no freedom and were kept prisoner in their bf's house etc

tend to be red flags of BPD/HPD nutjobs.

It's a perfectly valid point of view, and actually a psychological tactic used to make you feel empathy and sympathy for them. It puts you in a mindset of "how could someone do this to someone so lovely", they'll play the game of being the little girl and you're the prince on the horse coming to whisk her away - and boy will she be grateful.

Within a short time however she will bore of this persona and the narcissistic control freak will come out. Often they've never been abused by an ex, or SHE instigated it, either by word or action. The reason they do this is indeed a subconscious belief that they deserve it, self hatred, and a need to be completely controlled by someone (usually cos daddy left when they were little). If you didn't hit them, they wouldn't actually respect you. The best psycho relationships tend to be NPD+BPD/HPD, because the NPD male will keep the girl 'in line' and not care when she goes off cheating for a while (he will think that she's scum anyway so why should he care).

This isn't opinion either, the book "I hate you..don't leave me" discusses this in detail.

Obviously there are abusers who kick off during substance abuse episodes and a perfectly normal woman may forgive such an episode. But a woman like that won't be telling all and sundry, and telling every guy who came along long heartfelt stories of such terrible abuse. It's something that will be kept to oneself because of the trauma of it. Only once a woman LEARNS TO TRUST a new man will she reveal this stuff.

The sort of girl's we're talking about will tell you day 1, or at least in week 1. Mine told me day 1, and another girl went into all sorts of detail about it, sent me photos of bruises, told me she was raped "but don't tell anyone". It's all bullshyt - and even if it did happen..she said she went to the police [and never mentioned it to me again ]

its funny actually - both claimed rape.

1. Its drama.
2. It makes them feel alive
3. it confirms/validates their opinions on themselves
4. oftentimes it allows them to relive childhood abuse
5. it gives them control over their man (they instigate the abuse)
6. it allows them to test and exceed boundaries
7. its a story to tell, and it allows them to shift blame from their disorder to their partner.

In the end, if you've heard about abuse and you enter into a relationship with that person, chances are you will be pushed the same way.

I've watched one girls ex go no-contact, I've literally watched his fb pics change from angry, depressed and sad to him smiling and happy and having fun with his friends. :rock:

I'm sorry, when did you meet my ex bigamist h0r "wife"?

Excellent post Sir! Big REP coming at you.:rockon:

 

[qwayqway]

Yes, stay away from girls who have been in abusive relationships.

My ex (who had past abusive boyfriends and an abusive father) did 2 things (besides other things, like numerous suicide threats, these were just the big ones) that really opened my eyes.

At one point during a fight where I just wanted her to go away and let me sleep (it was like 2am and she showed up at my house) she kept trying to grab at me and at one point I kind of pushed her away, not even hard, and she fully embellished a fall acting like I had thrown her. Of coarse, that's the point where she started to walk away and give signs that she truly believed her own bullsht and would capitalize on this, she never did, just one of the many manipulation tactics of a crazy bish.

Another time, probably during a "I don't think this is working" from my side talk, she grabbed my hand, closed my fist, and punched herself in the face 2 or 3 times before I could stop her.

These women get attached bad, and you trying to distance yourself only amplifies it. At times I legitimately planed escape strategies, such as packing my stuff and relocating without saying a word.

Just stay away from them, they can potentially ruin your life.

 

[Krueg]

Cant say I agree with this...

I use to live below a girl who's boyfriend would beat her. She had a full time job working 5-6 days a week. Guess what he did.. Oh nothing, he was home 24/7 doing jack sh!t and would drive her to and from work. She eventually left him, but was always scared to break it off with him from the fear of being hit!

Now, some girls are damaged goods from bad experiences in life. But, you cant always judge a book by its cover.

My two cents...

 

[christoff522]

Cant say I agree with this...

I use to live below a girl who's boyfriend would beat her. She had a full time job working 5-6 days a week. Guess what he did.. Oh nothing, he was home 24/7 doing jack sh!t and would drive her to and from work. She eventually left him, but was always scared to break it off with him from the fear of being hit!

Now, some girls are damaged goods from bad experiences in life. But, you cant always judge a book by its cover.

My two cents...

krueg the post isn't about battered wives. We're talking about a certain subset of people who bait men to beat them, and use the tales of abuse for sympathy to draw AFCs into a relationship. They're called BPDs and Histrionics. The girl you're talking about is probably normal. Like you say SHE LEFT, these girls stay and use it to draw other guys in and sleep with them or extract something from them, time/attention/validation/money/material goods etc.

 

[johnywhite17]

I have "abused" two women, according to them. One was after she dumped me for a 100% dumpable offense, and she came back to get some d every few weeks. I called a disgusting wh0re that I had 0 respect for, and she told her parents I was emotionally abusing her. The other time some drunk ***** starting throwing fully ****ed, closed fist punches at me for something meaningless. I pushed her to the ground and walked away. I later received the "never touch a women" speech from my friends. I told them had I had time to think I would have knocked her teeth out. Some c*nts use this beta mentality to do whatever the hell they want with no fear of repercussions.

 

[asa_don]

some women make up stories of past abuse to get you to be a white knight.

 

[The_411]

Falls under the 80/20 or 90/10 rule. 10-20% of the women who get beat could still be possible LTR partners if there are no other issues. the remaining 80-90% are not.

This isn't about fault but rather contemplate why a woman is in that type of particular relationship. Most guys who hit women etc tend to have their own issues. So while woman shouldn't be hit you do have to question her rationality just as we would when we see massive red flags and ignore them.

She is culpable for ignoring red flags, which could signify boundary issues, poor interpersonal relationships, gaslighting behavior, and so forth.

It's massive red flag and should fall under not suitable unless she's able to show you otherwise and with congruent behavior over a long period of time, and even then you're investing in someone when the wheels could come off at anytime.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Every time a woman tells me she have been abused(physical or verbal abuse , by the way what the hell is verbal abuse), I just do not believe her. False accusations are rampant today.

 

[narcissist]

physical abuse to any human being is wrong unless you are defending yourself or other people from perceived threats.

That being said, I would like to state that I sympathize with anybody who has a mental disorder, and think that people with mental disorders (like BDP) are massively stigmatized. BUT, that does not mean I will date them. I send them all of my positivity and if they so happen to start up a conversation with me and just so happen to ask for advice, I would gladly give them advice in hopes of opening their eyes to the psychological issues they obviously occupy. But my sympathy ends there. I, being a Psychology major and on route to becoming a clinical psychologist understand the implications of ENVIRONMENT on our genetic background in terms of developing mental illnesses. One major source of developing a mental illness is to BE AROUND mental illness, without the proper schooling and intellect to handle it. So any woman that has a mental illness that is likely to contribute to the decline of my own mental health is out of the question for romantic partner, for me. BECAUSE I for one cherish my mental health and understand the implications of having a mental disorder and how they contribute to maladaptive behaviour and an overall worse lifestyle.

This is the reason why I would not recommend dating someone that has BDP. But i wouldn't completely disregard them as monsters who should be avoided at all costs. For i believe we as humans have a duty to be caring to others.

LASTLY. I am not generalizing ALL abused victims to the category of BDP. Some of the women (or men) are actually just in a sh*tty abusive relationship and try to get out of it. It may be because the boyfriend developed a dependancy on alcoholism DURING the relationship (if its a long term one). Who knows.

There are many factors that tie into play here and the constituents to my solution are these:

1) choose not to be an absolutist - meaning not all of the women who are abused are mentally disturbed - generalizations are usually fallacious. Some are mentally disabled and some are not. Also not ALL women who are abused like it. Some do and some don't. Simple as that. To put every woman in a category just because they went through a similar experience is just ridiculous and primitive. obviously other things are to be taken into consideration.

2) screen women prudently. Meaning I will use my extensive knowledge of psychology to determine whether they are mentally fit. This is so I do not fall privy to an emotionally draining and mentally destructing relationship. If a woman was abused but doesn't show signs of any mental illness then I don't see the issue. Its about being prudent in diagnosis.

3) Take into consideration other factors that may have come into play. Such as the boyfriend having drug dependencies or alcoholism that developed DURING the relationship. Or maybe he himself developed a mental illness.

Remember though that if a girl was in a relationship with a guy who had a mental illness her chances of developing some sort of mental disorder raise significantly. So I would take this into consideration.


By my calculations I would say that 5-7% of girls that were in abusive relationships are fair game. Just do a bit of psychological screening and you should be able to come to a good consensus that she is in fact fit for relationships.

93-95% of women that come out of an abusive relationship (victim or not) are considered to be unfit. Just by simple deduction.



What I would personally do:

Now would i go an waste my time to figure out if the girl Im dealing with is the 5-7%? ME PERSONALLY, fvck no. Im too busy for that nonsense.

I would just go talk to the next girl whom I find attractive.

But for all of you who are considering dating a girl who was in an abusive relationship because you dont have any other plates, heed my advice, and take those probabilities into account. They aren't accurate, but they are safe estimations, and proceed with caution

 

[nyc123]

i was surprised when i opened this thread that most everyone is saying that it's the female who's at fault. But after reading through, I can see it being the case sometimes.

But we shouldn't rule out that it could be the man who's at fault. Could be both of them.

in fact i think that if i were dating a woman and i wanted to smack her on a regular basis, i would probably refrain and break up with her instead. (at least this is what makes most sense to me right now, when i'm not angry) can't be dating females that piss me off on the regular.