A few things. Firstly
@stringpuller is a married man with a satisfactory (to him) relationship. A couple of other men on this thread are also married and enjoying that dynamic. A relationship is satisfying if it meets the needs of the individuals in that interaction. However that gets defined by those people. I have seen very diverse relationship dynamics from the ultra conservative to the eye openingly liberal. The couple figures that out amongst themselves.
For me I tend to agree strongly with
@rjc149 in his views and I historically am a more conservative leaning LTR gal who ends up in relationships with men in the player/playboy archetype bucket. I also am close friends with a number of these type men with whom I’ve never been intimately involved (and a couple who I have been involved with). The youngest in my close circle is 39 and the oldest is 67. They all have kill counts past 500. P*ssy is a commodity for these men.
These men without exception have arrived at the same conclusion. They’ve had quantity. They’ve had and/or are enjoying the kind of abundance men who haven’t experienced it drool over. Orgies, threesomes, three different lays from different women in 12 hours, strippers, centerfolds, you name it. Game on ice to where getting laid is EASY. But it’s empty. At the end of the day it’s empty emotionally.
Once men reach the emptiness epiphany an interesting shift happens. They self sort into two camps.
One camp is the “all women are hos”, “it’s only your turn” camp with all its jaded viewpoints. This group, in my mind consists of men who cannot pair bond, have accepted denial of basic deep human emotional needs and will argue to the death that their perspective is the correct one. They get into relationships perhaps along the way but the depth and meaningfulness of those relationships is foreshortened by their own damage, baggage, scars and beliefs. If their relationship dissolves they simply next and consider that’s just the way of things (and for them it IS) but that is more a product of the attitude they have rather than what is possible. They no longer have the capacity for deep lasting meaningful enduring intimacy and so they rationalize that it does not in fact exist. Or it doesn’t exist in 2021, or in Millenials or in (whatever qualifier you choose) type environment. They qualify and rationalize BECAUSE they can observe real quality relationships in their families, or in someone they know…but that type interaction escapes their reality and must be rationalized or explained away. It doesn’t fit their belief system and as such must be debunked and denied.
The other camp of the men who have had so much sex that it is rendered meaningless at the end of the day wrestles with the question of meaningfulness itself. Ok sex is fun but dealing with crazy women isn’t. Ok so there are warm holes…but who those holes belong to starts to become more important. Quantity gives way to pursuit of quality. These men still have barriers to real intimacy but they acknowledge and tackle that head on, which is no small task. It is an uneven road but it is growth and self development.
For whatever reason I choose men out of this camp. Men who have been there, done that, got the T shirt and are over it. Often these men aren’t sure what real intimacy is supposed to look like in a relationship but they observe it around them and have a desire to figure it out.
My boyfriend is of this group. We were talking about the sex as a commodity thing just last night over dinner. This morning while cuddling he said to me he likes the “warm fuzzy feeling” he gets from our interaction. He loves being loved. He’s so used to crazy selfish self serving women that he didn’t think there was an alternative. And he is a handsome head turning sexy f*cker. But he wants his humanity recognized and embraced beyond the whole f*ck toy bad boy vibe. He’s been objectified sexually (which he enjoyed thoroughly don’t get me wrong) so much that he rolls his eyes at that and wants to be seen as more than a hot man with a nice package. It’s similar to the way beautiful women are…that is the subset of beautiful women who are *over* being valued just for appearance and want to be recognized for the whole package.
And of course for that to happen there must be a “total package” out past physical appearance.
Men who haven’t experienced the kind of abundance I’m talking about cannot fathom sex actually becoming meaningless. And neither can the truly happily marrieds out there who by skill or luck managed to marry young, once, and happily intimately bonded to their partner.
It’s a unique subset of men. With its incumbent unique issues and perspectives.
