and so it begins

[ubercat]

Sat night was blown. Rib injury kept me in.

Sun mornings I go to the market - cultivating it as one of my local venues.
Chatted to a couple of the stall owners I'm making friends with.


Saw an HB 7rt chick selling paintings. So the first approach after 10 years.. here goes..


Positive things
I saw her and approached immediately 3 second rule
Conversation flowed easily
I got some flirting and kino in
I asked for her phone number and got it on a card
I asked her out for coffee next Saturday and she agreed
She had been sharing her coffee with me and I use that to say I owed her coffee and that smoothed over anyway awkwardness
I used the you remind me of a good friend line so she's not totally sure of my intentions
We had plenty of things in common she's into the martial arts too and is a kiwi chick so rapport was good


Negative things
Big negative was I stayed talking too long she actually said she should talk to other people arrrgh such a rookie chump move so she will probably not pickup the call or flake
Saturday is too long ahead to set the date

Next step
She gave me two cups of coffee
So I was going to say really I owe you 2 coffees so so I think it's fair that I buy you a drink
I was going to ring on Monday or Tuesday night set up a date for Wednesday or thurs

Other hook was that she's into motorbikes and she asked me to text a photo of mine so I could do that first just to remind her who I am and then ring for the date. Bit of a trade-off texting equals bad but a selfie on the motorbike could equal tingles

Thoughts guys?

 

[pyros]

its ok.

If you're lucky enough, she will be available and into you.

If you're not that lucky (the majority of the time), she will just ignore your texts etc



Well done, but the thing about getting any woman's number is that you'll never know if she's into you until you're fvcking her doggy.

 

[ubercat]

Yeah. Seriously got to work on aloofness. Charming s always been my style need more variety i ll forgo the text hate texting.

Next I did my shop tried Scars tricks for picking up at the Asian grocery. Heheh must have been getting some play coz hubby appeared quick quick. Anyway the shop girl s liked me speaking some Chinese and me learning Chinese cooking so there s another venue added to the circuit.

 

[ubercat]

But.....not with this chick. Made the call - started being my charming funny self and she got me off the phone in 2 minutes with some lame azz excuse and of course didn't call back. Heheh guess they call it the game for a reason. No drama - I was only lining her up for a fwb.

So I assume the std drill is go NC and then drop her a txt suggesting a date in a week or two's time - i.e. something I'm already doing that she can come along to. Expect nothing as its low IL and onto the next one.

 

[stevo]

Positive things
I used the you remind me of a good friend line so she's not totally sure of my intentions

Dont do this next time. She should know your intentions from the start. You're not looking to be friends.

Next step
So I was going to say really I owe you 2 coffees so so I think it's fair that I buy you a drink

You dont owe her anything. Ask her out directly, no beating around the bush.

"I would like you to join me for coffee/dinner sometime" you shut up and look into her eyes waiting for her response, whatever it is.


You are improving, overall you did good.

 

[guru1000]

Uber, I'm glad you are out there in the social trenches and going after what you want. This already sets you apart from 80% of men who accept only the woman life is willing to offer them.

I'm not going to give you approach advice, as I am an advocate of self-learning, internalizing the lessons, and evolving to be YOUR best DJ.

I have one principle that I used to live by in cold approach. It goes as follows:

I'd rather get 10 ballsy rejections than one success. As it is the ballsy rejections, the behaviors that prompt the put up or shut up response in your target, which will improve your subsequent approaches most effectively.

Change the focus to attaining X ballsy rejections, instead of Y successes. Keep us posted. Great doings

 

[ubercat]

And... Sometimes they come back. Chick started texting we had a good pH covo.
Setup the date. Told her I will pick her up and to make herself pretty. Wouldn't tell her where we r going. So far frames holding up.

So WTF if she doesn't flake I ll try greeting her with a hug, micro dates, moving her early, fast kino and go for the same night lay. She lives alone and locally so logistics look good. She s a talker so Convo and rapport should just happen.

Even if it doesn't go further I m pleasantly surprised. After reading SS FRs I was expecting very low profit from cold approach. Its already yielded a good bit of practice.

 

[ubercat]

Arrgh need help guys always was weak on **** tests. So she was yapping on last night about an article she s had published and wants to send me the link on FB. I ve already told her I m not much of a Facebook guy. Now she texted me so she could have texted the link so obviously she just wants to sniff around. My FB is none of hers until we ve been fcvking for a while. AND she hasn't texted me her address for tomorrow night.

I texted her my house address and rego. Made a joke about her watching too much CSI. So she shouldn't b worried about her physical safety.

I m also a bit surprised at 2 **** tests pre date I mean fcvk I picked her up in person and had a 20 minute phone convo. Should I next this one.

So how do I nip this one in the bud? Details and small words guys - first time out of the blocks in 10 years.

 

[ubercat]

I was going to go with something neutral.

" Not very interested in Facebook but I would like to read your article. Text me the link and your address "

Thoughts?

 

[ubercat]

Plan B ignore her text until tomorrow arrange something else to go to. Go to that and if she texts tell her straight up that she hadn't given me the address so I made other plans.

Stronger frame but won't get me laid

 

[ubercat]

Too much analysis

Sent this text

Hey u. Happy Friday and they all r. Heading out for drinks with a friend from work in a few. Not very interested in Facebook but I would like to read your article. Text me the link and your address Or flick it to ubercat@outlook.com. C u tomorrow

Let the chips fall...

 

[pyros]

I think you're going nowhere with this girl.

Cold approaches rarely lead to a date.

Yes, she wants to have a look at your fb profile BEFORE meeting you; you dont want that but...why not? I mean, do you have something negative in your profile?

The thing is that she wants to find a reason to reject you before the date, but if you do not let her sniff around, she will just next you even quicker.

I think that if you do not add her on fb so she can check you're 'normal', you wont have any dates with her. Now, if you let her check your profile...she may next you anyway, but the only way to maybe have a date is to let her see your fb...and decide.

She is not so sure about meeting you in person. That is pretty normal, you're just a random guy she met for 20 minutes.


Up to you.

 

[guru1000]

I think you're going nowhere with this girl.

Cold approaches rarely lead to a date.

I read up to here and then stopped at this drivel.

Ubercat, respond in anyway you deem fit. The goal is not to make her interested. She either is or she can take a hike. ABC (Always Be Closing).

Be direct, clear, and concise in your texts:

No FB. C u tmrw @ 830pm. GN

or

No FB. E-mail link to ubercat@outlook.com. C u tmrw @ 830pm. GN

 

[ubercat]

Thanks for the replies all

Too many **"" tests so I m out. And I have no interest in a girl who runs her life through Facebook.

Sent:

I ve made other plans for tonight Take care.

 

[ubercat]

HB7 arty chick from market
Just to close this one out. skittish girl I thought was playing games. But in an article she wrote said she was an abuse survivor.

So I agreed to drinks at night becoming a brunch date. She tried to organise that too but I said no and set it up. Organised date via text on Monday. 1 line text Friday night to confirm. She texted back she was looking fwd. Copped this flake text morning of date.

"Sorry I've decided that I would be wasting yours and my time meeting you today. We didn't take the opportunity to get to know each other better this week and that's what the week was for, which is very telling for me. I wish you all the best. Rachael"

I replied "OK"


Summary
Either low IL or high maintenance damaged goods either way next.
I think follow up game was textbook but initial approach was weak.
Will b follow up practice as she ll b at market. I ll wave and say hi.

Next steps
Big group dinner tonight.
Start work on OLD profiles

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Is it not good to delete facebook? I deleted it because it has hurt my game more then anything. No value on there and girls snoop around and can find each other.

 

[ubercat]

Dunno S4D
I'm in my 40s so I don't use FB for much and just family and friends.
B aware its same on OLD - the women have women only message boards so don't lie and say you're not seeing other women. And if you next a chick - lay it on thick about how wonderful she is and its you not her.

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Why though when she ignored me and i say peace out she goes crazy why? And why can't i lie? How can they find out

 

[ubercat]

Social Dinner last night:

Wah 25 people no targets - all UGs.

Practiced avoiding their interview questions, getting them talking about themselves, talking about their feelings. Horribly boring. Gave one of the girls a lift. She asked me in for 'coffee' and went for the kiss on me! Would have been a victimless crime with no witnesses but I refused to drop my standards. So yeah I m great at gaming 4s :-(

Next Step
Got my friend to take a pic in suit and on mbike. I ll start creating my OLD profiles today.






[/U][/U]

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Awww, maaaan, I just got back from a trip and saw these postings about the girl you met in the shop. Had I been near a computer I would have been able to give commentary on all the stuff that was going on.

Ah well... long as I'm here - INSIGHTS!

1. The "coffee date" is only supposed to be used for girls you meet online because you haven't had any public interaction with them. You actually met this girl out in public, so you should have proposed a dinner date or drinks (not a big fan of the "drinks" date, but still an upgrade from coffee).

2. More importantly: when you asked for her number, you should have just asked for the number and not proposed any kind of date. Then, when you called her a few days later, you would have asked for a date at that time.

3. On an approach, kinoing isn't necessary - in fact, it can actually lessen your chances of getting with her. She may LOOK comfortable with you being all in her space like that, but women have learned to get used to guys doing this despite how uncomfortable it makes them feel (basing this off girls I've surveyed - they get creeped out but don't want to be rude or hurt your feelings by telling you to stop). Flirting is perfectly okay, though.

4. The "good friend" line? No bueno. Talking to her for too long? No bueno - once you got the number, you should have been gooooooone.

5. Even if you made the mistake of setting up a date on the spot, you set it up way too far in advance. Since you were already in the throws of asking her out, it would have been better to set it for a couple days later, like Tuesday or Wednesday. If you had waited to ask her out once you got the number, you could have called her Wednesday for a date on Thursday. The point is: once you actually ask for the date, it shouldn't be set up more than 2 days in the future, lest she become less excited about going out with you.

6. She got you off the phone in 2 minutes because you were calling her to do idle chatter - no bueno. The phone should only be used in the beginning to ask for dates. If you're not asking for dates, you're wasting her time.

7. Based on what you're telling us your motivation was - i.e. to make her an "FWB" or a quick lay - she probably felt this and wasn't feeling you were genuinely interested. Which, if you weren't, you shouldn't have been wasting her time. I don't know if she close in age to you, but if she's over 35 she ain't got time to be messing around with dudes that just want to hit & split.

8. You kept talking to her after you set up the date? No bueno. Once the date is set up, you don't talk to her again until you're picking her up/meeting for the date. All that extra contact that you think she needs to increase interest in you... is actually making her LOSE interest. (I wrote a whole book about mistakes just like this, which you can find at the link in my signature.)

9. And then, you made the #1 mistake almost ALL guys make that causes a woman to change her mind: you sent a "reminder" text. Dude, she doesn't have Alzheimer's disease - she doesn't need to be reminded of a date, especially if she has interest in you. However, sending that text CAN actually cause her to re-think what that interest may be, and result in a cancellation. Which, in this case, is exactly what happened.

10. NO WEEKEND DATES when you first start dating a woman. Fridays and Saturdays are "couple" days, and you two are not a couple yet, nor does she need to get am impression from you that you're already thinking about her in that light. In an ideal situation, you would have gotten her number on Sunday, called Wednesday and asked her out for Thursday or Sunday.

All these things (and probably others that we don't know about since we only can work with the story given to us) resulted in her flaking. And it didn't have to be that way - but hey, if ya don't know the right way to ask her out or set up the date, these kinds of things can happen. Hopefully, this will be info you can use for future interests so you can at least get to the first date. Good luck!