Attention Ho & BPD = Same thing?

[steve38]

Nice posts, guys. Yeah, I guess if one has a history of attracting or staying with BPD women, you should look a little further into why that is. I'm not sure of the prevalence of BPD among males but I'm pretty sure I have a bit of it. It runs in my family, having lost a grandmother and sister to it and having an aunt who acknowledges her problems with it.

Maybe it is ironic or makes perfect sense, but last year when my sister died, I was dating a girl who (i realize now) was exactly like her. This girl dumped me like it was nothing when I got too AFC after the funeral. I went from bad boy to sad boy and despite the circumstances she lost interest, blamed it all on me and was remorseless. It sucked big time and I could never figure out her motives, but it kind of makes sense now.

Anyways, I probably should have seen the warning signs and avoided her type, as I will next time. Big thanks to everyone esp. KontrollerX and jophil28 for your info.

 

[jophil28]

KX said it all again- this time in a dfferent way. BPD women are not just a little 'nutty ' , they are a threat to your life at worst, and at the very least, your emotional and psychological welfare will suffer profoundly for YEARS even after a brief relationship with one of only a few months.
These are the kind of diseased folk who probably lead psychiatrists into having breakdowns ...

The warnings are repeated frequently on SS /MM for two reasons.

Firstly no man, except extremely disturbed sociopaths or NPDs, are equipped to deal with, or immune to the vampire like behavior from a BPD women who is alowed to enter his life. The vast majority of guys who date women do not fall into these two groups.

Secondly, most of the information in the popular lit. is based on signs and symptoms which were originally printed in the DSM IV. The info is aimed at the profession, not at lay folk. THis makes it very difficult for a regular guy to see a BPD women coming should she come your way.

These creatures do not "slip under your radar" because your radar is not even switched on. How many guys even know what BPD means, let alone how to spot one? Even if a man has some knowledge of PDs ,these women are are usually well disguised as 'the essence of femininity' for the first few weeks until their sex hook has dug in.

Unearthing a BPD takes a while - especially a high functioner - they are extremely skilled actresses.

However a closer reading of a lot of the experiences here from guys who have tried to have a BPD as a wife or G/f should build up your knowledge to the point where warning bells will ring should you have the awful luck of dating one for more than one date.

 

[mtnkng]

Well, here's the real big indicator if you *think* you can manage a BPD:

Most therapists, pdocs and counselors will limit the number of BPDs they will see. Most will keep the number down to 2 or 3 diagnosed BPDs in their patient list. The BPDs emotions and manipulations are so challenging and draining to the professionals, it affects their practice and their lives. These, for the most part, are professionals trained to deal with the disorder. They may see them several times a week for a few hours at a pop.

If you are involved with a BPD, enmeshed in the relationship, you are probably exposed to the antics and crazy making far more than that - the BPD manipulates you into being there more than you are comfortable. But there you are - sucked in....esteem and self worth eroding by the minute til you are used up and tossed aside.

Leave them to the professionals....who they are unlikely to see.

 

[Raconteur]

I've been lurking on this site on and off for nearly 3.5 years now. Like others in this thread, it was my interaction with a high functioning BPD that brought me to the internet to sort things out. I did not actually figure out she had BPD until 4 months ago. I spoke to a friend is a C.S.W, who felt her behaviors and actions were symptomatic of BPD. I walked away from her about 1.5 years ago. I have seen her twice since then, each time I felt I regressed emotionally. But the mere fact of knowing that she has BPD rid of an enormous emotional burden.

People who have not encountered and developed feelings for a BPD rarely understand what the braining-washing, self-doubt and chaos a person with BPD can bring into your life. Especially if she is high-functioning. All of society will see her as normal and sweet (often beautiful and intelligent), while only you see the insanity behind closed doors.

An interesting thing about BPD is how they mirror you so well, it's like they latch onto a target and like a chameleon agree with all of your interests. Additionally they offer a femininity that compliments your masculinity perfectly. A Of course this is an elaborate defense mechanism to avoid abandonment and only creates resentment on their part. But that illusion of a woman they present is hard to find in a normal women, I'll tell you that. It's like finding a perfect woman, only to realize it's a malicious apparition.

I would like a pose a question to those who have been with a BPD (high-functioning preferably), did you develop any bpd type symptoms yourself?

In my case, I initially displayed a lot of anger vs. myself and would occasionally manifest onto others when I was drinking. After I worked through that I realized I would flirt with women just to push their buttons and often just to know that they liked me and then I would lose interest. Mind you, I would not lie or deceive these women, but I simply spit game for the sake of validation. It was as if I had my own fear of abandonment. My next phase was a lack of interest in being in a relationship. I would go out with friends, flirt and occasionally sleep around, but I did not have interest in developing intimacy with women. I think I am working out of this, but I still entertain thoughts that women are more trouble than they are worth.

My thoughts swing between "I would like to be in a relationship" v. "There are millions of beautiful women in this world, why settle down." Although that may be more of a typical mans thinking irrespective of a bpd encounter hah.

All in all anyone who thinks their gf is displaying symptoms of BPD, walk away and don't look back. No amount of love, care, money and affection can fill her black hole of a wound until she decides to get help. Last, I don't think my bpd is evil per-se. Her actions were malicious and often cruel, but she is really just a product of a ****ed up childhood where her afc dad left her as a baby. It was easier for me to walk away in understanding and empathy rather than hate.

So yea, BPD's are beyond a simple AW.

 

[KontrollerX]

You don't have NPD.

You may have narcissistic traits but if you had the full personality disorder there's no way in hell you would have made that topic asking if you should do this or that to get the AW hot for you.

A god needing help? Hahaha, never!

Thats how a true NPD thinks of himself ie a god that is completely perfect in every way and has all the answers to all the questions.

Also you wouldn't of said you had "feelings" for her (at least not to us).

A true NPD/Cluster B only cares about themselves and is so naturally skilled at manipulation they have no extra questions about how to do it.

You actually sound a lot like how the poster Pimp Cicle said he was.

He thought he was a true narcissist ie NPD and could control AW's too and a BPD turned his world inside out.

So never get over confident dude and please no more of this "feelings" talk about her.

She is a cvm receptacle period.

She is not to be loved.

Its like what Kyle Reese said in the Terminator movie.

"It doesn't feel pity, remorse or fear and it absolutely will not stop ever until you are dead!"

AW is just like that, very similar to a Terminator in a lot of ways. Not necessarily the killing you part but its possible if your AW is fvcked up enough or gets fvcked up enough as the relationship progresses and she gets sicker and sicker from being in it which the literature says relationships make them.

BTW, have a read of this horrifying story everyone...

http://www.bpdfamily.org/index.php?topic=76556.0

The BPD was plotting to kill her husband and make it look like she was shooting some random intruder that broke into her house.

Fortunately this guy outsmarted her and is alive and well to tell his tale.

 

[jonnnb]

Very interesting reading, sounds like these women are Succubi made flesh

For younger readers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus

 

[PTC]

Great post as always jophil.

Another reason its important for knowledgeable guys like you and I and a few others who've went through this experience to spread awareness about these disorders is because the knowledge literally saves lives.

There was a doctor I read about not long ago that had a wife, a family and of course he was having a succesful career as a doctor but then he encountered a BPD who lured him away from his wife, got the emotions out of him that she needed and discarded him coldly and with no explanation as the Cluster B horror story so often goes.

During the ensuing chaos of the relationship I believe I read he lost his job and his family as his wife divorced him and having no family left to turn to and being doubly overwhelmed with a false love sickness addiction for the BPD that was long gone off fvcking some other guy that formerly successful doctor killed himself.

Now its true the doctor cheated on his wife and was wrong for that but still the story and others I have read reveal that these people aren't just a danger to other's mental health but other people's lives both through screwing the other person's mind up similarly to theirs to the point they commit suicide as well quite literally through the cold callousness of their disorder literally killing someone.

I have read stories about BPD's attempting to kill men by driving their cars into guy's houses trying to kill the guy and themselves, I read a story about a BPD making fun of her past victim for killing himself over her to her new victim as they lay in bed after having sex and even on this forum I think I read Bible Belt say that one of his BPD ex's killed someone in a drunk driving episode and pretty much got off with a slap on the wrist.

I'm not a religious man but I can't help but think of the term evil surrounding these women much like jophil often uses it.

There's a phrase in the Bible that says "The devil comes to steal, to kill and destroy" and that you must put on the full armor of god to avoid all of his traps.

Well its similar with BPD's.

They will destroy your mind and body if you allow them to by giving you an STD or literally sucking the emotional life right out of you until you contemplate killing yourself and possibly no longer contemplating and going through with it.

Young people, middle aged people and old people that are lurking please take in all of the knowledge jophil and I have to offer about these people in our various posts so that you can avoid them at all costs.

They are not your one true love, they are the walking dead and all they will bring to your life is death.

Emotional and possibly physical.

Stay away.

So true and very scary.

I go see a counsler every so often and last time we talked about BPD women. She told me that she had seen so many cases of men that she thought were going to actually do themselves in from these women. She said its not ever to be taken lightly and a lot of people don't even know what it is. But it can take lives and/or cause people extreme pain and literally ruin their lives. She also said that it is almost impossible to treat a person with BPD with counsling because they never want to admit they have a problem.

We talked about my situation and I told her I still don't understand how the girl I dated could do some of the things she did. She told me I never would but at least now I would know what to look out for.

 

[drmeathead]

ran into that bpd girl i was dating like two months ago. she wanted to make psuedo plans to hang out. i told her i didnt have her number anymore. she just about ****. i told her further remember the whole part about you telling me to get rid of my number. she was like i still have yours i will text you. then she wanted to know about the girl i was talking with previously in the night. she also mentioned that her mother saw me the other day like we were all old friends. it came out later on that she still wears my t shirt around. i am glad i know better and can laugh at all this and not get caught up...