Argument went horrible

[Epimanes]

The fact that she reacted so strongly can only mean one thing. She did something inappropriate that night. Maybe she fvcked some other guy; maybe she just made out. But she definitely did something. It's a natural human reaction to lash out when we know we're in the wrong.

Hit the nail on the head.

Her reaction is very telling.. Has an out burst.. Gaslights you into thinking somehow its your fault and throws you off your game to get you to react to her in such a way she can shame you for it. Thus making it seem like your the problem and not her.

Reality is... That "guy friend" she was sitting on with her heels off.. Was likely buyung her drinks all night and by then end of it she at the very least made out with him in her drunken state and likely regrets it.. But wants to paint you as the bad guy for not going out with her that night to get shyt faced.

I would if I was you.. Just be calm.. And as the others have said next her. Maybe even say (very calmly) that obviously drinking and partying is more valuable to her than you are and leave it at that and let her stew on it. If its over the phone... Just hang up after you say it. At that age its time to grow up and start acting like an adult.. Not a teenage wana be.

Epi

 

[bukowski_merit]

Girls like this are not long term dating material. They're barely fvcking material because they're normally not reliable people.

You will always be competing with the club. Even when you win - she will always see you trying to ruin her fun. No amount of logic will work on these types of women. The resentment and spite is thick. Tell her not to - and no victory will be had either way.

Best bet: Leave her, and ignore the phone calls that follow...

 

[Nn877]

Epi-yeah I agree with you, worst part is her girl friend posted it on ig and majority of her gfs were there, my biggest concern now is how does that make me look (like a chump/sucker) I don't care if it's a high school buddy/BFF dude. (That's what they all say) i keep trying to envision a boyfriend or man seeing a pic of that and being okay she's just having fun. Unless she was more of a fb which she is clearly not, we have even had talks of moving into together coupled w the fact she has a daughter makes relationship a lot more serious in my eyes.

Buk merit - her spite is verrry thick almost child like. I know she has fri sat off and I can almost bet she's trying to make plans with her friends as we speak. Like I said me trying to express my discomfort as a boyfriend turned into a 45 min pissing match convo running around in circles.

 

[Nn877]

I would want to remain calm but I don't want to be victim of branch swinging and or her lying now about going out etc. I really think that convo put me half way out the relationship and I need to take action before she dumps me. The common trend on here most posters say is "willing to walk away". Her attitude last night demonstrated this ie "I don't want a bf, who doesn't trust me, maybe you should go find a submissive girl."

If she's just callin bluff or not she demonstrated it, I need take action. I thought I was more value to her but obv I was wrong. I'm gna go nc today maybe tmw, then telling her it's not going to work out in person, I feel like over the phn is childish. Sucks but I feel I lost a lot of ground by allowing her disrespectful behavior and mostly likely she has lost respect in me.

 

[abe0]

You never argue with someone in the heat of the moment and when they are drunk....should have waited a day or two to discuss. Second, once someone starts threatening or implying of leaving or breaking up....my attitude is here is the door and do not let it hit your #ss as you leave. Third, as mentioned, logic does not work very well. If you have seeing the American Hustler....remember his wife burning the kitchen, then almost burning it again with the microwave....she never took responsibility for anything and always blamed it on her husband while her husband was trying to apply logical thinking. We all can learn from that scene a lot.
I go on have fun....forget about any real meaningful LTR with her. Be thankful she showed her colors now and not after the wedding.
Abe

 

[Epimanes]

Sucks but I feel I lost a lot of ground by allowing her disrespectful behavior and mostly likely she has lost respect in me.

Lost respect in you? Dude... I doubt she had any to begin with. My wife and I since day one... (Together since 15 and 16) Agreed to never do anything the other would feel uncomfortable doing in regards to going out without each other. Yes my wife has had a few bachelors nights with her gf's before they got married including one of her own. But she always asked me if I was comfortable with it ... If I wasn't.. Or she We wasn't? We would come up with something else to replace the evening with that's just as fun and try and find a win/win solution so as to not feel resentful about it for either of us. On the nights my wife went out like that (maybe 1 or 2x a year).. She (on her own) would call me to tell me she wished I was there.. Would tell me about the **** blocking she did for so and so.. Come home.. And then fvck the shyt out of me for not acting insecure about it.. Then I would hear the stories of my wifes **** blocking (without asking about it) and it would just confirm my trust and I wouldn't have to say shyt. Her actions and her words spoke for them selves. To this day because of those times I don't have to doubt what she says.

Epi

 

[Nn877]

UPDATE: guys so she just texted me what time am I off.

Preemptive strike? I know she's going to wanna talk and possibly dump I'm almost sure. Should I hear her out or just go and bomb before she says anything?? Need advice

 

[Epimanes]

Well. If you really like her... Hear her out. If she starts blame shifting tell her you think you two should take a break to see if your really that important to each other. After all. People who care about eachother take eachothers feelings into consideration.

Don't feed into her emotional state. If she gets emotional reread what I wrote. Tell her your not going to put up with her emotional rollercoaster and to have a serious think about her disrespect and that you will be glad to listen when she's not so emotional. leave it at that. Tell her have a nice day and Hang up.

At least that's what I would do. Basicly anything other than sorry for my behaviour the other night should not be tolerated.


Epi

Edit: you could further this by asking her if she would be ok if you went out and had women dancing and grinding and sitting on your lap all night without her there? (Say it in a ****y way)

 

[Epimanes]

we have even had talks of moving into together coupled w the fact she has a daughter makes relationship a lot more serious in my eyes.

Also... Don't move in with her. Unless your ready to marry her. This will only further complicate the situation and hurt her kid if things fail. If you don't live together before marriage then at least when things are going sour you can retreat to your own corner without it escelating too much. That will go along way to protect your love for eachother.

Epi

 

[Nn877]

She's def crazy, so after awhile she replied with "there's an apartment I want to look at, they are showing it at 6."(we have been looking prior to this argument.) WTF?!! After last night she drops this, like we didn't even have a heated convo. Wow



Seems weird she would switch back to normal that quick, she seemed extremely pissed or off put by my topic and now she wants me to go with her to look at a place??


Updated::::::::::::







I told her I can't and she replied with more shaming or trying to paint me as bad guy again lol it's like clockwork now. "Seems like you don't care, so I'll just handle it. " it's almost crazy to finally see from outside perspective and how childish women get.

 

[j.619]

She's def crazy, so after awhile she replied with "there's an apartment I want to look at, they are showing it at 6."(we have been looking prior to this argument.) WTF?!! After last night she drops this, like we didn't even have a heated convo. Wow

Did you have any kind of response to this? Sounds like she muscled you into her frame.

 

[j.619]

Suggest a break, if not end it altogether permanently. This girl needs to feel some repercussion for being disrespectful... repercussion that you haven't been providing. I'm sure it isn't too late to put her back into your frame, just set your boundary and stick to it until she responds accordingly.

 

[bukowski_merit]

No chance in hell you should consider moving in with this girl. Or even acting like you will.

Text book manipulation. Almost everything out of her mouth.

 

[cordoncordon]

I would not consider her ltr material unless she had a major change in behavior, but I do think you overreacted. So I think she has a point in that regard. Instead of blowing a gasket and coming off as weak, I would have simply gone out with your friends and acted as if what she did didn't bother you in the least. And I would keep doing that every time she did go out and did this sort of thing until you guys are at a much more trusting stage in your relationship. I am normally an advocate of speaking up and telling a person what is on your mind, but in this case you had already done that. Plus, it doesn't sound as if she is going out clubbing all of the time correct? Once a month on average? That isn't horrible. Not great, but not terrible. And she did invite you to this night out as well right? So I doubt she is going out and cheating on you at these clubs. Now, if this was a more frequent thing and if she wanted to do it without you? Yes, she is probably wanting to cheat.

But beyond all of that, it sounds as if you two are on different wavelengths when it comes being in a relationship and it also sounds as if you two tend to rub each other the wrong way at times. Been there done that. It never works out in the end. It doesn't have to be that difficult. There are women out there that are much more in tune with who and what you are.

Good luck.

 

[rascal99v]

We had arguments about clubbing and she even did disrespectful **** while I was with her before we parted temp, so in my head I was not going to let anything slide even though I prob should of nexted her back then but due to lack of options and feelings still invested I brought her back in my life.

This is your own fault and now you're paying the price for it.

You did it yourself. You already knew how she was from before, and you decided to bring her back into your life by investing more into a club wh0re. Did you honestly think she was going to change from how she acted before? Women like this don't change, they will put on an act for a little while, but their old behavior always returns. A leopard never changes it's spots.

You have a low quality woman who is setting a terrible example for her daughter. This is a woman that you can clearly see is not a good woman. She cares more about getting drunk, clubbing, and sitting on the lap of a "friend" than she cares about her daughter and respecting you.

Taken chicks (including married women) who go to bars and clubs with their friends (without you around) to get drunk are looking for other c0cks. I've brought chicks back the same night who I later found out had a boyfriend or was even married. They go out without you around so they can meet guys and get laid. Then when you question them, they get pissed off at you and accuse you of not trusting them or whatever bullsh1t they decide to use. All they are doing is covering up their guilt.

Nothing good is ever going to come of this relationship, you have found out now twice that it sucks. So, do yourself a favor and get rid of her.

She has options, so why don't you? It's stupid for men to sit on their hands with no options while these chicks have "friends" they can party with. If you had women available to you, then your woman would be acting different towards you.

It's obvious that she doesn't respect you, women who don't respect you don't give a sh1t about you. So, why would you think she would care what you think about her clubbing and drinking?

You should be getting what you want from a relationship. If you don't like what you're getting, then get out of it. Don't let her turn you into the bad guy or make you feel inferior. These chicks always want to project their faults and blame onto you when they are in the wrong. You will never win an argument with them because it will always be your fault according to them. Arguing with them is useless.

Putting up and ignoring her wh0ring behavior is stupid, it's only going to get worse. As you ignore what she is doing, the more she will disrespect you.

Tell her that you're tired of her bulsh1t and you're gone. Nothing else. Then Go out with your friends and meet new chicks. End this stupid drama sh1t with this chick.

 

[Sofomore]

I'm glad you pulled your head out of the sand and realized what's going on here.

It takes a lot to dump someone based on a lack of respect. Just realize that it's pretty much an uphill battle to gain it back.

It's much easier to cut it clean and improve your life.

 

[SingleMalt]

One tactic when losing an argument is to nuke the entire conversation and move the disagreement to a winning topic or dead-end.

 

[SingleMalt]

UPDATE: guys so she just texted me what time am I off.

Preemptive strike? I know she's going to wanna talk and possibly dump I'm almost sure. Should I hear her out or just go and bomb before she says anything?? Need advice

She cracked. If you choose to see her, time to employ major game with rock solid frame. The outcome should be on your terms.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Okay so I thought talking about something that made me feel uncomfortable was doing the right thing. Gf took it more as an attack. I almost feel in the wrong now LOL crazy

Background: I've expressed I'm not too fond of club scene when we ain't together as I feel a "girlfriend" shouldn't be clubbing and getting wasted IMHO once in a great while but not really. Gf went out w friends fri night as did I, I wasn't gonna sit home while she was out. I didn't drink that much but she called me and I could tell she was clearly effed up. Whatever I blow it off but it's been bothering me a lot. So hour ago I bring it up to her on the phone and Hiroshima erupts almost leaded into a breakup.

I don't know if I approached it wrong or what. She basically came at me like I'm way overreacting and she's out with friends and I'm not trusting her etc. I kept trying to make convo abt her blacking out and how that's disrespectful but took it more as an attack on her.

Basically nothing was resolved and just a 45 min pissing match. She even said if I want a gf that sits home all day and does nothing is probably better for me. I've brought the topic up before so this isn't a one time thing.

Am I wrong for expressing that I don't like or feel comfortable my gf is getting wasted while I'm not there? I'm not naive and I know the scene mix in alcohol and it's not healthy for a relationship. She tried to throw double standards on me cause I went out yet I didn't get too drunk.

She kept trying to throw ultimatums at me like if I want a gf to be like that I shouldn't be with her. She even said "okay next time I'll just not call you then" that really pissed me off. What u guys think? Was I being too insecure or no? And her response was even more disrespectful than the club. Convo ended badly and almost seemed pointless to argue no resolution.

20-something couples, so jealous of them

 

[goldengoose]

Where do you guys find all these trashy women at? Sure would be interesting to see what they all look like. Time to take out the trash. That's where she should go on garbage pick up day. Dump her. Problem solved.