Another Online Field Report

Mister Big

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I am currently taking myself out of the online scene (too many women and I want to get good at cold approaches with very attractive women). Here's my field report on a first date I went on yesterday.

Pyschology Woman
She runs an adolescent psychology center and makes big $$$. I haven't dated any at her level professionally before, so I was a very curious to how this would turn out. She winked at me. I liked her look so I pursued her with a few emails until I got a number. Strangely, I had trouble getting her on the phone which always sucks. Finally, I caught her and we talked for 45 minutes. I usually limit myself to no more than 10-15 minutes for a first conversation as a rule. This limit just forces me to be direct not pushy (women like that) and funny not silly. I am way too busy to fart around with IM and emails every day. They are just a tool to get to a physical connection. I don't like to over analyze my electronic game as it reduces time I spend out in the real world.

Because she was a psychologist, she kept asking open ended questions about my pending divorce, family, and personal issues, etc. I tried to break in and set the date several times, but she said she wanted to feel more comfortable and talk more. I always go with the flow in the beginning by discussing whatever she wants. This makes her feel comfortable which should be your goal. The exception is when you really don't feel comfortable. Fit in but don't compromise yourself. The conversation wasn't great, but I embedded a few sexy moments by talking about her wild side.

I met her for coffee at a Borders Books, her suggestion. She was cute, petite, and nicely put together (5'3", 105#s, 35 in chest) for a mature women (40 yo). She explained that her staff screened me for her, nice. We talked for about 30 minutes about boring things. I could tell she liked me as she was giving me cues with her body language: moving her hair in her face, lounging back, and returning EC. Remember that women act younger than their age when they feel sexy. Bad posture is an obvious cue. Look for these signs and gently increase your game accordingly. I increased EC and really focused on her eyes (one at time) and her lips. She liked it and smiled a lot.

I introduced some kino when she laughed about something I said. I squeezed her shoulder, then held her hand and didn't let go. She didn't respond by squeezing back, but if a women doesn't pull away it's usually a good sign. Some women need a lot of time to get used to your touch and can remain paralyzed initially. I never jump to conclusions about a woman's opinion of me. I could have bailed when I had trouble getting her on the phone, but she was just very busy. I could have taken her not returning my kino as a rejection, but she was just very shy. Until you get really frustrated, don't take anything on face value. I stroked her hand with my fingers for awhile and then I pull my hand back to gauge her reaction. She wanted more by the look in her eye. Pay attention and take what they give you.

I brought up a subject that is pure magic when you first meet someone that responds positively to you: dancing. Knowing how to dance is a very important element to my game for many reasons. I always challenge women that like to dance to talk about it. How it makes them feel, what music they like, where they go out, memorable moments, but especially whether they think they can hang with my moves. Its a metaphor for your bedroom ability and I've never met a woman who was good in bed who didn't like to brag about how sexy she is on the dance floor. By the end of this convo, this CEO teased me about jumping up on table and showing me her stuff which was hilarious because she is very conservative on the exterior.

As it was approaching the time she had to go, I knew to play it cool and not get more physical. Timing is everything and appearing smooth is necessary to build momentum. I talked to her about seeing her again over the weekend: prime time. She said that Saturday worked for her. With older women, don't call after the date, make them wait, and play it cool if they dig you. These women appreciate you cutting to the chase as they are just as time deprived as we are and don't want to play games. As we both walked out of the shop, the sun hit our faces and she kicked her head back to enjoy the warmth. When she straightened up, I stepped in and kissed her lightly. Date 1 successfully over.

Later that night she emailed me and told me she liked me and couldn't wait for Saturday to come. I am getting better with these hot professionals. However, coffee shops stink in my opinion because they are so public and lit up. Looking very relaxed but stylish is the best you can hope for. If we were in a bar, I would have gone in for more kino and a kiss or two much earlier. It seems inappropriate to do this in a coffee shop. Women love to meet in these places so I deal with it. I'll discuss another report in my next post.
 
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Francisco d'Anconia

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Not bad. However, you need to work on your venues. I'm huge into using coffee shops as a first meeting place, however I'll be d@mned if I'd settle for spending time in a Starbuck's!

You need to find a few non-franchise, non-standard coffee shops. Consider those located near college campuses or in bohemian type neighborhood. They are usually very subdued and comfortable.

There's one in my town that is in an old Victorian home. They mostly use candles to light the place. They play an eclectic mix of music spanning from old school jazz to contemporary alternative rock. You never know what you'll find. It's a great place with a plenty of ambiance, extremely conducive for deep, meaningful conversations.

Oh yeah, find a place with circular booths if you can, they're great for kino! ;)
 

Mister Big

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Good advice. The coffee shop scene is probably just as diverse as the bar scene. I don't drink coffee, but I am thinking it would be a pretty good habit from what you've said. I'll be searching on the net tonight to establish more intimate options and some venues for cold approaches. I bet adapting my game within a coffee shop is different but just as satisfying, unique, and potentially successful as being in a more traditional location like a bar or restaurant.

Don't want to be an a** kisser here. But you always give great, constructive feedback. Thanks, Francisco.
 

insomniac

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Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia

There's one in my town that is in an old Victorian home. They mostly use candles to light the place. They play an eclectic mix of music spanning from old school jazz to contemporary alternative rock. You never know what you'll find. It's a great place with a plenty of ambiance, extremely conducive for deep, meaningful conversations.

Oh yeah, find a place with circular booths if you can, they're great for kino! ;)
Hmm, I think this is the same place I try to do all my first dates at...on Hennepin in Uptown, right? Good choice. I'll usually pick Chino Latino if meeting for a drink.
 

al77

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Originally posted by Mister Big
As it was approaching the time she had to go
Just a little suggestion: it would be even better if you end the date yourself.
 

Mister Big

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Online Field Report Number 2

I know I'm overloading here, but if I don't document now I'll probably forget. Here is the field report from my dinner date yesterday. I know, I have to slow down, but with schedules this was the only way I could see both women.

Legal Woman
She winked at me. I read her profile and she was a fairly cute attorney. She noted several MUST HAVES: 6'1" tall, college educated, etc., that sort of turned me off. However, since I qualified, I emailed her back with a very dominant message and provided my must haves: sex appeal, good dancer, etc. She lost her leverage early which is important if you can get away with it with a woman like her who is used to getting her way.

She was difficult to get on the phone, but after swapping several emails we finally connected. The phone call was short and direct. I could tell she wasn't uptight but a little new to dating again. I met her for dinner at a nice place in the city. She was very tall and less fit than I expected, but I liked her face and sensed her need for me to eventually dominate her so I wanted to continue. We talked a little at dinner about her recent trip into NYC and mine into Baltimore, so the rapport was light but smooth. Kino was tough because the table was big and to be honest I wasn't that turned on.

After we laughed at one point, I suggested we take a walk by the river if the weather was nice enough outside afterwards. This was a good move. An adventure after something controlled like dinner provides excitement.

The place was deserted but beautifully lit up. The walk was like being on a movie set and I got romantic feelings just being there. Unfortunately not for her. But I recognize the appeal and the many women I would seduce by bringing them there. I kissed her by the water after we walked for awhile. I used the many romantic spots on the way back as an excuse to kiss her again. I said that since the city went through all the trouble of making sure we were alone we were obligated. lol. I left it off by saying I'd call her, but I'm not sure I will.

The point here is you can always salvage something positive from even a so-so date. Dating should always be thought of as a learning experience. Going to this amazing place on a Sunday with no one around is now on the top of my list and will aid my game significantly with other women. I don't believe I could have been unsuccessful if I tried because of the venue. Location, location, location.
 
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Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by Mister Big
Good advice. The coffee shop scene is probably just as diverse as the bar scene. I don't drink coffee, but I am thinking it would be a pretty good habit from what you've said. I'll be searching on the net tonight to establish more intimate options and some venues for cold approaches. I bet adapting my game within a coffee shop is different but just as satisfying, unique, and potentially successful as being in a more traditional location like a bar or restaurant.

Don't want to be an a** kisser here. But you always give great, constructive feedback. Thanks, Francisco.
Coffee shops aren't what the use to be, they are not that bad actually. I'm not a big coffee drinker either, but the shop that I frequent serves killer root beer floats. It usually spawns interesting conversations when women ask what I'm drinking and I tell them. More times than not they end up buying one too and the conversation goes on from there. A guy is easily memorable to a woman when he's confident enough to order a float in a world of Grande Double Mocha Lattes! ;)

Thanks for kudos too, I'm not too much of a man to appreciate a complement! It easy to lend advice when it's appreciated. :up:
 

Mister Big

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Re: Re: Another Online Field Report

Originally posted by al77
Just a little suggestion: it would be even better if you end the date yourself.
Thanks. I'll remember this for the next coffee date. This tip would have helped provide a level of control that I think I lacked with the psychology chick. She is very busy and her phone goes off all the time.

During dates, I try to not worry about time because I do this all day at work. Maybe setting an alarm on my blackberry to remind me is an approach where I can still feel loose. Dating is a pure form of escape for me. Once I get both of us in the zone, the experience can really be timeless for both parties like a great movie you never want to end. Recently its been therapeutic not stressful at all. That's probably why I am dating so much.
 

al77

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Re: Re: Re: Another Online Field Report

Originally posted by Mister Big
During dates, I try to not worry about time because I do this all day at work. Maybe setting an alarm on my blackberry to remind me is an approach where I can still feel loose.
I think you are doing great!

You chose to dine women on the first meeting, I don't do that, it shows you want to attract her with some external stuff...which most guys can do especially if it is dinner. Think about it: when you set up a date, you tell her "blah blah... dinner" She hears she will get a free dinner and loads of your attention. Nice! She may go on a date onlu because of that free dinner. So it is not exctacly a perfect start to filter out unqualified women.
Sure it boosts your ego, since you can date more women with such an offer...but the question is do you really want to date chicks who are up to a free dinner ONLY?

This is a great idea by the way about the alarm. I would suggest to make it real quiet, so she would not hear it. Then if you end the date, it will appear as if you are in control, and not just "work like" busy because of the call or the alarm.
 

Mister Big

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Another Online Field Report

Originally posted by al77
I think you are doing great!

You chose to dine women on the first meeting, I don't do that, it shows you want to attract her with some external stuff...which most guys can do especially if it is dinner. Think about it: when you set up a date, you tell her "blah blah... dinner" She hears she will get a free dinner and loads of your attention. Nice! She may go on a date onlu because of that free dinner. So it is not exctacly a perfect start to filter out unqualified women.
Sure it boosts your ego, since you can date more women with such an offer...but the question is do you really want to date chicks who are up to a free dinner ONLY?
You're absolutely right. I have old-fashioned instincts about dating especially first dates. I need to remember the basics. She suggested the dinner, and I should have countered with just meeting for a drink. She didn't offer to pay, so I would put her in the "wanting a free dinner" category. Many older women fall into this group and require you to navigate around dumping big bucks on them without even knowing if you're attracted to them them yet.

Consequently, my seafood dinner was fantastic and she was pretty cheap to feed because she only eats chicken. Finding out about the secluded river front helps me rationalize that I paid for the dinner as sort of an investment in my game. I should reap huge benefits down the line with other girls that I meet out only for a drink and then walk them around down there.
 
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al77

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Another Online Field Report

You have to realize that it is not so much about the price of dinner: McDonald's dinner will be counted alsmot the same as expensive sea food. It is about her attitude of "free ride".
I personally feel bad if she suggests dinner, you have to be prepared and counter-suggest coffee or drinks.
If she refuses, it is her problem: you do not want to deal with her, she was up for your free dinner, boosting her ego and not you.

Most of us have thos old-fahisoned instincts, some even note AFC instincts...If she suggests a dinner, doen't it mean she is inviting you to dinner and doesn't it mean she is going to pay? And she
even didn't offer to pay... sad.

Some would argue: some classy older women are used to men who wine and dine them from the let go...I am not sure you want to convey her a message that you want a high maintanence girl. It does not matter how old is he or how classy is she...what matters is her IL in you. If she suggest dinner she is a species of "freeriders". Do you want any of them?

There are two basic approaches to realize that: a) buy as many free dinners to as many women as you can.. and eventually figure out they wanted anythign but you b) think about screening process, when you basically do screening by offering her to meet for coffee, and realize benefits of screening women vs just dating freeriders.

If there is a coffee shop next to the place you discovered just grab some coffee and go outside....I think that would be great idea for the first meeting.
 

Mister Big

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Followup to Both Match Dates

Originally posted by al77
If she suggests a dinner, doen't it mean she is inviting you to dinner and doesn't it mean she is going to pay? And she even didn't offer to pay... sad.
Thanks for the reminder. I am taking your advice and not calling back the attorney. It's possible that she wasn't purposeful in not offering to pay, but she wasn't that hot either. Too many to choose from. NEXT.

The psychology CEO has been seriously flirting with me through emails and phone calls since Sunday. She's aggressive and has offered to be my "sugermomma" if I show her some serious bedroom skills. I know I have what she needs and would love to see the expression on her face when she finds this out. She is publishing a book and talks about retiring from running her business soon, so who knows if she is BS. It would be funny to see her book in a month on the shelves. Never met someone at this level before. It makes you feel a bit like a gigalo, but in a good way. I don't need her $$$, but could use a paid vacation or two or three.

We are meeting this weekend during the day. Its a romantic estate turned into a public gardens that never fails to create the right mood. She wanted to push the date into dinner and do a concert, but I have another hottie coming up from Baltimore that night. Because of my commitments, she is definitely very into me. Keeping busy is the most attractive element of a guy's game in my opinion. It forces you to deal with women in a more DJ way. Women love to compete and knowing others are signed up validates accepting the casual aspect I think. Yesterday, she actually acknowleged my busy dating schedule and mentioned how she might just want me for sex. decisions, decisions.
 

al77

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Re: Followup to Both Match Dates

Well.. you have been quite successful, I could not grasp why though... may you are just naturally more of a DJ, maybe looks, maybe mentioning "generous" helps... I wish I could understand how you got such good game going...

I am thinking.. probably... since you are quite good anyway, you may attempt to buy her a free dinner, then switch to some other venue and after than invite her to your place. That would be make sense and I guess you can at least attempt to close the deal.

CEO: she wrote a book, so what?? It doesnt bring tons of money...go look at her competitors at a bookstore who write about psychology: most books are extremely boring or extremely simple. As in any area is it hard to find somethign decent.
Don't get intimidated.. if fact I think she is blah blah about it because she wants to test you.

I guess concerts and after that dinner with drinks would be much better: it sets a proper mood, vibes... a concert is not exactly something very stimulating.... anyway, if you feel you don't have time for her, you may just invite her to a short walk at the graden and.... invite her to a "concert" to you place. It would take much less time to figure out what she is after.

"Keeping busy is the most attractive element of a guy's game "
Interesting. I thought it is a requirement, just to show that you are not desperate. You say it is attractive? Why?
I can understand if you had sex with her, and mentioned.. "that blond that I work with..I am gonna be busy tomorrow, I need to discuss a new project with her at work"... yeah, that "busy" would work. Would you elaborate on being busy a little bit?
 

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Mister Big: you sound like you have your game and the right mindset for dating. For the legal one, I like how you salvaged some kino and kissing even though you weren't interested. Your dinner + walk combo was good - you can always use that place again too!

The 'free dinner' stuff is part of the costs, so I don't know why everyone's going on about it - still it is something to watch. I personally stay away from first date dinners.

Being very busy = DJ. Definitely. One almost turns into an instant AFC if not busy enough and then you start thinking about your game and what to do next and blah, blah, blah!
 

al77

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Originally posted by Chrispy
Being very busy = DJ. Definitely. One almost turns into an instant AFC if not busy enough
Being busy with what? If you have something to do, it is a good thing. If you dont, but say "I am busy" would not be it a fake?
Would not women smell this fake business?
 

Mister Big

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Re: Re: Followup to Both Match Dates

Originally posted by al77
"Keeping busy is the most attractive element of a guy's game "
Interesting. I thought it is a requirement, just to show that you are not desperate. You say it is attractive? Why?
Keeping busy especially by dating other women is critical to your image as it makes you perceived as rare. Women now see you as a wanted and limited commodity and that is appealing to them. Women are very competitive with each other, just watch the Bachelor (humiliation tv). The concept is that there is only one of you, but many of them.

A woman becomes validated being with you because other women want you. Its that simple. To put it in more simple terms from their perspective: "This man must be good if so many other women want him. I have to have him even if for only a short time." Its human nature. Even if you are not dating, keep busy doing something you love if its business, school, sports, etc. You need something for them to compete with to keep them from seeing you as another desperate AFC.

About discussing other women. I don't offer up what my "commitments" are that limit my time (that's tacky), but they know I am seeing other women. They can feel that I don't give a sh%t about ending it if they cross the line because I've got several waiting to take their place. Women are very intuitive, so you don't need to brag to them. But women also love drama and a strong man The initial tension related to dating a DJ keeps them excited. This is how it works.
 

al77

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Re: Re: Re: Followup to Both Match Dates

Originally posted by Mister Big
Keeping busy especially by dating other women is critical to your image as it makes you perceived as rare....
About discussing other women. I don't offer up what my "commitments" are that limit my time (that's tacky), but they know I am seeing other women.
Right. How do you let them know you are dating other women?
How do you let them know you are busy _dating_ other women?
I cannot think of a way to convey this idea in proper words.
If I say just "busy" it may mean whatever....How do you deal with it, what do you say?
 

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Followup to Both Match Dates

Originally posted by al77
Right. How do you let them know you are dating other women?
How do you let them know you are busy _dating_ other women?
I cannot think of a way to convey this idea in proper words.
If I say just "busy" it may mean whatever....How do you deal with it, what do you say?
You misunderstood me. I would never say "I'm busy" and not be busy. What I meant was a twofold. First, be busy with your own goals like work and fun besides being available. The second of course is having other girls and options. Without those two, it's easy to suddenly become very available, very boring and then being dropped. While it works for me, it may not work for you...
 

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Followup to Both Match Dates

Originally posted by al77
Right. How do you let them know you are dating other women?
Women are very intelligent in my experience. They know what's going on without you needing to provide the details.

I like to use the word commitments. I say, "I would like to see you Friday night, but I have a commitment. Let's do Saturday day instead." This commitment could mean work (doubtful for a weekend), hanging out with friends/family, or another woman. If they probe further, just say "I am hanging out with a good friend." They always understand what you mean.

Because you are just initiating a relationship with her, this establishes your pull with other women. You'll become more appealing to them as long as you don't go into your exploits. This is a deal killer, so avoid details at all costs even if she asks. No woman really wants the hear intimate information about you with others.
 
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Followup to Both Match Dates

Originally posted by Mister Big
Women are very intelligent in my experience. They know what's going on without you needing to provide the details.

I like to use the word commitments. I say, "I would like to see you Friday night, but I have a commitment. Let's do Saturday day instead."
Very good idea, Mister! A commitment! I'll sure try to use it...
I think persoanly that women are not intelligent, they judge us by very superficial stuff, and believe it is 100% true. I am gonna say "I am a commitment" even when chatting online, I like the idea. thanks!
 
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