Asking her out over text - what's the best possible way?

[Divorced w 3]

She didn't actually *give* me her number. I gave her my phone and told her- "Here, put your number in". She was never going to say no to that. She didn't openly say "take my number down". That would be a way different story and huge IOI.

Wow - totally different situation. Abort. You’re one mistaken gesture away from a trip to HR

You told her to give you her number, you hang at her desk constantly, and you involved a third party to pass a message.

I would suggest you work more on your social cues and do not go anywhere near her.

 

[Smartone84]

Wow - totally different situation. Abort. You’re one mistaken gesture away from a trip to HR

You told her to give you her number, you hang at her desk constantly, and you involved a third party to pass a message.

I would suggest you work more on your social cues and do not go anywhere near her.

You sound like an idiot, dude. This is a forum where guys go for help, not to be treated like a joke.

 

[Bingo-Player]

The problem is NOTHING at all has come easy for me with this woman in all of these 6 months. Nothing.

Bottom line is I'm well aware this could all just be a very nice woman who enjoys talking to someone at work from time to time, but I still beleive there's a good chance its a little more than that. In my experience, most single women at work with no interest at all be sure to keep their distance from other single guys. She's never done that. Only me finally asking her out will let me be able to tell, but I want to do it right and not cringe. Any and all advice is appreciate. TIA

Men generally over estimate interest from women and women deem it a lack of "emotional intelligence"

With that being said the easiest way to get a conclusion to this is to find a mutual interest , select an activity revolving around it and then offer her to come with

"Hey I know your into art theres an exhibition by XYZ artist on at XYZ I'm going to check it out on XYZ would you like to join me"

This Is a very very low pressure offer and anything other than a YES from her will give you your conclusion you can move on from there with little face lost

With this being a work interaction you can't afford to go in like a bull in china shop confessing your undying love or offering anything romantic / sexual

 

[Divorced w 3]

You sound like an idiot, dude. This is a forum where guys go for help, not to be treated like a joke.

You do need help.

 

[New_Journey]

You sound like an idiot, dude. This is a forum where guys go for help, not to be treated like a joke.

This forum is for help you got that right. But nobody in here knows the future or does any miracle like making a girl go out with you, in which, we all can see that's the reason you came in here.

We all gave you what we thought was best giving what you posted. Now be a man and instead of arguing with members, make a decision of what you're gonna do and do it. You asked for advice, you got many, now choose one and act on it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You work at the same company, doesn't matter if it's the same office or not, I wouldn't do anything with it.

However, if you actually want something to happen then take some initiative and have some fvcking balls man.

You are being so timid and passive. That is a huge turn off to women. This women isn't fvcking stupid. She knows you like her. Either ask her out and get your answer or stop it with this nonsense.

I mean what's your plan? Wait for some magical time when the stars align and everything lines up perfectly for you?

That time is never coming. I mean what kind of man builds a plan of action on someone being promoted and then going for drinks, as if that's something that happens every day? Like that's literally your plan to get her to go out with you...you can't be serious.

Bro, grab your balls, be a man, face rejection and ask her out. If she says no then leave her alone.

It's that simple. You are delaying this because you have this fantasy in your mind that she MIGHT be interested and you can keep convincing yourself of this because you have taken no action so your mind can have these fantasies about what COULD happen that would not be able to take place once you got your answer.

But having fantasies about an outcome doesn't get you closer to that outcome, it only wastes your time. Stop wasting your time and be a man of action.

 

[Travel memoir21]

All I can say is when it comes to text. These type of things take time.

You want to build rapport and a sense of connection, one way to do that is by showing her pics with a group of people, like your friends, family or pets.


If you’re spiritual, send her inspirational meme of quotes from Jesus or Buddha. Send her uplifting memes that inspire her to do better. Send a few funny, uplifting memes.


Send her a few pics on your day. Something interesting or a few pics were your sharply dressed with your best attire casually going out and about somewhere.

 

[Divorced w 3]

You work at the same company, doesn't matter if it's the same office or not, I wouldn't do anything with it.

However, if you actually want something to happen then take some initiative and have some fvcking balls man.

You are being so timid and passive. That is a huge turn off to women. This women isn't fvcking stupid. She knows you like her. Either ask her out and get your answer or stop it with this nonsense.

I mean what's your plan? Wait for some magical time when the stars align and everything lines up perfectly for you?

That time is never coming. I mean what kind of man builds a plan of action on someone being promoted and then going for drinks, as if that's something that happens every day? Like that's literally your plan to get her to go out with you...you can't be serious.

Bro, grab your balls, be a man, face rejection and ask her out. If she says no then leave her alone.

It's that simple. You are delaying this because you have this fantasy in your mind that she MIGHT be interested and you can keep convincing yourself of this because you have taken no action so your mind can have these fantasies about what COULD happen that would not be able to take place once you got your answer.

But having fantasies about an outcome doesn't get you closer to that outcome, it only wastes your time. Stop wasting your time and be a man of action.

I am only posting this now for the good of others - OP does not want two way dialogue here.

I think my position now on office romance is clear - but having thought about this for a moment now, I do believe he unsuccessfully asked her out once when she was promoted (he said this was a follow up to a different thread). If he did, and with the other information in context, I would be very reticent to spend another moment in the workplace with this woman alone and without the very visible view of others in public space.

The ABSOLUTELY last thing I would do is create a text message dialogue now with this woman.

I think this woman is going to complain in her own right. If I am wrong on the promotion invite, after lingering around this woman for six months, and doing what he did, the *facts* I referenced are a ticking bomb for this man’s HR case. HR gets particularly touchy when you bring others in to do your business, and if she complains about him, he invited a witness to the situation on his own. He’s cooked.

On a personal level, this is getting uncomfortably close to premeditated behavior, or stalking.

 

[BeExcellent]

You've gotten a couple of good suggestions. Either call her and ask her out casually or text her & ask her out casually.

You shoot your shot and see what she says. You are not going to get fired for asking.

If she says no or reacts weirdly you cease & decist, simple.

If she says yes you take it a step at a time from there.

 

[Bokanovsky]

If this were a random woman that I met on the street, at a bar, through a friend, at a wedding, etc, then yes, it would be very simple and I'd probably ask her out on day two. What you don't seem to understand is that, regardless of how seldom I may see her, this woman is a co-worker, so playing it as safe as possible is in my best interest. By safe I don't just mean asking her out in a low pressure way at the best and most appropriate time, but also putting myself in the best position possible to where I'll be at least 90% certain that she would in fact go out with me. That doesn't mean that me getting rejected will also come with me being a laughing stock amongst her friends at work as I don't beleive she's that type, but I guess it just comes down to me not wanting to go out of my way to ask a chick out in the office unless I know my odds are pretty good.

What’s missing from your analysis is the fact that a woman’s interest incomes with an expiration date. If she expresses interest and you don’t make a move, the window of opportunity will close sooner or later. While you’re waiting for the stars to align to get your 90% assurance, she will meet somebody else or simply lose interest.

If you are concerned about asking out a coworker (as you should be), just forget about it. That would be the smart thing to do. If you want to do the less-smart thing, just do it already, hope for the best and stop touring yourself. The whole analysis paralysis thing is extremely counterproductive.