Anyone ever get tired of starting over again and again?

[exhausted]

I'm hopeful that when I am open to any sort of LTR that I won't allow myself to settle. That's really my only goal right now, just feeling like that person is actually right for me and being confident with the decision. If I'm not settling in terms of what I think is really important, then meeting her family or dealing with some light baggage won't be a big deal. I'm kind of brutal to date right now though because I could give two ****s about someone who isn't that. I think knowing what you want and what you need is helpful.

OP: do you have a lot of male friends or a social group of some kind? That might help with companionship and watching movies and stuff. I'm working on developing that aspect of my life. Having support and people in your life that you can do simple fun things with is huge (and you can meet other people through them and so on). I'm slowly but surely joining things like an MMA gym or places like meetup.com to find other guys, that part of my life really broke down in my marriage and I think it's critical to being psychologically healthy and able to maintain some balance when you are dating.

Yes I have two best friends that live miles away I grew up with that are like brothers. We use to golf a lot but not to recently as both have been married for years. I can still swing by and see them anytime but they have families. I have been hitting the gym 5x a week and i box and spar usually once a week. Walk my dog daily at the park and stay busy. But sadly that void stays and wont disappear. I did keep a ltr around much longer than i should, she is a npd and bipolar, but i guess i liked the companionship. Sadly

 

[corrector]

Y. Not to sound needy or anything, but it is much more enjoyable to hit the movies and dinner and drinks with a companion/gf/life mate or what have you rather than alone. I went to the movies alone for years until this last ltr (unless it was something my son could watch) that **** is rough after awile.

Try watching youtube videos before (non-spoiler) and afterwards. I like listening to Grace Randolf's reviews, for example, and find that her insights about the movie, personality and energy transferred by these videos sounds better than going to the movies with a few different ladies that I have dated and brought there in the past. I don't usually have an engaging discussion about the movie afterwards and it gets boring and distracting to worry about going with someone (i.e. how they are feeling? they could interrupt you during the movie? You may feel bored holding hands through most of the movie or feel distracted from being totally immersed int he movie.

 

[ubercat]

OP if you were my age I'd say fair enough. You've been there done all that and decided to go your own way.

But mate 38 or a bit older is way too young to be admitting defeat. Making new friends is annoying but just like girls friends come and go so you'll have to do it. If it's company you're after it sounds like a better way to go is to build up your social Circle first and then get a girl. Girlfriends never add to your social Circle they just eventually detract from it. They assimilate all the couple friends and Extract them on the way out.

You're not too old yet what's your take on wanting children?

 

[exhausted]

OP if you were my age I'd say fair enough. You've been there done all that and decided to go your own way.

But mate 38 or a bit older is way too young to be admitting defeat. Making new friends is annoying but just like girls friends come and go so you'll have to do it. If it's company you're after it sounds like a better way to go is to build up your social Circle first and then get a girl. Girlfriends never add to your social Circle they just eventually detract from it. They assimilate all the couple friends and Extract them on the way out.

You're not too old yet what's your take on wanting children?

Well I am 39 now as of last week.
My son is 18 and is heading to college but will commute this first year.
I have raised him alone since he was 10 months.
So I did the whole broken family thing this whole time. One year had a girl that did things with us high was fulfilling.
Anyways out from a 3 year Ltr with a NPD I Held on waaay to long as I was single for 7 years prior. Always I always had girls around but wanted the companionship which is more enjoyable than just booty calls.
I could spend more time with my friends but it is the companionship that is lacking when all is said and done.
Sadly I wasted my 35-39 years on this girl. Now I am less than a year from 40.
Would I want more kids?.. hmm maybe if the girl is right.
When breaking up with my recent ex I told her I don't want kids with someone who is screaming at me and everything all the time.
Her response to everything had become an irrational rage of screaming. She didn't understand this is unacceptable. Add to it how she didn't realize how obsurd it is to act like that over nothing.
I can't live like that.

 

[ubercat]

That is a complicated landscape. From my two cents worth you've got a son who you've got a good relationship with so I don't think anything was wasted. You've got plenty of life experience to draw on so the only thing I would say yes if you are looking for a girl to wife up look substantially younger. And now is the time while you can still appeal to girls on that 25 to 30 age bracket.

 

[Desdinova]

My son played sports growing up, try sitting at the games alone for 14 years while everyone around you has a family.

I think men should get awards for stuff like that. It's not easy raising a kid all by yourself. It's even more difficult if you don't have much of a support system backing you.

At least you can look back and say that you did it, didn't give up, and did the best fvcking job you could. That's an accomplishment. If you can take on raising a kid on your own, you can take on damn near anything that life throws at you.

I mean, just want someone to share my day with and I think that would boost my motivation quite a lot, for different things.

This is the way I see it... A woman should see her man as her warrior. He goes out, gets things done, puts shelter over her head and puts food on the table. It's her job to prepare the food, help her man rejuvenate from how hard he worked, and take care of him when he's unwell or wounded so he can get back to being her warrior ASAP. Her job is to keep her man going.

That is what I want, and that is what I have started aiming for when it comes to a companion. If the bytch is wounding me instead of empowering me, then she doesn't deserve me as her warrior.

 

[exhausted]

I think men should get awards for stuff like that. It's not easy raising a kid all by yourself. It's even more difficult if you don't have much of a support system backing you.

At least you can look back and say that you did it, didn't give up, and did the best fvcking job you could. That's an accomplishment. If you can take on raising a kid on your own, you can take on damn near anything that life throws at you.



This is the way I see it... A woman should see her man as her warrior. He goes out, gets things done, puts shelter over her head and puts food on the table. It's her job to prepare the food, help her man rejuvenate from how hard he worked, and take care of him when he's unwell or wounded so he can get back to being her warrior ASAP. Her job is to keep her man going.

That is what I want, and that is what I have started aiming for when it comes to a companion. If the bytch is wounding me instead of empowering me, then she doesn't deserve me as her warrior.

Thanks.

And that's the woman I've been looking for my whole life and can not find exists anymore. I am Italian and this is how all the women in my family have been growing up. They took pride in caring for their husbands and families and were fulfilled doing it. They received gratification in cooking and nurturing their family. These girls today lack that entirely and it is disturbing and disappointing.

My ex of 3 years had a little girl, expected me to be present and act like a step dad in every way, school events, sports, family get togethers, take them out to eat and to acrivities and pay for everything, pick the kid up from day care and school at times, yet offered me nothing in return and no appreciation , cooked for me like 4x in the last 2 years. What an absolute lazy **** she was. These girls today are worthless.

 

[evan12]

Does anyone else just ever get tired of having to start over and getting to know a girl and sift through her red flags, her history, her family, her friends and her orbiters ? Just going through all that bull**** again is exhausting to think about.
The benefit of having a long-term relationship is building a bond and a friendship through that loving relationship and it is hard to let it go, however it is much more difficult to start a new with somebody else who will probably just disappoint you with her red flags and will end the connection early on.

I say if you were in your 20s find a girl who is just out of college yet to be divorced or have kids and have all that damage. However if you're in your late 30s then you're pretty much ****ed because any choice you have is a woman that's probably divorced with kids and a ****ty ex-husband u have to deal with. However if you can pull a girl in her late 20s Who is not damaged then congratulations. I am a week from 39 and dated a girl 26 to almost 30 with a kid , divorced and damaged beyond belief,( NPD princess syndrome). So any chance you have is a single girl with no kids mid to late 20s. That is the unicorn good luck


me, I got a German Shepherd instead.

Try South America or Asia for better quality of women , but dont be surprised if she asked for divorce after citizenship

 

[exhausted]

Try South America or Asia for better quality of women , but dont be surprised if she asked for divorce after citizenship

No marriage for me.
What site would you even go to to find these Asian prospects?

 

[corrector]

No marriage for me.
What site would you even go to to find these Asian prospects?

If you are white then they find you.

 

[evan12]

No marriage for me.
What site would you even go to to find these Asian prospects?

They look for marriage from men in first world countries so without marriage you either have to fool them or you should be attractive to just want to be with you without any promise

 

[exhausted]

The best advice I can give you is : Don't settle.

No relationship is much better than a bad relationship. Especially f it costs you money.

Good point.
It's better to be alone and enjoy peace than to have stress and unnecessary anxiety.

 

[exhausted]

2 months has gone by and I have declined any activity with 3 girls who reached out to me (i have not pursued anything really) and I met with one.

She was ok but the attraction just wasnt there so I kind of blew her off. Sadly probably came off rude but i just didnt want to he mean.

The ex was still chiming in but she's a psycho and I had to get mean to get her to leave me alone. Like really mean as she just twisted, lied and pushed and more lies because i wouldnt take her back.

These npds will make u feel like u lost your mind.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Unless you enjoy the process....

 

[XFORCE]

I literally just got back from the lake where I took my dog and I had a lady approached me and asked for my number. This is the third girl in the last month asking for my number or send me a message trying to get together. However I've declined or three just due to the fatigue of it all. So I can Relate to how you feel as well.

I agree with you there. Two of the women I train are hitting on me (one hot and one not but both have some kind of damage/baggage). I can't believe it but I'm playing it straight and saying no (for now) to both. As nice as it'd be to hook up with a new chick right away, it's such a f***ing mental drain until I get the poison out from the last crazy chick out of my system.

 

[XFORCE]

Echoing the statements above. Dating can get exhausting once the red flags start stacking like a library of heavy books. It's only a matter of time before they all come crashing down

I think it's good to step back from overall game for a while and work on yourself. Have fun exploring various hobbies you've never tried out before or resume a passion you left half finished. It's a chance for the brain to reset from the focus of a LTR (or plate spinning) and learn new things about yourself you didn't realize you had the potential to do. For example, I bought an acoustic and electric guitar within the last month or so and I'm having a blast learning new techniques and how to read tabs everyday figuring out where everything is on the fret board daily while attending weekly lessons.

I've often heard many say when you're so wrapped up in creating an awesome life for yourself: looks, personality and finances - women pick up on this, are intrigued and want to find out more about you while you're not consumed with chasing them down first.

It's a form of quiet distinct level of confidence to be alone when it's absolutely necessary for your Don Juan journey.

I've had two potential plate opportunities lately too that I could escalate with, yet still feel exhausted from my last main plate ended sixty days ago. Breaks are a great time to grow and practice not being needy or an anti-challenge (if that was ever a problem). I have no shame admitting here that I'm still very co-dependent in LTRs, so I realize I have to work on becoming more independent before I can be ready and secure enough to handle a LTR.

Everything said here is right on

 

[XFORCE]

It makes me a little bit nauseous thinking about getting serious with a girl again and getting attached to her family and feeling like part of their life only to inevitably watch everything go to s***.

I was introduced early to her daughter and parents and they were all great. I miss them as much as the not-crazy version of my ex-girlfriend.

 

[Milano]

Rant inc!

FINALLY got a date to show up about a month after my last plate got done, with a young smoking hot single mom I thought I could have some fun with, got her home for something I hoped would be netflix and chill. Turns out she was VERY tired etc etc bullsht excuse, barely looked at me and even though I started touching her between her legs and she didnt really do anything to stop it, she was completely stiff and didnt give ANY signal for anything. I really dont care if she just got out of a relationship or if it was an excuse cause she didnt like who I was outside the dating profile, which I feel is good considering it has pictures of me in different angles so she can see my genetics. Holy fuk Im tired of being after these sluts like a god damn dog, no power at all. Yes, desperation is starting to mount up.

It really seems hopeless when you live in a small place without a social circle that has women in them. The few I find are either just out of a relationship and wants attention by chatting through snapchat or they are ugly as fuk.

Perhaps I just gotta move again, cant stand not being able to get volume through dating, its also the only way to improve. Thing is, I moved out here on the countryside to initially improve myself and see what happens. Not sure if I can go full monk mode like I feared would happen and now it is starting to remove my hope.

Do I have to live in New York or something? Ofc the competition is insane there, but at least statistically there are even more woman than men and about 10 million of them. I just want to get some fuking volume, tired of living in the middle of nowhere and I gotta fix this shtty problem!

Ofc I know I gotta improve myself, and I am doing that also. Its just so slow.

- Rant end.

 

[XFORCE]

Do I have to live in New York or something?

I live in NJ and am in NYC all the time. There are a TON of women here BUT the level of entitlement (among other things) is off the charts. There's a rampant attitude of wanting the boyfriend treatment but not wanting to put in the work to become a girlfriend.

 

[sosousage]

commitment kills attraction for woman, so she respects you less, more red flags appear, and then done. if you want to commit you need to find a way to bring steady flow of attraction. and dont worry, these "taken already, healthy women" arent much more healthy than these that are single. they all are selfish.

just have more IDGAF attitude