Authentic Confidence

[Mr. Fingers]

AUTHENTIC CONFIDENCE
Discovering Your Full Potential

It amazes me how much misleading information there is on this subject. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I cringe when I hear people say you should FAKE confidence or build muscles or dress better. While it is true that these are inital steps that get you to feel more on top of your game, the bottom line is that you can say "I am the MAN" a million fu¢king times and dress the part but ultimately, where does that leave you? At the end of the day, all you are is a damn sheep in wolf's clothing! So what is the deal here ... what the hell is true confidence and how do we cultivate it? I mean, sure we've all heard that confidence comes from within, but that is a pretty vague way of looking at things, dontcha think? "WITHIN" happens to be a vast realm of complex thoughts, desires, confusion and God-knows-what...$hit it would be a lot easier to find it OUTSIDE ourselves, hence all this misleading advice. But alas, my dear friend, the cliché is true and you must earn confidence the hard way. It is time to dig deep within your soul and discover the treasure of authentic confidence. If you don't have the balls to confront all your fears, misgivings and realize your full potential, then by all means keep buying more clothes and giving yourself daily affirmations till you are twitching in an Armani strait-jacket at the funny farm. For the rest of you brave DJs out there, let us take a step into the Self and see if we can deprogram the mess of twisted circuits that have made you doubt yourself for so long.

 

[Mr. Fingers]

YOU ARE NOT THE MAN

Yes you read correctly. You are "A" man. No better than anyone else. This is the biggest lie society has ever fed you. In fact it is the single most destructive mentality on earth! Let's take a cosmic step back from ourselves and look at the big picture here. Mankind shows up on the evolutionary scene. Thinks to himself how great he is and decides to craft the creator of the universe in his own image. Builds empires and enslaves millions of his own kind. Destroys his environment. Commits genocide. Eliminates entire species for sport and profit. What is the root of such destructive behavior? Answer: A total disregard of others and isolation/elevation of the Self. What is the root of this self-importance? Profoundly suppressed insecurity and fear, which only leads to more assertions of the Self. And so the cycle feeds on itself until a fortunate few break their own conditioning and see the bigger picture. Authentic confidence is not blind narcissism! Yes you are amazing..but so is everyone else! This is not to say that you won't be successful with women by having a superiority complex. Hell, I know a lot of arrogant pricks who get tons of pússy. To many of you this might sound like the Holy Grail of Happiness. But if you take a close look at these so-called DJs, you will find some of the most miserable, insecure people you have ever met, who only use their sexual prowess to mask their weakness and reinforce their egos because they have nothing else going on in their lives. You are capable of so much more than this, my dear friend!

 

[Mr. Fingers]

THE ALPHA MISCONCEPTION

I can't help but laugh at all these DJs trying to project alpha status without anything more substantial than a superficial attitude. "I dress nice, I have bulging muscles, I am alpha, hear me roar!" Yeah, whatever you say dawg. If you are going to emulate the social structures of nature, then I say go the whole nine yards. Try going out into the wild with 20 of your boys and survive for a month and then talk to me about how alpha you are! OK maybe that is a little extreme, but for the sake of argument, let's look at a pack of wolves and see what determines alpha status. The alpha male is the biggest, baddest most skilled hunter of the pack. He commands respect for a very good reason. The other wolves do not follow his lead based only on his physical traits, but mainly because he is a bad-ass motherfu¢ker with sharp instincts and a large set of wolf balls! You can bet your ass that the alpha doesn't need to remind himself he is the $hit or preen his fur to get wolf bit¢hes! So this raises a good question that you need to ask yourself. Aside from projecting a certain attitude or look, what makes you so damn special that you command respect and admiration? Here's a hint: Nobody, not other people, not yourself and certainly not wolves, will respect you for your words, appearances or attitudes. It is what you DO that counts! ACTIONS define who you are, how you see yourself and how others relate to you. So what actions will build confidence? Befriending everyone you meet and developing your social instincts is a great place to start. But what actions will make you SHINE with authentic confidence? The answer to that is the most infamous questions of all time...

 

[Mr. Fingers]

WHY ARE WE HERE?

What is the purpose behind this random, swirling madness? Man we love to drive ourselves crazy with this one but I believe it is simple. The world exists to teach us and we exist to learn, to grow, to change and to ENJOY the challenge of each lesson we are given. Take this idea alone to heart and you will see a big difference in how you handle your life! The problem we face is that a million paths are stretched out before us. There is just too much to learn so we are forced to choose, and many of us are not prepared to face this choice. I remember in college, one of the most common social questions aside from "Got any reefer?" was, "So, what's your major?" It boggled my mind how many people were spending thousands of dollars on their education and ended up taking Business Management because they had no fu¢king clue what they really wanted to do with their lives! I would often pry out of curiosity. "But surely you must have some talent or passion in life." Blank expression as they formulate a response. "I'm not sure I have a talent" HUH?!!! Maybe I am just lucky, but I ever since I was a child I knew I wanted to be a musician. I always had an ear for music and was fortunate enough to have parents that supported my interests. To this day I thank them because they put me on a path we are all born to walk, although sadly few of us do...

 

[Mr. Fingers]

THE PATH OF THE ARTIST

Now I am not saying you need to go out and become a rockstar or anything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and I don't expect anyone to conform to my areas of interest. I am just saying that you must elevate whatever you do to an art form! One of the best ways to have natural confidence is to be passionate about what you do, and do it well! I will never forget the summer of '92. I was volunteering with a local church in Mexico, helping to build houses for poverty-stricken families. I met this cool dude named Chuck who was a bit of a veteran of these expeditions. He taught me alot about building houses and just being a generally handy guy. We were starting from scratch, so the first step was to dig out gaping craters in the earth to lay down the foundation. We didn't have a budget for bulldozers so it took like 30 volunteers to get the job done. I have never shoveled so much! After just one day, my hands were covered in blisters and I actually had to stop. I could not help but admire Chuck, who was skinnier and shorter than me, yet barely broke a sweat and managed to shovel out twice as much dirt in half the time. What perplexed me even more than this was the fact that while he was not good-looking at all (bad acne and a BIG hawk-nose), all the girls had crushes on him. Of course I was the guy they confided in because I was "one of the girls" back then (argh!!!) Their attraction baffled me because not only was he not handsome, but he would barely speak more than two words to them! He just exuded a very strong presence. One day I got up the nerve and asked him what his secret was. He stopped what he was doing and looked me in the eye and said, "Mr. Fingers, there is no secret. I just love what I do so much that nothing else matters to me. I am in my own world when I work, time is irrelevant and my mind is free from encumbering thoughts. I am simply happy to be doing this job!"

I was blown away by this attitude and in the following weeks we became great friends. He taught me so many valuable lessons, but most importantly, he made me realize the reason why I wanted to be an artist. It was because art/music was the one thing that put my frantic mind to rest. I could play the guitar for hours and become so totally immersed in what I was DOING that I simply stopped THINKING. It is my sincerest wish that you would learn this lesson for yourself! If you are unsure where your talent lies, try to remember anything that interested you as a child, something you were always naturally good at, or think of someone you admired. Doesn't matter how silly it may seem, just travel deep within yourself and find that one thing (there is probably more than one!) you can do that makes you forget where you are, what time it is, etc. If you truly believe you have no talent, you need to look deeper my friend. It is crazy how many people I know that are so talented and don't even know it! Some are great with numbers, others good at listening and interpreting, others are wizards in the kitchen, but since it doesn't fit the mold of what talent is in their minds, they discredit themselves. They fail to understand that you become an artist when you get in tune with your inner calling and make it a major focus of your life. If you ever think that your talent is worthless or stupid, just think of Chuck, the man who made an art form of digging ditches! Now, a lot of people might think you are nuts to pursue your dreams instead of getting a 9-5 till you retire and die with a whimper like you're supposed to. That's when you need to ask yourself...

 

[Mr. Fingers]

WHOSE WORLD IS THIS?

I used to worry endlessly what people thought of me. If I felt someone didn't like me or approve of my actions, it would eat me up inside and I would go out of my way to please them and prove how cool I was. What a waste! I could have written 100 songs or built 20 houses with the time and energy I wasted trying to please others. Let me put it this way. One of the most powerful tools you have as a human being is your attention. Focus it on others and watch how their every move takes on heightened importance. Focus it on what you DO and watch your own life take on a new meaning. It's all how you look at things. When you encounter a new person, are you entering Their World, or are they entering Your World? Next time you meet someone, hot babe or not, realize that they are entering Your World and you are sharing YOUR experience with them. In fact, consider it your gift to them! They are indeed fortunate to meet you because you are rare, my friend! How many AFC's do you know are content to complain about their problems with women instead of doing something about it? The fact that you are reading this right now shows that you are one step ahead of the whining masses. Give yourself some credit, man! But hey, don't get too complacent there. A pat on the back is great once in a while but the road to improvement has no end. Look at all the people who made a difference throughout history. Christ, Martin Luther King, Einstein, Edison, Picasso. They never reached a point where they were like, "alrighty then, I have accomplished alot of things, I guess my work is done here!" You can also bet that, although they were all accused of insanity or heresy, they couldn't give a wad of horse $hit what anyone thought of them. Which brings up another valuable point. You must stand up for yourself! Even if it means you have to be a pri¢k, never let anyone disrespect or take advantage of you. If someone, cute girl or not, flakes on you or fu¢ks you over somehow, don't put up with it! Either ignore them completely or confront them! If they pout and bit¢h, well then tough titties man, banish them from your world and stop caring if they like you or not. Whatever it takes, don't ever give your personal power away to the weight of what other's think of you. It is a trap almost as diabolical and magnetic as...

 

[Mr. Fingers]

THE INTERNAL DIALOGUE (I.D.)

"I think, therefore I am" This statement alone defines the mentality of modern civilization. It permeates our culture, education and media. As a result, we have been conditioned to identify ourselves and the world through an internal filter of logic. We all have this dialogue going on in our heads. We think about past/future events, obsess over women/money/bull$hit and use our powers of observation to categorize the unfathomably infinite universe into comfortable, logical chunks. This internal voice, while it has its value, often numbs us to our experiences. Instead of seeing a fragrant eucalyptus tree we have never seen before and admiring it's unique fractal patterns, our minds chime in with "Oh, It's a tree" and destroys the magic of the experience. We apply dead words to harness the dynamics of nature into concrete terms and end up seeing the world from a very boring perspective. The same applies to how you see people, including yourself! Unlike the concrete state of language, nothing in this world stays the same. Did you know that every 7 years, all of the cells in your body have been replaced? In other words, you are a completely different person every 7 years! Every day we change but the mind is the one thing that can stay rigid and unyielding your whole life. I would say that not only confidence, but personal evolution comes from mastering this internal dialogue, changing your thought patterns and at times being able to shut them down completely. Some accomplish this through meditation, others through music and art, others through physical exertion. I like to combine all three and dance personally, but as I said before, there are many paths to finding your true self. The first step here is to become aware that you have mental noise pollution. Pay attention to your thoughts! Make it a habit to ask yourself "Where am I?" and "What time is it?" The answer should always be "Here & Now". Anytime you find your thoughts drifting to another time, past or future, or thinking about that perfect woman who ignores you, it is your I.D. making you daydream, so WAKE UP & snap back to the present! This is the only moment you have any control over so seize the power of NOW! Even if you are sitting in a waiting room, admire the texture of the carpet, memorize the details around you..pay attention to the sounds! This is a fascinating world we live in, so whatever you do, don't be bored!

Remember that dreams are mere fantasies without ACTION. Find your calling, defeat the negativity in your head and plunge forward! This is really important so pay attention....DON'T GET DISCOURAGED WHEN YOU MESS UP! Man, I fu¢k up all the time and pull maneuvers that would make AFC's say "What were you thinking, Fingers?" But I don't beat myself up over this because it is all a lesson! You only fail when you have given up on yourself. Don't let that inner voice tell you what a loser you are. Shut that fu¢ker up by reminding yourself that each "failure" is just a stepping stone to victory. And don't fall into the helpless victim trap of "I am so unlucky...poor me" In the end both good and bad fortune are just illusions. It's all about how you look at it. An ancient parable to illustrate my point:

An old man and his son worked a small farm, with only one horse to pull the plow. One day the horse ran away.
"How terrible," sympathized the neighbors. "What bad luck!"
"Who knows whether it is bad or good luck" replied the farmer.
A week later, the horse returned from the mountains, leading five wild mares into the barn.
"What wonderful luck!" said the neighbors.
"Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?" answered the old man.
The next day the son, trying to tame one of the horses, fell and broke his leg.
"How horrible. What bad luck!"
"Bad luck? Good luck?"
The army came to all the farms to take young men for war, but the farmer's son was of no use to them, so he was spared.
"Good? Bad?"

Things are often not what they seem to be. Take the good, the bad and the ugly all in stride. This does not mean you should be stone cold and impervious to everything that happens to you. Don't suppress your emotions, rather embrace them fully! When tragedy strikes, CRY and let those feelings flow so you can let them go. When success comes your way, celebrate to the fullest. When you encounter injustice, get pissed off and do something about it! Be natural and try not to think of what you are "supposed" to feel. And for chrissakes don't take yourself so seriously!

 

[Mr. Fingers]

LAUGHTER IS FREEDOM

One of the most powerful tools for dissolving that pesky self-importance/I.D. is to be able to LAUGH at yourself! I have been practicing an interesting exercise every morning that a good friend put me onto recently. I wake up and the first thing I do is laugh. It starts off forced, a mere raspy chuckle, until I tap into something deep within and start to crack up. My roommates think I am nuts and they get pissed off that I wake them up like this all the time, but I think I get off on that and just laugh harder! Sometimes I completely lose it and they can't help but join me. This exercise has made it easier for me to laugh throughout my day and also I come up with funny sh!t on the fly more often. If you don't mind looking like a total lunatic, give it a try!

Generally, a sense of humor is absolutely vital to your own well-being. Science has shown that it provides a unique internal massage that actually cleanses and relaxes your organs. Explains why you always feel GREAT after a good laugh! Some people are born with a killer sense of humor...others, like myself, have to learn. The point is that it can be developed! Watch lots of funny movies, especially the old Eddie Murphy stand-up flicks or any other great comedian. Notice how what you say is not nearly important as how & when you say it. Also notice how the most trivial things are usually hilarious! Comedians are just very observant people who can put a clever spin on what they see. They are magicians who make us see the world in a different light. A funny person is sharp witted because he/she is AWARE of their surroundings. Pay attention to every detail and let that attention burn with quiet intensity. You will start to notice all sorts of odd things once you make this a habit.

Example: The other day my friends and I were walking down the main shopping strip and passed over an airshaft from the subway. A blast of air hit us in the face as we crossed over. Out of nowhere, I got a mental image of Marilyn Monroe in the "The Seven Year Itch", the famous subway poster. So I tell my friends to wait a second. I start looking at the crowd and my peeps are like, "WTF are you doing?" I gesture with my hand for them to hold on a second....."Here we go" I spotted this fat chick wearing a long summer dress as she walked our direction. My friends were still perplexed. Finally she reached the subway shaft and her dress blew all the way up over her head, revealing yellow polka-dot underwear and a HUGE ass. We spent a good 20 minutes laughing and waiting for more chicks in dresses to pass.

Brilliant comedy? Maybe not, but I think humor is a visual thing and a funny image can have as potent an effect as an intellectual joke. I would have totally missed this opportunity for a laugh had I not been in the moment. Did I mention the importance of attention? Just making sure. Another way to work on the funny is to hang out with a hilarious group of people. Think back to the last time you laughed so hard you were in pain. Who were you with at the time? THOSE are the people you want to chill with! Furthermore, if you are looking for inspiration from the professionals, there is an excellent book out by Melvin Helitzer called "Comedy Wrting Secrets" I highly recommend this book if you are interested in improving your humor skills. Hilarious stuff actually..

Hehe...you know what's the funniest thing of all? I started writing this post with the intention of keeping it short and sweet! D'OH!

 

[Mr. Fingers]

SYNOPSIS

Talk is cheap. Be a man of action
Exercise & be healthy but don't just focus on the physical
Have a purpose, discover your passion
Have goals, discover your talent
Elevate whatever you do to an art form
Live in the present moment, control that internal dialogue!
Invite others to share YOUR experience
Don't give a fu¢k what anyone thinks
Things are often not what they seem, take success and failure with a ton of salt
Learn to make people laugh
Learn to laugh at yourself, cuz we are all funny-ass motherfu¢kers sometimes!


In closing, I will say that authentic confidence is not found on SoSuave.com. Sure it's great that you found this place and perhaps being here has helped you as much as it has helped me, but don't get sucked into the Matrix! Every moment is precious..waste not one of them. The place is here...the time is now!! Become inspired to DO, DO, DO and make a real difference within yourself. This is only the beginning my friends. Take my words to heart, take action and watch how you will affect others! You have the power to change the world! But the revolution will not be televised, neither will it be posted online! Authenticity is not found in the arms of a beautiful woman. It all begins with you!

Sheeit, I can sum up the essence of this entire post in 2 words:

"ACT NOW"

Mr. Fingers

 

[icepick]

Sweet!

Another good post dude. This is beginning to be almost as interesting and educational as my philosophy classes!

Mr. Fingers wrote
One of the most powerful tools you have as a human being is your attention. Focus it on others and watch how their every move takes on heightened importance. Focus it on what you DO and watch your own life take on a new meaning. It's all how you look at things.

Ding, ding, ding!

We have another success!

It would be interesting to see how many rediculously successful people come from this board, the numbers would probably be staggering!

In 2030 or so, at a CEO/celebrity/important people meeting/party/gathering, I bet that we will all meet. Someone will say "sosuave.com is where I got straightend out..." and someone else will say "yeah, me too!" and so on down the line...

None of you fuckers better run against me for President though!

 

[Tyler]

Wow. Awesome post(s). Thanks.

 

[Ninja Dude]

Authentic confidence is not blind narcissism! Yes you are amazing..but so is everyone else! This is not to say that you won't be successful with women by having a superiority complex. Hell, I know a lot of arrogant pricks who get tons of pússy. To many of you this might sound like the Holy Grail of Happiness. But if you take a close look at these so-called DJs, you will find some of the most miserable, insecure people you have ever met, who only use their sexual prowess to mask their weakness and reinforce their egos because they have nothing else going on in their lives.

You just described me perfectly, er..minus the tons of pu$$y (still working on that )

This is crazy. I was just in the other forum chatting about narcissism and lo and behold, here comes SuperFingers to the rescue once again. Very deep post, dude. Almost too deep! My mind is reeling here. What is your deal anyway, Fing Foo? Are you some sort of Shaolin Priest trying to get laid? Hehe...I think it would be cool having a fornicating monk as president. Watch out icepick! I think Fingers is your biggest contender! Better make sure you buy enough oil companies to beat him!

 

[Matt Rogers]

Superb post. I am really enjoying your series, you are a very wise man, Mr Fingers.

A few questions:

1) What other actions elevate you to alpha male status-you mentioned befriending others
2) How can you learn to stop the inner dialogue on cue-with me it takes a long time meditating to clear it, whereas the situations where I want to clear it, such as social events etc. I cannot clear my mind
3) Can you do a thread on the value of travel for broadening one's outlook on life and give some suggestions on how to plan backpacking holidays and how to work at your people skills while on them.

Thanks

 

[Mr. Fingers]

Cosmic Dude!

LOL! icepick you are one funny muh-****ah! You have my vote for prez if you decide to run. Great idea, NinjaDude...I will buy out all the oil companies so I can fund ice´s campaign and if all else fails and the people don´t elect him I can always buy his victory! Uh oh, I think I just got a little too political. Before I get flamed let me state that these are JOKES! We need one o them whatchacallits..oh yeah:

DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of SoSuave.com. Become politically conscious at your own risk!

As for you, Matty... you are starting to creep me out man. First you post the Narcissism thread at the same time I wrote this and now you request a travel thread, which I am already halfway done with! We are definitely on the same wavelength here, buddy. I will also cover more alpha stuff in the C&F thing I got in the works. Forgive me if it takes a while to post these suckers. I have a lot on my plate these days and don´t get to write as often as I´d like.

Cheers for the kind comments everyone. You´re a great crowd!

Mr. Fingers humbly bows and makes his exit

 

[DJ Logic]

This would have been a good post...but you didn´t tell us how to get laid once!

 

[FlyGuy]

My achilles heel is losing my hair. I don't know how to feel ok about it, and I can't think of myself as a stud anymore. I don't see the "good" aspect of this, I can't DO anything directly about it... and I can't stop thinking about it (especially when I'm trying to work on my game).

BTW, I have goals and dreams, I work towards them every day (I play guitar in a band among other things). I exercise a lot now, I go out and talk to people, etc. I just don't know how to deal with going bald when I'm young, its driving me fvcking crazy

 

[oOh Nasty]

MR FINGERS!?

WTF.

WTFLYING FF***CCKKK!!!

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU MADE A GOD DAMN GOOD F*CKING POST!!

SHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS, IF NOT BETTER, JUST ABOUT AS GOOD AS THE OTHER ONE. NOW I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO ANTYHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~1~

oOh Nasty

 

[Page]

Mr. Fingers: Your mindset and philosophy is remarkably like mine.

 

[thejuice]

My Very Own World - I Own It!

Page, and yours is like mine

He he

This post was great. Im at the eve of a great unraveling of the self - trying to decide what choice i should make and major i should take. And as for the question; where sould i take myself and why, im at odds with my own talents! Im good w/ numbers, love philosophy, and i love to write creatively. What a dilemma!

And then your post came along...here i am reading and reading until it hits me! Bam! Do it all! Why fvcking not?! I have a life time ahead of me...i can become a writer, a philosopher, and a mathematician! All i need is motivation - check. Now the means...dosent matter, just DO what i can. Its about what i do, not where it ends

So if i just do it even without success, its about the means (like socrates) and not the end. Life is a lesson, embrace it with every turn and angle in your own way. But most of all, DO it while being you because YOU are passionate about it. And because you are passionate about it, you will subsequently enjoy it nonetheless

thejuice

 

[Sammo]

Very thought provoking man! I loved this post, im bookmarking it and re reading it!

Where did you learn this stuff? I love **** like this I could sit here and read/write about it for hours on end.

Thanks for the great post!