Argument went horrible

[Nn877]

Okay so I thought talking about something that made me feel uncomfortable was doing the right thing. Gf took it more as an attack. I almost feel in the wrong now LOL crazy

Background: I've expressed I'm not too fond of club scene when we ain't together as I feel a "girlfriend" shouldn't be clubbing and getting wasted IMHO once in a great while but not really. Gf went out w friends fri night as did I, I wasn't gonna sit home while she was out. I didn't drink that much but she called me and I could tell she was clearly effed up. Whatever I blow it off but it's been bothering me a lot. So hour ago I bring it up to her on the phone and Hiroshima erupts almost leaded into a breakup.

I don't know if I approached it wrong or what. She basically came at me like I'm way overreacting and she's out with friends and I'm not trusting her etc. I kept trying to make convo abt her blacking out and how that's disrespectful but took it more as an attack on her.

Basically nothing was resolved and just a 45 min pissing match. She even said if I want a gf that sits home all day and does nothing is probably better for me. I've brought the topic up before so this isn't a one time thing.

Am I wrong for expressing that I don't like or feel comfortable my gf is getting wasted while I'm not there? I'm not naive and I know the scene mix in alcohol and it's not healthy for a relationship. She tried to throw double standards on me cause I went out yet I didn't get too drunk.

She kept trying to throw ultimatums at me like if I want a gf to be like that I shouldn't be with her. She even said "okay next time I'll just not call you then" that really pissed me off. What u guys think? Was I being too insecure or no? And her response was even more disrespectful than the club. Convo ended badly and almost seemed pointless to argue no resolution.

 

[Leashed]

You need someone on your wavelength. If it's legitimately something that bothers you and she enjoys doing it (often?), then I don't see any reason for you guys to keep the relationship going. How old is she? If she's on the younger side then she's definitely not going to sacrifice her 'party days' because her boyfriend wants her to tone it down.

If anything, you being not fond of it might make her want to do it more. Again, depending on how old she is.

 

[TheException]

Okay so I thought talking about something that made me feel uncomfortable was doing the right thing. Gf took it more as an attack. I almost feel in the wrong now LOL crazy

Crazy isnt it? Women are masters at arguing with men because they use emotion instead of logic. You might as well be talking to the wall when arguing with a woman. Learn to use her language and start to speak to her with emotions instead......withdraw attention, talk to other women, lift weights, become dedicated to work more than her, etc.

Basically nothing was resolved and just a 45 min pissing match. She even said if I want a gf that sits home all day and does nothing is probably better for me. I've brought the topic up before so this isn't a one time thing.

This is the real problem.

You cant always look to confront women. As I mentioned above they dont speak logically. If this is a common occurrence you are more than likely coming off as a little kid who is spoiled and not getting his way. Every time you dont like something you whine about it to her.....this is not the way.

Instead....when she wants to go out, you go out and go just as hard. Have fun and forget about her for awhile. Now....I agree with you that her behavior is borderline inappropriate. Since you cannot change her behavior you really only have two options and FIGHTING AND ARGUING IS NOT ONE OF THEM:

1. Go out with your friends. Drink, have fun, flirt with women all night....then meet up with your girlfriend and bang the sh1t out of her.

2. Dump her. Her behavior is not going to change and you clearly have exhausted any option you have with confronting her because you have already picked way too many fights with her on this subject apparently. If it bothers you this much.....get rid of her. Either option requires you to NOT BE AFRAID OF LOSING HER. You cant be insecure on this subject or you will never do whats in your best interest if you have a fear of "being alone" or "losing this girl."

 

[Nn877]

Leashed- she's 27 I'm 28

Exception - yeah exhausted is def right. All I wanted is her to hear me out and understand where I'm coming from. She got extremely *****y. I'm not going to lie my insecurities have increased lately but tried to fight it. I almost thought abt walking away mid convo tbh due to her reaction.

I'm gonna go scarce/nc for a day or two. I just wanted to express how I felt. She's clearly on her own path and kept mentioning how I'm being insecure and not trustworthy. Prob just pushed her wanting to go out more now smh any way to regain frame?

 

[Jaylan]

Put your foot down, set your boundaries, and never be afraid to walk.

Id easily dump a girl who wanted to go clubbing without me frequently. Im fine if its once in a blue moon for a special occassion with her girlfriends, but your chick doesnt sound like shes doing that. And my kinda woman wouldnt be getting sh!tfaced in that environment or trying to get pissy at me for being upset at that kind of behavior.

Just dump her now, go NC, and tell her you want to date a woman who knows how to be a proper girlfriend. Any 27 year old woman who cannot see why its inappropriate to be piss drunk in that sort of environment wouldnt be my woman. Hell, when Im serious about a girl I stop putting myself in environments known for attracting the opposite sex...and my woman would do the same thing.

Just get out of this relationship, maintain a strong frame, and show her it doesnt phase you one bit.

 

[sylvester the cat]

They explode like that when they're guilty.

^^

Sounds like she's looking for an 'out', OP, and make it seem like it's your fault.

 

[RagingBalls]

^^

Sounds like she's looking for an 'out', OP, and make it seem like it's your fault.

Women are expert at that, making all the fault in a relationship OURS and we're the badguys and they're "nice girls" who's doing nothing wrong. Consent them and they'll get tired of you for being a doormat either.

Women...they don't ever get satisfied. They love, they hate you, they want to manipulate you all the while they think of themselves as righteous.

One of the reasons some men turned misogynist towards women because society blew up their egos. Disney made them think they're all princesses. Lovesongs made them think they should be pedestalized.

But Sosuave made men that comes here realize that we must as MEN regain what's ours in the first place. That we are above women eversince the dawn of time.

 

[old_skoolr]

You gotta take it by the balls man, otherwise shes gonna dump your a.ss and make it look like your fault. Never argue with her on the phone or through sms, always in person. Plus never lose your cool, be calm but authoratative. Treat her like a lil kid whos having a massive tantrum because they want more sweets.

Basically you gta let her know where you stand and tell her if she doesnt like it, your more then happy to let her walk out, but remind her that if she does, she wont be able to come back.

Get ready for a massive tantrum and when its over NC FOREVER!!!!


P.S Shame on you for dating her while knowing she does this, how are you and she dude?

 

[Greasy Pig]

Her reaction reminds me of an old flatmate whose girlfriend lived with us.
He was a serial cheater and she would find evidence all the time.
One time, she even found a long blonde hair under his foreskin (she had short brunette hair).
Anyway, his reaction whenever she accused him was to instantly escalate to DEFCON 1 and attack her.
He'd say **** like "Well why don't you just fvcking leave then?! I can't be with someone who can't trust me!"
Not saying your girl is cheating, but I'd be very watchful.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This club hore is shaming you, and you will never, in a billion years win this argument.

It's time for a pre-emptive strike, because believe me, pal, she is planning to walk. Read that last sentence again. She is looking to swing to a new branch and will not leave you until she has a grab on another guy, and believe me she is looking.

You need to tell her (totally calmly and dispassionately), "You know, I've been thinking. I think you were right. I'd rather not continue a relationship with you." Don't engage in ANY type of conversation and don't explain. If you verbalize & engage, you will lose.

Simply tell her how it is and disappear into the night. You will shock her into oblivion. You need to flip the script on her immediately. She has you and your relationship in her sites and as soon as a suitable guy shows up to stroke her massive ego, she's going to pull the trigger.

 

[Nn877]

Thanks for replies. Thing is she doesn't go out every weekend but has gone out twice this last month and to me that seems like more than enough plus she has a daughter. And she did invite me out but you guys are right she's acting very self righteous.

We dated for 10 months and I never gave her title things got pressured and we broke it off, recently got back in touch and now we're more official for last 2-3 months. There's a huge background to us that would take up the thread. I have been thinkin about ending it recently due to things and maybe that's why I'm more irritated.

Sounded like she almost wanted me to break up with her, she kept saying I don't want a boyfriend who trips or can't trust me and that I should date a girl who is all submissive etc. I'll prob have to end this cause my lil outburst from what it sounds like has created big resentment in her eyes and prob wants to go out more in spite or she might just not even tell me.

Biggest thing is going out for a friends bday is okay, but she got really drunk and I didn't mention this before but she posted a pic on Instagram tagged a friend I clicked on it and there's a pic of her heels off sitting on her guy friends lap, at the club. Her friend posted it, how does that make me look, guy friend or not I feel no girlfriend would do that or allow another friend to post it on social media.
I know this guy she's always stated he's a friend but nonetheless that image alone sent me off. I mentioned her abt Instagram not the pic and she started to make me out as a overtly insecure guy etc and that's something a girl would do, I didn't mention the pic because I'm sure she would of pulled some bs like he's like my brother and we're just acting silly drunk whatever. Do I mention the pic during breakup or just be vague and walk.

 

[El Payaso]

Dude, just tell her "You're right. I can't be in a relationship with a girl who is disrespectful. I would much rather be with a woman who respects me and our relationship. It is time we went our separate ways."

She will yap and yap. Just say "I'm glad you understand". Then walk away and never speak to her again. Delete her contact, texts, pictures. Every single thing. Block her number. Get a restraining order on her if you have to.

 

[Turuwal]

You want to know how to fvck with her head? When she starts arguing with you, just sit there and nod and go "mmm" and wait for her to stop talking. If she says that she doesn't want sex then just agree and wait for her to leave. If she is threatening to leave then just sit there and wait for her to leave. If she it is telling you that she's gonna do whatever she's gonna do then just get up and leave.

Just. Say. Nothing. Women are too good with words and you will never beat them in an argument. They are absolutely terrified of silence, especially with someone they have feelings for.

Field tested many, many, many times in the course of standard relationships, friends with benefits, fvck buddies and open relationships.

 

[Sofomore]

Ooh so she's a single mom that gets blacked out? Sounds like a real keeper.

It's not worth the drama. Break up with her and go NC while working on your hobbies and hitting the gym.

 

[Nn877]

It's just my approach was telling her as her boyfriend I don't like my gf gettin hella drunk in the club. People can use trust as a blanket to hide behind or free pass to do as you wish.

I just felt as a man if somethin bothers you, to tell her girl. She didn't see it as that and made it out that she's doing as she pleases and I need to accept that.

 

[Bokanovsky]

It's just my approach was telling her as her boyfriend I don't like my gf gettin hella drunk in the club. People can use trust as a blanket to hide behind or free pass to do as you wish.

I just felt as a man if somethin bothers you, to tell her girl. She didn't see it as that and made it out that she's doing as she pleases and I need to accept that.

The fact that she reacted so strongly can only mean one thing. She did something inappropriate that night. Maybe she fvcked some other guy; maybe she just made out. But she definitely did something. It's a natural human reaction to lash out when we know we're in the wrong.

 

[JoeMarron]

Yeah..sad to say but your girl is obviously not fit for a relationship. Go ghost and start talking to new chicks immediately. Next time establish the ground rules for the relationship in the beginning. When or if she breaks them you shut it down quick before it gets out of hand like it did with this chick.

 

[Nn877]

Appreciate feedback guys. I don't want a girl to be a nerdy square but going out and clearly getting pretty drunk without your bf there and this is not first occasion is not a real relationship in my opinion. What sucks is I do love her and she clearly doesn't see that.

I'm just a controlling bf and trying to limit her fun in her eyes, all I'm trying to do is promote a healthy relationship.

 

[j.619]

That we are above women eversince the dawn of time.

I love this sentence. Not because I'm a chauvinist, but because physiologically, mentally, and physically, men are stronger than women. They lack logic, testosterone, and literally have smaller brains. Women fail to thrive without a good, strong, confident man to complete them.

 

[Nn877]

I agree with above, problem today is girls use "double standards" and try to be all righteous because their egos are blown up due to social media basically abundance mentality on steroids is a women's Instagram account.

We had arguments about clubbing and she even did disrespectful **** while I was with her before we parted temp, so in my head I was not going to let anything slide even though I prob should of nexted her back then but due to lack of options and feelings still invested I brought her back in my life.

It's crazy to think that she would not be on good behavior and think as long as she says I should trust her gives her a pass to go wild out. I have my own issues I need to resolve as well tho it's not entirely her, I really think I have co-dependcy problems as it's really hard for me to next her. I know term gets thrown around very loosely but she had soooo many traits as these bpd posts demonstrate.

Being alone and in control of my life is better than being with a women who clearly doesn't have your best interests in place is worst.